HEY all you Non-Smokers....whacha think about dating....

[wildhorses]

A Smoker? And if you did would you put any restrictions on them? Would you ask them to quit? What if is starting to get serious...you know, talks about the future, would it be a deal breaker?

[wildhorses]

1. I NEVER thought I would date a smoker...

and he is shorter than me, too!!!

why me, oh lord, why me?

[miss_american_pie]

7. Oh you've got it bad, don't you?

:D

It's good to "hear" you happy. :hi:

[wildhorses]

11. what a conundrum...

I really like him but smoking SUCKS:puke:

:hi:


what to do???*wringing hands*:P

[billyskank]

13. You should nag him till he quits

That'll work. ;)

[wildhorses]

16. yeah,,,,right....

:spray::rofl:

[miss_american_pie]

18. Well...

I imagine he knows it isn't good for him. Sounds like it's one of those things you either have to accept or not, but it's not like anyone ever changes a man. :shrug:

[wildhorses]

20. and how I know that one...learned it the hard way and will never

try again!!! and he was on his best bahvior for the first several dates...NO SMOKING AT ALL...
slowly but, surely though he is smoking more and more...

thing is you can't TRY to quit...only way is to just QUIT....

throw them away and DON'T buy anymore

I wish for his sake that he would quit and last night he brought up the "M" word and all I could think was FUCK FUCK FUCK....why do you have to be a smoker!!!!


I have suck shitty LUCK...


that "suck" was supposed to be "such" but NO editing cos the more I look at it the truer it looks


SUCK SHITTY LUCK...that is MEx(

[miss_american_pie]

21. The "M" word?

Oh my. :D

[wildhorses]

25. good lord, I played it cool...like you know talking about

the future and all but, on the inside I was shaking and thinking...WHY do you have to be a smoker???

He is calm, smart and practical and down to earth and you know ...ALL the things I am NOT.

He has a good sense of humor and is kind. Kindness is very under rated these days, doncha think?

Guess what we saw yesterday evening...right out my kitchen window...

a mother deer with her two (2) count 'em TWO spotted fawns...they were running and kicking up their heels...it was a sight to behold!

[billyskank]

22. I think

that the only people who know HOW to quit are those who have already done it. :hug:

[wildhorses]

28. thanks for understanding billskank...

:hug:

[liberalitch]

26. My love for the commie out weighed my hatred of the butts.....

I just find disgruntled revolutionaries sooooo sexy.....
At my request.... he has cut down and we have smoking and non-smoking rooms.

He promised me this x-mas is smoking cessation season.

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. I have such an aversion to cigarette smoke that it would

probably be a deal breaker. :( I grew up around a dad and a grandmother that chain-smoked, and we would often be trapped in a car with a thick cloud of smoke, choking to breathe, yet neither Dad nor Granny would stop when we asked. I hated it so much. That cured me of ever being able to tolerate it.

Sorry. :(

[billyskank]

4. Now I am REALLY glad I quit!

;)

:7

[NewWaveChick1981]

8. ...

:* :loveya: :D

[billyskank]

9. ...

:D :loveya: :*

[wildhorses]

6. I am sorry, too....this guy is really nice and his politics are

simpatico, hard to find that around here. Of course on his profile he said he was trying to quit!!!
me thinks he lied:cry:


I used to smoke but now:puke:

[NewWaveChick1981]

68. My sister says the same thing.

She quit smoking a long time ago (used to smoke a pack a day from 1980 to 1990), and now cigarette smoke makes her sick. :( I'm sorry, sweetie.

[LynneSin]

62. I know how you feel

I watched my father die of Lung Cancer from smoking. It would be very difficult for me to date a smoker

[NewWaveChick1981]

66. Oh, sweetie...

:hug: :pals: That must have been terrible. I'm convinced my grandmother had lung cancer (she definitely had emphysema), but she would never go to the doctor. She died in a car accident before anything major happened, so I guess that was a blessing. :(

[billyskank]

3. I think the smell would put me off

I'm not sure if I could date a smoker since I quit myself.

[wildhorses]

10. It stinks and makes me teary eyed and the kissing

would be SO much nicer...

and like you I am a reformed smoker and not so tolerant...

The first couple of dates he did not smoke but, now we are getting to the stage that he feels comfortable lighting up in front of me, in the car and my eyes BURN and I HAVE to roll down the window and stick my head out like a dog

[billyskank]

12. Yes. It's the kissing that would be hardest

:scared:

Hey, not that I have to worry about THAT. ;)

[cobalt1999]

Frankly, smokers stink.

Thier hair, skin, clothes, cars, homes all stink (they just can no longer smell it themselves, so they don't know). Even if they don't smoke in your presence, it is still coming out of their pores.

Definate deal breaker.

[calico1]

5. Definite deal breaker! n/t

[eyesroll]

14. Not a deal-breaker per se...I'd prefer a nonsmoker, and there would

be no smoking in the house, no smoking in my car and (if applicable) no smoking around any kids we'd have.

My SO smokes once in a blue moon (at a bar, usually -- big shocker). That's fine. We both smell like ashtrays at the end of the night.

[tjwmason]

15. I'd definitely prefer a non-smoker

there's no two ways about that - but one starts to like a person for the totality of their nature, not for their smoking, drinking, eating habits, not for their politics &c.&c. so it is possible that I would go out with a smoker.

In that case, I hope that I wouldn't nag - though my preference would be known. Then it's basically a case of no smoke around me in private - if we're in a pub where there's smoking, it wouldn't bother me if he did...but at home, no.

[wildhorses]

17. thanks, tjwmason....now then...HOW do I go about saying this

at my house he has been going outside to smoke...but, in the car I have no WHERE to hide:hide:

[Fleshdancer]

19. it doesn't bother me

I'm married to a smoker and it doesn't bother me at all. He's a polite smoker though and he set the rule about not smoking in the house himself.

[bikebloke]

23. Tried it; don't care for it.

During my world wandering years, I'd get involved with smokers. But then the nature of travel relationships were here today; no tomorrow. Though Europeans, knowing I didn't smoke, would never smoke around me. Their inititive. With amerikans, they wouldn't smoke in my house, but couldn't wait to get outside. Still the smoke on their clothes would transfer to mine. It doesn't work, so now I'm strict. No smokers for me anymore.

[Dangerously Amused]

24. I am allergic to cigarette smoke. It gives me sinus headaches.

I couldn't live with a smoker. It would be a deal-breaker for me.

[wildhorses]

27. hey, thanks for stopping by!! good to see you and

this is an awful predicament for mex(

I really LIKE him!!!


:hi:

[Dangerously Amused]

30. Heya.

Tough spot for you. But you know, if he's mentioned the "M" word, then it's time to bring up the "S" situation. Have you discussed it with him at all?



:hi:

[wildhorses]

32. well. No, but.....er.....um.....I am trying to put the whole thing off...

"M" :scared: and "S":puke:



I am horrible at this sorta stuff...maybe we could just go on dating FOREVER yeah!!! That's the ticket:P

[Dangerously Amused]

41. Well sweetie, I know it's uncomfortable for you,

...but you're getting to the place where you really have to discuss it.


How about the next time he brings up the "M" word (and if you are open to discussing that possibility), say, "I have a question. You know I'm a non-smoker, so how would we handle that if we lived together?" Very non-judgmental. See what he says. And use that segue to ask other open-ended, non-judgmental questions to gather information about his attitude toward smoking and how his smoking affects others. Like, "I'm just curious, what is it that you like about smoking?" "Have you ever tried to quit? What happened?"


Stuff like that. More information will help you to make the right decision.

[wildhorses]

42. hey, that is GREAT advice and I can talk like that...

I am scared of the "M" word but, the "S" thing is part of the reason...

I will try this...if he brings it up again (maybe, he wont')...:P

[Dangerously Amused]

43. Yaaay!

Best of luck.



:hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

64. Well, shoot...

:(

[Dangerously Amused]

70. Perhaps we can replace your smoking

...with some other, healthier, mutually enjoyable activity.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

72. But what will I do afterwards?

Smoke a turkey? :D

[Dangerously Amused]

74. No worries. With the endorphin overload you won't be able to move anyway.

Dude? Smoke a turkey?


Whaaat?!?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

75. You never heard that joke?

"Your mama's so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey." :rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

76. No, can't say I've heard that one before.

And anyway, if you need to do something, you can dance.


I've heard you're an excellent dancer.


:7

[Starbucks Anarchist]

77. Come on, nobody wants to see that.

Even desperate people like you. :popcorn: :evilgrin:

[Dangerously Amused]

81. DESPERATE??!!?

ME?!?



Umm... no.

[Lady President]

29. Deal breaker

I'm a former smoker and I can completely sympathize with the addictive quality of cigs, but it's a deal breaker. My father and grandfather died of lung cancer. Obviously, you can't insure someone won't get cancer, but I would never risk seeing another loved one suffer that way.

[idgiehkt]

88. same here.

It's kind of the same with my other addictions in a way. There's a part of me that's gonna be jonesing for it so being around it wouldn't be enjoyable. The person has to be clean, a social drinker only (and not around me) and a non-smoker, which is probably why I am single.

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. My father dates a smoker and she can smoke where ever she wants.

As he says,"I drive a car and she's okay with it." :hi:

[wildhorses]

38. your father sounds like a nice guy and a gentleman from the

old school:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

49. He is the best.

Very old school. It's fun to see him really happy for the first time in 36 years. :hug:

[Pale Blue Dot]

33. It would not be my preference.

I'm a nonsmoker from a family of smokers. Honestly, I can't stand it, so I doubt I would.

[wildhorses]

39. I would never have gone out with this guy if he had stated up

front in his profile that he was a smoker.


I should have known that


trying to quit=SMOKER!!!

[CrownPrinceBandar]

34. Deal Breaker...........

I lost both grandparents on my Mom's side to lung cancer from smoking. I really don't want to lose another loved one that way.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

35. Probably not.

Though if someone was an otherwise great person, I can't say it would be a complete source of elimination. I used to smoke moderately (about 5 cigs a day OUTSIDE), but I tend to get respiratory stuff too easily and quit. My oldest kid has mild asthma. If I were to consider dating a smoker, they simply couldn't smoke in the house for health reasons.

[Roon]

36. I quit smoking over a year ago

and everyone I know still smokes. But it's like when I was a kid and the adults smoked, I just don't notice it.

My ex smoked after I quit, it just didn't bother me so I didn' say anything. :-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. Hey!

How are you feeling? :hug:

[Roon]

82. Oh, i am hanging in there

Things are changing...looking forward to turning forty...stuff like that :-)

[wildhorses]

40. it really doesn't bother me....well, not much, except

IN THE CAR...and then I roll down the window...

but, dayum....how much better it would be if he didn't smoke:nopity:

[Schema Thing]

44. My last 3 gf's have been smokers

fortunately, they are fairly moderate smokers (which is good, but why not just quit?).

I find it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I would have thought it might. The health issues are always in your mind though, if you start getting serious about someone.

[wildhorses]

46. so true!!! I care for this guy, therefore I care about him and...

if we are going to have a future together: I want it to be the longest future possible with both of us being in the best health possible so that we can enjoy ourselves for the longest time possible...
:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

45. I don't smoke and never have

But If I met Mrs Right (or Left) I could over look it temporarily While I helped her Quit..Sometimes I think you shouldn't sweat the little things.
If he's a good guy and you think you may have something special.
I say go for it!!

[wildhorses]

48. you are truly one sweet guy and one of these days

you are going to make some girl really happy!
thanks for the advice and, truly: is smoking one of the little things?

I have it from a good source:

to NOT sweat the small stuff
and
its ALL small stuff!!!

I think they may be right:think:

[Guava Jelly]

50. Thank you Wildhorses

Smoking isn't so much a little thing.
But it's not something that cant be worked on or around.
I'll tell you If I had been given the ultimatum Lose the love of my life or smoke a cigarette.The pack would be in the trash Stat.

Hope it all works out for you :)

[wildhorses]

52. yeah but, you know what they say about

ultimatums=old tomatoes:P


maybe we could trade off something for smoking

maybe there is something he wishes I did/didn't do....



moi? wildhorses NOT perfect?!?!? oh the horrors *places back of hand to forehead*

[Guava Jelly]

53. Maybe so ..But I cant imagine

Anything about you that would need changing.
Except maybe a big rock on your finger :)
In the end I think you will know what to do.

[Midlodemocrat]

47. Deal Breaker. Sorry. Can't stand it.

[LeftyMom]

51. Uh, no.

That's a deal breaker for the same reason I won't date omnis (or wouldn't if I were on the market, anyhow,) it's hard to find somebody attractive when they smell.

[Guava Jelly]

54. then there is no hope for us !

:(
:rofl:

[LeftyMom]

55. It's all very tragic, I know.

;)

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

56. I guess if I really loved someone and it was going somewhere, they could

smoke. Now, it would be a big turn off in the initial attraction though. Granted, I've been breathing second hand smoke for 12 years, so I doubt much more will matter.

[HughBeaumont]

57. That'd be a "NO" on that one.

Lost two relatives to those things early (one being my grandmother at 49), and that's not something that's going to be part of my life.

[skygazer]

58. My SO smoked when I met him

He was upfront about it and considerate. He didn't smoke in the car and only in one area of the house, near an open window. I never asked him to quit though of course I would have preferred it. I'm not in the business of trying to change people - either I accept them as they are or I move along.

He quit about 6 months into the relationship and has not smoked since (5 1/2 years).

[wildhorses]

59. that is wonderful to hear...there is HOPE after all...

thanks for sharing :hug:

[Critters2]

60. Deal breaker. Can't stand the smell. Don't want to be around it. nt

[LadyoftheRabbits]

61. Can't do that...

Already been there, and it was not fun. :\

[LynneSin]

63. It would be a serious dealbreaker in my book

I mean, I watched my father die of lung cancer which was pretty much my reason for never taking up the habit. I try to put up with it with friends who still smoke but it still bugs the crap out of me being around the smoke

[Missy Vixen]

65. Dealbreaker

I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I also grew up with a chainsmoking father who died at 46 of a massive heart attack.

Julie

[Radical Activist]

67. They can't smoke around me, my house or car.

I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and have asthma. I cannot date anyone who smokes around me at all. I've dated smokers and my only rule is that they keep it away from me. If they smoke when I'm not around and not in my car or house, then I won't bug her about it. I've never demanded someone quit smoking for me because I don't like the idea of trying to control others that way and its something I wouldn't put up with if someone treated me that way. I'm only insistent that it not be around me, which usually leads to her deciding to quit or smoke less on their own, in which case I'll provide support. I did help one person quit smoking but she made the decision on her own.

[CatholicEdHead]

69. No chance whatsoever

It would be over at the first sniff of smoke on her clothes.

[Bunny]

71. It wouldn't be an absolute dealbreaker, but I would not be thrilled

about it. He'd have to refrain from smoking in my house or car. Beyond that, it would be his business.

[hunter]

73. It would have been a deal breaker for me.

I have friends who smoke, but not in my house.

[pink-o]

78. for me, it comes to this:

I can't invest time to care about someone who doesn't care enough about himself to quit smoking. Yeah, it's fucking hard, but I did it at age 26 (25 years ago) when I had the most addictive of addictive personalities, so anyone can do it. No matter how attractive or compatible he may be with me, the thought of growing old (older? C'mon I'm only middle-aged:) ) with someone who probably will end up with tubes stickin' out of his nose connected to an oxygen tank is not even a possibility.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

79. I'm an ex-smoker and never wanted to be a

"reformed whore* " on the issue, looking down on smokers, but even after 4+ years of not smoking I couldn't risk getting involved with a smoker.

(* that's a Judge Roy Bean reference. No offense intended to reformed whores)

[JackDragna]

80. Smokers are out for me.

I could get over their bad teeth and the smell of it on them, but I have respiratory reactions to cigarette smoke as a result of being around parents who smoked like chimneys when I was young.

[Blue_Tires]

83. been a deal-breaker all my life

[Left Is Write]

84. No way, no how.

My husband and I quit smoking eight years ago. If for some reason I were single again, smoking would definitely be a deal breaker.

[GOPisEvil]

85. Even if she doesn't smoke near me, that smell gets into EVERYTHING.

Ugh...no thanks.

[tuvor]

86. Date her? Hell, I married her.

Dating a smoker is always a deal-breaker for a nonsmoker--until you meet that wonderful person who just happens to have a bad, unhealthy habit.

[wildhorses]

87. how long have you been married? Is she still smoking?

Has she talked about quitting? All these people on here are voting dealbreaker!!! He is such a nice, steady ROCK of a man...all the qualities I have been looking for...holy shit just this one TINY thing...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

[tuvor]

91. It'll be 17 years soon. And she quit a couple of years ago.

A little more background: I picked up the habit shortly after meeting her, and was hooked for 13 years. I finally quit four years ago, and she quit a couple of years later. She said it was much easier quitting with me not smoking.

Go for it, and good luck!

Oh, and one piece of unsolicited advice: Never, ever remind him that he should quit. Smokers don't like to be reminded of the bleeding obvious. :)

[yellowdogintexas]

89. would not date a smoker. Period.

grew up with it, hate it hate it hate it and it makes me quite ill.

[u4ic]

90. Dated one once - not again

I'm allergic to it, and he was trying to quit.

It wasn't the reason we split, but I hated kissing him...I hate the taste and the smell of it... :puke:

[Aristus]

92. Deal-breaker.

You wanna poison yourself, fine. Just don't drag me along for the ride.

Find a four-pack-a-day guy and go crazy. You'll be much happier.

[wildhorses]

93. I am not sure what you mean...

I don't smoke. He does. I don't know how much he smokes but, from what I have seen I am guessing about a pack a day, maybe more. What do you mean 4 pk a day guy and go crazy? How will that make me "much happier"? I think you are being sarcastic...right?:sarcasm: like maybe that smilie would be appropriate with your response?

[Aristus]

95. Oh shit, I'm sorry, wildhorses!

:blush:

No, I was talking about a hypothetical "you"; A potential girlfriend who smokes and wants to know from me how it will affect the possible relationship. I must have misunderstood the wording of the poll.

I didn't mean for it to sound like I was addressing you personally.

*grovel*grovel*

I'm sorry.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Please forgive me?

[wildhorses]

97. good lord all that groveling...

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:


of course you are forgiven...silly misunderstanding that's all:P

[Aristus]

98. Oh whew!

I'm glad. :pals:

[Random_Australian]

94. Other: As the motto goes, "car and home, smoke free zone!"

That is all I would need.

[Evoman]

96. Anytime I've kissed a smoker, I've puked a little in my mouth

Deal breaker. Of course, I'm fairly superficial and I would never go out with someone who smelled bad, or looked bad, no matter how great their personality.

[Common Sense Party]

99. I have no interest in kissing a used ashtray...

...and no desire to kiss somebody who may taste like one.

[Godhumor]

100. I've called off dates because of smoking

For me, smoking is one of the ultimate deal breakers--now, keep in mind that 2 year sof my life was spent in Japan where the vast majority of people smoke. I'm amazed I managed to find so many non-smokers to date there and ende dup marrying one to boot.

[TimeChaser]

101. I've got asthma

I've ended up in the hospital on occasions, and I have no desire to use the nebulizer everyday. :(

[XemaSab]

102. Me too

Furthermore, as someone who has previously felt like they were drowning in their own snot, I don't see why anyone would CHOOSE to go through that. It's like smokers just haven't thought it out.