My parents make me wish I was adopted.

[LeftyMom]

I really would rather not have to look at these people and see that they're my gene pool. Why? Well, here's a little story about my Mom.

My Mom lost her job a few months back. Now this was a goverment job, so that alone is a shocking thing, but not really the story. Anyhow, Mom decided to cash out her retirement and use it to keep going while she finds new work and to get a reliable used car. So she asked me how I got mine (because it was a steal and reliable, so apparently I know a thing or three.) I talked to her about finding a trustworthy seller, not buying the first thing she sees, getting an inspection from AAA. We talked about what she wanted in a car (smallish, but safe and reliable, ideally decent on gas) I asked around here and we discussed models to look at. She promised to take me with her when she went shopping, because she gets talked into the first POS she sees every time.

So Mom got her money, and apparently it was burning a hole in her pocket. She didn't call me or anybody else. She went to one of those shady small-time used car lots to look at a Nissan Pathfinder (apparently small and reliable went out the window.) They told her their insurance won't let them do test drives anymore, but she could return it within two hours or 60 miles if she wasn't happy.

She didn't run like hell.

She bought the damned thing without ever driving it.

It gets worse. She goes to drive it home and it had it has a really bad front end shimmy. So she returns it and discovers they'll only give her store credit. She lets them talk her into a mid-90's Ford Thunderbird. Whatever happened to small and reliable? I shudder to think what it takes to fill the damned thing up. Does this seem really dumb to anybody else? Apparently it runs okay and she kept it.

Need I mention that she paid at least twice what the stupid thing is worth?

If she were my kid I'd ground her until she showed some fucking sense. I'd teach her to balance her god damn checkbook and that it's no tragedy if friday's paycheck lasts past sunday. I'd not send her out into the world with more than she needs for gas and lunch until she could be trusted not to waste it on crap. I'd encourage her to research purchases and get the best for her money.

But she's a grown woman, nearly 50, and I don't know what to do with her. Every aspect of her life is this badly managed, but especially her money. There are times I wish she were sicker, so we could get her ruled incompetent. Is complete lack of sense a mental illness?

I don't know what to do with her.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

1. damn. its really shitty when we have to parent out parents.

Ive had similar expereinces with mine...but less about cars and more about drugs and alcohol.

Its really shitty she was scamed liked that too.

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

2. There's plenty of that kind of thing goind on too

At one point she had 6 years clean, but that was a long time ago. I don't really know what's up on that front and don't want to.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

3. bah.

:hug:

I get it. all too well.

[LeftyMom]

4. Thanks.

I should go get the beer out of the fridge now. :toast:

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

5. here here

:beer:

you are in my thoughts :loveya:

[LeftyMom]

6. how's the new bike working out?

I start school in a couple of weeks, so I figure maybe with less time to worry about Mom and other random family crap I'll be okay.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

11. the new bike is toot sweet

I'm riding the loop in central part (about 6 miles) once , maybe twice a week if I'm lucky.

work schedule wont give much time to ride

but next week is my last week of work and then I'm free till august 30th. after that, I'm ridding the bike to school!!



what are you going to be studying? yea, it'll be a good preoccupier, lol

[LeftyMom]

12. I'll PM you, I really haven't talked about school on the forum yet.

:)

[SeattleGirl]

9. Oy, LM, I know that stuff all to well myself.

My dad was an alcoholic. He died many years ago (I was 21 at the time), but I had a lot of things to work through over that oh-so-fun part of my life. It is unfortunate when we have to parent our parents.

I don't really blame you for wanting to steer clear of whatever is going on with your mom where that kind of thing is concerned.

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

10. Thanks hon

:hug:

[BreweryYardRat]

7. Aww...

:hug::hug::hug:

[LeftyMom]

8. Thank you.

:hug:

[Placebo]

13. Mine too.

:)

[LeftyMom]

15. Good to know it's not just me.

Not that I want anybody else to deal with this shit, but at the same time it's good to know that I'm not the only one who does.

[idgiehkt]

14. I'm sorry to hear about that.

Wow. You just have to let her live he life and make her mistakes. I upset my Mom today...I kind of felt like I was in the parent role because she freaked out about my sister (39) moving in with her boyfriend. After she went on and on about the lecture on Christianity she delivered to my sis and her beau I asked her, gently, 'did she ask for your opinion or was she just letting you know what her plans were.' It freaked her out. I also pointed out that sis and beau are probably already having sex so whether or not they live together doesn't matter in the 'eyes of the lord' or whatever. She then went and called my sister, presumably to apologize, and went to bed. I felt really bad about it, but I don't want my parents to screw up again because they've already lost access to one sibling and their only grandchild because of stuff like this. My poor Mom. I feel terrible now for saying anything.

It's damned if you do, and damned if you don't I think. You sound like you really have your own shit together though, which is to be commended.

[LeftyMom]

16. Thanks.

My circumstances are pretty crazy right now, but I try not to beat myself up over the things I can't control.

I try not to mother my mother. She doesn't want it and I don't want the job. The problem is it kills me to see her drag herself down.

[jobycom]

17. My grandmother was like that, but she was mentally ill

My mother had to raise her from the time she could even walk. Grandmother started attempting suicide, somehow always in ways that she would fail, when my aunt was born. Told my mother and aunt it was there fault. Grandfather left a couple of times, but felt guilty and came back within a week each time.

Anyway, it's made my mother a very detached person with weird emotional hang-ups of her own. She never cries, she never seems to grieve. SHe cannot admit she's wrong no matter what evidence proves it, or she feels like her life has been invalidated. She did not handle my smart-aleck teenage years well at all! I'm tough to handle now, I must have been unbearable then! She literally tried to beat me to death with a pot once. Well, that's what she was screaming. I suspect that if she thought she could actually do it, she wouldn't have tried. It's more amusing than dramatic, actually. Old family joke.

On the other hand, she's very strong, she's not mentally ill (just odd!), which is impressive, because most of the women in her family became schizophrenic after their second child was born. Interestingly, evolution may have kicked in. My mother couldn't have children (I was adopted), and my aunt is gay (and impressive in many other ways, I might add). I always wondered if it was nature correcting a bad line.

Just saying, there's not much you can do about it. You are who you are because of her, for better or worse. My mother had three difficult children to raise, and then me, who is beyond difficult! In some ways I think her mother made her strong enough to handle it.

[Robeson]

18. I'm sorry LeftyMom....

...they raise us when we are young, and we raise them, as they get older. Sorry she got ripped off...:hug:

[catbert836]

19. Man, do I know what THAT feels like.

It's not so much with material goods like cars and such, but with more emotional matters like having to serve as my dad's therapist whenever he gets in one of his moods and starts referring to my mom as a "Medusa".

You'd figure that to be a parent, there should be some test to make sure you can take care of yourself before you have kids. I think I know some of what you're going through. :hug:

[MoseyWalker]

20. Midlife crisis of some sort?

If she goes out and finds a younger Italian man who drives a sports car while wearing a polyester suit, then get pissed.

It is her life, and it was her money, right?

I'm not being critical of you, because my entire family is nuts, but I've gotten to the point where I just think live and let. Just because someone is your brother or sister or mother or father doesn't make them any different from anyone else you would meet. They are people, and they make mistakes, and they do their thing, and sometimes they surprise you with what good sense they have.

Life. Love it or just live it.........