Has anyone ever been in love with more than one person at a time?

[Zhade]

My friend has fallen for someone who is currently unavailable, can't change her feelings, wonders if how she feels will get in the way of her forming healthy relationships with other potential significant others.

Has anyone ever faced a similar situation? How did it work for you, if it did? What do you think on the subject generally? Does it happen?

[billyskank]

1. Of course they have

This love-for-one-person-to-the-exlusion-of-all-others is a romantic ideal; certainly people do sometimes find themselves loving more than one person at once.

[Ariana Celeste]

2. Most definitely...

There are a couple of men who I fell for in the past, that I still love, and it doesn't change how I feel about my SO at all. In fact the night before I flew out here to Indiana to be with my SO, one of those two men had asked me not to leave, to stay and see what happens with him. I turned him down. :(. Doesn't change how I feel about him, and from what he has told me that didn't change his feelings for me... but things weren't meant to be with us. I am happy with my SO and couldn't imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else. But my love for him doesn't negate the love I have felt for others (and I will always love them!)...

[bigwillq]

17. That was a bold move

moving away while the other guy asked you to stay. Tough call. But it seems like you made the right decision.

:hi:

[Ariana Celeste]

19. Yeah. I was shocked.

I won't lie; I gave it a moment's thought. But I knew what the right choice was... I trusted my gut and flew out here.
I hadn't been in a relationship with the guy... there was just that feeling, between both of us, and we had never acted on it, and there was some regret on both sides.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Zhade...........

You better believe it can happen......

It happened to me.......

Two incredible men in my life........I loved them both so much.......

The more you love, the more love you are capable of feeling.....

It enhanced my life beyond measure, forever......

They brought different things to me....and I was so grateful for that.

Since I do profoundly feel that you cannot expect one person to fulfill your every need...

We all have different gifts to give each other!

:loveya:


:grouphug:

[musiclawyer]

4. Hell yeah

and it's no fun. It always ends up bad unless you use your heart to settle the matter sooner rather than later, not your brain.

[flvegan]

5. Two women at the same time?

Hmmm...

[jpgray]

6. Right now I can't conceive of it

[cobalt1999]

7. Sure!

I've fallen in love multiple times, but have never really fallen out of love. Even though the relationships ended for good reasons, whenever I see any of my old loves my heart still momentarily skips a beat.

There isn't a "soul mate" or "one person for everyone" romance novel crap in real life. You can fall in love lots of times, and each one is special. Enjoy the moments and if it lasts, Great. If it doesn't, the next one might.

[NNadir]

8. Speaking only for myself, I kind of like monogamy.

I have been in love with lots of women in my life - sometimes requited, sometimes not - but the only time I had two lovers at the same time was a disaster for all concerned. (I was 18.) I think fondly on most of my past relationships, but I can't say that I remained in love with anyone, and since marrying, I have never even come close to loving someone like I love my wife.

I've seen lots of people try open relationships, but I never knew one that was permanent.

I believe in people doing what they want to do, and I'm certainly not pretending I know everything or have seen everything, but my vote would be no, it doesn't really work. If someone can prove me wrong, that's their business, of course, but that's just how I feel.

I may be old fashioned, but fidelity and monogamy are important to me. There is something about having a commitment to someone that is deeper than a commitment to anyone else that is truly special. In my adult life, before having such a relationship I was never really at peace.

[cobalt1999]

12. I agree that fidelity and monogamy are important, but

the question was about being "in love" with multiple people, NOT having concurrent lovers (boy, are you right about that being a disaster).

You can still be "in love" with multiple people and that doesn't take away from the feelings you have with your significant other. Heck, I'm happily married and would never do anything to put my relationship at risk, no matter what temptation was placed in front of me.

However, I'm not afraid to acknowledge I still have a soft spot for a few others, even though I and they would never act on those feelings. Being "in love" is a powerful experience that, in my case, never really dies away. My old girlfriends are not and will never be lovers again, but I love them nonetheless.

[NNadir]

14. Maybe it's a function of the fact that my former loves were so long ago.

I can't say I've ever run into an old lover but I've been married for over 20 years, and living with my wife for 21 years. (I was chasing her for two years before that.)

I sort of remember my former loves, but I'm not perfectly sure I would even recognize one of them now, let alone have special feelings for them. The funny thing is that I remember my first moments with my wife perfectly.

To the extent that I remember my previous loves at all, I remember them as perfectly nice people, but they have no real meaning beyond that for me. I'm sure they are very different people than they were when I knew them, just as I am different. To tell you the truth, if I did run into one of them by accident, and I did recognize one them, I'm not sure I would even approach them.

But again, that's just me. What makes the world exciting is that everyone is different.

[OhioBlue]

9. sure...

I've been in love before, it either wasn't the right timing for a permanent relationship, or there were other things that just made us incompatible for a long term relationship. Anyway, there are a couple of past loves that I still love, still think about, still wish the best for, sometimes wonder what might have been... But when it comes down to it, I love my boyfriend. We are right for each other right now. In all reality, I don't want any of the past "loves" to replace him, I'm very comfortable with the memories, with my love for them in a platonic sense, and being very happy to pursue a future with my boyfriend.

[GirlinContempt]

10. Oh for sure, I mean

Look at my sig line for christ sake. My passion for megaman is comparable only to my passion for Mark Mothersbaugh.

[jpgray]

21. Megaman doesn't have the proper equipment

And I don't want to know what sort of robot he'd have to fight to acquire it.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

30. Bumblebee?

[jpgray]

31. Hardman might be more accurate

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

32. The robot world is teh diverse!1!!

[jpgray]

35. Woodman has to be included in this pantheon

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

37. Of course - and so should Airman

but that's not my point

[Zhade]

43. OH. THEIR. GOD!

:rofl:

What about Bubbleman?

(WTF?)

[GirlinContempt]

40. *sigh*

;)

[leftofthedial]

11. yes

especially if you count me . . .

[datasuspect]

13. torn between two lovers

There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill


Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

You mustn't think you've failed me
Just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said
I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you



I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay



Torn between two lovers



Feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules

[deutsey]

15. Of course...I'm dedicated to my wife, but I've "fallen in love" a number

of times. I've never acted on it, because I value the trust my wife and I have together more than anything else. But there have been women I've had huge crushes on...smart, attractive, liberal, funny women knock me out, what can I say?

[XemaSab]

16. Is his name Bert?

'Cause Bert's a jerk.

I've been there, and I understand. Bert leads people on, and she shouldn't take him at all seriously even if it feels serious. Because Bert is a jerk. He's also a drug addict.

Consider yourself warned. :tinfoilhat:

[MoseyWalker]

18. I thought so for a while once, but

changed my mind when one came after me with a butcher knife (or was it pepper spray? I can't remember, too painful)

[laylah]

20. Still...there is no working it out n/t

[Guava Jelly]

22. i was and still probably am on the other side of this

My partner of many years has the hots for an ex coworker.
Although I dont believe anything will come of it It still caused me tons of pain.
I would tell your friend to not confuse love with infatuation or curiosity.
because if she loves one then she cant love the other..well not truly.
She should be honest and choose just one.

[tyedyeto]

23. No, but my ex of 25 years claimed that he loved 2 of us...

I divorced him when he proved to be a liar about this very subject.

[NewWaveChick1981]

24. Yes.

It was a bizarre situation, but it worked itself out. :)

[tyedyeto]

25. I got my divorce and now she's stuck with him, liar that he is...

:rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

26. Don't you just want to say nyah, nyah????

:rofl: :hi: Toldja so, loser! :rofl

Mine rectified itself. One was unrequited, and it never came to pass. :)

[tyedyeto]

27. I don't really give a shit anymore...

we were married for many years, but after all the lies..... she can have him. I got my divorce in early 2002 and have made a new life for myself.

The one great thing is that I now have a 2 mo old g-son and a great relationship with both my daughter and son from that marriage.

[RetroLounge]

28. Yes...

and no good can come of it.

'nuff said...

RL

[tinfoil tiaras]

29. Nope

I'm usually a one guy at a time gal...but I like people for years at a time...i'm so wierd...:P

[Broken_Hero]

33. Yes...

I have been in a similar situation, and I learned to put my feelings aside, and form healthy relationships with other women. It wasn't that hard, because the woman I did pine for, was also a good friend of mine, who was taken...I learned to live with it, and enjoyed the friendship...

[MoseyWalker]

34. How long again is ever? I forget

Is it a week or a month or........

okay, sure. I have. I think. Maybe not.

How long is ever?

[catbert836]

36. I suppose I have

but the second one was more of a crush.

[xchrom]

38. oh yeah.

and when i was younger -- we had a polyamorous relationship thingy.

when i grew older -- it was something that i merely enjoyed.

i'm not into monogamy -- so when i am into a relationship -- my s.o. is always welcome to experiment -- but i must say
my taste for neophytes in this arena has dwindled considerably.

[LaurenG]

39. Love is like that

it sneaks in un-invited. You can't help who you love. I won't judge love as I've loved many at the same time if only in a platonic way. One never knows when it will happen to them so I leave judging love and lovers to themselves.

[nickinSTL]

41. yes...

I've loved the same woman for more than 15 years...but she doesn't feel the same, and we've never been more than friends...we both went our separate ways years ago, and she's now married and I'm engaged to a woman who is my best friend.

I still think about the other woman all the time, but...doesn't seem likely anything will ever happen there, so...:shrug:

[WCGreen]

42. Yes

[Redstone]

44. Of course. Love multiplies; it doesn't divide.

Mrs R believes so, too.

Redstone

[last_texas_dem]

45. Nah

I've had multiple crushes at the same time, but I think I've only really been in love with one person so far, so the being in love with two people at the same time thing hasn't happened. But I don't exactly get out that much, either...

[Iniquitous Bunny]

46. At first I was going to say "yes", but when I think about it...

Not really.

I've been truly in love a very small number of times in my life. In the instances where I started to fall for someone when I still had feelings for another, essentially the person I was with was not putting in near what I was putting into the relationship (or downright cruel in their treatment), so I moved forward. I've never made my emotions available to someone enough to allow those feelings to just "happen" without reason.