Answer me this, Lounge Smarty-Pants: How can it be that I have never had a

[Random_Australian]

girlfriend, have had six hugs and zero kisses in the entire of living memory,

BUT

I still get comments like "If you take off your clothes I'll take off mine" from incredibly hot women?

(The comment was in a place too public, at a party, so I didn't do it, you bunch of perverts!)

Huh?

WHY???????????

(And for the mods, this is NOT a sex thread. No discussion of it is in the OP at any rate)

[NewWaveChick1981]

1. Dude, you haven't been around the right women at the right

time.... That's why! :) ;)

[Random_Australian]

3. Hmmmm....

Think so?

Edit:

What kind of time were you talking about?

[ForrestGump]

10. It wouldn't apply,

'cos you're on the other side of the International Date Line... :P

[NewWaveChick1981]

11. Where do you go/what do you do to meet girls?

If you're in an academic setting, there are more opportunities than you realize. (I know for a fact this is true, at least in the US!) If you are not, there are other ways to meet women. :)

The next time one of these hot women makes a comment like that, don't let it go. Get her phone number, dance with her (if there's dancing wherever you meet her), talk with her about whatever---just keep it going!

My husband has a good friend who had the exact same problem. Hubby helped him by making suggestions like I have made, and it eventually worked for him. :) This guy's main problem was that he tried TOO hard to be cool---he's not really a "cool" guy, and everything he did or said when forcing the issue sounded fake and insincere. He stopped that, and he's not had a problem since.

Bottom line: just be yourself and follow through. :D

[Rosco T.]

2. ... and you DON'T get their phone numbers?? SHEESH!!!

those are blatant invitations!

[Courtesy Flush]

5. Yep. He answered his own question n/t

[Random_Australian]

8. Uh, how do you ask for their phone number without looking like a freaking

weirdo; as in, what to say other than "Can I have your number" or should I use that line?

[Rosco T.]

12. SHE JUST OFFERED TO TAKE HER CLOSE OFF?

and you're worried about looking like a weirdo??

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

:banghead:

[NewWaveChick1981]

14. You keep talking to her, and at the end of the conversation

you say, "I've really enjoyed talking to you. Would you mind terribly if I called you sometime?"

On edit: Meant to also say that this particular tactic worked on me. :)

:hi:

[Random_Australian]

19. Thanks! Great advice!

[NewWaveChick1981]

28. Anytime!

:hi:

[Nickster]

15. Well, you veil it with "funny". Like so....

Since the woman said, I'll take off my clothes if you take off yours.

My reply would be...."Well, it's a bit too public for my liking here, but if I had your phone number, I could call you to schedule that for a better time" etc etc.

[Phillycat]

16. Damn, I just posted the same thing below!!

Great minds...

[Nickster]

18. Heh heh, I saw. n/t

[Random_Australian]

20. I thought about that, but I was a touch too suprised to deal with it.

Did I mention that the first half of the deal means that I think that other people dislike me?

[ForrestGump]

29. I'm gonna check back here to see what enlightenment you receive

I'm pretty clueless, too, for all my advanced years and for playing at sex symbol. Had a beautiful blonde nurse (cue the saxophone track and perhaps even imagine me in a pizza delivery uniform) give me a very tasteful -- i.e. non-aggressive and barely invasive -- French kiss the other night, when I was working, and I just let her go...my work partner was about ready to beat me about the head and shoulders because of my inaction (hey, it's a Zen thing...I can't help it) in the face of what he insists was a fairly blatant expression of interest on her part. I did at least admit that (and I quote) "perhaps I misread her signals."

I liked her kiss, though. Lord almighty...

A similar thing happened the night before with a fairly stunning Hispanic woman a good 18" shorter than me -- kisses on my face and lips, lots of rubbing of my parts by her parts and her rubbing her mostly-exposed breasts up and down and round and round on my partly-exposed chest...I loved it, of course, and I think my hands covered most of her body during our extended engagement, but I never went beyond obviously enjoying doing whatever we were doing (whatever is between flirting and actual sexual congress) in that I never provided her what she may well have wanted, which was a way to contact me for a sequel. A phone number, or whatever, or asking where she was staying or if she wanted to join me after for a sodypop (I've just never done that, ever). Again, I let her walk away after the fourth time she rushed back to me (said rushing I now realize to be her nonverbally declaring "hey, you dense doofus, I'm coming on to you here!"). I spent the next two nights hoping I'd see her again. She was from Phoenix, Arizona. Hey, maybe she's a DUer...if you're out there, Phoenician Goddess, please e-mail me!

On the bright side, after the episode with the nurse (cut the sax if you haven't already) I have been bringing some business cards (with a picture of me in an action pose...yeah, baby!) along with me each night so that I can hand them out to prospective foxymamas. Perhaps, finally, I'm learning. Slowly. I'd like to think that my shyness/obliviousness/cluelessness is part of my charm, and it undoubtedly does appeal to some women (perhaps this isn't the best example, but the 'working girls' I've met think it's cute and I guess it's a nice change from what they're used to), but it's counterproductive when it comes between you and any potential love connection, as it has me all my life.

Moral of the story: try to bridge that gap (don't lose the positive aspects of it, though) now or you'll end up my age and still failing to carpe babe even when she's basically throwing herself at you either by innate tendency or through desperation caused by your obliviousness. You can still respect women and not be some hairy-chested, medallion-wearing (okay, so maybe that's how I dress on the job) dude in a leisure suit hanging out at the bar and trying to pick up chicks. :D

[kay1864]

42. One suggestion, FG...

I would nix the business cards, at least in these situations. Why?

1) It puts the onus on *her* to call *you*. She's already signaled her interest, now you're asking her to confirm it? At this point it's your turn to respond, not hers.
2) Many of these women don't live in Vegas
3) It's a bit impersonal

Why not something like (in Elvis voice) "Hey baby, maybe after the show, you and I can share some peanut-butter-and-nanner sandwiches, uh-huh?" Now you've signaled *your* interest, and it leaves it open for her to name a time and place. Or even to suggest different food (although peanut-butter-and-nanner is sensual enough to appeal to her senses).

If she declines, you're still in character, and you were being playful, so it doesn't feel like a major rejection.

[ForrestGump]

43. You're right

Absolutely. And, yes, I can and do get a way with a lot within the Elvis persona. I should remember who I am, dammit...or, um, who I'm pretending to be. You're right about the card thing and, yes, most of the women I've really felt that 'click' with (the kind of click that tells you this might have led to something) were visitors, most leaving within a couple or three days.

What would Elvis do?

Actually, he wasn't very secure about such things and, although not quite as clueless as me, he'd probably have had Red or Sonny ask her out for him.. :D

For that matter, my partner (another Elvis) is getting married to a woman (who lives 2000 miles away, though she's visiting him here again this week) who he met on the job here. He's not much use as a role model, though (although he did at least have the presence of mind to suggest I start carrying cards, that so far I've only given out to people who were interested in our services and to the growing entourage of Vegas 'working girls' that seem to have an affinity for me), because he had someone else go after the woman once he let her walk away and they expressed to her his desire to go out with her later that night...an almost perfect imitation of the real Elvis, in other words. :-)

Thanks! :loveya:

Best advice ever...just gotta do the hard part now and use it!

[kay1864]

45. Just remember...

You have two advantages over other guys...
- You have a persona you can disguise yourself in, which makes you more confident
- *They're* coming up to you, which is 90% of the hurdle right there!

Good luck...

ps I guess there's a third:
- She might ask you to wear the costume

[ForrestGump]

47. More truth!

Yes, I get approached a lot with expressions of interest, which I realize is very atypical (some are too aggressive and, titillating though it may be on some level, that doesn't do it for me), so I'd best be remembering what a blessed individual I am. Meeting people is always the hard part, right? The Elvis thing is surely a potent icebreaker. And I've never been one to just go up to a woman and ask her out, or whatever, though apparently even women throwing themselves at me hasn't been enough (I'm too embarrassed to go into details, but 21 years ago this extended to a woman who had me in her bed, wearing nothing but one of her long nightshirts...I swear, it was the ultimate in male obliviousness). A lot of men I meet while working assume I'm with a different girl every night, or close enough to it (not that I'd want to be), so it's kind of ironic that I've always walked away alone.

And wearing the jumpsuit wouldn't be a dealbreaker. :D

I hereby pledge to take your input to heart and, if I feel it's right and I'm ready, to at the very least respond proactively to sincere expressions of interest...whether she'd be going for me or going for 'Elvis' or the feel of skintight gabardine over my pinch-bruised booty is something that doesn't really matter right now (besides, when I've talked with some of these women a while they respond to the me me).

I'll be sure to post video here! (it'll be my last post ever, of course)

Thank you. Really. What you've told me is probably nothing I couldn't have eventually seen for myself but, being at the center of this problem (rather, being the center of the problem), I'd likely never have seen it alone. Thank you! :hug:

[kay1864]

48. You're welcome!

Keep us posted B-)

[rockymountaindem]

46. Yeah, I have the same problem

I also have an aversion to just asking out someone I don't know anything about. I like to at least know the girl for a couple of weeks before I think of asking her out, but by then it's usually past that phase. I just don't want to make arrangements or share information with a total stranger.

[ForrestGump]

49. It's been my experience

that if you wait, you're likely to lose out. I just wrote, above, about being in a young woman's bed a couple of decades ago and just not getting the message she was sending (she sent it more explicitly as the night wore on and I lay there totally uncertain of what to do...believe it or not, at least a big part of my inaction was worry that I might make a move on her when it was inappropriate and offend her sensibilities, because the bottom line is that I wanted exactly what she wanted). She later spoke to me very frankly about sexual matters -- I'd never had such communication before, and it took a bit of getting used to -- and when I finally plucked up the courage and conviction to essentially say "how about it? nudge nudge, wink wink" she turned me down flat, and turned me down hard. She stopped being my friend, too. I'd missed the window of opportunity. Some of it was perhaps playing into that cliché about hell having no fury like a woman scorned because, cliché or not, she was pretty hellaciously furious. I missed my chance, in her eyes. Maybe it hurt her...she felt rejection, and understandably so, even if that's not what was really going on.

I've had similar things happen before and since...moments when I knew it was the perfect time to (as the Little Mermaid song goes) "kiss the girl." But I didn't (usually) kiss her. And I still remember those moments, years after the fact. I still remember one woman, in particular, and wonder what might have been had I followed my heart and the feelings of the moment and not let my intellect or my insecurity and uncertainty hold me back. Even today I could go to the grounds of the capitol in Austin, TX, and find the exact spot where I should have kissed my beautiful Tejana that balmy night 19 years ago...and I could take a trip up to Gruene, TX, to find the spot where she gave me a second chance that night. After that night -- though she remained friends with me until we both moved too many address changes away from each other -- that door was no longer open...I know, because I again tried to pass through it and again discovered it was Too Much, Too Little, Too Late.

I tend to do a lot of research before I buy an item. I am a scientist, on top of it all, and am driven to observe, observe, and observe some more in pursuit of insight and knowledge. But sometimes it's the right time to just jump in (yes, here I'm more do-as-I-say than do-as-I-do, though I have jumped in a time or two before and even when the end result was not good I did not regret the part that came before the end). Sometimes you do all that research on a product and they remove it from the market while you're debating its pros and cons.

Kiss the girl. :D

[Shell Beau]

4. Well, I guess I just don't know!

:shrug: Life's little mysteries!

[ForrestGump]

6. 'cos you're like me

:D

Your next step (your mission, should you choose to accept it), young Grasshopper, is to frequently have incredibly hot women tell you in detailed anatomical terms what they want to do with you and still, at the end of the day, you go home alone. This is a gift.

[Nickster]

7. Maybe you're a bit too passive? Sounds like you're getting the signals

but maybe not following through? It is after all, all about the follow through.

[Random_Australian]

9. Now we have some actual advice. What is a follow through?

And I suppose I am rather passive....

[Phillycat]

13. Like ask for their phone number.

So the girl says, "If you take off your clothes, I'll take off mine."

You say, (with a wink), "It's a bit too public here darling, but let me give you a call and we can try that somewhere in private."

She says, "Here's my number."

You go home and wait two days. Then call her and ask her out to dinner or drinks.

[Nickster]

17. Dang! That was my advice! LoL. See above. Heh heh.

As any guy knows, two days is way too early. Minimum is three days, usually 6 days is best.

[ForrestGump]

30. As any guy knows?

Shoot...I didn't know that! I guess I was absent the day they handed out the manual...this explains a lot. :-(

Three to six days? Hmmm. I learned something this morning. :D

Time to go to sleep now, dreaming of the sexual juggernaut that I will undoubtedly be at work tonight....

[Nickster]

32. Sorry, that was my hat tip to the movie Swingers. :-) n/t

[Random_Australian]

21. Will do. Or at least try. Hmmmm.

[Nickster]

25. Think of it this way. If you don't ask, you def aren't going to be, how

shall we say, enjoying her company later. You know, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

[Random_Australian]

27. The problem was neither nerve nor desire but that I did not think of the

solution fast enough.

[Fox Mulder]

22. She offered to take her clothes off...

if you did, and you didn't???

:wtf:

[Random_Australian]

23. I said it was a bit too public for my taste.

I am rather out of shape too.

Though I do have to remember to keep eating. (I get problems with that)

[Fox Mulder]

24. It was at a party.

No one would've been paying attention.

[Random_Australian]

26. There were enough people still sober that it would have attracted a LOT

of attention.

This was a party among people who were for the 1/2 part bieng brought together for the first time, so it was not like it was among friends. Yet. We are much better friends now though.

[ForrestGump]

33. Sober people?

In Australia?

Come on, dude. Spare me days, mate... :P

[theboss]

37. That's when you choose a better location

Here would be a little awkward...how about the backyard?

And then you do laps around the house or something.

And then everyone at the party says, "Hey...come to the window...people are streaking!"

And then you go someplace and have sex.

It took me a wild to learn this but getting laid is really rather easy. You just have to learn how to read signals. But I have NEVER had a signal so blatant as the one you got.

[Schema Thing]

31. Chicks dig fellas who will *consistently* go "Australian", not "randomly"

username.

Problem solved. Have fun storming the castle down under :waves:


Sorry if your thread gets locked. O8)

[Orrex]

34. That's what you get for confusing Varkam and me.

And what comment tends to precede the "if you take off your clothes" proposition?

[Patiod]

35. Andy Stitzer! Haven't your friends tried to hook you up yet?

This sounds like a character played by Steve Carrell....

[theboss]

38. Do you think he has $100,000 worth of action figures?

Because they would go over really well on EBAY.

[theboss]

36. You are clearly the worst closer since Stan Belinda

Why are you not having dirty sex with this woman right now?

[Hand]

39. Insh'Allah... nt

[dpbrown]

40. I've been to Australia, and the women are ALWAYS half naked

Ahhhhh...down under.


Manly Beach, here I come.

[ForrestGump]

41. I'll take a Womanly beach

Bondi. :D

[dpbrown]

52. It's much harder to surf topless....

...or so I hear.

;)

[RagingInMiami]

44. "I would love to take you up on that offer ...

But in more intimate settings, if you know what I mean. In the meantime, let's go get a drink."

That is what I would have said. Then you ask for her number or just take her home that night.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

50. Suggestion.

Take some cooking classes.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

51. You let opportunities pass you by.

That's a huge mistake.

What men seem to forget is that women are people. We are human beings with sexual thoughts ourselves and not some "mysterious force". When a woman, in particular a woman you have an emotional connection with, offers to you the amazing gift that is herself- a relationship, her body, you should treat her with respect and treasure it. When you are alone and if interested, continue to to treat her respectfully, but with obvious interest romanticly. Give her reason to continue to pick you. Mark my words, if you ignore her, she will move on because most men who are interested respond with interest.