A dear acquaintance has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer--advice,

[blondeatlast]

if you please.

I'll add that she was a co-worker I was fond of, but not really friends with. She's moved to another state now.

The employees in my department are wondering if it's appropriate to send a card--and if so, what in the world can we say to her?

She is just a really nice, sweet woman who has had a pretty awful life and we desperately want to help in any way we can.

Thanks, I know you guys will have the wisdom I'm sorely lacking in right now.

EDIT: Clarified below. She's living with relatives in another state now; she had to quit some time back because the pain was overwhelming and undiagnosed.

[txwhitedove]

1. Oh dear, as in she's been told how long she has to live???

Seems like only a card wouldn't be enough. Will she continue to work?
Cards, flowers, hugs, gift certificate to a day-spa would be wonderful,
anything to put a smile on her face and let her know you care.

:hug:

[misanthrope]

2. A card?...

...Isn't that kind of impersonal? Take the time out to actually go see her. It'll mean more to her than something plucked from a rack at the corner drugstore.

[blondeatlast]

13. I failed to mention she no longer works there and

is living in another state with relatives.

[Floogeldy]

3. How old is she?

..

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. It's never too late to be friends

That's probably what she needs right now more than anything...People who care enough to spend time with her, laugh with her, and cry with her. Though it'll be tougher on you when she passes away, I'd recommend getting closer to her. :hug:

[Floogeldy]

7. I like that.

We are all going to die.

:smoke:

[Redstone]

10. You are a wise woman, you are. Wonderful suggestion.

Redstone

[Robeson]

18. Wonderful advice....

...:thumbsup:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. Call her up and ask her what she needs

Let her make the decisions.

For example, she may need someone to run errands or clean her house or just sit around and watch old Monty Python videos.

Take your cues from her.

[blondeatlast]

6. CLARIFICATION: she had to quit some time ago and is now living

with relatives in another state.

She had been in considerable pain for some time and had become quite depresed.

Sorry--that's a pretty cogent point I should have made clear!

[Gormy Cuss]

19. Don't send her a card. Send her several.

Have only a few former coworkers sign each. They may be more comfortable writing a few more words than they would on a single card with everyone's signature, and she will have several reminders of those who remember her fondly.

Flowers would be a pleasant surprise for most people.

[Redstone]

8. Christ, I don't know, but I'd bet she could use a wordless hug right now.

That's the best I can come up with.

Redstone

[blondeatlast]

11. I wish I could--I failed to mention in the OP that she's living in another

state now.

[Redstone]

15. Do what havocmom suggested. See my reply to her for why you should.

Redstone

[havocmom]

9. Perhaps an uplifting book?

Might call an oncology clinic and ask what they might recommend to help someone gearing up for the fight of their life. Lots of books (and audio books) out there by survivors. Lots of things that offer comfort.

Comedy videos or DVDs with a note that laughter may help healing and you all want her to get better. Sometimes, a break in the tension and a pleasant diversion can be a big help.

A list of phone numbers for those of you who may be able to offer time, emotional support.
My sister said the fact that she felt loved and supported, 'so surrounded with care and love' that she KNOWS it helped her make a fine recovery. Support and encouragement from people she didn't expect it from, finding out people REALLY cared, went a long way to keep her energies up as she faced treatment.

Hope you all find a good way to express support and caring. It does make a difference.

[blondeatlast]

12. I like that--since we knew her from working at our library,

I think she'd enjoy that.

[Redstone]

14. Comedy videos! What a great idea! Worked for Norman Cousins,

didn't it? (And for HOW many others who we don't know about?)

HM, I stand in awe of your intellect yet again. This is the best suggestion I've seen in this thread. Because, if the comedy videos don't help her get better, at least she'll enjoy the time she has left a little more.

It's perfect. I hope the OP takes your suggestion.

Redstone

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. When a dear friend of mine was dying of breast cancer,

I saved my favorite internet jokes in a file with her name on it, and periodically sent a bunch to her.

[havocmom]

23. Laughter really helps whether in healing or just accepting & enjoying

what is left.

Read an interesting bit of info on laughter as done by children and adults. The kids laugh a LOT more per day. I suggest we might enjoy our days more if we followed their lead. ;)

[Get_A_Life]

16. Send her tickets to a comedy show

I sent a former member of this board two tickets to a comedy show after I found out that she had cancer. You have your ups and downs when you have cancer and laughter is the best medicine. Don't be afraid to reach out to her and ask her what she can use or what she needs. Kindness and laughter is the best thing that you can give a person that is terminally ill.

Ladydemocrat is a very nice lady and if I can provide her with one day of forgetting about her cancer I will. Try to do the same thing for your friend.

[Floogeldy]

17. What was your previous DU username?

;)

[Truthiness Inspector]

21. Call her

Just say hello and be up front that you heard about her diagnosis and want to see how she is doing.

She knows she has cancer, you know it, and she will probably be relieved to have a normal chat. I've lost 3 people close to me to cancer and every single one of them wished people wouldn't treat them with kid gloves because of it - not saying you would, but just offering my experiences.

Call your friend, you'll make her day.

[TrogL]

22. Ignore everything Kubler-Ross says

Her work has been deprecated. Everybody handles grieving differently.