The first meeting of the 'Anybody but Dean' movement...

[Padraig18]

(In a conference room in the Ruan Hotel in Des Moines, Iowa, the weekend after Christmas)

Mr. McAulife:

Lady and gentlemen, welcome to this meeting. Howard Dean represents the greatest threat to the Democratic Party in my lifetime, and I've heard he eats kittens, too. That said, I propose we break into informal working groups to discuss a stategy to derail the Dean campaign.

I will reconvene this formal session in one hour, and hear from you what you have all come up with...

Group 1--- Al Sharpton, Dennis Kucinich and Carol Mosely-Braun:

AS: Dennis, you're a great guy, but I'm polling higher than you are in virtually every race, and I might even win SC; frankly, I'd like for you to withdraw and endorse my campaign.

DK: Well, Al, as you know I don't believe in any poll conducted by the corporate media, so I question those numbers, frankly. I am the most traditionally liberal candidate in this race, and if I drop out, where will the millions of left and ultra-left Democrats and Greens go? I'm not dropping out.

CMB: Well, as the only woman in the race...

DK and AS, in unison: Shut up, Carol!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the room....

Group 2--- Dick Gephart, Wesley Clark and John Kerry:

DG: Wes, John, I've come to some conclusions about this race, so please, hear me out. As you both know, I'm within striking distance of Howard here in Iowa, and a win here could give my campaign momentum...

WC: Iowa doesn't concern me, Dick. Let's talk about NH.

JK: I want to talk about Iowa AND NH, even though I'm trailing in both states. Still, I'm the best-qualified candidate to be President.

DG and WC, in unison: *snicker*

DG, clearing throat: As I was saying before Wes interrupted me, my campaign clearly has a shot at winning Iowa, and the momentum of a win here would make me the 'Anti-Dean' almost overnight. That's why think you should both drop out now, and back me.

WC: My head-to-head numbers versus that idiot AWOL frat boy in the White House leave you looking at my ass, Dick, so stuff your suggestion that I drop out up your wazoo!

JK: What he said, except about the poll numbers.

WC and DG, in unison: Shut up, John!

Elsewhere in the room...

Group 3--- John Edwards and Joe Lieberman:

JL: So, did you know I am the legally-elected Vice President of the United States?

JE: *yawn* What?

JL: I'm on the right side of this whole war issue, John--- the poll numbers show the American people still think it's the right thing to do.

JE: Well, those poll numbers don't mean anything in the South, which is where I'll win this thing.

JL: But Wes Clark is leading you in most Southern states, and Howard Dean leads you in several others. What are you smoking?

JE: Shut up, Joe!

Later, when McAuliffe reconvenes the summit:

TM: Where did everybody go? Why is all this furniture broken? Is that blood splattered on the wall? Is that a KNIFE over by the window? Holy crap, what happened to the unity?

Leaves conference room, scratching his head....

THE END.

:crazy:

[Zuni]

1. Funny

It is funny because it is true

[Padraig18]

2. Yep.

:P

[Padraig18]

3. Shameless self-promotional kick.

:P

[donco6]

4. Actually, it's probably about right. eom

[Padraig18]

5. I don't see the movement taking hold, somehow...

:P