I'm not good at making mistakes...

[rbnyc]

...because I rarely have the opportunity to practice. ;-)

No, really. I have a very hard time limiting the extent to which I beat myself up, feel sick and horrible, and embrace blame when I make a mistake at work.

There were a lot of problems with a particular project and I ended up finishing 2 weeks behind my time-line. Fortunately, there was really very little impact to the organization that the project was late...but that's just luck.

I haven't even been here 3 months, so I feel this screw-up makes up a huge percentage of what my boss and co-workers have by which to judge me. I feel like I really have to be perfect from now on to make up for this.

Then last night in a Broad Meeting I was asked if something was done. I was trying to remember the date it was done, so I said "It was done on....It was done on...." Then my ED interrupted and said "Yes. It was done." So I feel I looked really stupid.

Now I'm trying to manage my emotional reaction to all this because it's not going to help me to be worried that every time I stammer everyone is losing confidence in me.

I just have to move forward. But making mistakes, big ones or little ones, just freaks me out so much. I don't handle it well at all. I've been up sick all night for weeks over this project. And I was up all last night wondering if I should say something to my ED about stumbling on my answer at the meeting.

I have a really hard time putting my mistakes into perspective. Anything that I do wrong is huge and life-threatening. Anything that anyone else does wrong is human and understandible...and also I can usually find some way to rationalize how it's really my fault.

Does anyone else have a problem being imperfect. Of course I'm not going to be perfect. On one level I know that I can't be perfect. But on a very uncontrollable level, I will punish myself forever for not being perfect.

I need to get over this already. It's not helpful.

Anyone have any success in getting over perfectionism?

[Tom_Foolery]

1. I overcame the perfectionism thing a long time ago...

I do pride myself with the knowledge that I don't make many mistakes in my job; but when I do, the big boys act like the world is going to end. I just want to tell them to do it themselves instead of sitting in their comfortable offices doing nothing.

[rbnyc]

2. Sort of wish I could take that attitude...

...but sort of glad I can't. My ED is very hands-on and works his ass off. He needs me to carry my weight and carry it well. And he's the only one above me at the branch, so I feel I need to set an example for the rest of the staff, as well as surpass his expectations.

And it's always surpass--meeting expectations is never enough. If the official goal for a campaign is $200,000, my goal is $250,000.

I mean I think it's fine to have a good work ethic and want to do well, but for me, it's pathological. It actually reminds me of when I was an active sex addict. I had to get every person I met into bed with me to prove my power and my worth. Now I have to over-achieve in every aspect of my job, and if I fall short, it's unbearable. I remember the ONE person who turned me down during my sexcipades. It was like a matter of life or death. It's the same kind of thing. It all speaks to some unhealed garbage that I should be over by my age.

[Bossy Monkey]

3. Hello, my soul sister. Read "Learned Optimism"

by Martin E.P. Seligman. It may not help per se, but at least you'll understand why. Or this (short version): http://tinyurl.com/zhxjj
(1st item, excerpted from one of his previous books. I took the test in "Learned Optimism" and scored twice as high as the cutoff for Seek psychiatric help immediately. PS: I did.) The jargon, at least in Seligman, is catastrophic thinking and rumination; yep, me, too.

[rbnyc]

4. Thank you so much!

Now I better get back to work.

I'm doing something tedious today, so I keep checking in.

;-)