Hello. My name is WIMR.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

• I am fourteen, and I do NOT like rap, hip-hop--any of it. I wear clothes that probably professionals wear, and on the weekends I am a slob. Asking me for fashion advice is as productive as asking a snail.
  
• I despise make-up. Every time I put any on, I feel like I have just been taken down a peg as a woman. I don't care if others wear it.
  
• I like jazz. I like rock. I like politically-inspired music. I also unabashedly enjoy Steely Dan, but--hey, would you know it! I'm still a progressive.
  
• I watch TV for Seinfeld, and that's about it.
  
• I don't eat at McDonald's, or Burger King, or even Wendy's. I am still American.
  
• I fear organized religion intensely, but I am a very spiritual being.
  
• I get furious when I see a Hummer drive by. I get pissed off when I see all the gossip magazines in the grocery store check-out line. I am annoyed when people talk about TV shows as if they were actually based on life.
  
• I am negative, cynical, and a generally depressing person. I know this. I don't like it, but I know it.
  
• I love an ex-teacher nearly like my own mother. I get along better with people who are older than me.
  
• I hate being patronized. I know that what I am feeling may be ridiculous--but I feel it all the same. Don't stifle me.
  
• Sometimes it feels like 90,000 people I have never met know me better than my own family.
  
• Sometimes it feels like I'm going nowhere.
  
• I can't fall asleep at night until I have worn myself thin. I have burst into tears in the middle of the night, terrified by the future. Once I start thinking negatively, I can't stop until I have worked myself into such a frenzy.
  
• I can't stand silence. Silence makes me think that an axe-murderer is right around the corner.
  
• I feel alone.
  
• I am a progressive--a world-hating, miserable, unlovable progressive, perhaps, but still a progressive.
  
• I am a human-fucking-being, strange tastes or no, cynicism or no, unfitability or no.
  

:grr::grr:

:cry:

Added on Edit:

• And, sometimes, I just feel like what I ought to be doing is crying, and yet the tears don't come.
  

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. Kick.

:kick:

[Anarcho-Socialist]

2. That's a very lovely post

You're a very intelligent young person with very strong ethics and beliefs. That is very admirable.

Thank you for posting :pals:

EDIT: It also warms my heart to 'hear' you pronounce yourself as a proud feminist! :hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

4. Meh, and I still feel depressed.

x( x(

:pals:

[Anarcho-Socialist]

7. Are you feeling a sense of isolation from your peers?

I can imagine your mind to be more advanced than those of most your age.

I had a awful time with depression as a teen, so I feel empathy with your depression. It's not good at all.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

10. I do often feel isolated.

I did NOT feel isolated when I was in a pull-out honors literature class, or a pull-out honors math class. Hmmm. Imagine that.

Fucking high school administration.

:grr:

[auntAgonist]

3. I think you're awesome

And I hope I would never come across as patronizing. Your parents must be (should be) very proud of you.

:hug:

:loveya:

aA

[WritingIsMyReligion]

5. I hope so.

Sometimes it feels like I'm on a whole other planet.

:(

:hug:

[leftofthedial]

6. that sounds an awful lot like this 50-year-old man I know

BTW--writing is also your gift

[WritingIsMyReligion]

9. Ah, a 50-year-old man, eh?

;) ;)

Thank you.

:hug:

[leftofthedial]

13. keep writing

[WritingIsMyReligion]

16. I try.

:)

[Placebo]

8. I was once like you.

I wrote such similar stuff when I was your age, and when I look back on my writings from high school and even freshman year of college I just laugh and think, "Whoa!" So many opinions and beliefs and thoughts and no where to put them.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

11. That's just it.

It feels like I'm bursting with thoughts, but they recently have not worked in writing, nor in music.

:grr:

[mdmc]

12. hi wimr

:hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

15. Howdy.

:hi:

[mdmc]

61. hey now

:hi:

[Dear Bastards]

14. Something funny

I love an ex-teacher nearly like my own mother. I get along better with people who are older than me.

I didn't feel that way when I was 14, but as I got got farther along in HS, I did in a big way, perhaps because many of my upperclass credits were earned at the local community college.

The things you dwell on as a high schooler starts to look really fucking lame once you get a bigger taste of the world at large. OK, other than the thing you dwell on in high school :)

A contributing factor was that I was in a class of ~100 students, very few of whom shared my interest or aptitude in academics. I was also alot less outspoken and sarcastic around authority figures at that time. So I tended to endear myself to faculty and administrators fairly readily, which gives the false impression that you "relate to them easily".

In retrospect I don't believe this to be true. The student-teacher relationship is a very limited one going forward past your high school days and not one I have a taste for.

I'm 24 now and I find I relate to 18 yos better than college graduates my age or a little older who are totally absorbed in suffocating relationships (marriage in some cases) and the "real" world of working 9 to 5, earn a living, and generally having no fun at all.

Eating, sleeping, shitting, fucking. Squeezed around a job you hate.

No thank you. My point in all of this is enjoy being a kid for the love of God!!!! At 14 you can be as carefree and frivolous as you want and no one will call you on it. Think about it :)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

18. I know, I know.

But it is just so hard for me--I'm an only child, for one thing, so I've always been dragged about in adult circles until it no longer became unusual for me. What is always awkward is how adults who do not know me insist on looking at me as a, well, child.

"What do you like, dear?"
"Politics, jazz, writing."
"Oh..."

As if they expected me to start talking about the latest hunk, or my sports team, or whatever!

:grr:

[Dear Bastards]

26. One thing to keep in mind

is that many, maybe most, adults take statements from children regarding politics to be a reflection on their parents ideology more than anything else.

And, you are 14 years old. There are quite a few life experiences you haven't had yet, many of which, I can promise you, will alter your worldview. So, in a real sense, its not wrong for adults to factor that in to their discussions with you. That will certainly seem patronizing to you of course :D


But how would you feel if some 8 year old Einstein start telling you how it is?

Try to have some fun is my recommendation. I suspect you have a hard time meeting boys who share your philosophy in particular. In 7th and 8th grade I was more concerned with cutting down the fat kids and not letting my parents find my spartan porn stash. Things will get easier once you go to college but not alot, sadly. I'm going to bold the sentence you should read in case you tune out the rest of this post

[WritingIsMyReligion]

27. I can't say I blame the adults at all.

It's still irritating to me. :)

Fun! I shall try to have some--any!--very soon.

;)

[Dear Bastards]

32. I'm probably going on here too much

but one other thing is not letting yourself wrapped up in expectations placed on you by societal forces and then internalized to the point where you feel these things are shortcomings.

There is a flip side to that though. For instance, you say you don't eat at McDs etc. From a health perspective that's a good idea but there's something to be said with hanging out on a Saturday afternoon at the Mall with your friends goofing off in the Food Court then going to see a movie. Or whatever. If you avoid every little thing that is "bad" for you all the time you'll be a monk, right? Or nun in you case.

So don't fret so much about what you do/n't listen to, or what you watch on TV or what you wear. But also don't get caught up in the game where you act the way you do because thats how empowered, professionl, liberal women are supposed to act.

And don't worry about affirming or validating yourself to everybody else. The people who know and care about you don't need you to and the rest probably don't matter anyway. You will feel alot better once you abandon the cycle of trying to reconcile yourself with the world, blaming the cold, cruel, unforgiving world when you can't, which brings you right back to the depressing bleak mindset of trying and failing to fit in.

Alot of people in the world suck. Those same people will have some ability to affect your life but it's miniscule unless you magnify it for them. Not letting those people inhibit you is a big step to growing up I guess. I'm still getting fired from jobs for tell my boss to "fuck off" so I guess I have yet to master it :D

[WritingIsMyReligion]

33. Don't want to be a monk (nun).

The religion'd kill me.

:evilgrin:

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. And you're Kid

:hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

19. That too.

An angry, messed-up Kid right now, but still Kid...

:hug:

[Swede]

20. Wow,you sound very mature,no wonder you feel patronised.

Most 14 year olds don't have your angst. Maybe you should try poetry for writing your feelings down.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

21. I've tried poetry.

It often frustrates me, because I write with such force that I cannot get the words into any particular rhythm. I have to be in the right mode/mindset for poetry.

[NNadir]

22. Well that your 14 years old, have a Bill Evans icon, and write like a

dream gives all of us much older folks some hope for the future.

You should add that you're one sharp cookie.

Mostly I am very impressed by our young people at DU.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

24. It's a pity that I know few others even remotely like me.

Or at least, I think I only know a few like me. I'm bad with agemates in general.

Sometimes being a sharp cookie is depressing....

x( x(

[Schema Thing]

23. It's cool that you've figured out so many things already

First and foremost that not-fitting-in is a very human feeling. You may miserable at times, but think how you'd feel if you had ridiculous expectations.


I liked your descriptions.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

25. My expectations are very low right now, as is my general morale.

Thank you all the same, though!

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

28. Solution...

Start a nu-metal band.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

29. Oh my sakes...

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thanks. I needed that.

:rofl:

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

30. Oh, you thought I was joking?

:P

[WritingIsMyReligion]

31. Pfft.

:rofl:

:P

[ghostsofgiants]

35. Hey, Ko(bakwards R)n made a killing on the teen angst thing.

At least you've got the authenticity of being an agsty teen! You could be headlining Family Values Tour 2007 if you put some effort into this.

[Dear Bastards]

36. I thought Korns success

was sucking so hard people paid just for the novelty value of seeing it and/or not believing it was possible to be that shitty.

[ghostsofgiants]

38. Oh, how I wish that was the case.

[Dear Bastards]

41. I actually liked their radio single Twisted Transistor

[ghostsofgiants]

42. I used to like their early stuff (the first three albums)...

When I was like 13/14...

What the hell was I thinking?

[Dear Bastards]

45. Well Twisted Transistor doesn't really sound like Korn at all

so I don't feel so bad about. Admitting to ever liking large bodies of thier work? That I will not do

[ThomCat]

34. You're not alone.

I mean, we're all alone, but we're alone together so we're not. :)

14 is not an easy age. 15, 16 and 17 aren't any easier. We all learn endurance and keep going. :hug: Hang in there. You're doing fine.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

48. I'm a' tryin'.

:)

[uppityperson]

37. Great writing and sounds like you are stuck in the human condition

It is really a sad and lonely time when we realize we are each alone. Seems like it happens during teen yrs, and continues forever. Part of maturing, I think, is figuring out how to deal with these feelings. How to feel alone, and feel afraid, but accept it and get on with life anyways. Add to that the problem of school, being in a group based just on age can be really something. Hang in there, and when you are out of highschool you won't have to be in a group based on age but on other factors which becomes much easier. Still have to deal with jerks at work, in life, etc, but it is easier.

So, hang in there, you are alone, yet aren't. I'm glad you are here on DU, please keep writing to us here. Peace, uppityperson

[scoey1953]

39. "peace corps" worth a thought...

I knew that was once a dream of mine...to visit other countries and help people. I thought about that also around the time of the draft of the Vietnam war. I was lucky I never got drafted but enlisted insted. Had I had the chance though, I may have seriously looked into joining the Peace Corps.
Many people did and got huge rewards from it emotionally.

You have to be *18 years to join. Well something to consider in four years:
http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn.howvol

[uppityperson]

43. It still exists, but there are other options. I tried a couple times.

First time had option of Nigaragua or Iran ('76), decided I needed some real life experience first. Then checked it out again a few yrs later and was offered Liberia, but they fired a bunch of us before we left the country, were looking for quiet people to go to parts of country that hadn't had PC workers and we were too, well, uppity and progressive.

Good thing I didn't do any of these since all 3 countries rose up in the next yr and kicked USA out, coups, etc.

There are people who really enjoyed their PC times, but there are other options now also that can give you time working in other countries for people who need it.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

49. It's like being hit over the head with a hammer.

*clonk*

"Owwww..."

:)

[GirlinContempt]

40. hi

[WritingIsMyReligion]

50. Who's the guy in the signature?

:)

[ghostsofgiants]

58. That's Mega Man from his stint in Devo.

[Arkham House]

44. I knew a 14-year old kid very much like you--

--not to make this a surprise(?) ending or anything, that kid was me, and the year was 1968...a strange year to be 14, believe me...and except for the gender bit, I was a lot like you, even to worshipping Bill Evans... Believe me, WIMR, it gets better. You may not believe it, but it does. And someone with all you have to offer os going to make her presence felt. You have a *lot* to look forward to...

[Dear Bastards]

46. for a guy though

most of your 14 year old angst stems from being horny.

Of course, the same can be said of 24, 34, 44, 54,...

[WritingIsMyReligion]

51. That's my hope.

Weird, though, that you also liked Bill Evans! I don't knwo what it is about him, but he's majorly cool!

;)

[MiniMandaRuth]

47. And I'm MMR...

You killed my father, prepare to die.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

52. When was this?

:silly:

[Random_Australian]

53. Hello, I'm R_A, and my life sucked for the first 17 years, now I am in

a lovely place.

You've time enough to make all sorts of good with your life, you've brains enough aswell.

Remember: You are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy.

My favourite quote.

[miss_american_pie]

54. ...

:hug:

[otherlander]

55. Hello, WIMR!

I never wear makeup either, but I don't have anything against it, I just don't care what I look like. I watch the Daily Show to maintain my sanity, I buy veggie burgers from Burger King because I think they need the encouragement to sell stuff like that, and I HATE darkness for some reason. Never bothered me when I was little, though. Just recently. Like I need to see where I am.

I hate being patronized, too. My father has recently decided that I am paranoid / 'dabbling with crackpots' because I have been trying to convince him of the existence of secret jails. (Yes, Damn those Nobel-Peace-Prize-winning highly-esteemed crackpots!)

I was born during War, and I am going to graduate high school during War, and the annoying kid from my art class may be destroyed by War. I'm admittedly somewhat arrogant, optimistic but becoming more cynical as the insanity of the world goes on, and I want to help people. Oh, yes, and I recently fell in love.

[RetroLounge]

56. wimr!

:hug:

Keep on writing, my friend!

RL

[Giant Robot]

57. Yup sounds like you're human

It's desperately hard to feel connected to others, when we want or need to. Human dynamics are just that fragile. Cherish the people you feel connected to at times, and accept that at some point in time they will let you down.

This one may get a little out there, as we don't know each other that well. But don't let this angst you feel, this depression, this aloneness become who you are. This does not *have* to be it for all time. This will be an experience for you, as it is for all human beings, but this does not have to be what you revolve your life around. Your capacity for insight seems great, especially for your age, and that will serve you well. So will a capacity for acceptance and kindness to yourself.

It's hard to stay in the moment we are in. We all want to think about what will be, or rehash things that have been. I say that as a gentle reminder that you are 14, and this does not have to be how things will always be. And as a reminder to stop and look around at the gifts you have, as they get lost when we feel hurt and alone often.

Above all, I wish you peace and love. Hope this didn't come across as patronizing.

[1monster]

59. That line describes my fourteen year old son to a tee...

"I am negative, cynical, and a generally depressing person. I know this. I don't like it, but I know it."


If you figure out a way to get over it, let me know. I'll apply it to my son, who I dearly love, BUT who is also someone I'd like to send far away for a few months or a few years at times any more... His moodines, know-it-all attitude, cynical negativeness, and teenage boy laziness is driving me absolutely :crazy:

[catbert836]

60. Hello, WIMR. My name is Catbert.

- I am sixteen, and I despise all forms of rap/hip-hop, although I often find myself dancing to it at school dances. Instead, I enjoy classic rock such as Pink Floyd, and also reggae, for example Bob Marley, and classic Punk such as the Sex Pistols and the Clash. As a result of my interest in music, I've taken up the guitar, and am learning to play base.

- I never notice what clothes I'm wearing, I just throw on whatever's closest to my bed in the morning. Except when I'm in school, when I have to wear an idiotic uniform.

- I do not wear any kind of gel in my hair, use body wash or use any kind of deodorant other than generic brands. I'm generally unconcerned about my appearance.

- I actually enjoy several TV shows, including the Law & Order Series, The Daily Show and the Colbert Report, as well as LOST, though I;ve become embittered with TV since Arrested Development, my favorite show, was cancelled.

- I go to a Catholic high school, although I am repulsed by Catholicism, Christianity in general, and most forms of organized religion. However, I am deeply interested in religion and spirituality, especially from a historical perspective.

- I read voraciously, and tend to enjoy the classics probably more than a teenager should. My favorite book is "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky, despite its strong religious tones. I also enjoy composing poetry and writing short stories.

- I love posting on DU, however I only have 2500 or so posts to speak of after being a member since August 2004.

- My life is at a very dissapointing juncture, and has been since my parents separated. This leads me to be a very frustrated and negative person at times.

- I work very hard to get good grades in school, yet the fruits of my efforts are usually Bs.

- I am a member of my Speech and Debate Team, which also tends to frustrate me since my judges do not appreciate the talent for speaking that I know I have. Even more frustrating is several of my friends who tend to always place first, usually to my expense.

[BreweryYardRat]

62. I've been there, too.

:hug::hug::hug:

It's part of the curse of being smart in a world full of stupid people.

If you need someone to talk to, or just someone to take a look at your writing (it's my hobby too), drop me a PM.

P.S.
At least you don't have to constantly suppress an instinctive "I'm going to kill you" reaction to anyone who so much as annoys you. ;)

[mduffy31]

63. WIMR try to find a way to enjoy being young

I know it is hard sometimes, but there is plenty of time to be bitter, angry, basically like me when you are older.

[Skittles]

64. don't feel alone, my sweet

you've got us and there's lots of people like you here :)