So this penguin is driving his car across the desert...

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

...when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in desert, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

“No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.“


...I love that joke!

[texas1928]

1. Good one. Here is my favorite.

John was a clerk in a small Drug Store but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Peter, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Peter's warning he sold the man a box of laxative pills and told him to take them all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Peter had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had happened.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. So I substituted laxatives and told him to take them all at once," John said.

"Laxatives won't cure a cough," Peter shouted angrily.

"Sure they will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him! He's too afraid to cough..."

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

4. LOL!

[radfringe]

2. my favorite

(updated to reflect current misadminstration)

Every day at lunch time - bush, cheney and rummy go up and sit on the roof of the white house.

One day rummy opens his lunch bag and exclaims "Chicken Sandwich!!! I'm so sick of chicken sandwiches. If I get another chicken sandwich I'll jump off the roof."

Cheney opens his bag and yells "Fruit Salad and Carrot Sticks! I'm so sick of Fruit Salad and Carrot Sticks. If I get Fruit Salad and Carrot Sticks tommorrow I'll jump off the roof."

Bush opens his lunch and sputters "Butter Peanut, umm Peanut Butter Sandwiches! If I get another, err, sandwich thing with peanut butter I'll jump off the roof!"

the next day they are all back up on the roof.

Rummy opens his bag - yep Chicken Sandwich - he screams in frustration and throws himself off the roof.

Cheney yells when he sees he has fruit salad and carrot sticks, he too throws himself off the roof

Bush opens his bag - "Butnut Peatter - err PEANUT BUTTER AGAIN!" and throws himself off the roof

A day or so later Bush, Cheney, and Rummy are laid out in their coffins for a wake, before the public is allow in - the widows are granted some time in private.

Mrs. Rumsfeld, wipes a tear from her eye "If I only knew he was tired of Chicken Sandwiches, I would of made something else for him.

Mrs. Cheney sniffles "Yes, I had no idea he would react this was to fruit salad and carrot sticks. It was for his health. If I knew, I would have made him something different.

Laura blows her nose in a hanky, but says nothing. Mrs. Rumsfeld and Mrs. Cheney look at her with a puzzled look on their faces.

Laura say "Well, don't look at me - the damn fool makes his own lunch."

[Patiod]

3. Penguin jokes! (here's a clean one)

So this guy comes home, and there's a penguin sitting on his porch.

A few minutes later, the postman comes by and asks "what are you doing with that penguin"

The guy says "I don't know what to do - he just showed up on my porch"

The postman says "you should take him to the zoo"

So the next day, the postman comes by, and the guy is there again, still with the penguin, "Hey, I thought you were going to take that penguin to the zoo."

The guy replies, "I did - we had a great time. Today we're going to a baseball came"

[Hard_Work]

5. Ohhh, jokes!

Just got this one in email....

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical
procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my
testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse
replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash
your upper body. He struggles to ask again, "Nurse,
are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles, she overercomes her embar-
rassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She
raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around. Then, she takes a close look and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

[ikri]

6. Duck!

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"

[bigwillq]

7. LOL!

:rofl:

[Polly Hennessey]

8. Jokes

You guys are making me laugh.