How about the WORST videos you can think of?

[CanuckAmok]

I'm embarrased for these guys. They probably didn't even make any money:
(note: Eben-Ozen's AEIOU is so appalingly bad I couldn't even find it on youtube)


Guys, just break-up, already!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfwO-Ri7ZTw&search=rock%20the%20casbah


These next two almost make it onto my favourite list, just on the sheer magnitude of excess that made them real. Plus, one of them is TEN minutes long! And they have every rock video cliche squeezed in there, somehow. Just the ingenuity to employ all those hackneyed images into such a relatively short period of time is worthy of some sort of recognition.

Let's just make a checklist, and make sure everything's right where it should be:

Theme of how difficult it is to be a globally-successful, infinately wealthy rock star (something the fan base can really identify with)? Check.

Wedding scene? Check.

Funeral scene? Check.

Introspective bad-ass pouring his sensitive side all over a grand piano a la Elton John? Check.

Supermodels? Check.

Really long dolly shots? Check.

"Credible" string section? Check.

Stupid iconic hats and/or headbands? Check and Check.

Rural church? Check.

Smoking? Check.

Rose petals all over the place? Check.

Guitarist(s) playing guitars really, really low to the ground, striking a pose that's mildly phalic and homoerotic in nature? Check.

Classic muscle car being driven out of control spitting huge rooster-tails of desert sand in its wake, and eventually plumetting off a cliff to explode in an ejaculatory ball of fire? Check.

Cat-fight? Check.

limousine(s)? Check.

That 180 degree vertical-axis crane shot? Check.

Handgun(s)? Check.

Snowstorm? Check.

Sexy professional (teacher/psychiatrist/librairian) chick in a demure yet provocative skirt-suit? Check.

Guitar hero rendering his soul in the form of an extended solo, shot from a low-angle in a desolate desert setting, supported by wind and smoke machines? Check.

Wet chicks? Check.

Scene of domestic/marital relational dischord, panning away to a close-up shot of the same dischordant parties in happier times, possibly having a picnic, in a framed photo on wall or dresser? Check.

Guitar hero baring his soul in the form of an extended solo, shot from a moving high-angle in a desolate desert setting, supported by wind and smoke machines? Check.

Stephanie Seymour? Check.

Unicorn(s)? No.

Raven(s)? Check.

Bottle of Old Harper/JD/non-descript hard liquor held in a mannner suggesting it's being abused to suppress raging demons of guilt and remorse, but not actually being consumed on-camera, so as to please the MYV censors? Check.

Pseudopsychological svene of protagonist "meeting" his alter-ego? Check.

Slo-mo shot of white dove(s) taking flight? Check.



Did we miss anything? No. And, if that wasn't enough, both videos originally aired with writing credits ("Axl Rose") at the beginnings. But I'm not feeling "ironic" tonight, so Guns 'n' Roses' "November Rain" and "Don't Cry" videos make the "worst" list:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVU9ffbjsAY&search=november%20rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Uw5xB8AOoA&search=guns%20roses%20don%27t%20cry



But.........


This is my number one worst. Not only is is a craptacular entry from acraptacular talent, but even as an insensitive, misogynist asshole, I find the imagery just wholly offensive.

Okay, so his girlfriend left him for someone else (why she would do that remains a mystery). So is he spying on her while she changes? And is he suggesting that he'sa going to stab her? What is he trying to say? I mean, check out the juxtaposition of the exposed flesh and ol' Bryan carving that apple, then the same knife being driven into the wall of the changeroom... :scared:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrNHs5tIH_g&search=bryan%20adams%20cuts%20like%20a%20knife

[Deja Q]

1. Oh, this one says it all:

Wow

:wow:

[CanuckAmok]

3. Ju got some 'splainin' to do.

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You're so fine you blow my mind
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: You're so fine you blow my mind
R: Hey Lucy, hey Lucy

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You play your bongos all the time
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: How I love to hear you whine
R: Hey Lucy

L: Hey Ricky
L: You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right
L: You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night
L: Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky

R: I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here
R: 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
R: Why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear Lucy

L: Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do
L: You really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo
R: Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue
R: Well, here's to you Lucy
R: I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy

L: Hey Ricky
L: You're always playin' at the club, you never let me go
L: I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
L: Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky, wah

R: You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
R: You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
R: You're such a crazy redhead I just don't know what to do Lucy

L: Oh Ricky
L: What a pity, don't you understand
L: That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned
R: Oh Lucy
R: I'm the latin leader of the band
R: So here's to you Lucy
R: Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy
R: Everybody rumba!

R: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[CanuckAmok]

7. I find it difficult to find fault with a vehicle which has...

Toni Basil jumping around in a miniskirt.

[fizzgig]

2. the cure

as much as i love the music, they make some ATROCIOUS videos

like this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNo-vtuS0hc&search=the%20cure%20why%20can%27t%20i%20be%20you

[CanuckAmok]

4. That's pretty bad.

But then they did the Love Cats video, and that gives them a video "get out of jail free" card.

[Monk06]

5. A friend of mine sold dope to Brian Adams in high school. That's worth

somethin I guess.

[Monk06]

6. Axel Rose is an illiterate trailer trash retard.