Question for the DU ladies:

[Redstone]

Mrs R was having a tough time of it tonight. I stopped talking, held her tight, and told her: "Your husband loves you. Can you let that be enough?"

So: Would that be enough for you?

I'll be back later to see what you all have to say, and thank you in advance for your wisdom.

Redstone

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Redstone.....

That sure as hell would be enough for me......

Sorry she's having so much trouble.......:hug:

[MiniMandaRuth]

2. Hell, for me....

Though I am much younger than Mrs. R, the love of one person would be enough. More than enough.

Even if that person was my dog.







(Chocolates can't hurt, either ;))

[GoddessOfGuinness]

88. Your dog loves you...

My experience is they're far more devoted than people... :-)

[txwhitedove]

3. You had me at "..held her tight...."

if a woman just had a bad day, a case of the blues, then yes
that would be enough.  If other trauma happened, unresolved
issues, conflict, then it probably wouldn't be enough.  

[miss_american_pie]

4. It really would depend

Enough compared to what? If the larger issue is something inside of herself, then nothing from the outside would be enough IMO.

I hope she feels better soon.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

5. Depends on what was going on...

:shrug: Not that I'm being nosy. That's just my answer.
Duckie

[tinfoilinfor2005]

6. I think it depends a lot on what she is having a tough time at.

A husband's love is a an extremely important, valued and cherished thing. But a woman has room in her heart for everyone she loves, and if she is having a problem with a child or a parent or a friend, she won't rest until she solves it. And a husband shouldn't feel any less for it.

[RevCheesehead]

7. yes.

*sigh* :loveya:

[flvegan]

8. I'm not one of the DU ladies, but

I can say this:

You, Redstone sir, are a good man. It adds nothing to what you've asked, but I just had to chime in. I'm like that.

Peace, brother.

[WindRavenX]

9. I love Kyle.

But , it's never enough

Love is never enough.

There' always something that prevents the love from simply being.


I wish that wasn't the case. But it seems that love just

isnt

enough

[Redstone]

17. But is it YOU who prevents it from being enough?

Or is it just the way the world works?

Serious question; I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

Redstone

[WindRavenX]

39. It can be both

Some people do not, for a number of reasons, want to be loved or are unwilling to love.

Othertimes, as in my own current circumstance, it is not the people, but the circumstance.


does that make sense?

[Redstone]

41. Yes, it makes sense. Things happen like that sometimes. But for

tonight, m'dear, you need to have that drink, smoke those cigs, eat that pizza, and get some sleep.

Trust me on this. OK?

Redstone

[eyesroll]

10. That depends on what the problem was, and how he said it.

If somebody was dead, dying, seriously ill, about to become homeless/jobless/insuranceless, then no, it would not be enough in the moment.

If he said it all "your problems are trivial and my big strong hands will make them go away symbolically so I'm going to put them around you to shut you up," or any combination of that, then I'd want to smack him.

If it was just a general crappy day...dressed down at work, got a flat tire, hot water didn't work, that sort of thing...yeah, it might just be enough to make me feel better.

[In_The_Wind]

11. Yes, Redstone. It would be.

Love from the right person has a way of making most things better.

[OhioBlue]

12. in a word... no

sorry - you seem to really be trying to help and without knowing the situation, I really can't offer any great advice but....

if she is having a problem, the best thing is to acknowledge it. It is great that you offered to hug her and love her and hope to console her.

However, whatever she is feeling can't be erased by your love, and she might be seeking empathy. Listen to her, understand her emotions, acknowledge her emotions and help her work through them.

Ironically, my boyfriend and I just went through an emotional discussion. I know he wants to help, however his comments were not what I needed. I know he loves me, I know many situations are worse, I know I should look at the positive...... I only wanted him to acknowledge what I was going through, to empathize, to understand, and not really try to fix it.

[blue neen]

13. In the short run, it depends on the situation.

But in the long run, it will mean all the world to her. When the immediate crisis is over, and she looks back and saw you supporting her, it will be enough.

Hope that makes sense. You're a good man, Redstone. :)

[lizziegrace]

14. yes and...

I don't want anyone to try and solve my problems unless I ask. I just want someone to listed and try to understand. There, my 2 cents from the cheap seats.

:hug:

[Redstone]

15. Thanks, all. Her problem (and I don't mind telling you) is PTSD from

having been horribly abused as a child.

It's a hell of a thing for me to work with. I got beaten a lot as a kid, but it was NOTHING compared to what she went through. If I could invent a time machine, I'd go back and kill the lot of them, those who did those things to her. And not feel an atom of remorse for doing so.

But in a way, maybe it's good for me to have to be responsible for helping her. I'll deny I typed this, but dealing with her PTSD gives me a convenient excuse to not think about why I should be a prime candidate for the same syndrome, but do not exhibit it (except for the Pain Emergency Nights; she refuses to tell me what I blabbed to her during the last one).

Stone me, I'm raving. Thanks all, and good night. One more Vike and an Elavil, and I'm outta here.

I appreciate your patience and input.

Redstone

[helderheid]

21. Redstone, I've been where your wife is at. She's lucky to have a patient

hubby. That is truly what she needs - patience. I am so lucky to have a patient hubby. It's taken many years and it still paints every day of my life, but it does get better. Just please be patient. I'm sure this is hard on you as well.

[Redstone]

26. Patience is what I do. Thank you so much for telling me that

it's important. That tells me I'm on the right track.

I can outwait her demons, and my own. But I'll outwait hers first.

Redstone

[helderheid]

31. glad to hear it - sounds like you're both lucky to have each other :)

:hug:

[Redstone]

43. Oh, aren't we. I thank the stars for my luck every single day.

I really do.

Redstone

[helderheid]

49. Oh you make me want to go throw my arms around my man!

Damn, I think I will! :)

[Redstone]

50. Do it. You'll be glad you did.

Redstone

[bicentennial_baby]

23. ...

:hug:

[Redstone]

42. BB, m'dear, good to hear from you!

How'd that move work out? How are you and my other two friends doing?

Redstone

[Orsino]

62. I've been there...

...or somewhere like it. A loving husband may not be enough, but it sure as heck is the best place to start.

Best wishes for both of you.

[China_cat]

68. I know what she's going through.

I've learned to call them landmines. You never know when or where you're going to trigger one and results can be horrible.

But each one that's exploded is one less to stumble over later. (And she won't realize that until she hits the same trigger again and it doesn't have the same effect, so don't even try to tell her that.)

[LeftyMom]

16. Yes and no

On good days being loved completely is blissful. On bad days, it helps but doesn't chase away the pain.

In people who have lived relatively happy lives, being loved seems to be enough. For those who haven't, it's salve and dressing on a wound. It doesn't solve the problem, but it takes the pain away a bit.

Bless you for taking this on. I have some idea how trying it is.

[Redstone]

18. Damn, LM, that was profound.

I am not being sarcastic (though you probably know that).

You really did pack a bunch of profundity in those few lines. I just gained a further measure of respect for you, and I had a fair amount of that before.

Thank you.

Redstone

[LeftyMom]

20. If you ever need to talk about it, please PM me

Sadly, I have some idea of what she's dealing with. :hug:

[Redstone]

27. Yes, I'll do so if I need to. Thank you.

Redstone

[MissB]

19. Short answer: yes.

The rest of the male population should really be more like you. Many men just don't get it. :hug:

[bridgit]

22. it depends upon the issue, as a practical matter yes, though to make...

this point...the chapel scene from: Much Ado About Nothing,

BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?

BEATRICE
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.

BENEDICK
I will not desire that.

BEATRICE
You have no reason; I do it freely.

BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.

BEATRICE
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!

BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such friendship?

BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such friend.

BENEDICK
May a man do it?

BEATRICE
It is a man's office, but not yours.

BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?

BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE
Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE
Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.

BEATRICE
Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK
What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.

BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.

BENEDICK
Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.

BENEDICK
Ha! not for the wide world.

BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it. Farewell.

BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice.

BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: nay, I pray you, let me go.

BENEDICK
Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
In faith, I will go.

BENEDICK
We'll be friends first.

BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.

BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy?

BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come to take hands; and then, with public accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.

BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!

BENEDICK
Nay, but, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.

BENEDICK
Beat--

BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.

BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.

BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.

BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?

BEATRICE
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.

BENEDICK
Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.

__________________*

though again, as a practical; love will suffice quite nicely...or love will find a way :hi:

[bertha katzenengel]

24. Absolutely (hope it counts that my other half is a woman)

:hug: for Mrs. R.

[Redstone]

28. What should it matter if "your other half is a woman?"

Love sets its own boundaries, or ignores boundaries as it will.

(Besides, I feel like this: I like women, so why shouldn't women like women?)

Truth.

Thank you for the encouraging response.

Redstone

[bertha katzenengel]

29. Sweet man, I meant only that

your question states "husband."

Of course I believe that it matters equally, the comfort I would give my beloved to the comfort you give to yours.

What was important was whether you believe it.

I know you're accepting; that wasn't my concern.

this :hug: for you. :hug: here, have another.

[Redstone]

30. TWO hugs? That felt good. Thanks.

Redstone

[Mutley]

25. Well, it depends, but probably yes for most situations.

[ismnotwasm]

32. Yes and no

The love my husband and I have for each other is reciprocal, and we have each others backs in sublime way. I am the stronger, he is more steadfast.
So yes to pain I feel about anything, any issue.
No to what I rage against, it's not enough.

[Madrone]

33. Yes and no.

Almost perfect. Almost. You just needed to leave off the "can you let that be enough?" in my opinion. Other than that - golden.

Men usually have a habit of trying to rationalize and invalidate women's feelings by droning on about how they should get over it - or why it's not really that bad - or what they need to do to fix it. Women usually just want to be listened to and understood. That's all.

You done good.

[bridgit]

35. yes, no qualifiers please...

[Redstone]

36. No, she can't get over it. And it really IS that bad.

I know it. I know I can't make it go away.

But I try.

Thank you for your response.

Redstone

[halobeam]

34. I made myself not look at anyone else's response.

I didn't want to have my mood influenced. Uh oh.. must mean words might be able to do that.. which must mean well... the pms factor might be a bit present. hmmm.. that actually brings me to your inquiry.

If I had pms... I'd probably NOT want the "stay an arms distance aways from me" rule, broken. So, nope... no holding me tight.

Now, the words, work well for me. It's what I'd need to hear. Simple and real.

If I didn't have pms... then DEFINETELY the tight hold works, right along with the words.

MrsR is one lucky lady... if she didn't have pms.. but that's only according to me. LOL.

[Redstone]

37. PMS is not a factor.

And I appreciate your response.

Redstone

[halobeam]

38. I meant it was a factor in me. LOL

[Redstone]

40. I understood that. We're on the same page.

Redstone

[hyphenate]

44. If he listened to me

That would be enough. It's not enough sometimes if there isn't an element of wanting to know what's going on without being judgemental.

[Redstone]

46. I listen. That's what she needs. So I listen.

It's not fun to do so sometimes. But no matter. It's what she needs, so it's what I'll do.

Because I love her.

Redstone

[Skittles]

45. not enough by a long shot

you can see why I am not married :)

[Redstone]

47. Why not?

Redstone

[bridgit]

48. you are so gonna get your ass kicked...

:rofl: just kidding

[Skittles]

51. well to me

the implication that love conquers all is just plain silly...but that's me

[samplegirl]

58. I've always said

there is healing in human touch. Sometimes where
all words fail.

[reyd reid reed]

52. No. On so many levels, no.

That implies that you should be her entire life. I'm not saying that's what you meant, just what it implies. Depending on what was upsetting her, she might have just needed to be heard, held and know that she's understood, without any words at all. Sometimes we don't Want things to be fixed or to be made better...often we know what it's going to take, we just want to vent a little bit. We just want sympathy.

The other problem is another implication in that statement...impatience. Almost like you're saying, "I love you so enough already. Whatever it is, just get over it." Again, I'm not saying that's what you meant just what implication could have been perceived.

It Could come off as a little arrogant, too. Again...I'm not saying that's what you meant, but if she was already feeling bad or upset about something...

I hope she's feeling better in the morning.

[Redstone]

73. No, you read it wrong. I said CAN in be enough, not CAN'T it

be enough.

Redstone

[Sugar Smack]

53. I'd love that.

:cry: :loveya: :pals: :hug:

[Monk06]

54. Which way to the insensitive guy thread? Sweet Jesus on the Cross.

[Redstone]

59. Excuse me? What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?

Redstone

[Monk06]

64. Sorry did I interrupt your concentration?

[Redstone]

71. It's usually good manners to stay out of a thread if you don't

have anything to contribute. What, specifically, is your problem?

Is it with me, or do you always act like this?

Redstone

[Monk06]

74. Apologies. You're right, I should have just moved on since the thread was

not my cuppa tea.

[Redstone]

78. Thank you.

Redstone

[NC_Nurse]

55. Listening and loving

is the only thing you can do that will help. Just don't have any expectations that it will fix the problem quickly. Recovery from abuse is an up-and-down road. It is necessary to feel the pain that had to be suppressed as a child to survive. Know that you are both doing what you need to be doing and work on dealing with your own pain. There is nothing else you can do to lessen hers but what you are doing.
Don't forget about yourself. It's much easier to focus on someone else's problem than your own. If you don't do your own work, you may feel threatened as she grows and changes and even subtley sabotage her so that you can remain the "strong" one. I hope you are both in therapy.

I've been there myself. It takes time. Sometimes a LONG time. But it's worth it! :hug:

P.S. Of course you are welcome to PM me anytime if I can lend any support or experience to help!

[Redstone]

60. Why, thank you for the kind offer. I do know it's a long road, and

she's made significant progress, but I know there's some stuff that NEVER goes away.

Especially given what happened to her. Doesn't matter, though, I'll be with her no matter what.

And the warning is appreciated but unnecessary. She's had her turn more than once at being the strong one, when I had severe physical problems (and resultant psychological ones as well); believe me, I do NOT find that threatening in any way. I'm way too damn lazy to put out any effort in worrying about "who's the strong one."

I go to her therapy sessions when she wants me to. Was there for the first ten or so.

She is who she is, and that's fine with me.

Thanks again.

Redstone

[NewWaveChick1981]

56. Mrs. R's a lucky woman.

Yes, that would be enough. :) You sound like a great guy!

[stellanoir]

57. chicken or egg ??? cart before horse ???

Cliches aside. . .

It's on one level, simply a matter of chronology.

Her woundedness apparently long proceeded your undying and constant eternal devotion .

Though I can clearly see that you were attempting to be intensely loving and supportive, somewhere in the mix, her happiness became solely contigent on your love, and the issue of the absence of her happiness got inadvertantly twisted and entangled into a matter of affirmation of your effectiveness and competance as a companion (aka virility-no offense there whatsoever.) That was perhaps, a short circuit.

I'm quite sure that was not at all your predesigned intention. But can you maybe see how the issue possibly got mired into being validation of your chops rather than a much needed balm and/or salve for her wounds?

It's prosaic to say, "you can't love a person without loving and embracing their past but I feel it is all too true."

When I had gone through a really harrowing trauma a dear old friend whom I hadn't seen in years, stealthfully snuck up behind my back seemingly out of the blue. He gave me a really innocent bear hug and said,"I'm terribly sorry you had to endure all of this." In its startling simplicity, that was the most comforting thing anyone could have said to me at that particular juncture in time. It was enormously comforting.

Shortly thereafter, someone told me that having withstood all that crapola would make me a far better counselor. I sarcastically thought,
"R-I-I-I-ght. . great career move. . ."memo to self". . . make total ass of self for the ultimate career advancement." :)

Yet within a really short year I was drawing directly from that experience to prevent a suicide. I even got tipped with a clothes line in the process , which was good because we really needed a clothes line at that time.

Another dear one referred to some of my more very ancient and seemingly soul searing wounds by saying, "I love you even more for the fact that you had the strength, endurance, and courage to have gone through all that, survived, and are still whole." That was deeply affirmative and it wasn't at all about him nor about my abusers" He fully embraced my ancient past foibles and fractures and made me more whole as a result.

A large part of my stupidly idiotic victim complex went "poof" immediately upon hearing that.

PTSD is unquestionably very real but sometimes I feel these psychological labels can often box us in patterns and complexes that we are truly intended to, and fully capable of transcending. Whatever happened to good ole fashioned "shock AND perchance. . .RECOVERY?"

This is just a theory, but based on and out of intense love for her you seem to wish revenge upon her abusers or retroactive prevention of unmentionable invasive acts and violations. That urge may indeed be noble but may be also inadvertantly trapping her in a victim modality and is neither integrative, affirmative, or redemptive over the grander scheme of things really .

(Jungian insert) You may just be projecting your anger towards your very abusers upon her as well. We all often misguidedly do that to those we love. I dunno all the particulars but it's fully plausible that you're meant to heal from your mutual shared, similarly abusive pasts TOGETHER.

Not to minimize the circumstances at all, but this can be a rough planet at times for most sentient beings. Back and forth we go. . . from victim to persecutor ad infinatum. Often we spend far longer as the victim than the catastrophically, fleetingly, and most unfortunately, indulged impulses in which we purposely, accidentally, or unconsciously cross the line and harm another human being. That is, and comprises, the very nature of our equally shared human frailty.

'Round and 'round we go. Sooner or later we find the center of our beings and can perhaps embody ethical humble and compassionate examples of self empowerment that are not even remotely or by extension, at the expense of others and are inclusive of reverance to most all other life forms (with the possible exception of parasites. . maybe consider swatting a mosquito today. . . just apologize. . immediately thereafter. . .or so the Buddhists say. . .they are perhaps the only truly expendable life forms) that is. :)

I've personally always loved the metaphor of one's auric field being akin to a cell wall or a Tai Chi master in its inherant potential selective permeability. We simply often can only do this by learning through the traumatic experience of its violation and the very absence of that protective shield or sieve (eg by default.)

I've often told many, many, many little ones that they own the space around their bodies at the very least to the bare minimum measurement of one foot around the periphery of their bodies. If anyone enters that space without their omnipotent and all knowing permission, desire, or distinctly superior authority, they have full permission to scream really loudly at the top of their lungs. . ."PERSONAL SPACE INVASION!!! PERSONAL SPACE INVASION!!! PERSONAL SPACE INVASION!!!" They seem to enjoy immensely being given full permission from a so called adult to yell. :) And tell me that wouldn't send a whole lot of sexual predators running.

Loving your wife even more for having survived and the courage for attempting to address and release these issues may just be a gentler approach that has nothing even remotely to do with your unquestionable manliness and constant presence in her life. Though I fully understand that you may have been at your wit's end with all of this for obvious reasons.

The violations just were, and g-d bless her. . . she miraculously survived. Another tired but totally true adage is "that which doesn't kill one makes one stronger." Perhaps she is now a deeper more compassionate more humane individual for having had those most unfortunate experiences though that's really impossible to gauge.

Welcome to the sometimes dizzing oft mind numbing world of terrestrial transport.

Please don't accidentally empower her or your demons any further by polarizing with them further. I lecture about this yawningly on spiritual sites.

Sometimes is just better to call them what they truly are . . ."low life absolute inhumane BS'ers" that is far beneath both of you and hopefully, will be beneath us all in the not too distant future. Yes, I sometimes am a totally deluded optomist.

On Thursday, I sickeningly observed the alleged proponants of the "culture of life" celebrating gleefully a revenge killing and death in the grossest of manners. They called murder "justice" as if they were annoited g-d during a week wherein they had tried to make bigotry Constitutional law.

To often on this sphere, there is suffering of innocents. Perhaps the ultimate in redemption and healing lies within some way helping to protect those innocents while they are still pure. Methinks we've some super sensitive ones incoming and have for a while. They may need our help in any way we are capable of offering.

Sorry if this has offended you in any way shape or form.

I've been up for 31 hours (work related-in the wee hours and at great distance- helping teens to avoid getting drunk and losing their virginity after their prom-for at least for 4 hours-I love working with them- silly me) and these sentiments just poured out of me.

Truly hope you both feel wayyyyyy better very soon.

[Redstone]

61. Wow. I'm going to print that so I can read it more thoroughly,

and maybe reply later.

Thank you.

Redstone

[blue neen]

75. IMHO, that was a wise person who said to you,

"I love you even more for the fact that you had the strength, endurance, and courage to have gone through all that, survived, and are still whole."

[Fleshdancer]

63. I hope things are better for Mrs. R today

I've read through this thread and while I can't pretend to know the hell of Mrs. R's past, I do think you are an amazing husband and friend. When your past catches up with you and when you feel so fragile and lost, the best thing to have is someone standing in your corner. To know that from this point on you are safe and loved. To know that you can finally trust someone and expose your weaknesses without betrayal and ridicule. To know that when life turns upside down and inside out, you have someone who will hold you and remind you that today is better than yesterday because that someone is by your side now. Loving you. Respecting you.

She had a bad day. She'll have hundreds more. But you make them better Redstone, trust that. :hug:

[Redstone]

81. Well-said. It's been damn hard for her to be able to understand that

there are men (such as myself) who are only what they appear to be. And I don't blame her.

But she's starting to get it. The day she really understands that, my work here wil be done (so to speak).

Redstone

[huskerlaw]

65. It does depend

on what the problem is.

If it's a serious problem that your love can't correct, then no, it's not enough.

Don't get me wrong though, it helps. It helps a great deal.

She's lucky to have you, and I'm sure she knows that. Keep being there for her and even if your love doesn't make whatever it is go away or be ok, it does help...and sometimes that's all you can do.

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

66. The way you expressed it

that sure would be enough.

[Redstone]

82. Hey, how are you doing out there in your new home?

Well, I hope.

Redstone

[Ellen Forradalom]

102. Fabulous, thank you!

I do so love Santa Barbara.

[China_cat]

67. Sometimes it's enough. Most of the time.

Sometimes it doesn't even begin. And that's not your fault.

[tigereye]

69. it's a great place from which to continue to feel better

[Iniquitous Bunny]

70. It doesn't matter if it would be enough for me.

Was it enough for HER?

For some things that would be enough, for others no, and sometimes we go through difficulties and pain we just have to get through and there isn't too much our partner can do other than just be there for us. At least it sounds like it's important for you to you you are meeting her emotional needs. Not every man is like this (mine is, but I had too many toads in my life that weren't).

[Redstone]

72. Yes, it was enough for her. Got her grounded. And I asked because

there are many intelligent and insightful women at DU, and I feel that I could learn from their observations.

Redstone

[Blue Belle]

76. It would be enough for me...

Sometimes just hearing that someone is on your side and having them tell you you're loved helps tremendously - especially if you grow up being told everything that goes wrong is your fault. Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask, but I have always felt better when I had someone in my life letting me know they loved me and would be there beside me through my dark days.

I hope Mrs. R feels better soon. She's lucky to have you in her corner.

--Belle

[havocmom]

77. Sadly, no. The most loving husband in the world cannot be all to a woman

Nor should he be.

But, the holding and the loving can help get a woman through dark times. We all do better knowing we are loved, but it cannot inoculate us against all other pain. Nor should it.

[Redstone]

80. I always value your opinion. But I should clarify: I was only asking if it

would be "enough for now," not the be-all and end-all. I know better than that, believe me.

And she's brought me back from the brink during several of my Pain Emergencies by reminding me that no matter how bad anything got, I would always be able to count on one thing: That she loves me.

And I gotta tell you, it helped to hear that. No matter how bad it gets (and it's gotten pretty goddamn grim, I tell you), I know I have that.

And it's something.

Hey, is it Spring out your way yet? It's still pretty much March here. Incessant rain, and temps never out of the sixties. Not that I mind; we're saving a TON on air-conditioning costs.

Redstone

[havocmom]

85. We've been springing for MONTHS

Got a bumper crop of salad greens and snow peas up the kazoo. Very good gardening year so far. Big fear at this point is hailstorms. We have had nice showers, not quite as much as we'd like but more than before this drought was finally breaking. We have had some hot days, but not a lot of them in a row. Hit 90s in April. Didn't hit 60 today.

Dino hunters showing up for their tours and hands-on digs. Lots of boats heading to the lake. More and more birds all the time. Things are OK, but for the pain, which gets worse and more frequent all the time. About to the withdraw from humanity stage, I fear.

And about enough for now: yeah, maybe, for the immediate time of panic. Maybe a lot of us female types are too easily overwhelmed by the big picture. I think men are generally better at that compartmentalizing trick.

And, ya know, we females hit that funny time of dancing mood swings. Sometimes there are episodes earlier than one would think. There is no consoling when the chemistry goes haywire for a day or so. No amount of logic helps at times either, a particularly bitter pill for people like me who try to over-think problems outta existence. ;)

Hope you guys back there don't get moldy. Maybe the damp is why Havocdad likes it in the arid west instead of his native Vermont. He is a demon for sun shine.

[Redstone]

86. Your pain is back? Is it the hand? And you're right about the chemistry:

The big M is showing its face.

I don't want you to be in pain, HM. I really don't. Send me your suffering if you can.

Redstone

[havocmom]

90. Thanks, you are a pal, but I can't fit it in a box that can be shipped

At present, my right leg doesn't hurt. All else is not fit for discussion. Rainy weather makes the joint pain act up but I am able to walk upright this episode, better than the way it has been off and on for months now.

Good thing I am blond and easily amused ;) Else the body-imposed house arrest most of the time would get to be a REAL drag. There are too many days now where the few stairs back into the house are prohibitive. Put a stout stick in planter out front to help but need to break down and get a proper, sturdy trekking stick to lean on when things seize up.

Really annoying for a person who used to be extremely flexible and active outdoors.

[Redstone]

91. Don't I know what you mean. I was a walking fool as a young man,

could beat experinced hikers to the top of Mt Jefferson with 40 pounds in the pack, and wearing sneakers, not $50 hiking boots (back when $50 was real money).

But no more. The stairs up to the bedromm will be enough for tonight.

Redstone

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

79. Obviosly not speaking as a woman I think that "Can you let that be enough?

sort of implies that she's making a big deal out of her emotions. It's sweet but I think that last bit just has a little "why can't you be happy? snark to it.

IMO - again = I'm just a man.

[Redstone]

83. I should have clarified that I meant "can it be enough for now?"

Just to bring her back to Earth. then we'd go on from there.

How are you guys doing in The Big City?

Redstone

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

84. Crazy my man - CUHRAZY!

I got a scholarship - which is very nice. CU is at work at her second job tonight - God bless her soul. She will be pampered as we watch the Iran/Mexico World Cup match tomorrow. She is an unbelievably wonderful human being. School is awesome in the extreme. So, uh - yeah - life is very very hard but very very good at the same time.

How you doin', man?

[Redstone]

87. Me? I'm doing well. I can walk again. Lots of work, and a great

family to make the walking worth it.

Yes, your wife is a peach, and that says you must be some kind of a helluva guy to be the one who she chooses (that's how I feel about Mrs R, anyway).

You and I, my friend, we are among the fortunate ones. Let us never forget that.

Redstone

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

89. I never will

When next you are in NYC we must get together.

:thumbsup:

[Redstone]

92. Deal.

Redstone

[GoddessOfGuinness]

93. Having read what eats at her, I'd have to say yes and no...

Yes, your love, affection, and devotion are positive forces that help ground her. You're a wonderful husband!

But this trauma she's experienced is one of those demons we all tend to revisit ad nauseum until we're ready to let them go. Gradually, as she works with this, she'll begin to recognize when she slips, even as she's acting out. Then your wife will need to be gentle and supportive with herself; because even you, dear Redstone, can't be a substitute for her self-love.

It sounds like you are a wonderful match for each other...being patient and loving as you both are.
What a blessing! :hug::hug: for both of you...

[Redstone]

95. Thanks, GoG. I didn't know she'd be bringing so much "baggage"

with her, but if I had, it wouldn't have changed anything. Truth.

I've brought physical problems (and sometimes the psychological problems that accompany them) that were not her fault to the relationship, and she has to live with them.

So I guess it's only fair that she's brought something that's not my fault, but that I have to deal with anyway...fair's fair, right?

If this is the price I have to pay to have a wife like her, I'll pay gladly. She's all I want and need.

Redstone

[havocmom]

94. Redstone- you've got mail

How's the day shaping up for you out there in the swamp-land? Shall I send sandbags?

[wildhorses]

96. if I knew for sure it was the truth

sorry, trust is a big issue for me...too many liars in my life, starting with my dipshit father

[kiraboo]

97. No, and while it may provide comfort in some cases

in others it doesn't begin to help.

[bridgit]

98. true...

[RetroLounge]

99. Redstone

No opinion as I am not a DU woman.

Just hugs and good thoughts for the 2 of you.

You are a good man.

:hug:

RL

[merh]

100. How can I put this?

yes


:hug:

[Deja Q]

101. I don't see why not.

After all, someone who tells me they love me does go rather longer than "I'm done" ---> shoooom, out the door...

Then again, I've not been in a relationship, therefore my response is mere theoretical conjecture. Dunno time how much time is left, but there is always hope. (and if you think that's my usual morbid drivel, if I thought things were hopeless I'd have exterminated myself years ago.)