Dr. Laura's rules for life

[eyesroll]

Bored at work today, I stumbled upon the Dr. Laura web site and took a look at some of the letters from listeners.
Gleaning what I could from them, I discovered Dr. Laura believes an ideal life path for women is as follows:

1. No sex until marriage. Girls: Don't spread your legs before the wedding. Boys: Why would you want to be with someone who'd spread her legs before the wedding?
2. If you do have kids, you are never to divorce. OK, we'll allow you to divorce if there's abuse. Cheating? Stealing? Addictions? Hate each other? Suck it up for the sake of the kids.
3. If he's cheating, it's your fault because you didn't "feed and care" for him, which in this case means cooking for him and having sex whenever he wants.
4. If you're cheating, it's your fault because you're a horrible mother and you nagged him too much. If you'd cared for and fed him, he'd have gotten you that insulin you wanted.
5. If you have children, you must quit your job and stay home until the oldest kid has moved out. You are permitted to do some work out of her home so long as you can get it done when the kids are napping and Dad's at work. (But not after the kids are asleep for the night: That's Dad's time. See #6.)
10. It doesn't matter if you make $120,000 a year in a great job and Dad is bored with corporate life and absolutely gifted with children. No good mother would possibly want to leave her precious babies with anyone else, even their father.
11. If you do chase your loving husband off, or if he dies, you are not to remarry or even date until the kids are adults. And not even then if they object.
12. But you're still expected to stay at home with them. Don't worry, prayer will feed your kids.
13. And see #1. No sex until marriage. If you're widowed with an infant, you'll be celibate for the next 18 years.
14. If in spite of these rules you find yourself single and pregnant, you have two and only two choices. Marry the baby daddy and raise a happy family, or give the child up for adoption. See, adoption's an easy choice for everyone!
15. If in spite of these rules you end up remarried with a new baby on the way, your existing children will forever resent the baby. You will, too, when you discover just how hard blending families could be. You'll forever wish you fed and cared for the cheater properly, or he woulnd't have left. Or died.

Well then. I know what I need to do.

[Droopy]

1. Now you know why she doesn't have a real practice

[lady raven]

9. Well, that and...

She doesn't have the professional qualifications. Her degree isn't even in psychology.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

2. All that from a woman with nude pictures on the web.

I'm fine with nude pictures on the web. I just find the hypocrisy amusing in her case.

[Oeditpus Rex]

3. This is a joke, right?

Sounds like a parody, like Betty Bowers (America's Best Christian) and Landover Baptist Church (Where the Worthwhile Worship).

:shrug:

[Droopy]

4. That's for real

You've never heard Dr. Laura on the radio? You are lucky.

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. No, I haven't

Hard to believe there're people who actually think "advice" like that is sound, and people (coughClearChannelcough) who'd program it.

[eyesroll]

5. Sadly, she's for real.

I checked out the letters section and found about what I expected -- basically a bunch of "look at how much I've sacrificed for my children!" one-upsmanship.

[latebloomer]

7. The first time I heard her I was amazed

at how nasty and judgmental she was.

She seems to attract a whole bunch of people who like to be beaten up.

[arwalden]

8. "Boys: Why would you want to be with someone..."

Well... for one thing... because experienced partners are BETTER than inexperienced ones?