I'm dating a NeoCon!! Help!

[XOKCowboy]

I met a wonderful woman. She's intelligent, independent, articulate, beautiful and we clicked the moment we met. We went out on a few dates that were incredible then we spent last weekend together. Everything was perfect. We were learning so much about each other and having a great time till it came out...

"I don't like Bush but he's better than Gore or Kerry".

My jaw dropped I'm sure. I had to ask why she felt that way and that got it started. She doesn't consider herself a Neocon (didn't understand the term) or Republican. She's an "independent" but she was spouting Republican Talking Points verbatim! I called her on some of them and she was surprised at my fervent liberalism. With anybody else I'd have been on them with facts in a heartbeat but this wasn't the time or person I wanted to argue politics with! We agreed to just let politics become a taboo subject and went on to have a great weekend.

So I guess we'll see if we CAN keep politics out of our relationship. Has anybody else been able to pull this off? I haven't met someone I get along so well with in a long long time or I'd just move along.

SIGH

[kiraboo]

1. I had one date with a repuke.

After two hours I had him agreeing that the shrub is a disaster, as is Afghanistan, Iraq, the religious right and everything else.

If you really like her, try to get her to see the light. I didn't see the man again, but it had nothing to do with his political persuasion.

[XOKCowboy]

4. She's worth it...

She enjoyed the debate but always came back to how she didn't like ALL politicians. I tried to politely point out that by repeating the TPs she helped get Bush elected. Well as we spend more time together we'll engage in more political debate. I just can't help myself.

[hfojvt]

21. it should not be about 'politicians'

It should be about policies. Whether you like Bush or Kerry or think they are both arrogant rich fu$%s, there is still a clear choice between their policies - tax cuts for the rich vs. increases in the minimum wage; diving into a quagmire vs. maintaining better international relations; energy policy, environmental controls, "healthy forests" - polcies designed to benefit corporations or policies which aim to benefit the American public. Sure maybe it is hard to have any legislation that does not favor corporations or lobbyists, but the Sierra Club and the Association of Thneed Manufacturers (ATM - our motto is 'everyone needs a thneed') are both lobbying groups, but they have different goals.

[idgiehkt]

28. you think she's a convertible?

good luck. Maybe you can educate her. But if not, that would be hard.

[LaurenG]

2. I'm not in a relationship with a neo-con

At this point in my life I know that would be the FIRST question I'd ask. I can't help you with your question but I am sorry that you found out after you'd already started liking her. I'm sure there are ways to manage and there are probably several people who can help you.

My only experience is other family members and there have been times when I couldn't speak to them because of what they'd done through their very limited thinking. Sheesh, good luck.

[LSK]

19. same here n/t

[redqueen]

3. I have experience in this arena.

I educated the person about a lot of stuff that the "liberal media" wasn't revealing... and in the process, he has been voting Dem.

However, I do think that it's impossible to pull this off smoothly. The disagreements you have will surface from time to time, and if you're passionate about politics, as I am, it's pretty much impossible to just stay silent.

There are some issues which cause heated arguments to this day. I would prefer to just agree to disagree, but he has to go on a crusade to try to convince me I'm wrong. Not enjoying the process at all.

[XOKCowboy]

9. I don't know about turning her Dem but

I will have to refute the lies she takes as truth in time. To keep the subject taboo is not realistic and she keeps teasing me about it. Right now I'm having fun being with her but if our relationship keeps evolving it will enevitably come out.

This is what's fun about relationships. It ain't all beer and skittles. What's the fun if you agree on EVERYTHING?? :)

[GalleryGod]

20. Sorry to report, I had an Agree 100% relationship once.

It was the Summer of 1974, Impeachment Summer, we were both interns in the office of Philly Congressman Josh Eilberg, who sat on the House Judiciary Committee.

Stacey and I agreed on EVER-y-THING! Even sandwiches,wines,etc.

It was the Best Summer of My Life.

2 Geeks that agree on Everything,too, or so they've said.

[Mutley]

5. Politics aren't the most important thing.

It's not every day you can make that sort of a connection with someone, and some people never get to experience that their whole lives. You can learn from each other — and who knows, maybe you can even bring her to our side. ;)

[GirlinContempt]

8. Exactly.

[tjwmason]

10. Hurrah - and strongly seconded.

You're going out with a person - politics are only a small part of her.

[XOKCowboy]

11. That's what I'm thinking also. Thanks...

[IsIt1984Yet]

25. Cool avatar

B-)

[eeyore]

53. I made it and posted it a number of months ago....

Feel free to take for your own. I always like seeing it-kind of makes my day. I think XOK is the only person who uses it at present.

:toast:

[miss_american_pie]

22. Agreed

How many people never get to have a relationship where they feel that way about another person?

I wouldn't be so quick to give up on one.

[Aristus]

6. My wife is an old-school conservative Republican.

'Old-school' meaning 'Barry-Goldwater-conservative.' She can't stand Bush, opposes the war, and all-in-all, is fairly progressive. But I can't imagine her ever identifyig with liberals or the Dems. She's pretty set in her ways. But she is a wonderful woman with a beautiful loving heart, and I adore her.

Conservatism at it's simplest is an honorable, respectable ideology. The neo-cons have turned it into a clubhouse of hatred, bigotry, racism, and misanthropy.

[GalleryGod]

16. Barry Goldwater Conservatives would be Conservative Dem's today.

That's why New England is voting Democrat,now...the Party deserted THEM.
After 5 years on DU...I'm stunned to hear people say.."Oh, you can work it out".

All I got to say Cowboy..she must be one, Hot Tamale:evilgrin:

[yurbud]

7. If you enjoy the person, I wouldn't make the topic taboo

I have very conservative students that I like a lot, and in some cases, I suspect their beliefs will change when they get more information (when they seem like the kind of people who seek and process information).

I know where they will end up, but I don't know how long it will take, or whether I'll be around when they get there. Whether you can tolerate a timeline potentially that long, is the real question.

[Fleshdancer]

12. Not talking about it is not the right tactic in my opinion

Anything that stifles communication in a relationship can't be a good thing. I suggest setting up ground rules for when you do talk about politics though. No name calling, no yelling, no assumptions. Make it a debate instead of an argument and really learn about why she believes what she believes. If it starts to get too heated, agree to disagree and move on. If the two of you can do it, then everything should work out...plus you might be able to convert her. :evilgrin:

[LeftyMom]

13. Are your values otherwise compatible?

If they are it's likely she'll come around on exposure to facts. If not, Republican values like selfishness and hate don't make for the best relationship material.

[GalleryGod]

15. Just LOVE that last sentence, LeftyMom !

[latebloomer]

17. I agree that it's a question of values

That's why I could never in a million years be involved with a neocon.

I don't know how old you guys are, but I suppose if she's young and malleable her opinions could be changed.

If she's firmly set in her opinions, however, I think that her political beliefs say a whole lot about her as a person.

To each his own, though!

Good luck!

[WindRavenX]

31. that pretty much sums it up for me

It's damn near impossible for me to have close friends who aren't radical lefties-- too many people who are apathetic, necon, or republican simply do not have the core values that I share. It's not even a disagreement on specific issues...it's the attitude.

[XOKCowboy]

36. Oh Yeah! That's what's so wierd...

She seems like the kind who'd question authority more and is intelligent enough to see through the lies. I think it lies with her parents. Very well established and connected business people. I have to believe she's intelligent enough to come around if shown the facts.

At least I hope so.

[mitchum]

46. Man, she isn't going to come around!

She is waiting for that INHERITANCE from her "very well established and connected business people" parents.
Don't be pathetic. Take my advice downthread

[GalleryGod]

14. Run ! Run as fast as you can! Seriously though..

This is an irreparable breach. You will be the one that will ALWAYS concede. How do I know this? She lied. She's not an "independent"...she's a Neocon. She smelled your liberalism three dates back and tried to finesse it with "independent".
Secondly, the "I don't like Bush..BUT" is a Dead giveaway.
Gore would've been WORSE.
Kerry? Worse?

Glad you had a wonderful weekend. Please promise to keep us updated with your Trials,Tribulations, and multiple Policy Concessions.


"He's better than Gore or Kerry" That's rich. at WHAT? Oh..LYING.

[XOKCowboy]

37. SLAP!

Thanks for the straight words. Actually politics NEVER came up till that moment so I don't think she was finessing me.

I'll keep ya updated.

[LostInAnomie]

18. Looks like you only have one choice.

Murder.

[Name removed]

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[txwhitedove]

44. "Use.." "It..." "Use it..."????????

[leftofthedial]

50. yeah, use it

it

it

the thing

it

[gordontron]

54. wow

:puke:

[leftofthedial]

60. want some Milk of Magnesia

to go with it?

[long_green]

24. Keep on seeing her...

as long as you're prepared to accept the possibility that one day, you will share her politics. If this relationship works out long term, one of you is going to change their opinions.

[XOKCowboy]

41. I'll never share her politics..

I came about my beliefs honestly and I will not give them up for sex. I'm beginning to think that before love happens we've got some things to talk about.

[long_green]

61. Good man.

and good luck.

[Caoimhe]

26. Feel her out

as I'm sure you already have (I deserve it, so go ahead :spank:) , but if politics is of import to you it may be a bigger issue than you think right now, in the "honeymooner" phase. Take your time. Have you met her parents? Most of the time when I meet young misinformed people who spew the MSM TP they have wingnut families, and THAT is bad bad bad.

Go slow, and if it's too slow for her, there are plenty more intelligent, beautiful women out there.

Good luck!

[XOKCowboy]

42. I'm thinking she gets it from her family...

and no I haven't met them yet. They're a long way away but are a "comfortable" old southern family. I know the type. If so then some facts and breaking down her "conservatism" shouldn't be a problem. She's not a stupid woman.

Oh and good pun! :)

[IdaBriggs]

27. I'm sure the sex was good -- liberal men are usually fabulous in bed --

but frankly, you need to dump her as quickly as possible. She's either an ignorant, uncaring bimbo who hasn't been paying attention to the terrible things that have been happening all around her, and/or she's a liar.

Republicans can look like nice people, and sometimes they even put on pretty faces, but the reality is that they aren't worthwhile human beings in general -- at least the ones who support Junior and his crew can be identified as such. And anyone gullible enough to believe Bush is better than Gore or Kerry is just too dumb to associate with for longer than five minutes.

Get the hell out. Yes, the orgasms are great, but she can't be trusted. You do *NOT* want to be having a family with (shudder) a REPUBLICAN -- dear God in heaven, there are a ton of good progressive women who are beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted, and caring -- go find one! Scum like *her* don't deserve our good liberal men!

[Name removed]

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[El Fuego]

30. She's been indoctrinated, you have to convert her!

If she is truly intelligent, you'll be able to do it.

[Bake]

32. Whatever you do, don't let her reproduce!!!!

There are too many neocons around already! It may be genetic!!

Bake

[Lydia Leftcoast]

33. She's intelligent and a Neocon?

Watch out.

In Franco's Spain, they used to say, "You can't be intelligent and moral and a Franco supporter all at the same time."

I notice that you haven't said anything about her ethics. Do you really want to listen to someone spouting off about how the poor deserve their fate and that public schools should be dismantled so that she can pay lower taxes?

Nobody is physically beautiful or intelligent enough to make up for having the heart of a Neocon.

[XOKCowboy]

39. One does have to wonder...

if she does start espousing true neocon "ethics" or lack thereof then that'll be it. So far she just wants to know why I think the way I do and why I'm so fervent in my beliefs.

Nobody is physically beautiful or intelligen enough to make up for having the heart of a neocon. In my heart I know that's true. We'll see where her heart really is.

[Random_Australian]

40. I once met an intelligent Young Earth Creationist. The people you

can find in this world, remember.

[GirlinContempt]

34. My opinion

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1357689&mesg_id=1357689

[tigereye]

35. she sounds mostly uninformed

I'd keep trying.

[Redneck Socialist]

38. Dump her

In the long run you'll kill each other.

Or maybe I'm projecting. I couldn't date a wingnut, but that's just me.

[Floogeldy]

43. Dude, she is a political nitwit.

I do not think I could relate deeply with someone who has such an ignorant, distorted view of the real world.

But then, maybe I would be satisfied with just fucking her brains out as long as I could get away with it.

:evilgrin:

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

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[amitten]

47. I dated a Repbulican once. We made each other miserable.

Never, ever again.

But, every couple is different. If she's still spouting Bushisms after the next month or so, I'd throw in the towel.

[retrospective66]

48. I don't think she's a neo-con

Nor do I think she's "Independent". I don't think she knows what she is. You didn't mention how the subject came up but my guess is that SHE didn't bring politics up. You probably did; and perhaps not wanting to sound uninformed, she spouted off a bunch of conservative stuff that she might have absorbed from somewhere but didn't really care one way or another.

The only REAL independents I know are in office/running for office/or planning on it and don't wish to 'fight it out' in a primary. The rest have all been uniformed voters. An astonishing amount of them think that as an independent, they can vote "either way"... Of course in the General Election like the rest of us they can, but they've no say in the primaries as you know.

Anyway, when I saw the subject of this thread, "I'm dating a NeoCon Help"! I was thinking I have to help this guy! There is NO Way I personally would be able to maintain a relationship with a Republican, and I thought I needed to talk some sense into you. But after reading your story, it became clear to me that this is a whole other thing.

I think your new interest is probably apolitical. Alot of people are. My hubby was until he met me. Now he's a hunting, fishing, four wheeling, snowmobiling, Nascar loving registered Dem. And he even gets pissed off about some of the shit he see's on the news (when he watches it) just as I do. He doesn't have the level of interest in it that I have, but in asking about and understanding the issues, he decided he was a Dem despite all the R's around here.

I think you guys have a chance. I hope it works out for you! :hi:

[RagingInMiami]

49. What are you, desperate?

I broke up with my last live-in girlfriend cause she supported the war. Well, it was the constant arguments over the war. This was back in 2004.

I am since very cautious of who I get involved with.

But women love a challenge. How do you think she will react if you tell her you would love to get to know her better, but that little political issue is giving you a huge warning sign. So as a man who trusts his instincts, you're not going to see her anymore.

She may tell you to fuck off or she may find what you said so ballsy that she will totally come around.

[XOKCowboy]

64. I got blindsided...

It took 3 dates and the weekend together to finally get around to talking about politics so it's not her top priority. I doubt we'd ever brought it up if we hadn't turned on the TV and I remarked about how slanted the news was. That started it.

I'll be back home this weekend and we'll probably get together. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Thanks for the advice.

[WCGreen]

51. You gotta go for the deal breaker first off......

Cause it'll just cause hardship and heartache.....

[StellaBlue]

52. Unless she's open-minded and curious (which she probably isn't if she said

"Bush is better than Gore or Kerry")

you don't have a chance.

Otherwise, it'll never work. I dated>lived with a RW apologist (only he was British, so hated W, American imperialism, and theocracy - so not as bad as American RWers!), and this was the catalyst for all the fundamental problems in our relationship. Ultimately, he valued profits over people, was incredibly selfish, denigrated me as a tree-hugging feminist pinko, and had little respect for others' thoughts, feelings, or interests. :puke:

Not that he was the same person you're dating! I'm just sayin'... the reasons she's a RWer will be the reasons you come to despise her.

[Guava Jelly]

55. reminds me of an episode of Andy Richtor

(short lived sitcom)
Andy was dating this really hot chick who was a racist.So to settle his conscience he did community work at jewish centers why he dated her.
I guess a nice peace of @$$ can go along way

[GalleryGod]

57. Post #9 : "She keeps teasing me about it " Interesting tact, Eh?

For an alleged "Independent" ?
Get out the garlic and crosses, Matey! She won't STOP teasing.

[Deja Q]

58. Governor Groper and Maria Shrivel.

No doubt they have great sex, but that's none of my business and I don't want to know about it. Especially with what steroids are purported to do...

What would Gore or Kerry have done worse? Granted, their campaign presentations stunk... but if that's all people go on... :shrug:

[Rhiannon12866]

59. If she is unsure of the facts, she can probably be persuaded.

In fact, if you care for her, you owe it to her to present her with the truth. If she already doesn't like Bush*, you have a really good chance. And she deserves to know the truth; everyone does. And you'd be much happier, since it sounds like she's very special or you wouldn't have been drawn to her as you were. That would be what I'd do. And I'm not saying to hit her with everything you've got all at once, far from it. Just take it slow and say what comes naturally when the opportunity presents itself. See a Robert Greenwald film together. It's great that you found someone. Wishing you all the best with this...:-)

Rhiannon:hug:

[baldguy]

62. Maybe she's just been brainwashed.

If she's never heard the truth, you shouldn't be suprised if she doesn't know it.

[newportdadde]

63. Her comment was to get a reaction a shot off the bow.

One of those, now that we have done it and a wonderful passionate weekend would Daddy like this guy if I brought him home? That comment was so loaded and had both Gore and Kerry in it so it was sure to get a reaction if you were a liberal.

Has she contacted you yet after this past weekend then?

[XOKCowboy]

65. Oh yeah.. We've talked several times

but just over the phone and nothing political. I'll be back home tonight and we'll get together this weekend. We'll see how it goes. I've got to get it off of my chest and find out just how strong her beliefs are or if she was just messing with me. That's always a possibility too! She's got a great sense of humor.

[ghostsofgiants]

66. If you have to discuss politics with her, just try to do it maturely.

Don't look down your nose at her because she leans to the right, don't treat her like there's something wrong with her because of it. She just has a different worldview, and if you discuss politics at all, doing so in a mature, respectful manner would be really good for both of you, I think.