Would Paul Lynde have been tolerated on DU?

[Deja Q]

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there's an intruder on your property?
Paul Lynde: There's no better way!

Peter Marshall: In "Alice in Wonderland", who kept crying "I'm late, I'm late?"
Paul Lynde: Alice, and her mother is sick about it.

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?
Paul Lynde: They're so cold!

Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Paul Lynde: A little show of affection...

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn't true. What?
Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence...

Peter Marshall: True or false, cow's horns are used to make ice cream.
Paul Lynde: You mean those weren't chocolate chips?

Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose"cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!

Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?
Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on...

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Peter Marshall: It used to be called "9-pin." What's it called today?
Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer...what?
Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

Peter Marshall: True or false, each generation of Americans has been about an inch taller than the previous generation...
Paul Lynde: That makes Robert Conrad an antique!

Peter Marshall: It's well known that small amounts of female hormones are found in the male body. Are male hormones ever found in the female body?
Paul Lynde: Occasionally.

Peter Marshall: In the "Wizard of Oz," the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?
Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

Peter Marshall: Billy Graham recently called it "our great hope in a confusing and ever-changing world." What is it?
Paul Lynde: Pampers.

Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?
Paul Lynde: I'd call him "darling"!

Peter Marshall: Paul, in what famous book will you read about a talking ass who wonders why it's being beaten?
Paul Lynde: I read it, "The Joy of Sex."

Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?
Paul Lynde: As long as that's as far as it goes.

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Peter Marshall: What did James Watt invent after fooling around with his wife's tea kettle?
Paul Lynde: James Watt Jr.

Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?
Paul Lynde: A sheriff in Alabama.

Peter Marshall: Paul, can anything bring tears to a chimp's eyes?
Paul Lynde: Finding out that Tarzan swings both ways!

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what's breaking up that old gang of mine?
Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it 'the Big One' , What is it?
Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!
Peter Marshall: Paul,Zsa Zsa Gabor says she never ever swims with her face in the water. Why?
Paul Lynde: It clogs the drain.

Peter Marshall:Sophia Loren recently revealed that when she was a child she never played with something. What?
Paul Lynde: Oh, the L.A.Rams.

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it's a moose. If you have two, it's a....?
Paul Lynde: It's a mess!

Peter Marshall: A photograph of Queen Elizabeth had her stepping onto the shores of Bangkok, onto a carpet made of what?
Paul Lynde: 40% dacron.

Peter Marshall: Paul. a recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?
Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!

Peter Marshall: Paul, for a thousand dollars and a tie game, according to psychologists, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?
Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.

Peter Marshall:Paul, according to the classic movie Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein was supposed to do something important the day the monster killed him. What?
Paul Lynde: I think a tonsillectomy.

Peter Marshall: Besides a baton , what did Xavier Cugat always have in his hand when he lead his orchestra?
Paul Lynde: Oh, arthritis.

Peter Marshall: A woman who is divorced, has a college education, and is nineteen-years-old is more like to have a certain ailment than anybody else. What ailment?
Paul Lynde: The heartbreak of psorriasis.

Peter Marshall: Karen Valentine made her film debut in a film called “Gidget...” Gidget what?
Paul Lynde: Gidget Gets Morning Sickness.

Peter Marshall: In Greek mythology, what would the god Morpheus do to you while you were asleep?
Paul Lynde: I don’t know, but I got an enchanted hickie.

Peter Marshall: After Phyllis Diller’s recent facelift, she received thousands of letters, mostly asking three questions: did it hurt? How much did it cost? And one other...what?
Paul Lynde: Do your eyes close when you sit down?

Peter Marshall: In the movies, who gave the advice, “whistle while you work”?
Paul Lynde: It was either Paul Winchell…or Linda Lovelace.

Peter Marshall: In a famous fairy tale, a queen is bathing when a frog jumps out of the water and says, “Thy wish shall be fullfilled.” What was the queen’s wish?
Paul Lynde: She wanted the frog to talk dirty.

Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson's ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?
Paul Lynde: Shaft!


Click here for more Paul!

[matcom]

1. other

who the fuck is Paul Lynde and why should I care? :shrug:

[Deja Q]

2. Comedian famous during the 1970s.

Why not care?

[Lars39]

3. Whippersnapper.

[China_cat]

5. What a shame you missed him.

The transcript gives you absolutely no idea of the delivery.

[Deja Q]

6. I concur.

Lynde always had a nasal, sarcastic delivery that really hit the punchline home.

I think the lines are funny as written, but the delivery really made them homers.

[CBHagman]

8. Come, my child, and learn.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001489/



And just for you, that famous song from Bye Bye Birdie:

http://libretto.musicals.ru/text.php?textid=54&language=1

13.KIDS
Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They a disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?
Kids!
I've tried to raise him the best I could
Kids! Kids!
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
And while we're on the subject!
Kids! They are just impossible to control!
Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
Why can't they dance like we did
What's wrong with Sammy Caine?
What's the matter with kids today!

[Blue_Tires]

15. oh i see

the dad from bye bye birdie

[RevCheesehead]

9. For your generation:

Templeton the Rat. :P

[Momgonepostal]

11. He also did the voice of Templeton the Rat...

on the animated Charlotte's Web.

[BreweryYardRat]

4. Why not?

We have tolerate Matcom, after all.

[blue neen]

7. Paul Lynde was hilarious.

I loved him as "Uncle Arthur" on Bewitched. :) Hollywood Squares was never the same without him!

[RevCheesehead]

10. Bravo! Bravo! (or should that be Brava?)

:applause:



:rofl:

[WolverineDG]

12. The lines are funny as written

but it was the delivery that would slay you! :rofl:

dg

[5thGenDemocrat]

13. Paul was in "Bye Bye Birdie" -- one of my favorite movies

Of course, it's one of my favorites because of how Ann-Margret bounces around in it but, nevertheless, Paul was a great entertainer.
John
It is now 13 days, 19 hours and 25 minutes to FUNDAY.

[Major Hogwash]

14. Sure! Especially if he were in the center square.

And they chose him to block Bush!

Block Bush - get it?

LoL