I've Just Been Stabbed In The Back By Someone I Called Friend

[Demeter]

In public, and repeatedly. In a total about-face of every conversation we previously had.

I'm really hurting, and not sure what to do.

[Rex]

1. Do you wanna say what occurred?

Sounds pretty harsh.

[quinnox]

2. details

like how long have you been friends, if you have been close friends a long time then maybe you should forgive them, but if they are more a casual friend and not for very long, then drop them

[annabanana]

3. It is a painful thing

to learn that some people do not deserve the trust we place in them...
Everyone over the age of consent has a tale to tell of betrayal, gross and treacherous.

[The Witch]

4. here

:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:

[JuniperLea]

5. Ouch!

That sucks.

Do you feel worse about loosing a "friend" or about feeling "duped". Just curious to know more. You don't have to give details of the incident if you don't want to. Just trying to be supportive.

[idgiehkt]

6. just try to breathe for now

sometimes your first reaction isn't the best.

I went through something a little hard last week where I was accused of something that I did not do and I tried to straighten it out, and then realized the accuser was going with her version of events because it was just that much more exciting, regardless of any previous friendship we had.
Ouch. I talked it over with someone knowledgeable and went from there. Good luck, I know that in the end your gut instinct will tell you how to handle it, if you get quiet enough to listen.

[sweetheart]

7. "do" nothing

.

[JuniperLea]

8. Excellent advice, sweeheart! n/t

[Demeter]

12. Explaining It Completely would Take More Space Than We've Got

I volunteered to be on the board of the co-op (a time-consuming, unpaid job) at my neighbor's request. I'm in the 3rd year. This year has seen two other, newer board members (a mother-daughter pair) being more than rude to me, while their actions and inactions created severe financial problems, more stress, more meetings, etc.

So today, after these two were re-elected because no one else would deign to waste time in serving, I was the one humiliated by being denied the office I requested, and by this same neighbor, who also announced that she would be leaving in 3 months. Mind you, she didn't care for the pair either.

I'd quit if I weren't deathly afraid of what these people will do to the co-op. I'd move if there were any place better to go. I have just burned out of any desire to work with such people. Group things aren't my natural state, anyway, especially all female. I trained in a male dominated profession and never had the female socialization mastered.

Those are the briefest set of details.

[idgiehkt]

14. I can identify

the group that created my drama last week is all female. And I know one problem that happened was I went and did something independently with a website...I've not been friends with a group of women before and one thing I forgot is that they tend to like groupthink and diplomacy and asking permission and moving as a collective. I am used to calling my own shots so I just acted on my own, and there was hell to pay.

In three months, can you just try for that particular office again when she leaves? It sounds like major control issues even though she's leaving...can't see why she would care at this point. How weird.

[Reader Rabbit]

16. Unhealthy situation for you

However difficult it may be, you should try to get out if you can. Emotional stress can wreak havoc on your health.

Start looking for other options and be content with the knowledge that karma will come around and bite 'em all in the ass eventually.

Though, of course, you could give karma a hand by signing 'em up for junk mail and porn sites. ;)

[Demeter]

17. Karma Comes When the Ex=Friend Leaves and the Other Two Remain

although as it stands right now, getting a new board member could improve my position.

I'm feeling used, discarded, and discounted, just generally abused by other people's irrationality.

[sweetheart]

19. face the fear and that pain

do nothing, but don't follow your natural mental process to run away... stop. Do nothing.
Don't run away. Don't act. Meet your feelings, use the experience to mature, and discover
that there is no enemy out there but you.

[Maddy McCall]

20. If you care for advice from someone....

who's been in a similar situation, fire me a PM, and I'll tell all about how I handled it.

You might not like it, but it worked for me.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

22. You're right. Your neighbor doesn't seem very dedicated to the co-op

Of course, he/she is leaving, but still, to deny you is really low.

As for female groups, they're just as difficult as male groups, only that women take affronts more seriously than men do. Men have an ability to be insulted or attacked, get over it, and one day be just as friendly with the insulter as if they'd always been best pals.

[sweetheart]

23. ...... a woman scorned"

Are you sure there's nothing else? This has the scent of "woman scorned" in it!

[Demeter]

26. This Goes Way Beyond Scorn

It has something of a burn the bridges, suicidal feel to it. As to why she might be feeling suicidal, I have lost all interest. My neighborliness has come to an abrupt end.

[jadedconformist]

29. Yes, I've been stabbed in the back..

By my girlfriend of seven years, and a guy friend. Need I say more?



:nopity:

[Fridays Child]

9. Stand up for what's right. Confront him or her, just as publicly as...

...he or she betrayed you. That's what I'd do, anyway.

Sorry that happened to you. :( I've had it happen to me, too, so I know how sucky it feels. :hug:

[Jack Rabbit]

10. You don't give us much to go on

Do you want to say more?

[bemildred]

11. Sounds like a phoney.

The best revenge is living well.
Do nothing. (Like sweetheart says.)

[newburgh]

24. Righto! Best revenge is living well! And it's good for your health...

Out of neighborliness, I offered a new couple in the community who were fixing up their house(which is next door to me), and staying at motels, a room in my house. After nine months, when they had heat and some decent clean living space in their house, I suggested it was time to move on. After what seemed like a growing friendship, they turned sour at the suggestion, left and never acknowledged me again. Much to my horror I discovered things missing, my guests being the only people with access to my house besides myself during their stay. As an established and active member of my community, I regularly host meetings, functions and celebrations. Apparently after a spring party in my yard last month, it must have been the last straw for them as they built a solid six foot fence between their small yard and my large one the following week.

I didn't do anything but live well and ignore them. Now I have a nice fence to plant some climbing specimens on and I no longer have to see them.

[Sydnie]

13. It reflects on them, not on you

If they don't have the courage to stand behind what they have said, then it is their undoing.

It hurts to lose a friend. They will come to regret it too.

We're here if you need to talk about it.

[Lisa0825]

15. I know how you feel.

In one year, two people I thought were "best friends" (in our circle of 4 best girl friends) turned out to be complete liars and manipulators. I was devastated. I didn't let anyone new into my life for 2 years, because I was afraid to trust anyone new.

I'm sorry you are hurting. It will pass. I hope you have other friends to support you. :pals:

[Lefty48197]

18. Just remember....

there are people who let you down, and there are people who don't.

[MoeHayNow]

21. That person was not your friend.

Plain and simple.

A friend does not stab a friend in the back.

[Demeter]

25. That Was My First Mistake, I Suspect

Presuming that this woman was a friend. Much was revealed to prove otherwise today.

Different cultures, different generations, and really different values.

[Skittles]

27. HE NEEDS A SERIOUS ASS-KICKING

YES

[CaliforniaPeggy]

28. My dear Demeter......

I am so sorry......:hug:

[Floogeldy]

30. Pretend it didn't happen. Talk your friend up to others.

When you see your friend again, give 'em a big hug. ;)

[Major Hogwash]

31. And they do it to you even after their old enough to have kids.

It's odd to have a 40-something year-old friend pull a high school switcheroo on you and then just act like it is normal.

Those people are toxic - get away from them - don't try to understand them!