What's your personal conspiracy theory?

[undeterred]

None of the people at DU are real except me. A computer is randomly posting under different user names.

[bertha katzenengel]

1. The firm I work for is run by a small group of very rich white men

who spend most of their time manipulating all their partners, counsel, and associates into making them (the oligarchs) more and more and more money, and who spend the rest of their time designing ways to make the staff feel like slaves without actually telling them they are slaves.

Oops -- that's not a conspiracy theory. That's reality. So I'm leaving.

[undeterred]

2. That's a microcosm of a world

which is run by a small group of very rich white men...

[bertha katzenengel]

10. LOL Damn right.

So . . . Stop the world. I want to get off.

[joneschick]

45. I think I just got laid off from there.......

[Merrick]

3. Everybody in my lab keeps stealing my pens

and kimwipes on purpose because they're jerks.

[undeterred]

4. You could put radioactive dye (P32) in the pens

and then walk around the lab with a geiger counter to find out who took them.

[Merrick]

7. I already put ethidium bromide in their coffee pot

[undeterred]

8. ...ah memories

It binds to DNA and makes the bands show up very nicely. It binds to DNA anywhere it finds it!
I worked in DNA labs from 1980-1990. There was a story out there about someone who put a radioactive substance in the saltshaker at the lab where they worked and got slow revenge on some colleagues...

[Dave Reynolds]

57. Well, I take the Kimwipes,

but I need slide-marking pens, not ballpoints.

So THAT is someone else.

[jpgray]

5. The universe really does revolve around me

[Mutley]

6. My dog is plotting to have me as her midnight snack.

:D

[TheMightyFavog]

9. The penguins are plotting to take over the world.

And the Bavarian Illuminati are the only ones who can stop them.

Think living under the fundie neocons would be bad?

Life under the icy flipper of the Penguins would be a thousand times worse.

[ZombieNixon]

11. Wrong!

The Penguins are indeed plotting to take over the world, but the only ones who can stop them are the R.U.S.T., the Robotic Union of Socialist Technocracies. However, they will fail, dooming a quarter of the galaxy to milennia of evil penguin dominance. :scared:

[AccessGranted]

12. AIDS and Cancer

1) That AIDs was created in a laboratory as a form biological warfare and that it was tested and unleashed in error and 2) That any derivative of alcohol, which is used in almost every cosmetic and personal hygiene product, is highly carcinogenic and the government and FDA don't tell the public because of the money being made of cancer.

[BlueIris]

14. I'm with ya on #1, (sorta) but "unleashed in error"?

Why do you think they unleashed it by accident?

[AccessGranted]

15. My Theory

I think the government used them to test AIDs similar to the Tuskegee experiment. This is a conspiracy theory post and I can be crazy if I wanna. I never said I was sane.

[AccessGranted]

16. My Theory

I think the government used them to test AIDs similar to the Tuskegee experiment. This is a conspiracy theory post and I can be crazy if I wanna. I never said I was sane.

[u4ic]

21. Agree with both

and I'll add that fearing lawsuits, the gov't is keeping lots of things hushed (for eg how mercury amalgams are highly toxic to the body, but keep the stance that they're safe)

[Blue_Tires]

36. been a longtime believer of #1

i had never heard of #2

[Random_Australian]

13. Don't have one. Pesky science has explained everything.

[BlueIris]

17. Personal CT: my friends "conspired" to keep their suspicions about

my last ex a secret from me (the gay one). Nothing against gay folks or those that don't want to out the still-closeted of our world, and looking back, I don't think I would have necessarily wanted them to tell me about their thoughts even if it could have possibly saved me from a terrible break-up (and other stuff) yet...I think they discussed what they believed about his sexuality among themselves. For years. And no one thought to even drop me a hint. Let alone offer him any support or subtle advice about his struggle with himself.

[Generic Brad]

All women's rest rooms are nicer than the men's rooms

I have no proof, but I am certain of it.

[Bucky]

56. I agree

I, too, have no proof... Ahh well :)

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

67. They are nicer I use to work in a high scale department store

Once when we only had a half a dozen employees working on a slow night and before we close we had to check both rest rooms to make sure no one was hiding in them, we had no females working that night so I had to go into both rest rooms to check them out. I open the door and there is a bunch of furniture in a waiting area, I've never seen that before in a mens rest room is that normal in womens rest rooms? I guess I know why women go to the rest room in pairs now.

[Generic Brad]

18. All women's rest rooms are nicer than the men's rooms

I have no proof, but I am certain of it.

[RedCappedBandit]

31. I agree

I, too, have no proof... Ahh well :)

[Generic Brad]

19. All women's rest rooms are nicer than the men's rooms

I have no proof, but I am certain of it.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

20. Suburbs only exist because of racism.

I'd like to see another shift in society.

[Blue_Tires]

37. lol...that's much closer to fact than theory

[BlueIris]

22. (Top 5) Public CTs: 1) Bush has at least one body double.

Not saying the other guy ever gets near the White House...very much, but...it's a theory I entertain sometimes. That there is literally more than one person with that name who is related to the pResident and is related to him. Google to read about the "lore" on this one (not really mine).

2) Much of the veritably bottomless funding for certain far right activities in this nation (and the UK) comes from Japanese gold bars of a massive but undetermined sum, which were hidden before WWII, lost for decades after, discovered by unknown rightist parties twenty years ago, stolen and then redistributed to the neo-fascists around the world so they could help fund the BFEE's efforts. Check out the archives at Cannonfire.com for the lowdown on this idea, including the shrewdly-researched books about it by...check Cannonfire.

3) There are thousands of--for lack of a term familiar and/or acceptable to most on this site--"Jeff Gannons" around the world, part of governmentally-sponsored activities I'm not even going to get into here, (you can go scrounge the web for the scant reliable info about them if you want to, I don't have the heart to try to explain it for the blessedly ignorant tonight) and most of them didn't wind up as relatively well-off as Mr. "Gannon" has. Also not mine, of course, for those here "in the know." Get to Googling if you really have no clue what I'm posting about (please don't PM me). Sorting out the "real" from the sci-fi about this one will probably take you a year or two, (that's how long it took for the reality of what passes for the reality of this one to sink in for me, after I'd eliminated the b.s. urban-legend quality non-CTs about it) but when it's finally "clicked" for you--prepare to want a "blue pill" handy. A great many things won't look the same ever again. So far, this is the only conspiracy theory I realized was...not theoretical that's had this effect on me. In fact, based on my experience, I recommend several blue pills.

4) Bill Clinton is not advancing a neo-con agenda to help destroy democracy or the civilized world. Never has been. I think it's kinda been the other way around.

5) Hillary Clinton is intentionally tanking her presumptive bid for the presidency now, in order to get elected to the office at a time when she has a chance of winning by a large, legitimate margin and actually being an effective C-in-C after that victory.

[Blue_Tires]

35. yeah, i forgot about him

just for old times, i decided to revisit some of the old "Gannon Wrinkles" threads in the GD archives...what messes those turned out to be with all the trolls and weirdness...I'll keep looking later, because i want to find out the big picture i'm not getting

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

46. have i mentioned to you how much you rock recently?

cause you do :yourock:

I know, I owe you a PM response too, but Ive been so crazed, i havent had time to think. sigh

[BlueIris]

54. Oh, thanks.

And I haven't forgotten about you either. I've just been upgrading my software and nursing a sprained ankle so it's taking me longer to get back to you than I planned--should be in the next couple of day, though, I *swear*!

[undeterred]

23. Men's restrooms dispense money and power and privilege

that is unavailable to women.

Of course, we have those couches for when we are incapacitated by menstruation. :shrug:

[alarimer]

24. The light in the refridgerator really stays on after I close the door

I can't prove but I know it's true. And my cat is spying on my for George W. Bush. He is definitely a Republican.

[undeterred]

39. You should put that cat in the refrigerator for a few hours

to investigate your theories

[AlienGirl]

25. Invisible ink on my forehead says "SUCKER!"

in a language only animals can read.

Tucker

[Initech]

26. I think Dr. Phil and American Idol are part of a CIA plot to make you...

think TV is good.

[AlienGirl]

28. Wow, they're failing utterly!

[StellaBlue]

27. Moon landing. Didn't happen.

Soundstage.

[Blue_Tires]

38. that's one theory i personally never believed in

not that i have a lot of proof one way or the other

[Bucky]

29. Shadow People hide behind my shower curtain & jump aside when I open it up

Also, when I flush the toilet, my turds feel personally rejected and depressively welcome death by drowning.

[RedCappedBandit]

30. My car is trying to kill me

The seatbelt.. keeps locking.. then it gets tighter, and it locks again!
I swear its trying to kill me.

[u4ic]

33. It's not nicknamed "Christine"

by any chance, is it? :scared:

[Blue_Tires]

32. actually DU is a mirror front organization for FR

and FR is partly owned by the Greens--now you know....

just to add a few more coals:

1. the academy awards are rigged

2. many major sporting events are rigged, in favor of pressure from tv executives

3. Oswald probably acted alone; the jist is we were all lied to about WHO Oswald was exactly and what his motives were...those in power took the opportunity to cover-up and obscure the real story...

4. the 9-11 planes were really hijacked and flown into the buildings, but those involved had legal, financial, and logistical help from our government as part of an intricate, flawlessly executed plan (including flight 93-all the other planes would be allowed to hit their targets but that one)

5. the state lotteries and any sporting system based on a lottery (i.e., NBA Draft) if rigged

6. the baseballs are juiced (well, that's a fact, not theory)

7. Bush and Fox cut a side deal to let x number of illegals in

8. the true planning and day-to-day operations in Iraq and the global WOT come from Wall Street, not the Pentagon

9. no one's vote counts anymore--the polling and election totals are totally pulled out of the ass of the person pulling the strings

10. Dan Rather was set up--not by Rove or some source, but by CBS brass

11. Marcus Vick was set up---nuff said

12. the NCAA and the BCS...nothing else needs to be said.

13. Bobby Knight was set up...Brand got his payoff for putting Knight in his place

14. The split in open-wheel racing is the fault of Tony George---he secretly owns stock in NASCAR

15. The time will come soon where all american cars will be chinese made (just with american badging)...only the main corporate offices of the big 2.5 will still be in the USA

16. Bart Giamatti's 'death' was anything but natural...it's tied into the mob and the Pete Rose investigation

17. Bush I set up Reagan for the assassination attempt

18. Bush II has plans on the table for the invasion of another ME country...HINT: it ain't Iran

19. It will soon be known that in addition to phone records, the NSA has a running log of web-surfing and TV watching habits as well

20. Former DNC Chair Ron Brown was murdered, and I believe it was by a fellow Dem

21. Good morning, Agent Mike! I hope you are getting all these down!

22. Our federal gold reserve has only a fraction of the reported amount (Bush gave it to the Saudis), meaning our entire economy and modern society is propped up by the myth that these little bluish-green sheets of numbered paper are worth something.

23. there will be more strange mergers and partnerships of industries in the near future--just as the media and entertainment have merged, I think the health insurance and big pharm industries will merge, and have exclusive partnerships with certain hospitals....the oil companies will merge with the military and the space program in the search of more exploitable resources...

24. Castro has been dead for years; his handlers have been sending out a series of look-alikes...they are waiting for the right time to send him out in a martyr-like blaze of glory

25. Japan is MUCH farther ahead in their android technology than any of us could dream...The next generation of armies in Asia will be fully automated

26. the most expensive, most sophisticated single piece of espionage ever created by the U.S. was the Hubble Space Telescope

27. The stock market is personally manipulated by Greenspan, the Dow Jones Company, and other corporate CEO fatcats...it remains the longest running legit CON GAME ever perpetrated on a people...top brass of the WSJ personally profited off the Enron disaster and 9-11...in fact, the WSJ was planning to squash and cover up the Enron story if the thieves in Houston didn't get so blatantly greedy.

28. Shakespeare was actually a group of writers collaborating

29. Ann Coulter is really on our side...the sad part is the more outrageous she gets trying to discredit and dishonor the right-wing, the more they lap that shit up like kittens (Coulter is also a longtime poster here, but I don't dare out her)....Malkin? she's just a fucked-in-the-head sociopath--I heard somewhere she was allowed to walk on a murder charge as a juvenile.

30. Make no mistake, the plan for the Bush cabal is to keep the average american ignorant, apathetic, complacent, and tied to a chain at their jobs...Then (and this is the important part), he plans to KILL US...Mark my words, by the time it's all over, Bush will have killed more Americans than Iraqis (Bush is a big believer in End Times and the Population Bomb, so he sees it as getting a twofer)...

There's more, and I can go deeper, but I'll let you chew on those for awhile....DISCLAIMER: The preceding comments are the production of Comrade Brother Tires and may not represent the beliefs of DU Management or the board as a whole...Some of what I've written is dead-on true while the rest might be a bit of a stretch...You all decide that for yourselves.

[amitten]

34. Computers were invented by aliens.

Prove me wrong.

[wildhorses]

40. that this certain person at work is out to get me...

bring it on ....
she does not know of who she is playing:evilgrin:

[tjwmason]

41. Furniture is trying to take over the world.

You've never actually stubbed your toe on the door/desk/whatever - it's actually a vicious attack on you. Keep an eye out, becuase one of these days all of the furniture is going to rise up and try to kill us all.

[Bunny]

42. The high cost of feminine sanitary supplies is a conspiracy

by the patriarchy to keep women economically impoverished throughout their childbearing years.







:hide:
Ahh, I'm only kidding. But that stuff *is* expensive!

[undeterred]

60. and the conspiracy was started by James Sensenbrenner

I kid you not- he is heir to the Kimberly Clark fortune.

[Bunny]

61. A-HA!!!!!! I'm vindicated!!!

:D

[madinmaryland]

43. There is a vast right wing conspiracy..

That really is true!

[dolo amber]

44. Cows are evil

Ever notice how they all congregate, then wander off all docile like in different directions, then stand around and like "observe" stuff for a few hours, then reconvene? Mmmm-hmmm...looks a lot like reconnaissance to me. :tinfoilhat:

[Haole Girl]

47. I've wondered if microwaves cause cancer

And they don't tell us because so much money is made in that industry.

Several women at work, who stand in front of the microwaves while their food is warming-up, have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I have to bite my tongue when I see them, still standing directly in front of the microwave in the break room at work, because I know if I tell them my theory they'll just think I'm crazy!

[NoPasaran]

48. Aliens live among us

And they are all connected to some sort of collective mind which occasionally has little glitches that affects their behavior. This explains why one day, for example, there will be rash of drivers making left turns across two lanes of traffic while on the next day the most common idiot behavior will be compulsive lane changing.

[Hugin]

53. No we don't! ... Uh, I mean "they don't"... They don't live among you..

Darn it... I mean Us! They don't live among us!

There, I finally got it right.

[Benfea]

49. Organized religoin -NT

[Crazy Dave]

50. The reason we don't have government health care and our...

...nation keeps the cost of health insurance out of reach for many is to have fewer people live to retirement age so they can use the monies people paid all their working lives to fund social security and use it instead to spend on wars and getting re-elected.

[anarch]

51. our whole "Western" society is set up just to preserve wealth/privilege

for the oligarchy. Also, the massive global corporations don't really care about anything besides profits (i.e. more of the same reinforcing of wealth and privilege for the oligarchs who run them).

Well, it's not really a "theory".


As far as classical conspiracy theories, I'm pretty sure the government knows more than they let on about UFOs.

[Blue_Tires]

68. very true n/t

[The2ndWheel]

52. The international one by Communists

to sap our precious bodily fluids.

Seriously? Giant agencies knowing everything about you, and the supersoldiers that never have to sleep that make sure they know everything about you.

[azmouse]

55. My shoes are out to get me.

Yep, they just appear in the middle of the floor. They are trying to trip me up and injure me. I don't know what they think they will gain from it... I'm the only way they get out of the house. But I'm scared. :scared:

[Dave Reynolds]

58. They never walked on the moon, Elvis ain't dead,

I ain't goin crazy, it's all in my head.

[flvegan]

59. All the ladies want me. However, they

don't act like they do. None of 'em do. I see right through it, though.

[otherlander]

62. Bush is an islamic fundie, and

Evil genius who wants to unite the world against america

[LeftyMom]

63. Remember when Scully got knocked up on the X files

and it turns out that it was aliens or some shit? I think that happened to me, 'cause my kid looks nothing like me and even less like his father. Also, I was pregnant for ten months, or in GD terms, nine business months. I think the aliens were a bit confused 'bout human gestation. :shrug:

[fishwax]

64. The NFL playoffs were fixed following 9-11

That was the year the Patriots beat the Raiders in the AFC Semi's because of the "tuck rule," which apparently didn't exist before the game in question.

Obviously the White House and the NFL were in collusion, because rove, et al, believed that a win by "Patriots" would help the country to heal, or some such thing. In return for "playing ball," the NFL received support from the white house and congress on some legislation, as well as other fringe benefits, such as gw himself appearing on Monday Night Football to kick off the season the very next year.

I say this to take nothing away from Patriots fans. I'm a Broncos fan, so I loved seeing the Raiders lose, whether it was legitimate or not :rofl:

[adriennui]

65. the government was behind the push for women in the workplace

because they knew a household could not exist without 2 incomes. i was made to feel like a dumb sow(back in the 70's) because i chose to stay home with my daughter.

[NNadir]

66. You are controlling my brain with contrails and satellites with mind

control rays.

You are making me write this post.