Can I get some love from the old school?

[Shakeydave]

My Dad just spent two and a half weeks in ICU and has now been moved to a semi-private room. Long term prognosis is no good (about a year). Short term will be literally shitty. He didn't clue but one of his children in on the illness beforehand and that child was not there to make the decision to operate and bring him back or let him die in peace. I "F" ing hate this, hate this, hate this! Some of you may know that my father was my progressive inner voice. SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Sorry to be a downer! It's been four weeks and I'm very tired already! Love you all!

[wahoo]

1. I'm Sorry

I'm very sorry to hear that, it sounds terrible. I wish the best for him and your family!

[Shakeydave]

15. Thank you!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. It is very very difficult to make those decisions

I was the one who made them with my father because my mother was very much a basket case during his illness. I had to convince my brother and sister that a feeding tube was not the way to go and that he would have no real quality of life and was only guaranteed illness and infection. I really feel for you Shakeydave.

You have my love and if you need more than love, like someone to run this all by, my mailbox is always open to you for support. I am sorry you have to go through this but your father is probably eternally grateful you are there for him.

Hugs, buddy

[Shakeydave]

16. Many thanks!

The two weeks he was in ICU were spent watching him with the tube. Understand your pain. My brother and sister will eventually reach the point of understanding, but we all deal with it in different ways! Thanks for your kind words!

[cally]

3. You have my sympathy

and many :hug: I'm glad you are there for him. It matters. :loveya:

[Shakeydave]

18. Thank you!

It's nice to hear from like minded folks!

[MissMarple]

4. I'm sorry.

Here's a big hug, sweetheart.

:hug:

[Shakeydave]

19. Back atcha!

[Ernesto]

5. A case of love for Dave

Hang in there Amigo..... We're hearin' ya man.

[Shakeydave]

20. Muchos Gracias, Ernesto!

[KG]

6. sorry to hear of this, bro.

i can relate to what you're going thru.
:(

[Shakeydave]

22. I know you can!

Peace brother!

[Darth_Kitten]

7. Our thoughts are with you!

Please take care of yourself. :grouphug:

[Shakeydave]

23. Being among friends helps the most!

Thanks!

[XanaDUer]

8. Very sorry

Hope you and your family are doing better.

I've been there, and it is one of the most stressful Life events.

Hug.

[Shakeydave]

24. Thanks for the hugs!

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. Dave I am so horribly sorry. The pain you must be going through.

Words cannot do anything at such an awful time, so I will just hold you and your Dad close in my thoughts.

Hugs, Laura

[Shakeydave]

28. Words from you are a joy in themselves!

Thank you! I think I just needed to hear some kind thoughts from kind people!

[Mikimouse]

10. I am so sorry that you have experienced this

situation. In 1990, I was the one on the 'hot seat', and can empathize with you. There is no easy answer, and the pain you feel is perfectly understandable. For me, it was my mother, who was my guiding star, and my greatest advocate, while my Dad was physically and emotionally abusive. I was the one that got the phone call from the hospital when mother had a seizure at her apartment, and the subsequent CT scan found metastatic leisions in her brain. She had told me all aong that she did not wish to be kept alive artificially, and I signed a DNR, when I reviewed her CT films and other test results. Unfortunately, the DNR was not recorded in the chart immediately, and as a result, she was coded (full code) and resusitated. She would have been much better off had she simply not been revived, but because she was, she had to endure three additional years of pain and suffering. My brother and father were no help at all, because they did not want to get involved. My brother made no effort to come and see her, and my father's attitude was that he wanted to remember her as she 'was'. Great people! I hope that I will get an opportunity to toss that one back at my Dad when his time comes. I won't hesitate to do it. All I can suggest to you is that you spend the remaining time with your Dad doing things that you have always done (if it is physically possible), and let him tell you when he's tired, not the other way around. After my mother got a massive dose of radiation therapy, she was lucid for a short time, and during that time, I brought her home with me a couple of times (I was already separated at the time, but she seemed unaware of it, and I never discussed it with her). We spent her last Christmas together, and I am very grateful for that. She died in February, 1990, and I still think about her. It was especially difficult when I got re-married in 2000, because she would have loved her daughter-in-law. We had mother's picture at the front of the church, along with a picture of my wife's father, who died when she was 20. Very emotional, but wonderful. Let the feelings come into the open, and don't be ashamed of them; tears cleanse the soul, but for now, enjoy every minute that you have with him. Many hugs your way. :hug:

[Shakeydave]

30. Thanks Miki.................

I'm lucky that I have wonderful siblings who only intended the best. Frank discussions and reality checks are next on the agenda for us. Many thanks for the hugs!

[proud patriot]

11. Hugs Shakeydave

:loveya:

[Shakeydave]

31. Right back to ya pp!

:loveya:

[amandae]

12. I'm so sorry about your Dad ...

Wish I had something profoundly comforting to offer ... but I hope these will help instead :hug: :hug: :hug:

Again, I'm truly sorry.

[Shakeydave]

32. I'm finding the ability to be profound very tiresome!

Thank you for the heartfelt message!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

13. Oh, man. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been

through it too. Some days you will wonder if what you are doing is right. Other days, it will be obvious that the decision was right. Try not to get angry at him, or another relative during the stress of the sickness. It is easy to fall into when everyone is tired and burned out.
My prayers, and more importantly, the prayers of my children are with you and your dad.

[Shakeydave]

33. Sage words!

Luckily my siblings and I all have a tight bond! Thank you for the kind words!

[Duncan Grant]

14. Sorry to hear it Shakeydave.

What a terrible four weeks for you! Hope you find a little rest (and peace) in the coming days.

May goodness and serenity surround you, your father, and family.

:grouphug:

[Shakeydave]

34. My friend, my friend, my friend!

Thanks for the message! Goodness and serenity are right up there with peanut butter and chocolate as good things that go great together! Did I just say that? Thanks again!

[Overkil]

17. Lots of good thoughts are headed your way

[Shakeydave]

35. Many thanks!

[Swede]

21. Sorry dave.

I hope you find peace.

[Shakeydave]

36. Thank you Swede from a good Finn!

Sisu!

[1a2b3c]

25. Man im sorry shakey

Ive been asking about you and wanting to see you come back and post but this wasnt what i had in mind. Im sorry about your dad. Get some rest.

[Shakeydave]

37. Thank you my Buc Brother!

Time will tell!

[maxanne]

26. hugs to you

Shakeydave. We miss you around here - and we're thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this.

Lots of love to you tonight. :loveya: and big hugs :hug:

We'll save your place till you get back home to us.

[Shakeydave]

38. I feel a lot better already!

You guys are the best! :loveya:

[indigo32]

27. I'm sorry to hear that Shakeydave

That is so hard. Hang in there... We'll be thinkin of ya.

[Shakeydave]

39. Thank you for your thoughts!

:loveya:

[rbnyc]

29. Love to you, my friend.

I don't really know what to say, but I know what it's like to have seriously difficult, painfull shit happening in your life and it does help a little to be able to talk about it, to have some witnesses. You'll be in my thoughts.

[Shakeydave]

40. You've expressed how I've felt...........

for the past four weeks! Thanks for the positive thoughts! :-)

[rbnyc]

42. Wow.

Well, if all my venting in the Lounge made you feel less alone, that helps give some meaning to what we're going through. Please post whenever you feel the need, and don't worry about being a drag. (I know it's hard not to worry about that.) But you have every right, and if it's too much for some people, there's plenty of other stuff to pay attention to. But for the most part, I'm sure you'll find we're all here for you.

[JanMichael]

41. What a nice thread of DU responses.

Anyway I'm sorry that the sequence of events has been so screwed up. I take it that he didn't want it to be this way either.

You know that if you need me to help out with anything to just let me know, no?



PS~ A Living Will lesson to all. Just having one doesn't mean anything. Everyone that could ever possibly be there to make good the purpose of the will needs to know before an ICU call.

Bummer dude.

[Shakeydave]

44. Very nice responses indeed!

I feel guilty for throwing out a pity party for myself, but the responses vindicate my decision. Quality people we are, one and all!

[SOteric]

43. I'm so very sorry, Shakey.

I had to watch my mum degenerate in her last few months. It's a horrific conflagration of internal anguish. Know that we love you and will still be here posting about yaks and swapping recipes anytime you need to restore that part of your spirit. :hug:

[Shakeydave]

45. Hugs from SOteric are..............

TOP SHELF! Thanks much! :*

[Philostopher]

46. Went through similar things in '96.

Same time of year, too. My mother took Dad home and, with the help of a local hospice (bed and meds), he was able to die in peace in the home he'd largely built with his own hands. Because I doubt you'd even recognize my screen name, I wouldn't have responded, having little else but that to add -- but I felt much the same way about my father, and just wanted to say I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Shakeydave]

47. May not recognize your name.......................

but appreciate the sentiment all the same! I've just been away for awhile decompressing from our Asshole Administration. Thank you again for your kind thoughts!

[newyawker99]

50. I am sending positive thoughts your way Shakey!

~~~~~~~~~~~~positive vibes to Shakey & his Dad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[JanMichael]

48. kick.

:kick:

[bearfan454]

49. God bless you and your family.

[GOPisEvil]

51. Damn Dave.

My thoughts are with you and your family. No time is a good time for this, but this time of year is worse. :pals:

[ProfessorGAC]

52. Good Thoughts Your Way

I went through that just a few years ago. Out of control diabetes took my dad a piece at a time. But, believe it or not (and i know it's hard for you right now), you will get through it, past it, and move on.

For now, keep chin up and show a good face for him. You'll feel better about it when he's gone. Trust me on this.
The Professor

[prolesunited]

53. Sorry I didn't see this last night

I went to bed REALLY early. Well, we've already talked so you know you have all the karmic waves of strength, peace and love that I can send you.

I'm glad you decided to reach out and ask for the support of your friends. As you can see, you certainly have a lot of them here and we really are all here for you. As you know, my inbox is always open.

Big hugs. :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[Lars39]

54. I'm sorry, Shakeydave.

Treasure the time you have left with him. My mom had a few of those surgeries that made me question the wisdom of having them, since you know what the ending is going to be. In hindsight, the surgeries gave her time to help herself and others deal with her death. :hugs:

Lars

[chefgirl]

55. My prayers for you and your Dad, Shakeydave

I've been praying quite a bit more than usual lately, and will certainly include you and your Dad in them.
My mom was just diagnosed recently with non-small cell carcinoma, and they gave us the very same prognosis....about a year.
I can really empathize.

Wishing you miracles,

-chef-