Mrs V's cousin dying--bad enough, but family won't leave Mrs V alone.

[bertha katzenengel]

It's not enough that her cousin - Mayra, age 42 - is dying horribly of cancer, and very quickly. It's not enough that her daughter, 12 years old, lost her father two years ago. It's not enough that Mayra has suffered not only with the thought of leaving her daughter but of whom to leave her with.

But Mayra's sister, Carol, is a con artist (officially? doubt it), a thief who wants MONEY. She is extremely manipulative, for example: telling Mayra "you know I love that little girl like she was my own" -- BULLSHIT! She has stolen from her own children. Stolen from her mother. Has thousands upon thousands in debt.

Mayra has decided who's going to care for her daughter: another sister, Debbie. NOT Carol. Is that keeping Carol from pulling out all the stops? From showing up when Mayra's trying to work on her will, saying things like, "Now, Mayra, you KNOW we decided" fill in the manipulation blank. On and on and on.

Oh -- yeah. Carol's sister's dying. Fat fucking lot she cares. :mad:

Compound all of this: Mrs. V.'s deeply tender heart. Her fervent desire to be there to kick the living shit out of Carol. Her wishful desire to take the little girl in herself. Then add the fact that her mom calls every other day with updates of Carol's BS.

I love my mother-in-law but I wish she would stop calling Mrs. V. with updates. Not about Mayra but about the shit Carol tries daily. I don't want MIL to stop calling, or not to keep Mrs. V. updated. But god dammit...

It's bad enough that Mayra's dying. It's tearing Mrs. V. apart. It's affecting her daily -- it's affecting her health. But to hear about this satellite BS daily is making it so much worse.

And I don't know how to help her through it. I can't call her mom and say "stop it." I can't send her home to TN until the end, just so she can play family cop. She is the oldest and a lot of the cousins look to her for this role, I think. So it seems. Some of the cousins call her "Aunt" Mrs. V.

I don't want anyone down home to leave her alone. I love them deeply. But dammit... these update calls are hurting her.

Argh. Thanks for listening.

[Ilsa]

1. I don't know what to say or offer, except, I'm really sorry Mrs. V

is having to deal with so much pain. I hate that people see the loss of a loved one as a financial opportunity.

Editing: Sorry, I had to go ahead and finish and add before I was really ready. I'm really sorry, not only for V's aggravation, but the anticipatory grieving she much be doing. Poor dear is probably sick from it all.

Big hugs to both of you. :grouphug:

[bertha katzenengel]

5. Ilsa

Thank you. Grieving in advance is hell. May the fates remind me to tell my family I love them deeply, every day, so there is nothing left unsaid, then may I go in an instant.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

2. I'm sorry for Mrs. V...

I've had my share of family tragedy as well, and my fair share of the vultures that come with death to pick off the valuables of the dead. :hug: for you both. I hope Mrs. V starts feeling better, and I'm very sorry she's losing her sister. I've been there, though it was very unexpected, and I know how it feels like her internal organs are being ripped out. It gets easier, but it takes a while. Good luck, and we'll be thinking about your family. :hug:
Duckie

[bertha katzenengel]

6. Dearest Duckie

:hug: thank you :pals:

[Texasgal]

3. Oh man...

How horrible... I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know it's gotta be tough.

I have no advice, just a hug. I am so sorry Mrs. B. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

7. no advice required, just had to rant

one of those "no reply necessary" posts. sometimes you just have to get it out there. :hug: thanks

[bertha katzenengel]

4. UPDATE

I told Mrs. V. that I wish her mom would stop calling with every little update about that manipulative **** back home. She set me right. Told me her mom has to have someone to talk to, too.

What do I know. I go from my feelings and they're not always right.

Anyway. Ilsa, Duckie, and TX Gal, thank you all for your replies.

[SeattleGirl]

8. bertha, I'm so sorry for what Mrs. V is going through

both with her cousin dying, and because of the BS that Carol is pulling. It's the last thing she, or anyone else in the family need. But it sounds like Mrs. V is willing to take the calls about Carol, out of love and concern for her mother. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and deal with BS, or news about BS, even though we ourselves are dealing with the pending loss of someone.

Hugs to both you and Mrs. V, and to your MIL too, who must really be caught in the thick of it.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

9. You read it exactly right, SG, and I missed it.

Mrs. V. sucks up an awful lot for her mom. I know her mom knows it and appreciates it. My MIL adores her daughter, and Mrs. V. takes very good care of her.

Yeah, MIL is having a hard time. It's her baby sister's baby who's dying. Good god... :cry:

Thanks for the hugs. :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

14. I think the only reason you missed it is because of YOUR love

and concern for Mrs. V. You see her hurting, and want her to feel better, or at least not have more piled on her, and you don't like seeing that. Perfectly understandable. Be as strong and loving to Mrs. V as you can during this time, to help her through it. And you, of course, can always come here for a recharge to keep YOU going. :hug:

[Ilsa]

12. I think you nailed it. MIL is working through this and doing it, to some

extent, with her daughter. I think sharing the frustration and grief can help either resolve it by passing it around, or rampo it up, depending on how it's handled individually. Perhaps Mrs. V needs some other outlet for dealing with the frustration separately from the grief.

[bigwillq]

10. Give my love to Mrs. V

This is a terrible situation.
:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

11. Hugs, Bertha

for you, Mrs. V, and her mom. Not to mention Mayra and that precious child.

May God grant her a peaceful passage.

[khashka]

13. Oh Bertha...

This is tough...

And when you are most vulnerable.... the vultures move in.

Well, you need to run interference for Mrs V. You take the calls you take the emails. Even people you like can hurt the ones you love.

I can get all sexist and make comments about being all butch and masculine and protecting your woman. But on second thought..... that is exactly what I mean!

Khash.

[Gormy Cuss]

15. Damn. Give a hug to Mrs. V for me

and take another for yourself.:hug: :hug: