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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:00 PM
Original message
Am I being irrational?
My daughter just got home from school. She came in and showed me her pants. Her pants have a tear from the knee to the crotch. Turns out it happened this morning and she has been wearing these pants all day long now.

I was home all day. Someone could have contacted me and had me bring her a different pair of pants. She was teased by the other kids for it all day long.

Am I being irrational or should they have called me? I don't know about schools but in mental health that would be considered a dignity issue and we would have had to remove the persons torn clothing immediately and replaced it w/ something that was in good condition. Why couldn't they have called me at home?

(BTW-just checked my caller ID-no calls today.)
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:03 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'd be pissed!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:05 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. So I'm not the only one.
Maybe I am a single mother and some don't like that.

Maybe my kid doesn't get namebrand clothes. We buy her clothes at Walmart and Target because that is all I can afford. But she doesn't leave this house dirty,her clothes are mended and stain-free and her shoes are always cleaned and polished.

I just feel that they treat me like white trash in this town.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:12 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. I would think the rip exposed more than dress code allows...
besides the factor she could feel demeaned. They definitely should have called you or had her call.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. It obviously did expose more.
The dress code is 2 inches above the knee.

And they would have had to make the call. She's only five so that might not have gone well. Plus, I live about 2 1/2 blocks from the school-I could have run there and back in a couple of minutes.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:22 PM
Response to Reply #7
16. The teacher needs correction on this! Kids...
are so fragile at that age and easily hurt. They're growing so swiftly in their minds and bodys.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:23 PM
Response to Reply #16
19. I think so too.
I've fought over other issues in the past w/ the schools here. This just adds to my opinion.

We moved here because it has one of the best districts in the state. I wonder what the rest of the state is like now!
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YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:51 PM
Response to Reply #3
104. Walmart and Target have some cute stuff for little girls...
I hate the parents of those five year olds who are feeding to them the name brand bullshit. We wore walmart clothes before they had anything decent. And we were tortured...but most of the people who made fun of me when I was a kid are miserable adults. So it all worked out.
My best friend gets all her kids' stuff at walmart... and they look fine. And I'm sure your kid is clean going out of the house. We would never presume otherwise. That faculty should be shot. Poor little thing. How'd they get ripped?
Duckie
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #104
106. She said that she fell.
I can see the knee tearing but the rest must have been a flaw in the fabric.

I had noticed worn spots on the knees the other day but they didn't look too bad. I ironed them and hung them up, thinking they were fine. I guess not.

And I remember the days of nasty Walmart and Dollar General clothes. That's what I wore to school. The things they sell now are much cuter than they used to be but I've noticed some of the pants(especially the Mary Kate and Ashley ones) seem to wear out faster than others.
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Random_Australian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:05 PM
Response to Original message
2. Given the decision was not to call you, she
must have felt the worse option was calling you. If she doesn't beleive it is a big deal to disturb you, she didn't feel so bad about it. In considering, you aren't bieng too irrational, as you and her, it would seem, have different ideas of either or both of 1) How bad it was having ripped pants or 2) How much trouble it puts you to to do something like bring in a new pair. Ensuring your ideas on these two subjects are equal will prevent further conflict.
Or she could have, of course, just made an incorrect decision. People do that.

Does that answer your question?:dilemma:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:08 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. I live 2 1/2 blocks away from the school.
And we've had go arounds in the past over other subjects.

My daughter said that she cried to her teacher today because of the teasing from said ripped pants. And today is a windy day, w/ rain in the air. No way she should have let a five year old walk around w/ a rip that went from her knee and exposed up to her panties.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:15 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. She was crying because of it and you weren't called? GRRRRRR!!!
I'd be in the Principal's office at 8:00 in the morning, with the ripped pants in a bag!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:18 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. I've already got the pants bagged up.
I looked over the pants and there is no way I can mend them w/o it looking pretty obvious. They are that badly torn.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:23 PM
Response to Reply #12
20. Good for you, Pard.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #20
25. Thank you.
Just want to make sure I'm not overreacting, as the school seems to think I do so often.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:15 PM
Response to Reply #4
10. Hold on...a 5 year old?
So, it was completely on the teacher/school to call you, not her, it would seem.

I'd be asking for a meeting with the principal, and then the school board. I'd also be damn sure that they were well aware of my availability in the future.

In other words, I'd be more than pissed. It'd be one thing if it was just a rip at the knee...
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:21 PM
Response to Reply #10
15. They know I'm an overnight worker and am available
during the daytime. I've also informed them that, when I do sleep (notorious insomniac) I keep the phone next to my bed, in case of calls.

A ripped knee is one thing. As a teen in the 80's I purposely wore my knees ripped out! But to the crotch...

The pants are going w/ me tomorrow morning to the school.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:27 PM
Response to Reply #15
29. No excuse at all. None.
And I read another post where they said "better pants" to her.

Yup, principal and then the board. A LTTE, too, maybe.

I'm sorry that this happened to your daughter. It's senseless damage.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:39 PM
Response to Reply #29
38. There was a comment this last winter made about better
mittens. I'm sorry if I make next to nothing, she lost a pair of mittens and I had to pick up another at Walmart. (Yes, I hate Walmart too, but when they are the only game in town and you make very little money...)

Along w/ the principal I plan on contacting a member of my church. He's a school board member and I know that I can call him at home anytime. I want to hear what he thinks of this.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
6. I can understand your upset, esp if she was teased about it.
I don't think you're being irrational at all.

Is your daughter really upset? THAT'S the important question. Maybe she was too embarrassed to make a big deal out of it, and didn't want to draw any more attention to herself, so she didn't ask to have you called.

In any case, it sucks that she was teased about it. Sounds like standard kid stuff, though. :hug:

How old is she again? I want to say 7 or 8, right?


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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:17 PM
Response to Reply #6
11. She's only five.
And she was crying about it until about 15 minutes ago. And if I know her, she probably did make a big deal out of it. She said that they told her to wait until she gets home and that she needs to wear better pants to school.

She just got the jeans a month ago. Maybe there was a flaw-I don't know. But I do know that I'm sick and tired of being treated like white trash by the school.
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:27 PM
Response to Reply #11
28. WTF? They told her to wear better pants?
I' be at that school tomorrow waiting for them to unlock the doors! I'd be absolutely furious, and make damn sure they knew it. There is NO excuse to humiliate a child like that. NONE! And for them to question the quality of my kid's clothes? Words fail me. :grr:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #28
40. That did hurt.
I'd love to buy my daughter name brand clothes. I do the best I can. Right now, since Walmart is in town and gas is going up, Walmart is the best I can do.

Her clothes are cute, they are clean, stainfree and in good repair. I know right now she is better off than some children.

I almost want to cry thinking about it.

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spacelady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 11:22 PM
Response to Reply #40
113. That "quality of pants" thing sticks in my craw. I have had a few
rounds with our school's uniform policy - ie, changes made when I've already bought clothes. Even designer clothes can tear at the worst time! SO, clean , nice clothing is always acceptable & I would ask to be informed of any problems such as this during the day, especially at her age - she is trying to cooperate with the teacher like you taught her -be respectful - they should respect her feelings as well.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #11
39. OMG that's an awful thing they said to her
I'm with the above poster..I'd be at the school first thing in the morning.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:42 PM
Response to Reply #39
41. I get off of work at 7 am.
I will get her ready for school and then we will leave immediately.

I'm just frustrated right now.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #41
44. I wish I could give you a hug..
I hope this will help :hug:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #44
46. Thank you.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #41
48. I know I'd be beside myself, too.
:nuke:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:51 PM
Response to Reply #48
50. She's better now.
She's been watching tv since she came home, which makes her quite happy. (We have limits on tv time in my house). And she had her favorite for dinner-a frozen pizza since mommy feels bad for her.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:03 PM
Response to Reply #50
51. I'm so glad your Doll is feeling better...
This had to have been traumatic for her!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:06 PM
Response to Reply #51
53. She's smiling now
and getting ready for her swim lesson.

Right now she seems to be ok. I guess everything will depend on tomorrow at school whether she is over it or not.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #53
59. It depends on how sensitive she is. She's getting great support...
from the best Friend she'll ever have in this world. You! :hug:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:13 PM
Response to Reply #59
63. She's pretty sensitive.
I know she cried at school a few months ago when the teacher asked each of the kids in class what their dads did for a living and then asked her why she didn't know.

I was really angry about that one. They should have just dropped it when she said she didn't know.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #63
70. Aww shit! That was uncalled for! That teacher needs sensitivity...
training or her ass kicked up between her ears. Preferably the latter!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:22 PM
Response to Reply #70
72. She also has a bumpersticker on her car that
is one of the stupid pics of a man+woman=marriage.

I know of at least one student in her class that has a lesbian mother. And a very close friend whom my daughter views as her uncle is gay.

I don't think sensitivity training will go over very well in a small town.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:34 PM
Response to Reply #72
79. It's a damned shame some people are allowed to teach children.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:11 PM
Response to Reply #79
86. Yes it is.
But we have many like that in this area.

There is a high school teacher about 30 minutes from me, according to another DU'er, that refuses to teach evolution and another who argues if a student quotes anything negative about *.

Lots of nutjobs in my area.
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #50
74. I bet a cooked pizza would make her feel even better!
:)

There's no excuse. I don't live all that far away from you, but here, they get very gestapo about the dress code, sending kids home, suspending them and such. There's no reason for them not to have called you.

As a teacher, the first thing through my mind would be to have the kid call their parents for another pair of pants. What planet is your daughter's teacher from?!?

I'm emotionally invested with my students. I shouldn't be, but I am. When they hurt, I hurt. I couldn't stand to see a little girl upset like that. I would have to do something.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #74
77. My best friend stated almost the same thing you did.
She's a spec ed teacher a few counties over and she said that she would have ripped them a new one for pulling this stunt.

She said that she cannot stand to watch any of her students hurt but in her line of work she sees it every day.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:08 PM
Response to Reply #11
55. She's only 5?! Yeah, I'd be upset. That's terrible.
I'd definitely suggest a talk with the teacher and/or school principal. Go raise some hell, Mama Bear! :hug:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #55
61. You know I will.
I never thought we'd be treated as badly as we've been treated this past year. I really thought that people had gotten over their prejudices against single mothers. (My best friend swears that this is what some of this crap is about-single mother raising her child w/ no help from the father in a small town).
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #11
58. The school - as in adults - told her that?
How awful!

My kindergarten daughter has five pairs of jeans. Four of them have developed holes and tears, and the fifth one is about to go. I can't send her to school in the holey jeans, but I don't want to go out and buy new jeans this close to warm weather (they won't fit her by fall). I feel for you.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:14 PM
Response to Reply #58
64. I understand exactly what you are talking about.
I don't want to buy more jeans because it's starting to warm up but it looks like I will have to.

And yes, she said her teacher(by name) told her that.
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flamingyouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:14 PM
Response to Original message
8. I'd be mad too
That's just wrong. Someone could have at least tried to reach you.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:22 PM
Response to Reply #8
17. And I was gone for maybe ten minutes.
According to the caller ID, no one tried to call my house.
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:19 PM
Response to Original message
13. most schools make the little ones have extra clothes
just in case of accidents, etc. They should have called you, though - but most schools would have found her another pair somewhere, that's what my son's school used to do....


I'd be pissed, too.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #13
24. Now that I think about it...
what happened to the change of clothes that I sent there a while ago? I sent a sweat suit, panties, undershirt and socks, in case she got wet or really dirty.

She's never worn it home. I wonder if it is still there or if some other kid has worn it home?
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Book Lover Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #24
60. Good question!
I was just thinking; I have to give my son's school a spare set of clothes for exactly this kind of thing. I'd demand to know where your daughter's extra set are (actually, I'd ask your daughter first - maybe she actually did lend them to someone?)

You are NOT overreacting to this at all, IMO. Good luck tomorrow, and I'm glad to know she's feeling better.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #60
67. She says that she doesn't know where they are.
I wrote her name on the tags in permanent marker, just in case.

Someone should know where the clothes are.
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
14. I'm a teacher. I would have called you.
How old is your daughter? If she's high school age, they may have requested her to do it, but for some reason she chose not to. They won't argue with her all day about it with everything else going on, I'm sure.

However, as a teacher, I don't care how old they are, knowing only what you've told me in the OP, I'd have called you.
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #14
23. After reading through the entire thread 5 YEARS OLD?
I'd be there, as earlier stated, 8:00 AM in that Principal's office wanting the know what the hell is going on.

Respond to this thread later on with the update. I'll bookmark this thread and check later. As a teacher, perhaps I can help you out later with advice if any is needed.


Best of luck,
Keep us updated,

kt
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:30 PM
Response to Reply #23
30. I will update.
I called my best friend and asked her. She's a teacher in another district. Needless to say she flipped out and called them every name in the book.

She has made comments about the way they treat myself and my daughter. She says that they do treat us as if we are "beneath them" and that, if I had the money, my best bet would be to remove her from the school district.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #30
35. You have backup here. If you should need letters or calls...
to the school board, I'll bet we can provide them. ;-)
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:43 PM
Response to Reply #35
42. Thank you.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #14
26. She's only five.
She wouldn't have been allowed to use the phones at school.
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:22 PM
Response to Original message
18. that is ridiculous, they should have called you right away or given her
some pants, at my daughters school they have a whole box of extra clothes in case someone rips theirs or wipes out in the mud.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:31 PM
Response to Reply #18
31. Like I said to another poster-
I sent an entire outfit a couple of months ago to her school, in case something happened.

I wonder why she was not wearing the outfit.
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:32 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. i don't how old she is but could you imagine what would happen if she---
you know a female thing? Would they call then?
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:43 PM
Response to Reply #32
43. She's only five.
And that would be horrible.
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #43
47. my daughter is 11 1/2 and that always worries me
so far so good but i actually had her plan just in case, she has a female teacher she can go to and discreet supplies, she thinks i'm nuts becasue she hasn't gotten it yet but it could literally happen any day.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:50 PM
Response to Reply #47
49. My mom made me carry a purse at that age.
I had to keep the supplies on hand at all times, just in case.

Good thing since I did start right around that age!
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:24 PM
Response to Original message
21. You're not being irrational
I'd place a call to the teacher or pay her a visit. My daughter had a situation with my 6 yr old granddaughter. On a Friday afternoon, she came home with a shoe print burn on her face and no one called us nor did they even help her. The kids were told to lay down on the floor to watch a movie and another little girl popped up and stepped on the side of my granddaughter's face. My granddaughter was crying and upset and was told to go to the bathroom and wash her face..which in her words "burnt like fire".

When my daughter and her ex spoke to the teacher, they found out that there was a substitute teacher that day and she hadn't followed proper protocol. The regular teacher was angry and took the photograph my daughter had taken and showed it to the principal as well. As far as we know the substitute hasn't been back.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #21
33. That's awful!
But my daughter said this was her regular teacher, so now I'm really worried.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #33
36. I'd be worried too..
I think if you've had prior problems with this teacher maybe it's time to go to the principal and then higher up from there.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #36
45. We did it once before,
to keep her out of special education. Teacher stated last fall that she had ADHD. My best friend (who went w/ for the meeting and is a special ed teacher) stated that she has no training to make that diagnosis. We fought it and we won, w/ money out of my savings account and psychological evaluations.

The psychologist stated two things: she was too young to assign ADHD to and that, in his view, she was very bright and bored w/ class.

I suspect this is another fight.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 08:35 PM
Response to Reply #45
83. I remember that fight. You handled it good, considering.
Edited on Mon Mar-27-06 08:39 PM by BikeWriter
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #83
87. Thank you.
I thought you chimed in w/ the first fight!

That was a long month.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:34 PM
Response to Reply #87
98. Yes'm, I was in on it, mostly with words of support. ;-)
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:36 PM
Response to Reply #98
99. I remember.
And she seems fine for now. She got over most of it and worked out her bout of aggression at swim lessons.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #45
103. OMG what you've already been through..
Isn't it sad that there are those who really shouldn't be teaching..and the power they have can have an effect on children's lives that will last a lifetime.

I'll be sending some good thoughts your way for tomorrow.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #103
107. Thank you.
If I had the time and the money I would homeschool instead. I've thought about it and have even played around w/ it.

I just can't afford to right now. The only time I can sleep is during the day, when she is in school. It wouldn't be right for her to have to sit around while I tried to nap. And I can't afford to not sleep.
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Alleycat Donating Member (992 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
22. Sorry to hear she was so upset.
The school prob should have called you. If she were a little older she would have been sent home for violating the dress code. My daughter in middle school can't wear ripped jeans at all.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #22
34. If she were sent home
that would have been better than walking around all day long w/ her panties showing.

I'm just angry right now.
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Alleycat Donating Member (992 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:49 PM
Response to Reply #34
81. Exactly
My point being - why won't they call and or send her home. It was very insensitive of the teacher. Little girls that age are very sensitive. Mine was upset a few times when the kids made fun of her for various things. Did the teacher not notice the comments from the other kids?

If I was you I would def say something to the teacher as well as the principal. Good luck.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #81
89. And I plan on speaking to both.
Now I have to dig into my savings account for another pair of jeans.:-(
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hatredisnotavalue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:26 PM
Response to Original message
27. Not at all
In fact, I would pick your daughter up at school tomorrow and explain nicely to the teacher that you live right down the street and in the future would appreciate a call if something similiar happens. Then volunteer to help in the class or turn the conversation around and ask the teacher how things are going in the class and if she needs anything.

My daughter was accused of fondling a classmate in kindergarten. Something , she would never do. I got in their right away and offered to help in the classroom. I wound up volunteering once a month, but I was the "Mom" who teachers knew was engaged.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #27
37. I do volunteer in the class.
I am on the room mother list(though they've never called me), I volunteer w/ all of the school parties and I am a member of the PTO. I'm also a youth leader at church, a pee-wee soccer and t-ball coach and a Girl Scout leader.

And the teacher has commented about how close we live to the school in the past. She's stated that she has watched us walk by her on the way there.
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elehhhhna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:08 PM
Response to Reply #37
56. "better pants"? that's just cruel
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:09 PM
Response to Reply #56
57. I thought it was too.
It was cruel when they made a similar comment about her mittens one day.
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elehhhhna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:12 PM
Response to Reply #57
62. someone's teacher needs "better judgement"
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:17 PM
Response to Reply #62
68. I think it's viewed as a way to put
the "white trash" in place.

I know a few of them probably view me as that and some people are just cruel.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #56
65. Yep, I'd be wanting to kick some butt over that!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #65
69. You know I want to.
I need to take another friend along. I have one who can keep a sane head, compared to myself.

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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #69
73. Yes'm, you may need someone to hold you back...
You want these jack asses impressed, but you don't need assault charges against you.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:26 PM
Response to Reply #73
76. I wish my sorority big brother still lived around here.
He's an attorney now and he'd be a great one to take along.

He's in Washington state now.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #76
80. It's too bad you don't have someone big and ugly to go with you...
If you didn't live so far away I'd volunteer.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #80
90. My brother is big
but he'd lose his cool long before I would.

That's a no-go there.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #90
100. Yes'm, in this case you'll lose if you swing the first punch.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:38 PM
Response to Reply #100
102. I plan on holding my cards close to my vest.
It's the best course of action.
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
52. i'd...get up on that, hon...
x(
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:07 PM
Response to Reply #52
54. So I'm not irrational?
My best friend said I wasn't but she can be worse than me.

I just don't want to make a bad move. The school doesn't like me as it is-I don't want them to make it any worse on my baby.
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #54
66. nope, what's right is right, and that seems wrong to me...
i'm sure there's a way to broach the subject in a way they'll have to understand
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:20 PM
Response to Reply #66
71. And you know I'll find that way.
If I had the money I'd stay home w/ her and homeschool.

I hate this!
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #71
75. oh yes ma'am...
:hug:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #75
78. Thank you!
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Sugar Smack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 07:55 PM
Response to Original message
82. Absolutely not.
That was a horrifying story, and the details you posted afterward provided a really good picture of the negligence of the school administration you happen to deal with. I am so sorry for your poor daughter, who suffered because no adult would act on her behalf and call you.

I would be enraged. No, you are NOT overreacting.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:14 PM
Response to Reply #82
91. Thank you.
My family are usually the ones who state I overreact the most. My mother chimed in and said that they could have called.

Guess I'm not overreacting this time.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 08:41 PM
Response to Original message
84. You're not being irrational. Maybe I was just a spoiled kid, but
Edited on Mon Mar-27-06 08:42 PM by BlueIris
I went to a school that would have called the parents about that. If for no other reason than the idea that "I" (read: my pants) happened to be distracting the other students. And probably because my elementary school teachers weren't jerks.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:15 PM
Response to Reply #84
92. Thank you.
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ET Awful Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:00 PM
Response to Original message
85. After reading the whole thread, I'd be down there first thing in the AM
I'd be half tempted to call the local TV station and get THEM down there.

That's frickin' ridiculous.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:16 PM
Response to Reply #85
93. Local tv station is over an hour away.
Who knows if they'll react or not. They have more pressing issues since KC seems to have at least one murder a day to report now.:sarcasm:
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joneschick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:12 PM
Response to Original message
88. OMFG! You both need major hugs
and then a meeting with the teacher, the principal and her union rep if need be. That teacher was out of line. A 5 year old should be adoring her teacher not be humiliated by her. You were never contacted AND her spare clothes were not available????? No way this is ok. I ran this by my 18 yr old daughter and her friend that currently lives with us ---- they're ready to flatten that teacher. I am so sorry your little one was subjected to this total and utter crap.

:hug:
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:17 PM
Response to Reply #88
94. Thank you.
I've spoken to others about this and they feel the same way I do.
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nutsnberries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:22 PM
Response to Original message
95. you're not being irrational - i'd be pissed.
I haven't read through all the responses but I see your daughter is 5 and was upset about this. I can't believe this happened. I'd let the teacher and principal know how you feel.

:hug: for you and your daughter.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:31 PM
Response to Reply #95
96. I have found out that she was told to
sit w/ her legs together for the rest of the day. Turns out this all happened before lunch. (Before lunch and after lunch is the way we measure time in this house.)

And they will know how I feel about it. I've checked the phone lines, the caller ID, messages-there was no call of any sort. There should have been a call.
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:33 PM
Response to Original message
97. They should have called you at home. I would be really mad as this
happened to me once when James fell and scratched up his face (quite badly) and no one called. Whatever happened to phone calls home? Not to mention the "emergency clothing closet" that we used to have in my elementary schools. :(
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #97
101. She had a change of clothes there, as far as I know.
I still wonder where they are at.

And they call me for every little complaint otherwise-why not this one?
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 10:17 PM
Response to Reply #101
109. Ohhhhh, Grrrrrrrr...I know how you feel.
:(
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:49 PM
Response to Reply #109
119. Thank you.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
105. no, you're not being irrational
My daughter is the same age and I would be LIVID if this happened to her.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #105
108. Thank you.
I just feel like they think I'm trash and can't afford to bring another set of clothes or something.
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Laelth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 10:18 PM
Response to Original message
110. I have only one question for you ...
What was your daughter doing that caused her clothes to rip? In other words, why did the teacher seem to feel that humiliation was justified here?

That's the only mitigating factor I can think of. Otherwise, as the father of 2 daughters (one 6 and one 3), I am furious for you. There is, really, no excuse for using humiliation as a form of punishment against a person that young, and you will probably win this one in court (if it ever gets there) simply because of the sexual exposure element of this particular humiliation. Surely spare clothes were available. As such, your daughter was deliberately humiliated by the teacher for some reason.

I would go to school, first, and merely gather information in a polite but concerned manner. Before I'd respond to anyone at the school, I would want to know what act my child had committed that justified this kind of punishment. Then, depending on what she had done, I'd either be stern and lecturing (if her behavior was pretty bad) or silent and filing suit (if she hadn't done something pretty bad).

Please do keep us informed, and good luck. If you don't defend your daughter, who will? :hug:

-Laelth

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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #110
120. She says that she was playing on the playground and fell.
Right now, I'm in the process of gathering all info before I blow my fuse.
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Laelth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #120
128. Remember that blowing your fuse is never helpful.
Seriously, unless your daughter did something that might warrant some kind of punishment, you should be collecting info (statements from other students or parents, for example, specifying when she tore her pants) in preparation for filing suit. See a lawyer. Somebody will want this case.

Then, when the schools settles with you, you will be able to afford those clothes that your daughter's teacher insists she needs.

-Laelth
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 09:53 PM
Response to Reply #128
129. Now that is a nice thought.
My daughter would actually have the clothes I'd love to see her in, instead of what I can afford.

I'd probably invest it for her instead.
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southlandshari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 11:02 PM
Response to Original message
111. I'm with you, I think they should have called
Edited on Mon Mar-27-06 11:05 PM by southlandshari
A rip from knee to crotch? Yes, they should have called you. I would feel exactly the same way if my six year old daughter came home with pants ripped that badly in that area (knee to ankle would not have been as bad, I guess) and said she'd been wearing them all day like that.

:hug:


On edit: They told your FIVE-YEAR-OLD she should "wear better pants"? I do think I would have a word with the principal about that one. What a careless and insensitive comment to make to a child, who was probably already embarassed about having to wear her ripped pants after falling down.

x(
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:51 PM
Response to Reply #111
121. It is just ridiculous.
I'm trying to keep my head together over this one.
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Whoa_Nelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-27-06 11:09 PM
Response to Original message
112. When I was teaching, if something like that happened
we had a grab bag of clean clothes in the Nurse's office WHEN WE COULDN'T REACH THE PARENT, or anyone else that could bring fresh clothing.

You bet you're not overreacting! Go get'em. It's more than just a dignity issue...I would ask them if this is their policy when other kids are in clothing that exposes their undies...or do they even have some sort of expected dress code.

Ridiculous they didn't contact you. I would also make sure you get to speak with her teacher. That person also had a responsibility to make sure your daughter was not having her learning time in school impeded due to this.

This would never have happened with any of my students.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:52 PM
Response to Reply #112
122. My best friend says that it would never have happened w/
her high school students and her mother (a kindergarten teacher) also said the same thing.

Right now I'm gathering information and trying to find out exactly what happened.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:36 PM
Response to Original message
114. Spoke w/ the school principal
There story is that it happened very late in the day and that they felt it was close enough to her time to go home that she could wear her jacket to cover.

Her jacket did not cover anything. And she swears that it happened early in the morning (long before lunch), not at the end of the day.

I'm contacting a school board member tomorrow. I'll see him in a casual situation (Wednesday night church dinner) and I'll ask him a few questions.
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BikeWriter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:44 PM
Response to Reply #114
116. All time is relevant, and I'm sure time dragged with her being exposed...
Still yet, there's no way anything but a much too large jacket could cover her thigh to her crotch decently! I hope you get an adequate explanation and apology from someone!
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #116
117. I hope that I do too.
And her jacket is just a simple jean jacket. The length (because of a recent growth spurt) is right about waist level. It couldn't have covered anything.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #114
123. that's awful..they are making excuses to cover their sorry
butts. Even if it did happen very late in the day..which I doubt highly..they still should have notified you.

If you can't get the school board to do anything..go public with it. Call a newspaper or tv reporter.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 05:04 PM
Response to Reply #123
124. I'll wait on the school board.
I hate making a big stink about things because I'm afraid of backlash against my daughter. In this case my friend says it is warranted.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 05:12 PM
Response to Reply #124
125. It is warranted..
I hope the school board can help.
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #125
126. I hope so too.
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spacelady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-29-06 10:47 PM
Response to Reply #123
131. I agree with this, instead of a defensive CYA, whomever was in charge
should have at least lent a sympathetic ear and assured you that the teacher would be told about your concerns and that it would never happen again. At the very least!!
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snacker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:42 PM
Response to Original message
115. You have every right to be angry. n/t
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #115
118. Thank you.
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Beausoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
127. I'm a mom. I would have been pretty upset by that. Poor kid.
She's only 5? Jeeze.

What in the world is wrong with people?

You should have been phoned immediately. What an awful feeling for her.

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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-28-06 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #127
130. You can guess I was pretty damn angry about it.
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