Things you'd rather do than sit through the Larry the Cable Guy movie

[Bossy Monkey]

[ohiosmith]

1. Sit through an Ernest movie.

[ForrestGump]

2. Who is this Larry the Cable Guy?

I had some doofus come up to me while I was working and start getting all loud and stupid on me (the nature of my work tends to attract people I'd just as soon repel) and I just assumed he was naturally a nincompoop, some obnoxious drunk f***wit. Turns out it was his Larry the Cable Guy imitation.

I wasn't impressed, because I have no idea what a Larry the Cable Guy is, but I am willing to believe that he was just some obnoxious drunk f***wit doing a bad Larry the Cable Guy impression and not a faithful rendition of Larry the Cable Guy. If he really was true to the real thing, I can't say I'm overly impressed with this whole concept of Larry the Cable Guy.

He also wouldn't go away. Made me feel like becoming Forrest the Really Violent Guy.

[mikeytherat]

4. This will help:

Of the 50 Most Loathsome People of 2005, he's #48:

48. Larry the Cable Guy

Charges:
The absolute nadir of the American South’s baffling cultural hegemony. A middle-class Nebraskan, raised in Palm Beach, whose parents sent him to private school, masquerading as an Appalachian mutant and making millions off the nine-toed cyclopes in his audience by calling his material "blue collar," when it’s really just a celebration of proud ignorance. The latest in a long line of "entertainers" propagating the lie that real talent is elitist. The South has risen again—just long enough to grab the rest of the nation by the legs and pull it back down to its Lovecraftian depths. Isn’t even "bad funny." Makes Jeff Foxworthy look like Chris Rock.

Exhibit A:
Ostensibly humorous catchphrase translates into "complete the task."

Sentence:
Sent back in time for the sole purpose of having Mark Twain’s cigars extinguished on his face.

mikey_the_rat

[ForrestGump]

11. My goodness

Sounds like the aforementioned f***wit was spot-on in his impression of this character...

Thanks!

[Shakespeare]

9. Time for a re-post: David Cross v. Larry the Cable Guy

I already loved Cross for being an acerbic, unapologetic liberal. This grants him "god" status.

http://www.bobanddavid.com/david.asp?artId=183

[ForrestGump]

14. Not having familiarity with Larry the Cable Guy's oeuvre, I didn't

fully 'get' that, but I got enough to get enough, and it's brilliant by any measure. :headbang:

[NoPasaran]

35. I believe that is the first time "Larry the Cable Guy" and "oeuvre"

I believe that is the first time "Larry the Cable Guy" and "oeuvre" have been used in the same sentence.

[grace0418]

28. God I love David Cross.

I would have his children.

[Bossy Monkey]

29. He's the "Git 'r' done!" imbecile

More than that I cannot say, since the Git'r'done bit is so irritating that I just switch him off whenever he's on. The third and far the least of the Blue Collar comedy tour trio. If your kibbitzer looked and sounded like a doughy idiot with marbles in his mouth then he did a great impression.

[Initech]

3. I'd rather watch Beautician And The Beast

Yeah, I'd rather sit and listen to Fran Drescher for two hours than listen to that no-talent Bush loving poser ass clown known as Larry The Cable Guy.

edit: I'd rather listen to "Jesus, Take The Wheel" 700 times than listen to Larry The Cable Guy.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

5. As much as I hate to say it

I thought it looked funny. Granted, as a teenager that kind of humer is used and directed to my age group.

[jane_pippin]

6. I don't understand why a cable guy would also be a health inspector.

And I sincerely hope the film addresses this issue through a series of hilariously crude situations, preferably involving beer and/or fart jokes.

[mikeytherat]

10. And breasts. Lots of references to "hooters" "knockers" etc.

Can't explain how a cable installer would also be a health inspector without breasts, ya know?

mikey_the_rat

[jane_pippin]

12. Oh god. You just put a horrible thought into my head:

Larry The Cable Guy...sex scene.

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:



And you're right. Gotta have "hooter" jokes. What would this cinematic gem be without them?

[Initech]

37. That's one way to Git R Done!!!

:evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

15. Breasts?

Oh.

Well, maybe he's all right, then. :D

[mikeytherat]

16. PG-13 breasts, so nothing to see here (literally)

Just PG-13 JOKES about breasts. From Larry the Cable Guy.

mikey_the_rat

[underpants]

20. Whoops

I posted the same thing below.

Great minds I guess.

That was the first thing that hit me. Why is he a health inspector?

[jane_pippin]

23. It's crazy, no?

You'd think he'd just be a cable guy since he already is one. Why?


Unless this is the beginning of a god-awful series of movies...

Larry The Cable Guy--M.D.!

Larry The Cable Guy--Mail Carrier!

Larry The Cable Guy--Kindergarten Cop!

[Magrittes Pipe]

25. Larry the Cable Guy -- Pet Gynecologist

[Radio_Guy]

7. Dental surgery

Without anesthesia.

[Fenris]

8. WE BUILT THIS CITY!

:headbang:

[underpants]

13. ¿ Why isn't he a 'cable guy' in this movie and not a 'health inspector'?

Has that struck anyone yet?

[Jara sang]

17. I'd rather have my penis stapled to the wall.

than endure that.

[BigMcLargehuge]

18. Alternatives to Larry the Cable Guy movie

Make a less stupid movie, for example set up your own digital video camera and film yourself climbing into the grizzly enclosure at the Franklin Park Zoo with a dead salmon dangling around your neck.

Explore interspecies sex, for example, shoveling fire ants into your tighty whities.

Defy gravity, tell gravity to "go fuck itself" and leap from a very high place into a very hard place, such as from the top of a redwood tree into a parking lot.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

21. Best. Post. EVER!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[SOteric]

22. Alternatives to larry the Cable Guy move, part II

Soothing Home Care, apply medicinal ointment to Rush Limbaugh's anal fissures by hand.

Fine Dining on exotic cuisines, leisurely sipping of an entire bucket of mouldy, fermented garden slug bisque.

Poetry Readings, croon tender love poems to comedian Carrot Top whilst massaging a 5-star Vindaloo into one's privates.

[mikeytherat]

24. Or attend a Carrot Top concert

I did this in '89 (I think it was), when he was just getting started on the collegiate circuit. His material bombed, and he got surly and lashed out at the audience. It was pretty ugly.

mikey_the_rat

[Tyrone Slothrop]

19. I'll take Other:

I would rather run my own gonads through a sausage grinder and stuff them into a casing than sit through the Larry the Cable Guy movie.

[Magrittes Pipe]

26. Make sweet, sweet love to Kevin Federline.

Popo Zao, baby! Popo Zao!

[long_green]

27. I'd rather castrate myself with a smooth rock than...

see that movie.

[Crazy Dave]

30. I'd take the date with Ann Coulter....

I'd personally like to bend her over a chair myself and then take some compromising photos.

[terrya]

31. Hammer rusty nails into my forehead

The fucking LAST thing I want to do is sit through 90 minutes watching that disgusting, sexist, racist, homophobic right wing "comedian" in some damn movie.

[ChoralScholar]

32. Whooooo buddy... Git-R-Done!!!

He makes me want to vomit. I'd rather dig out my eardrums with a pencil.

[NoPasaran]

33. Do-it-yourself lobotomy

Performed with DeWalt cordless drill.

[EstimatedProphet]

34. The raft with O'Reilly

Because after you run out of food you can kill and eat him.

[Bossy Monkey]

40. I rather sense that the other two who voted this way thought the same nt

[Missy Vixen]

36. Ohhhhh, I've got one

I'd rather be dragged buck naked over broken glass than sit through 90 minutes of hell featuring that moronic imbecile.

Julie
fixed my spelling error :scared:

[jakefrep]

38. Other...

I'd rather be Jim Caviezel's stunt double for The Passion of The Christ. Although I suppose that qualifies as medieval torture.

:spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

[no name no slogan]

39. work on my crappy journal without eye protection