40 things you would NEVER, EVER hear a Redneck say...

[azmouse]

:rofl:
The top 40 things you would NEVER, EVER hear a Redneck say, no matter how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...


40. Oh I just couldn't, I mean, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a rip who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. These are GREAT!

How about: Oh, those trees are way too important to the wildlife to be cut down!

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

2. I'm off to the Thursday/My Chemical Romance concert!

[BlueJazz]

3. Well Honey..You can watch the NASCAR race if you want to but...

..AMC is showing "Sweet, Sweet Love" with Bette Davis.

[BlueJazz]

5. or.....Sweetheart, I'm going down to Walgreen's...

..Would you like me to pick you up some Sanitary Napkins?

[BikeWriter]

6. ...and Frisky Kitty Cat Food?

[BikeWriter]

4. "Pass the tofurkey, please."

[Strong Atheist]

7. #1 I'M AN ATHEIST!

Or GAY!

I can't believe this list missed those...

[BikeWriter]

8. "I'd like to check out a copy of "War and Peace."

[SIU_Blue]

9. "Maybe we should get rid of our TV dish and put some food on the table."

or

"honey, I think it's time to deal with all those old cars in the yard!"

[bumblebee1]

10. Honey,

we need to fix the porch. We've lost too many dogs that way.

[azmouse]

11. I think * should be impeached...the lying bastard!

[CottonBear]

12. What's the last thing a redneck says before he commits suicide?

"Hey! Watch this!"
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Full disclosure: I'm a real, sho'nuff, Southern born, Scots-Irish Presbyterian redneck. ;)

[azmouse]

14. You must be ok . You're here on DU!

:hi:

[LostinVA]

22. That IS the last thing my uncle said before he lost all feeling in

his left leg... it involved a joint, a homemade ramp, and a ten speed bike.

[CottonBear]

23. Ouch! Hope he's OK now. n/t

[LostinVA]

24. No feeling in his leg from the thigh to mid shin

Except for a slight tingling sensation. That was about 20 years ago... the gear sprocket caught in his leg and basically ripped it open.... *shudder* I was there... not a pretty sight. He shrieked like a banshee.

[CottonBear]

25. OMG! I sort of sorry I asked. I'm not good with blood and guts.

Can he walk unassisted?

I'm the daughter of an Orthopaedic surgeon and a physical therapist but I have no stomach for trauma cases. I fainted while cutting open my fetal pig in high school biology class. (I cut my lip open.) I knew then and there I was not doctor material!

[LostinVA]

26. Hahahha -- sorry!

Yeah, he can walk -- he's a crabber. Just no feeling in the leg. He's only four years older than me, so he was about 24 when it happened. We were all kinda stoned... but I was stoned and not stupid... guys -- especially redneck guys -- are nuts. My grandmother almost killed us!

To make stuff worse: one of his redneck buddies was going to pull the gear out of his leg -- it was in pretty deep.

And, we had to cut up a cat in HS Anatomy, so I feel your pain. It was RIGHT before my lunch period, too. *gag*

(oh... he also lost some teeth jumping from a roof unto a pile of cardboard boxes... I never heard the full story, because sometimes it's better not to know things...)

[BikeWriter]

27. Hmm, so sans the joint, the jump would have been legal?

[Squatch]

13. #41 I find this first growth bordeaux a perfect match to the duck confit.

[BikeWriter]

15. Hee hee hee! Good one! I have said this version...

"Boudreaux, pass the Boone's Farm. It goes good with the Duck Gumbo."

[Squatch]

18. BWahahahaha

:rofl:

[BikeWriter]

20. Hee hee hee! Call me a redneck, but I lurves me some Duck Gumbo.

:)

[AirmensMom]

16. I don't know about that ...

My son-in-law is a redneck and he actually did say #35! He hates guns. As a matter of fact, #37 might be a problem too -- he drives a Mustang. And, well, he's a computer geek, so #15 doesn't really fit. Are you telling me there's hope for him? :bounce:

[azmouse]

17. You're having a good influence on him.

Keep up the good work. :hi:

[AirmensMom]

19. I doubt that.

If that were the case, he'd be wearing a seatbelt. ("Seatbelts are unnecessary" must be number 41.) :hi:

[genieroze]

21. How about, Iraq had nothing to do with 911, or I actually read The

Bible rather then let a preacher tell me how to think. Bush is a bad president.

[Kerrytravelers]

28. I can't. She's my sister.

I'm sorry. That is a terrible thing to say. I have a few rednecks in my family... although they're all Democrats... maybe they're not real rednecks! :)

[BikeWriter]

29. I'm too drunk to drive.