A tribute to my sister Renee: - Democratic Underground

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Wed Mar-15-06 12:19 PM
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A tribute to my sister Renee:

Today is my sister's 41st birthday. She's my "Irish twin", which means we were both born within a year of each other. For ten days out of each year, we're actually the same age. I always feel a bit melancholy on this day because she lives so far away from me and I haven't seen her in a long time. :cry:

Sadly, she was born profoundly retarded and is at a 15 month level, mentally. She cannot speak and does not know me, although she is ambulatory. My parents decided to institutionalize her when she was only 4 years old. I vividly remember my mother sobbing shortly before they placed her, because it was such a painful decision. My mother got married at 19, had me at 20, my retarded sister at 21 and she was pregnant with her third child at the age of 22 when they discovered Renee's retardation, at 8 mos old. At the time of Renee's placement, my poor mother had been carrying her for all of her life, since she couldn't even walk yet. Can you even begin to imagine the emotional stress of that situation?

We were living in PA at the time and my parents found a wonderful place for her to live and she's been there, ever since. Shortly afterwards, my parents' marriage broke up, which is, statistically, very common in situations like these. I lived with my mother and younger sister in OH from the age of 6-12 and during that time, I saw Renee pretty often, when we would go to visit her in the childrens' ward. Those visits remain clear in my memory because of what I saw, at such a young age. I remember seeing severely deformed children, who couldn't even walk. I remember seeing children who wore helmets on their heads because they would bang them on the walls. These were not "normal kids" and I remember so many conflicted emotions during those visits, from fear, to pity, to shame, to confusion, to guilt...Having a sister so profoundly retarded made me feel even more separate from my friends, because I felt nobody could really "get" what it was like.

However, as I've grown, I've come to appreciate the gift of Compassion and the appreciation of differences having a sister like Renee has given me. I love her, unconditionally, and I am so glad she was born....even as I mourn the loss of having any sort of "normal" relationship with her.

I consider myself to be a spiritual person and I have often wondered if, perhaps, she is actually MORE "spiritually enlightened", having chosen to come into this life not being attached to a personality or ego. Who knows? :shrug: All I know is, she has the purity of a baby, being fully present in every moment with whatever shows up. Who am I to judge her as "less than" anyone else? Who is anyone, to do so? She has value, she has a purpose, she is loved.

So, on her birthday, the Ides of March, I honor my sister Renee and give thanks for the difference she has made in my life and in our family. I love you, Renee. :loveya: Happy birthday, from my heart to yours....