When's the worst time to be single and unattached?

[liberalhistorian]

As a never-married single parent who hasn't even had a decent date (surrounded by single freepers!)in forever and ever, I've gotten quite used to doing things alone and being alone, and to even enjoy at times.

There are times, however, when I absolutely hate it, when the fact that this is a couples-oriented society that doesn't know what to do with its single members (even though there are now more single adults than at any other time in this country's history) and, thus, makes them feel like outcasts even if they don't normally feel that way really hits me.

For me personally, it's a toss between the holidays and Valentine's Day, and I'm especially dreading the holidays this year because a lot of people I know, from co-workers to family to friends, are going to get engagement rings for Christmas and it is, really, a quite romantic time if you're with someone. You're surrounded by "this would be a perfect gift for that special someone" all the time, etc., etc. And don't even get me started on family pressure-I'm the only one at family gatherings that isn't married, even my cousins in their 20's (I'm almost 39) are married. But if forced to make a choice, I'd definitely have to say Valentine's Day. Old-fashioned romantic that I am, that day is pure hell if you're alone, even if you like and don't mind being single. So when's the worst time for you?

[KG]

1. when you're drunk or stoned and horny.

:evilgrin:

[liberalhistorian]

2. LOL!

Yes, that is, indeed, a time when it's frustrating, isn't it?

[KG]

4. thank goodness for internet porn

keeping KG off the streets since 1998! :D

[Coventina]

3. On vacation in Hawaii---

with your grandmother, and all you see are snogging honeymooners!

On edit:
Valentine's day never bothered me. In fact, I can remember one year I was shopping in Victoria's Secret, and I was completely bamboozled by why there were so many men in business suits in the store. I finally figured out that it was Feb 14, just after 5pm!
:dunce:

[toddzilla]

6. every time someone says "your'e not married??"

like you're some kind of leper or something.

i'd almost rather be unhappily married i think.

[KCDem]

12. believe me, you would not.

I guess it's hard to know how one would be in the other situation, but I think being single would be preferable to being stuck in a bad situation.

[NightTrain]

18. In the immortal words of Henry Miller...

"It's better to be alone than with somebody who doesn't understand you."

Words to live by, my friends! Trust me.

[populistmom]

28. I agree

I suppose if people can work together on mutual goals or at least like each other, it's not so bad, but otherwise, I suspect things would get kind of difficult after awhile even then.

[liberalhistorian]

14. Believe me, I hate

that too, like you're not really a whole person or you don't have a life if you're not married! And, btw, I really don't think you'd rather be unhappily married. I've never been married, but I've known of and seen enough unhappy marriages to know that I'd much rather be single forever than stuck in a miserable marriage.

[liberalhistorian]

8. Oooohh, I hate that kind of

thing, too! Then, despite yourself, you start that old inner "why can't it be me, when's it gonna be my turn" whining that you can't seem to shut off no matter how much reason you try to pour into your brain!

[NightTrain]

5. What? No "all of the above?"

With me, it varies. A couple of years ago, I got home from work and suddenly realized that I was all alone on Christmas Eve. It wasn't my first Christmas alone and it wouldn't be my last, but for some reason it really hit me hard that year.

Valentine's Day can be tough, as well. If there's one thing I don't need, it's to be constantly reminded that I've been unattached since the first half of the Clinton presidency.

But most of the time, I don't think twice about my being unattached. If anything, I find that it can often be a blessing. My attitude toward meeting "that special someone" is: if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I've spent much of my life in solitude, most of it self-imposed, so it's really no big deal. Besides, how can you miss what you've never had?

Thank you, LH, for this most depressing topic! :P

[liberalhistorian]

9. LOL!

Sorry, Dean!

BTW, watch your email, I'll answer yours sometime tonight.

[KG]

7. been single and un-attached for 16 years.

not a worry for me anymore - i've come to really enjoy my stress free lifestyle.

[neuvocat]

10. I used to hate it

until I saw all the hell that my friend's started suffering because they found someone and had kids.

[BiggJawn]

27. Well, go figure, you have all that Web Porn...

Great stuff, eh? If it had been around 15 years ago, I might not have gotten married the second time...

[liberalhistorian]

32. LOL!

I suspect that that's the way a lot of people feel, unfortunately.

[Kat45]

11. The holidays, definitely

I even have trouble with holiday weekends because most people go away with their S.O.'s and I'm just stuck at home with nobody around and nothing to do.

But this particular holiday season is going to have an extra dose of depressiveness in it because I think a great f*buddy thing that I've had going for a while is about to end (if it hasn't ended already) since it looks like he found somebody (in his own age range) who he'd like to get involved with. :-(

[liberalhistorian]

15. Yikes!

Boy, that really sucks! Why don't you try volunteering someplace or getting involved with an interest group or singles group or something like that?

[Kat45]

20. Funny you should say that...

I'm doing some volunteering for a campaign and I also helped serve dinner at a soup kitchen last week. I'm also one of the folks starting a singles group at my church. Because the church has very few single people, it's an outreach group, but at our first event, only one person showed up. So yeah, I am trying to keep busy, but I'm still bumming out (and also still not meeting anyone). And to make matters worse, the former f*buddy is someone who I will continue to encounter, and one of the things which we both go to is the place where he's getting together with the new woman. "Yikes!" is right! It ain't easy. (And the fact that it's the best sex I ever had doesn't make it any easier.)

[liberalhistorian]

37. Keep on developing that singles group

at your church, because it will grow and get much better. The singles ministry in my own church started out with just a few singles and single parents, and a program called Divorce Recovery Workshop. Now my church has a full-time singles pastor and a full-fledged singles ministry with hundreds of members at various stages of singleness, from the College and Career group to the single parents to the Twenties and Thirties group to the middle agers group to the "prime timers" group. It's really been a huge help and blessing in my life, and brought me a lot of good friends. Even though almost all of those who were members of the single parent group when I started ten years ago are married now, some to each other, and almost all of them at various times last summer, SIGH.

[Booberdawg]

13. I actually prefer being single and unattached

I don't think I could even put up with a roommate. I like my space.

[camero]

16. Valentines day

I hate it at Valentines day. doh.

[liberalhistorian]

31. Well, you

ain't alone in that, that's for sure! If I remember, maybe I'll send you some flowers or something, lol! I can't send chocolates since you're a diabetic.

[camero]

43. That's a nice gesture

my friends pick on me about it cause when they say "valentines day", I always remind them that it's the start of mating season for birds.

A hallmark holiday for birds. While human mating season goes all year round...lol.


As for chocolate, sugar free chocolate has me running for the crapper...lol.

I should return the gesture, thank you.

[liberalhistorian]

44. SUGAR-FREE CHOCOLATE?

YEEECCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, that would probably taste like fat-free mayonaisse! Take the sugar out of chocolate and you take out the taste, take the fat out of mayonaisse and there's also no taste!

[camero]

46. Tastes pretty good actually

It's just the Maltitol in it makes me run to the bathroom.
Alot of it out there now, I just wish they would make some sweetened with splenda.

Edit: I agree with ya about the mayo. Fat free does taste bad to me.

[Kanary]

17. at night, or when sick. Hmmm, same thing. ^_^

Kanary

[Zomby Woof]

19. ehhh

When I was single, I didn't care about being alone during the holidays (espcially fake ones like Valentine's). I embrace whatever situation I am in. One of the keys to living a happier life is to look at what you have, not at what you don't have. Being somewhat of a misanthrope probably helped.

Hating or feeling angry about the holidays just because the culture promotes the ideal of "togetherness" is causing you to negate YOUR right to celebrate them, or ignore them, in your own way. Screw what the mass culture dictates! Create your own reality, and live by it.

[Kat45]

22. Zomby, I didn't realize it's been 10 years!!!

I just read your sig, and got sad all over again thinking of Frank's passing. I had no idea it was 10 years ago!

[Zomby Woof]

24. as of tomorrow!

I am starting a tribute now with multiple threads. :-)

[Kat45]

42. I'll keep an eye out for the threads.

FZ, I miss you.

[liberalhistorian]

35. LOL!

You're "attached" ZW, so that's all very easy for you to say. I've noticed that it's usually people who are married or involved that tend to say things like that, because t hey don't have to be "out there" anymore (remember that scene in "When Harry Met Sally", where the Carrie Fisher character gets off the phone with Sally after she's poured her heart out about her bad experience with Harry and asks her fiance to reassure her that she'll "never have to be out there again)?

[Zomby Woof]

49. I was alone for far more years than not

My attitude is unchanged, whether I have someone or not. I am 36, and didn't even bother to live with anyone until NOW. I have had more failed relationships than I care to remember, so I know a thing or two of what I speak when it comes to my past solitude. I was damn good at being alone, and I am damn good at being with someone. Do I prefer being with someone? Yes. But being alone wasn't some horrible fate to make me feel miserable and self-pitying. It was an occasional annoyance at worst.

It was "easy" to say because I have never let society dictate the norms for me. Neither should you. You sound like you have listened to too many bad love songs that promise the moon and the stars when you are in love. Doesn't work that way, as you should know, having been there yourself in a relationship or two. You aren't being cheated just because you have no one. Free yourself of that mindset, and you may find someone yet.

Love isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning. Those crappy songs (pretending to be romantic) have caused more damage to this culture than I care to delve into here.

[whyaduck]

61. I like your posts and attitude

In my experience, a single life needs to be cultivated whether or not you have children. Your most important relationship is between you and you, meaning that you are responsible for yourself whether single or paired off. Embrace your life just as it is, and see what happens.

I'm a never married parent and have spent some of the biggest moments of my life alone - my entire pregnancy, several hours of labor, the first few months after my child was born ~ all those sleepless nights. (I should acknowledge that I am fortunate to have a support network of family and friends, but I lived alone all that time.) One hurdle I had to overcome was the feeling of being an "impostor mother" with one foot in the parenting world and the other in a single's life. I felt awkward around married moms because of my own guilty feelings over an unplanned child. Over time though I branched out more with other parents and their kids, and tried to create as normal a life as possible. I'm "40-ish", and can say with confidence that I did reach a point of completely and sincerely giving up on romance. I was beyond indifferent, I didn't give it a second thought after a while. And wouldn't you know, a nice guy came along a year or two later, something I thought would happen only after hell froze over. There's no magic bullet or forumla, but it can happen. And even after it happens there are no guarantees, and even if you love each other it requires daily cultivation. (I hate to use the term "work" in this case.)

In my opinion "the holidays" are a couple of days out of the year, and a lot of commerical hype for weeks beforehand. *Ideals* of romantic love and familial relationships are promoted ad nauseum to sell cards, flowers and gifts. If you celebrate the holidays, it's best to do so without getting attached to the ideals and pressure surrounding them. Approach them lightheartedly.

Sorry for the long post. Just my 2 cents.

[liberalhistorian]

65. Oh, I know that it CAN happen,

it just never seems to happen to ME, lol! And I'm also a never-married single parent who went through my pregnancy and birth alone, so I know exactly what you mean.

And yes, I'm well aware that the holidays are just "days" that are hyped well beyond what they should be and that they promote an ideal that most people cannot live up to, just like Valentine's Day. That doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me once in awhile, though.

[Lizz612]

21. Bad day, come home and..... nothing

I just wanna sit and watch a movie with my head on someones shoulder... sigh... but I'm too damn busy to waste time on a movie... maybe over winter break... a winter fling sounds good.

[catzies]

23. I used to hate it but it didn't last forever

I had my daughter quite young, so now I'm an empty-nester and I'm only 41.

That's when it got better for me. All those years it sucked just as bad as it does for you now.

:hug:

But it gets better when they leave home. And make sure they take their pets with them when they go!

[BiggJawn]

25. Anytime.

The only good time to be single and unattached is when you're suffering from the Drizzling Shits....

[ChoralScholar]

26. I'm married...

but I think it would suck to be single when the middle of my back itches really really bad.

:)

[Deja Q]

29. All of the above, man!

Oh well. Applesauce happens. Best thing to do is to turn it into lemonade...

[liberalhistorian]

39. Hey, how did it go with

that personal ad you were trying to write last week, did you ever finish it?

[Kenneth ken]

30. other - vacations

at least for me. Family doesn't bug me about not being married. Holidays don't bother me.

But when it comes to vacations; that always seems like something I'd like to do with someone, seeing new places together, etc. It hits when I see something really neat and want to turn to someone and say, "Hey! look at...' oops nobody there.

[liberalhistorian]

33. Yeah, that's the way it is for

me with family vacations, everyone's married or attached so I'm a third wheel wherever I turn, especially when everyone gets all touchy-feely with each other!

[Hell Hath No Fury]

34. Not often, but...

mostly when I am sick and would like someone to bring me juice and Puffs, and pick up my meds at the drugstore.

Trying to hang drywall alone is a pain in the ass.

Or when you have the 3:00am blues and there's no one to cuddle with because the cats are ignoring you. :)

[kodi]

36. when you're in the hospital with a severe illness

it is then that a spouse counts most. all those little annoyancies of sharing your life with another person drop away and you realize what teamwork is all about.

trust me on this, if nothing ever else.

[liberalhistorian]

38. I know exactly what you mean, I had

a total hysterectomy last summer and could have really used some pampering, love and attention, especially when it seemed that everyone else around me (my "roommate", others on the same floor, etc.) had that.

[NightTrain]

41. *Groan* Why do I keep coming back to this depressing thread?!

Now you've just reminded me that I usually catch a nasty cold some time during the winter. For a fortnight or more, I'm tired and weak but still have to fend for myself the whole bloody time.

All right, enough of this. I'm going back to setting up my soon-to-be-launched Internet radio station! :thumbsup:

[liberalhistorian]

45. I don't know, Dean,

maybe you just can't resist me or my threads, lol!

[populistmom]

53. There's never a guarantee you'll be taken care of

About 5 years ago, I had pneumonia (never had it before or since thankfully). At the time, I had a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and was nursing a 4 month old baby. My husband continued working like always (could have taken time off with pay although a little less) and my parents are a half hour away and did nothing, nor did they care really. Not only did I have fend for myself, I had to still take care of the kids. At the time, I was teaching part-time and the only people who did anything was my co-workers who sent me flowers and my daughter (who was 6) helped make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for herself and my 3 year old. I don't mean to sound like a martyr, but I have had so many people in my life who claim to care about me, not be there when I needed them, that frankly, I have about a penny's worth of trust in human beings other than myself.

[camero]

55. I've found ( and this has been just my experience)

That the people who say they care almost really don't. They just want you to do things for them. The ones who really care don't say anything. They just are there when you need them the most.

[liberalhistorian]

66. Actions do, indeed,

speak much louder than just words.

[kodi]

56. when my ex-wife had surgery to remove cervical cancer, i was there for her

we had bad problems later on, but at that time, i was there for her, and i knew it helped her.

when we split up, she reminded me of that time and how much she knew i had loved her and helped her.

strange, i had not thought of this in a long while.

[The Lone Liberal]

40. Right after you have accidentally taken a handful of Viagra.

Yikes!

[camero]

48. LOL

Help, I've fallen and I can't get up because I can't get it down...lol

[Sting]

47. I understand...

I've been single 2 years now...had a couple one night stands here and there, but that's it. Just meaningless sex. :cry:

[liberalhistorian]

51. And somehow,

meaningless sex/one-night stands are even worse than being alone, at least to me, that is.

[supernova]

50. Actually just passed it

believe it or not, Thanksgiving and New Year's are the hardest for me. Xmas is OK, Valentines is OK.

Because I usually have nothing to do on those two holidays. I spend Thanksgiving with my sister and while I love her dearly, neither one of us is the life of the party.

New Year's I usually spend alone, have since 1995.


And I don't even have kids or pets to keep me company. So, I don't know.

[LWolf]

52. Other....Valentine's Day.

Not because I think the day has to be romantic. But, Valentine's Day is the anniversary of a particularly painful, never-healed wound. If I could just ignore it, it wouldn't bother me. But I can't. There is no way I can ignore the day in my classroom without an implosion. So it's a dreaded day. I always plan to take a day off and send a sub in; and then my conscience steps in, so I never do. I grit my teeth, plaster on a smile, and endure.


Other...when you are female and have accepted middle age gracefully. Or not. But you've accepted it.

[Cooley Hurd]

54. After you've broken your leg in a car accident...

No one to empty my pee bottle :-(

[liberalhistorian]

67. ROFLMAO!

Yes, that would, indeed, be a real pain!

[Endangered Specie]

57. When another couple...

Is kissing/hugging/snuggling/making out in public. When I get that type of mad... I play violent video games... Ironically, the worse a mood Im in, the more ass I kick.

[DEM FAN]

58. Right Now.

;-)

[jobycom]

59. When Ann Coulter wants a date and you need an excuse?

Just guessing.

[camero]

60. Oh, that's easy

Um, the Nazis are over THERE.

[Dogmudgeon]

62. Ten seconds after someone says ...

... you're a really great guy. I'm sure you'll meet someone soon!

--bkl

[Loonman]

63. Trick Question

There is no such time, unless you have to watch couples slobber over each other in public more than usual, but that's nauseating no matter when it happens.

[MissMillie]

64. After a really GOOD day

when you want someone to share it with.

After that, I would say at family gatherings. Not when it's just immediate family, but when the extended folks are involved.

"Unattached" can be a very misleading word. I am single and not dating anyone, but I'm not "unattached". I have a child... and that makes me very much attached.

[liberalhistorian]

68. By "unattached"

I meant not being in a relationship. I have a child, as well, but that's not what I meant.

[PVnRT]

69. Every fucking day

n/t

[liberalhistorian]

70. LOL!

There are some days when I know exactly what you mean! Certainly not all, but some.

[dwckabal]

71. Work "family functions"

like our annual picnic in June. The place is postively overflowing with kids and parents, etc.

I am 36, never married w/ no kids, and my parents are harping on me about grandkids. My poor sister, who is four years younger than me and in the same boat, gets it even worse!

[liberalhistorian]

72. Isn't it amazing that

families still put that kind of pressure on their single members? Like you can't have a life or be a whole person unless you're married!!!

[Flightful]

73. Tax time

We pay twice as much even though we don't use the schools and make far less use of the health care system.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

74. I once left a church after attending their "Family Fun Night"

and finding that it consisted of active games for the children and "how well do you know your spouse" games for the adults.

No one even considered the possibility that there were single adults in the parish.

Finally, I found a parish that didn't assume that everyone went around two by two.

[liberalhistorian]

75. As a Christian,

I know that it is, indeed, difficult to find churches that don't assum that everyone's married and that there's something wrong with people who aren't. I'm lucky to have found a wonderful church with a full-time singles pastor and singles ministry, which serves the whole range of singles, from single parents to young adult singles to the divorced, widowed, or never married, to older singles. And the church pastor, staff, and congregation themselves, even the married members, all recognize the importance of and need for such a ministry.