Ok, I'm going to sound like an idiot here

[MissMillie]

and probably for good reason, but here it goes.

I look a lot different than I did 18 months ago. I'm about 100 lbs. lighter. Now, this shouldn't make a hill of beans difference to anything other than my health (ok, and probably my self-esteem) but it has.

I have a friend who works in the bar of a hotel which sits in the middle of a high-tech industrial park. I go to see her pretty much every Wednesday night. I have dinner, and when she's not too busy, we chat. When she is busy, there is usually someone there with whom I can converse. In the past month, it's been men. And some of them have even been bold enough to invite me back to their rooms (which I politely decline--I'm just not that kind of girl... anymore).

Mind you, these men are all from out of town, and there's little chance that I would ever be able to develop any kind of relationship w/ anyone who lives far away (I know it's not impossible, but I admit it is improbable).

Last night, after I left, this man spent the rest of the evening bending my friend's ear about how terrific I am, and how single he is (mind you, this is after at least 3 margaritas) and how much he wants me to stop by again tonight so he can spend more time talking with me.

I fully admit it: I am not used to this kind of attention. I also fully admit, that I carry a ton of emotional baggage (my history is such: men don't stay w/ me, so I no longer give anyone a chance to get close).

And yes, I have completely over-analyzed this whole situation. He just wants to have a drink and talk w/ me, right?

He's nice enough... but I'll probably never see him again.

Why should I go?

[billyskank]

1. Why should you go?

Do you want to? If so, then do. Otherwise don't. Really there's nothing else to it.

[ohiosmith]

2. Give the guy a break. Go. Have a good time. Who knows?

[azmouse]

3. Think of it as practice.

The talk doesn't have to go any farther and we can all use more friends. You sound like a nice person and you have the right to enjoy your life. If you want to talk some more to the guy then I say go talk to him. Otherwise, rent a good movie and be good to yourself. You deserve it!

[crispini]

5. Rightyho!

You're overthinking it, Miss Millie. Take a deep breath, decide whether or not you enjoyed talking to him, and when your brain thinks BUT BUT BUT.... just stop there, and go, or not. :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. I love this answer! Yes, it's like interviewing for a job you don't want,

just to keep the interviewing muscles primed. Perfectly safe, since the dude is leaving.

And if nothing else, what the hell, it's a chance to connect with another human being and share some story and make one less stranger in the world.

[AlCzervik]

4. why not meet him for coffee and leave the baggage at home?

You're awfully hard on yourself which i understand becasue i am too but try to give yourself a break huh?

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

6. Why shouldn't you?

:shrug:

[Benfea]

7. Good for you!

Although, in all honesty, I generally find platonic friendships more emotionally gratifying than real-deal relationships, but that's just me.

[Misunderestimator]

8. The only reason not to go, would be if you really intend to never have

a relationship again. Otherwise, unless you simply don't like him or are not attracted to him in some way or another, I can't see any reason why you shouldn't go.

The best way to get rid of emotional baggage is to let go of it. Over-analyzing things is one way to not let go of it.

Go, have a good time. Risk having fun. :hi:

[seemunkee]

9. Go and enjoy yourself

Go with no expectations and just talk.

[Midlodemocrat]

10. Because maybe he comes to the area pretty often

and because he obviously likes you and because you are a great person. Enough reason for ya?

[Sheri]

12. Enjoy it while ya got it ...

We all need a little love. If you can get it, good for you. :thumbsup:

[hyphenate]

13. If you can keep it casual, go.

If you think he's going to pull something, don't go. I know what you mean, though, and I know lots of women who have had to deal with self-esteem problems after being heavy most of their life (including myself) and finally losing a significant amount of weight. They suddenly find themselves with lots of attention that they never got when they were heavier, and therein lies the problem: over and over and over again, we condemn ourselves by putting ourselves into a mindset of second-guessing someone else's motives: would the person have been attracted to me when I was a lot heavier?

And the answer is..........I don't know. If it's someone you knew long before you lost the weight it's one thing, but if the person is someone who has met you for the first time, they never knew you any other way and the question is moot. The closest answer I can give you is simply this: don't read more into a given situation than there really is, at least not until you learn otherwise. Many of us have had our hearts ripped from our chests and left for all to see simply because our expectations were higher going into a situation than it was expected or warranted.

A date is one thing, but another might be a "meeting" or a "lunch" where you go dutch. Assess the continuing saga on a daily basis as objectively as possible, and keep it as casual as possible. It might surprise you in the end.

[u4ic]

14. MissMillie, it's all about fear

and the unknown.

I can relate a bit, I think, to what you are going through. (though weight wasn't the issue with me)

You are in the process of redefining yourself. A significant weight loss (congrats!!!) doesn't mean that the emotional stuff is dealt with.

You are not only carrying the baggage of your previous relationships, but of not being desirable. You've used those excuses in the past, right?

You're a new person physically, but still the same one emotionally. One (physical) improvement doesn't automatically mean everything has (emotionally).

You've got lots of great advice on here. Go.

It's a weird place to be, MissMillie. However, if you truly want to move forward, you'll go. This isn't all or nothing...oh, I'll never have a chance with him because of blah blah blah...

Btw...my issue was illness. I have a chronic illness that I was dealing with for the past 5 years...I couldn't even often walk to the end of the apartment, so I rarely went out, and when I did, got all sorts of strange looks because of the way I walked. (not being able to get out was purely a physical problem, not an emotional one)

Now that so much of my pain has improved, as has my balance, and have been able to get out more, when people look at me, my first reaction is "am I walking strange again? I'm not, so why are they looking at me?" Not in a paranoid(!)way, just bewildered.

I never even thought it was how I looked, until I posted a pic at DU...it never occured to me perhaps someone thought I was attractive, because I'd had so little feedback in the past number of years.

Sometimes we just need to let go of that old image of ourselves. Easier said than done, however. :hug: