If your mother was diagnosed with a (3rd) recurrence of cancer (rant)...

[BlueIris]

...you would be:

[Heidi]

1. If it were me, I'd ask my mom how I could help her most,

and not make judgments about what my sister and brother are doing. Everyone handles traumatic situations differently, and I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't want anyone by her side who didn't want to be there. (I say this because we've been through this in my family twice already.)

[eyesroll]

2. My mom wouldn't want me there.

Her side of the family is VERY private/denial-oriented about medical things -- to the point where I had no idea my grandmother "died" in surgery and had her DNR violated (she lived six more months with lung and liver cancer), and where I had to actually sit my mom down and ask her point-by-point about her medical history (so I'd have a better idea of what to tell my own doc).

She lives only an hour from here, so I'd be down there as much as possible, but she'd repeatedly tell my sister (who lives across the country) to stay away unless/until she was actually dying.

But I get what you're saying...

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. If it were me, I would be asking her what it was she needed from me

and plan accordingly. :hi: I hope all is as well as it could be.