Don't take those you love for granted

[wtmusic]

Yesterday morning our babysitter, a single mother from Germany, dropped off her 12-year-old daughter at school. She drove to her mother-in-law's apartment building, took the elevator 9 stories to the roof, walked to the edge, and jumped.

My family is devastated--she was practically a second mom to my kids (she was our nanny for 5 years). She was a sweet, simple woman in her mid-30's. When her abusive husband finally had beat the crap out of her one two many times I helped load her belongings into a van while her husband was gone and got her moved into an apartment.

She babysat for us on Sunday night and there were no signs of any problems. We knew she was facing the usual challenges of raising a 12-year-old daughter on her own.

I've never known a suicide victim this well before. If she had called for help I would have dropped whatever I was doing...if I had called her once in while just to talk...these are the awful questions I can't help asking myself.

Thanks for listening.

[MiniMandaRuth]

1. Oftentimes, many, many suicide victims show no signs of any

depression. I've known a few people that have attempted it, and they said they didn't want to act depressed because they didn't want anyone to worry about them....

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug: and I mean it, too....

[progmom]

2. oh shit, wtmusic

:hug:

i learned that lesson a few years ago with someone i didn't know quite as well as you know your babysitter....but i certainly know those questions you're trying not to ask yourself.

i am really sorry for your loss. my thoughts will be with your family, and with her daughter. :hug:

[mdmc]

3. I'm sorry for your loss

very hard situation and very sad.

[MissMillie]

4. much love going your way

:hug: What a terrible thing to have to experience.

[cassandra uprising]

5. I am so very sorry for your loss

What a horror you and you're family must be facing right now. I have no words. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

6. I am so sorry

I feel for the daughter.

A little less than a year ago, one of my son's former baseball teammates shot himself (after his girlfriend broke up with him). He was 14 years old. He had a 16 year old sister, and of course his parents. The amazingly sad thing was that he was a very popular boy in school, extremely bright, talented and athletic. It is hard to know what lies below the surface though. I am still haunted to this day over Morgan's death.

[THUNDER HANDS]

7. what happens to the daughter now?

is she going to live with the abusive husband?

[wtmusic]

10. I can't imagine the court would allow that--

she had full custody. Remains to be seen.

One part of me is extremely pissed that she feels she had the right to check out and leave her daughter (who has no relatives in the US except in-laws) to fend for herself. But I'll never know what private hell drove her to this either.

[grace0418]

11. I know what you mean about the anger.

I had an acquaintance who's father walked upstairs just as the entire family was sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner and shot himself. As much grief as there was, there was also a great deal of anger that the father would do this to the family.

edited, I accidently hit send...

Anyway, there are a whole range of emotions for everyone and that's okay. I'm sure sending love and healing energy your way.

[leftofthedial]

8. suicide is indescribably cruel

there is nothing you could have done. it wasn't about you.

I'm sorry for your loss and sad to the core for her daughter.

:hug:

[wtmusic]

9. thank you all for your kind thoughts nt

[johnnie]

12. That's terrible

I am so sorry to hear this.

I will just say that after dealing with a few suicides, there is no way of really knowing. Don't let yourself think that maybe you could have stopped it or something.

My thoughts are with you and her family.

[Rowdyboy]

13. You never know the private hell that some people experience daily

I just don't understand. Wish you the best.

[Left Is Write]

14. I'm sorry.

It's tragic. I'm sorry for your loss, and for this woman's daughter as well.

[Patiod]

15. You can't know what's in someone elses mind or heart

A girl in my sorority was a perfectionist who took on too much - far too many credits, too much extra-curricular responsibility (President of the Marketing Club, Honor Societies, the sorority - lots of things) and had a complete breakdown, and dropped out of school.

She drove over to her sister's house one day when everyone else was out, rolled down the garage door, and let the car run.

Her family and friends were beating themselves up "we should have known". The rabbi, at the funeral, said "You can't play God. Only God knew what was in Dori's heart, and what was going on in her mind.". He said that the family and friends had stood by her and got her treatment for depression and anxiety (this was pre-SSRIs) and that's really the best they could do. The rest was between her and God. I've always kept that thought - that as long as you don't ignore obvious warning signs (like someone telling you "I want to kill myself"), that you really can't know what's in other people's hearts.

[auntAgonist]

16. I'm so very sorry

for your loss, for the 12year old's loss, for the senseless loss of life ...

my heartfelt prayers (and tears) to all of you.

May she rest in peace. Remember her always to her daughter. She needs you ALL now.


aA.