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1 Comsat Angels: Introduced the concept of "sucking really hard" into the idea-pool of the New Wave.
2. My Shitty Valentine is more like it.
3. Cockatoo Twins: my wife's favorite band. 'nuff said.
4. Gang of Four: Interesting early on, then they remembered they were musicians, and the polemics suffered (which was the only reason to listen to those sanctimonious putzes in the first place.)
5. Wire: okay, ringer. I can't say a bad word about Wire's first two albums. But I can say LOTSA bad words about their shit-eared technopop years! How's "Unlistenable," "Tinkertoy," "Dated," and "Dinky" suit ya?
6. Psychedelic Fur: what you find billowing around Jerry Garcia's dick.
7. Loop: Look, we can play the same riff for three hours straight! And we can mumble on top of it! Wow, we're not doing anything the Stooges didn't do better already!
8. Chameleons: If this is "new Psychedelic," give me rockabilly. OR a cyanide tablet. Hell, both.
9. Joy Division: They certainly divide MY joy by half. And Ian Curtis was an awful singer, just admit it. Plus, they gave birth to Goth, for which they deserve their own Nuremberg Trial (Hey! Two Nazi references in one post! That's almost as many as in a single SENTENCE in GD these days!)
10. Catherine Wheel: The singer is Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson's cousin. Too bad there's more sap than talent in THAT family tree.
11. Ojos de Brujo: mierda.
12. Gipsy Kings: Nothing Jose Feliciano didn't already do. Plus, he was blind so you could pity him. The GK's I wish genuine malice upon.
13. Miles Davis: THEE most overrated jazzbo of all time. Hey, lemme sing you may favorite Miles solo!
"BWAH DAH! (band vamps for twelve seconds) BAAAAAh-BOP! (band vamps for six seconds) Tweeeee-BAP-bop-de-weee-weee.... (Repeat twice) (End of solo)"
14. King Crimson: Gave up their ability to be taken seriously when they hired MR. MISTER's old drummer.
15. Brian Wilson: Orson Welles aged with more grace.
16. David Bowie: You know those guys you went to high school with who led exciting lives, were members of all sortsa sports teams and groups, and spent the rest of their post-HS lives repeating the same activities and never leaving town? No, you say? Well, do you know any skinny, attention-whoring geeks with two different colored eyeballs who paved the way for Duran Duran?
17. Paco de Lucia: Played with John "Mahavishnu" McLaughlin. Men have been hanged for less.
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