You should read this so you and your son won't go to hell!

[rbnyc]

That's what someone said to me on the street today.

I was coming home from the farmer's market and someone handed me a leaflet in Polish.

I said, "I'm sorry, I don't read Polish." So he handed me one in english. I took it, wondering if it were some petition concerning waterfront development, or a special at a local store.

The man said, "It's about Jesus."

I handed it back and said in a very friendly way, "No thank you. Best not to waste the paper. Good luck."

"Why would it be a waste of paper?" he asked.

"Because I won't read it. Thanks, though."

"You should read this so you and your son won't go to hell."

"Well," I said--slightly less friendly, "I'm just a bit more open-minded than that."

"You should open your mind to Jesus and close your mind to Satan."

"I just think there's more than one way of relating to the spiritual aspects of the universe. I think that Jesus is a metaphor. Many people have many different ways of identifying and relating to a god concept. I think it's arrogant, and possibly pathological, to believe that you have the only way and that anyone who takes a different route is on their way to hell. But, you have a good day."

"There is only one way to the Kingdom of Heaven," he said, "and that's by taking the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart by name."

Usually, I do not engage such people at all. But since he'd dragged my son into it, I'd gone this far so I continued. "Let me ask you this. Are your leaflets printed on recycled paper?"

"Um, I don't know. I don't think so..."

"If you have such devotion to Christ, why would you desecrate the Earth in his name?"

"What?"

"Why would you abuse the environment and create tremendous amounts of paper trash in the name of Jesus?"

"This literature serves an important purpose. And God gave man dominion over the Earth."

"Not so we could wreck it!"

"You should turn your back on Satan..."

"Oh my god! Listen, really, good luck to you."

And I finally left.

I should go back to my policy of never engaging these people. But the bother me so much. And I always end up having fantasies about what I would say to them. There's a train preacher to whom I often imagine hissing and waggling my tongue at and chanting "Satan rules!"

Oh well.

[fudge stripe cookays]

1. I hate these assholes.

I usually just hiss, "Well, if I'm going to hell, I'll see you there!"

Scares the crap out em, even in their self-deluded superiority. They have to look at themselves and thier behavior very closely, and they NEVER like doing that.

fsc

[China_cat]

25. Or, ask them

'are you going to heaven?' When they say yes, then tell them you'd rather not be there in that case.

[iconoclastic cat]

2. That is a person who is clinging desperately to his own reality.

He is so unsure and insecure--most likely guilt-ridden, too--that he cannot allow any information to enter his brain that challenges his reality.

Besides, if he had half a clue about Christianity, he'd know that your son could not possibly go to hell. Hell is for us grownups.

What a nimrod!

[rbnyc]

5. Maybe he neant he'd grow up and die and go to hell

because I didn't raise him christian.

:shrug:

[iconoclastic cat]

12. Maybe. But then again, who cares?

He's still nuts.

[FooFootheSnoo]

3. I was slipped a "tract"

when I was working as a cashier in a grocery store. I was kind of insulted because first, I was trying to work. Secondly, how did she know I needed saving? For all she knew I could have been a saint compared to her. Carry some leaflets from your faith and next time tell them you'll take theirs only if they take yours.

[rbnyc]

6. I'd haveto make something up...

...but I like that idea.

[lakemonster11]

32. That's what really bothers me about people who proselytize on the street.

Why do they assume that everyone who walks by is some sort of horrible sinner? Would they even know (or care) if the person they were yelling at (or handing literature to) already went to the "correct" church? Why do they assume that each passer-by hasn't already "accepted Jesus into their heart"?

I think "pathological" is the right word. I just don't get it.

[Gormy Cuss]

4. When I am approached, I say "no thanks"

If it's followed up by why, I simply say that I am secure in my faith and I can assure you that nothing on your handout will prove enlightening. Said with a smile, naturally. Confuses half of them, and the other half moves on with the delusion that I believe their version of salvation.

Years of walking in Boston and Harvard Square gave me plenty of time to hone the technique.


How rude to say your cute little boy is going to hell.

[pitohui]

9. when i'm approached i'm deaf

i smile my stoopit smile, i tap my ear and i keep on walkin


the minute you engage and discuss you are that much closer to giving in, ask ex-athiest.com (the guy who made the mistake of reading the bible for literature and is now totally sold)

be selective abt what you allow in your brain

propanganda WORKS and it is pure ego to assume it won't work on you because you are so much better than everybody else

we need to start taking our ideals seriously and to take it seriously that if we open our lives to bullshit that Mr. Lower Middle Class Bullshit is just as smart as us (because he is) and he CAN talk us into wasting our money...or our lives

[Gormy Cuss]

17. Nope, won't work on me.

I may be vulnerable to other forms of propaganda but religious proselytizers gain no traction with me.
Moonies, Jehovah's Witnesses, Hare Krishnas, Jews for Jesus, Scientologists, EST followers, you name it. I've chewed up and spit out all of them at one point or another when they didn't back down, but I was younger then. Now I'm polite and move on. As for the ones trying to 'save' me, I know more about the bible than most of the Christian proselytizers on the street. And for the record I don't ever assume that someone who appears to be from a low income socioeconomic group isn't just as smart as me. It takes one to know one.

[lakemonster11]

33. Another technique is to answer in a foreign language,

especially one the person approaching you is unlikely to know. It works best when accompanied by the sort of gesture that would naturally accompany the phrases "No thanks" or "I don't understand you."

That's how I got rid of people selling things on the street when I was in Italy. They would glom onto me whenever I went anywhere, but I would just answer them in Greek and they would give up immediately. Of course, it doesn't work if they've already heard you speaking English with your friends.

[pitohui]

7. don't engage

its irrelevant what they;re selling be it jesus or crack the minute you engage you broke your resoluttion and you're gonna smoke that crack

dont effin engage

[MrSlayer]

8. Haha! What you imagine I really do.

I always tell them I worship Satan. But in a nice friendly voice.

I did get a good laugh out of your line about desecrating the Earth in Jesus' name. I may have to borrow that.

[jobycom]

11. I liked that line, too

A follow up, when Christians start talking about "dominion" is to ask if they know what the word means. They usually think it means control. It actually means lordship, and it is the same root word used to describe Jesus's role in relation to Christians. He is the "dominus," the lord (in Bible terms). A lord does not destroy his subjects and resources at whim. A lord has responsibility to take care of his charges--he is supposed to rule them for their benefit, not for his own. Thus, "dominion" over the world and the animals means the responsibility to care for them, and it only includes the right to control them insomuch as the lord does it for the greater benefit of all. Being wasteful of resources or animals is bad lordship.

[Heidi]

19. Dominion equals good stewardship.

That's how I've always taken it, Joby, and I appreciate you reminding me. :hug:

[zone]

20. Our Endangered Values

Read it. Jimmy Carter's new book. He talks a lot about etomology and misrepresentation of original meaning, such as the Moral Majority folks falsely stating Paul's case to keep women subservient. Time for brunch!

[jobycom]

28. Thanks. Jimmy Carter is one of my very few true heroes, but I haven't

read his book yet. Glad for the reference.

[jobycom]

29. See?

I take five lines to explain it, you sum it up in four words... :-)

[jobycom]

10. Good for him to see that there are other people with other beliefs

You gave him more than a pamphlet's worth of thought to chew on, and no doubt he's telling the story to his friends right now, too. Maybe one day the faiths of others will help him understand himself better.

[zone]

13. us and them

Don't remember if I ran across this on DU or where, but it seems appropriate here, so I will share:

I was walking across a bridge recently. I spied this guy who looked like he was ready to jump off. So, I thought I'd try to stall him until the authorities showed up (or at least until I had time to put film in my camera).

"Don't jump!" I said.

"Why not?" he said. "Nobody loves me."

"God loves you," I said. "You believe in God, don't you?"

"Yes, I believe in God," he said.

"Good," I said. "Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Protestant or Catholic?"

"Protestant," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "What kind of Protestant?"

"Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Independent Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

"Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "New Evangelical/Moderate Independent Baptist or Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist or Lose-Your-Salvation Armenian Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Historical Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR For Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Strict Separation of Church and State Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Anti-Disney Boycott Pro-Choice Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "KJV Only Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Modern Versions Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"MODERN VERSIONS Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Auugghh!!! You heretic!" I said. And I pushed him over.



By the way, I just finished reading Jimmy Carter's book "Our Endangered Values" and would recommend it.

[rbnyc]

22. Thanks.

Would say more but baby needs me. Gotta run.

:hi:

[fudge stripe cookays]

26. It's Emo Phillips.

Always a good choice for exposing the ridiculous in everyday life. :thumbsup:

[Jamastiene]

14. Another good comeback would have been, "Well, when

you get there, pretend you don't know me OR my son." :shrug: That's a slightly altered version of what my mother always says.

[shugah]

15. my new response

"the rapture already happened, you know."

the usual response:

"huh?"

"yeah, you were right about god lifting people up to heaven in thier physical bodies - but not that many met the criteria. that girl that disappeared in aruba, some foster kids you never heard about on the news, kirk cameron - you haven't seen him lately, have you? - that librarian that used to find those obscure regenry press books for you, and surprise! your car mechanic ... a few others. but it just wasn't enough to cause a traffic jam."

"but..."

"well, good luck with your tribulations, okay?"

you're right, of course, that there is little or no point in attempting to engage in conversation with people who are so sure they are right and everyone else is wrong. but it can be fun, from time to time, to meet lack of sanity with same ;-)

[zone]

16. I buried Paul

No use getting irritated with g-d (is a concept, by which we measure our fear) just 'cause people tend to be so damned stupid and fearful.

[zone]

18. I'm afraid I was little too buzzed...

...to be waxing etherial after a rare night out last night.

Whaddya get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's witness?

Somebody who knocks on your door for no particular reason.

[rbnyc]

21. LMAO

That's so good!

[Strong Atheist]

23. This does not happen to me, for some reason, but if it did,

I would just tell them that I am an atheist, and there is no hell, heh heh ...

[China_cat]

24. You missed a good one

Most of those pamphlets and religious tracts are printed in CHINA.

Also, from someone else who has never gotten a straight answer to it..."how does it affect your life or afterlife if I don't believe what you do?"

She says they start sputtering about saving HER from hell but never give any answer as to what will happen to them if she says fuck off.

[bertha katzenengel]

27. Can you do that without shaking?

I can't. And I usually cry after it's over, too. I just get too emotional.

Good for you!

[politicat]

30. There was a group who used to leave those instead of tips....

when I was waitressing (lo these far too many years ago...). None of us wanted their table because they acted like waitressing was what Mary Magdalene was doing on the side to support the ministry.

These days, I just drag out Matthew 5:6 and stand there and wait for them to look it up. It's printed in Red in most bibles.

[Atmashine]

31. That's an awesome story

I wish I could tell people off like that.
Although if they tried to get my kid involved, I'd just have to go for the throat.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. He's been brainwashed...

Fear of hell has shrunk his head.

The best you can do is point that out, and tell him his very life depends on his minding his own business.