Question for gay and lesbian DUers...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

Does it bother you when people use the word "gay" in a negative fashion? Example: "That's so gay!"

Thanks for your reply! :toast:

[Harrumph]

1. Nope

Doesn't bother me at all. South Park kids do it all the time and I just laugh. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. yes, it does.

i often say "actually thats not gay...that was a very straight thing to do."

[Misunderestimator]

3. Yes... sometimes it bothers me.

[Call Me Wesley]

4. I'm not gay,

but I think it's just tacky. And I heard it too many times from teenagers.

I don't like it, because it is used in a negative and often homophobic way. Just tacky.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

11. That's the way I feel about it...

I told my 7 year old I didn't want him to use that phrase, because it makes "gay" sound like something bad.

There seems to be enough of a mix of feelings from gay and lesbian DUers to support my theory that it's best not to use the word in that manner.

[ronnykmarshall]

5. Yeah it does.

Not all the time, but it depends who says it.

[bigwillq]

6. No

I say "that's so gay" sometimes, so know it doesn't bother me.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. But would it bother you if a straight person said it?

...particularly if you knew that person was a bigot?

[bigwillq]

14. My straight friends say it

when I am in their presence.It doesn't bother me.

A bigot's a bigot. They're going to say whatever they want anyway so I don't let it get to me.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. It's great that you can do that.

:toast:

[bigwillq]

23. I don't let a lot of things bother me.

That's just the way I am.
I mean, if I have a chance to change someone's thinking, I try to but for the most part, people are going to think and say what they want. If you let what they say or do bother you that much, you're likely to go insane! :hi:

[joeybee12]

7. Not really, but...

...can't say I can just shrug it off.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. Some words and phrases are easy to explain

when I tell my 7 year old son I don't want him to use them. This wasn't so easy, but I'm glad I told him anyway.

[joeybee12]

21. Hmm..7 years old...did he have a fairly good grasp

of what you were talking about?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. I'm not sure.

I told him gay could mean happy (I still accept that definition anyway) or it could describe men who love other men and want to marry them. It's simplistic, I realize, but I didn't want to get too sophisticated.

Then I told him that I have a lot of friends who are gay, there's nothing wrong with that, and saying "That's so gay" is like insulting them. And I said we don't use words that insult our friends.

If he's confused, he'll probably ask again. :-)

[joeybee12]

25. Good for you! n/t

[Misunderestimator]

28. Good for you. It is definitely subtle bigotry, even when it's not meant

that way.

[tjwmason]

8. No.

I suspect it's mostly because I couldn't really care less what others think.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. A good way to be...

Still, I want my kid to know how to be respectful of others...even if they don't care.

[tjwmason]

35. If you don't want your child to use it

Then you should certainly enforce that - though it's then difficult at a young age without saying the "gay" is a bad word (which obviously it isn't). But the biggest thing is to raise your child to be respectful of others, whether straight or gay, man or woman, old or young &c. - and I'm absolutely certain that that's the case already.

[terrya]

9. Not really.

[newsguyatl]

10. yes

[Deja Q]

13. Nope.

Now if they said "That's so bi!" I'd be a bit bemused...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. LOL

But maybe it would be short for bilingual or bicyclical...

[Ramsey]

16. How 80's

I just think that person was a bit out of touch. Of course I'm not gay, so I should probably shut up.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. When my older boy was in kindergarten

he hugged his buddy on the playground, and was suddenly surrounded by little monsters taunting, "Ewww. You're gay!"

The teacher did nothing, in spite of the fact that the school was comprised primarily of minorities, and mostly black. :-(

Attitudes need to change.

[eyesroll]

27. It was amazing how anti-gay slurs were accepted when I was teaching.

The student body was maybe 40% white, 30% black, 30% latino. This was in 1997.

If a racial epithet crossed someone's lips, he/she would be in the principal's office ASAP.

Once a kid shouted "faggot" across the room. I wrote him up. He protested: "What, are you gay or something?" I responded: "You wouldn't be asking me if I was black or something, if someone shouted the n-word across the room at you. It's unacceptable either way."

Yes, attitudes do need to change.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. Good for you!

My guess that teachers who let any kind of hate language slide do so because they employ it themselves. People change the most when they have to set an example for others.

[khashka]

20. Doesn't bug me much

It really doesn't bother me.

Now "faggot", yeah that makes me mad. Don't call me a faggot unless you are my friend.


I think it all comes down to context. Is it intentionally homophobic or merely a habit of speech? Comes down to context.

My nephew put on my mother's glasses and I said "that is so gay!" He got really upset. At 11 he was much more concerned with language and its uses than I am. That was cool.


Khash.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. I think he got it from his big brother...

whom I've asked not to use the phrase. At 18, he's going through the identity thing; and if his friends embrace homophobia, he's afraid not to.

In my undergrad years of college, some of the most vocal homophobes were guys who came out at a later point in time. It must be horrible being afraid to be yourself! I don't want my kids to feel that way ever. And I don't want them to make their friends feel afraid.

[lumberingbear]

36. Faggot!

I hope I'm your friend.
:hi:

[khashka]

37. Yeah you can say it,

but god help anyone else.

Khash.

[Pacifist Patriot]

30. I'm not gay but it bugs the hell out of me.

I just about lost it when I heard my 9 year old son and his friends using it so flippantly. I forbid it. The phrase is meant to indicate something is not appreciated or wanted. I do not like the connection. What if they were saying, "That's so female!" or "That's so black!" Uh uh. No way. No sir. No how!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. I'm glad I'm not the only one...

I figure there are plenty of ways to express dislike of something without sounding insulting to people.

Or if "I don't like that." doesn't work, they can find a creative substitute.

[Pacifist Patriot]

32. Yep, it's lazy or insulting. One of the two.

I don't like it should be fine. If not, the English language has the largest vocabulary in the world. Surely words appropriate to the connotation can be found.

Hey, am I correct in remembering that you're a fellow red-head?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

33. Kind of red, kind of brown

with a little bit of gray sneaking in.

I dyed it red for awhile, but I can't afford to do that these days. :hi:

[Pacifist Patriot]

34. I will never know when I go gray.

Miss Clairol and I have a standing date for every six weeks. :)

[khashka]

38. You make a very good point

I'll accept "that's so gay", but if someone said "that's so black" I'd be furious.

I seriously need to rethink this.

Khash.

[NMMNG]

39. Yes, because it perpetuates the notion that "gay" is something

bad/undesirable.

[Jamastiene]

40. Yep. I don't know why, but like the catch phrases,

"lifestyle choice," "choose to be gay," and my biggest pet peeve of all on this issue, "sexual preference" (as opposed to sexual orientation), that "that's so gay" saying irritates me to no end. I am not normally a pc guru type, but when it comes to the real dangers and hatred that gay people face largely due to the misconceptions about "choice" and "preference," it's just one more attack on our spirit, IMHO.

[unsavedtrash]

41. yes

[xchrom]

42. it all comes down to intention -- and whether you

believe words have power.

you can listen to conservatives say some horrifying coded words re: african americans and never say the ''n'' word.
is that hurtful?

i would guess it is.