Road Trip: Day 4. Handcuffs and Chickboxing.

[XemaSab]

On the third day of our adventure, the crew entered Utah in style, driving a black Hummer limo. Shortly after crossing the border, Utah's finest in the form of Officer DainBramaged pulled us over. He was on the verge of confiscating the marijuana supply and having us all hauled off to jail when Buffy and WindRavenX jumped on him, secured him with his own handcuffs, and threw him in the back of the Hummer. Further south towards Salt Lake City, we came across a deranged and dehydrated Omphaloskepsis wandering through the desert. XemaSab and Buffy prepared to fight, but the arrival of a satellite bearing interstellar dust interrupted the festivities.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4591054

Day 4 dawned hot and dusty. Nobody had changed clothes since the van burned up, so the atmosphere inside the Hummer was ripe. Everyone sat as far away from each other as possible, and pretended that the other people in the Hummer didn't exist. Since it was a Hummer limo, this was surprisingly successful. Around midday the group stopped at a Stop-and-Rob looking for beer, but they didn't even sell coffee. Things looked grim. The only bright spot was the purchase of deodorant. JVS even bought a stick for Officer DainBramaged.

Sitting in the parking lot sipping caffeine-free cokes, Faux pas said "We'll never make it to DC at the rate we're going!"

"Or if we do actually get there, Shrub will be back down in Texas on vacation," added XemaSab.

"What about looking for my Mormon boyfriend? When's that going to happen?" asked WindRavenX.

[EstimatedProphet]

1. I call them again and tell them that WindRaven's boyfriend is in Amsterdam

He went there to chill out, and try to convert the people in coffee shops. I also let them know that the next place down the road has coffee an beer. And, I have heard that Bush is scheduled to be in DC at the time we show up, because his mommy will be visiting.

[WindRavenX]

2. "Amsterdam? But how on earth am I going to get there?"

WindRavenX added with a pout.

"Besides, curses to him-- he's getting White Widow. GRRR!!!"

"Amsterdam is pretty expensive to get to", EP said.

"So now what???" WindRavenX sighed.

[EstimatedProphet]

4. I tell WindRaven to go to this site:

http://www.smartertravel.com/
"They have a flight to Amsterdam from LaGuardia that's under $400," I said.
"Also, go to the Greenhouse Namaste coffeeshop, which is on Waterlooplein. Good stuff there. I almost remember it."
"By the way, whtch out for that bump."

[WindRavenX]

5. She emptied her pockets and checked her wallet-- 'twas empty of course.

"Hmmm..how can I earn 400?"

[EstimatedProphet]

6. "Play the lotto. Pick 3. Pick #582. Cash prize of $1,000 in Colorado."

"No problem. Drawing is tomorrow."

[XemaSab]

7. So as soon as they crossed over the Colorado border

They blew $600 on alcohol and lottery tickets.

[EstimatedProphet]

8. I listen in on the Hummer hitting the bump...

everyone inside it violently jostled and the Hummer swerves all over the road.

"Told you to watch out for that bump," I said.

[XemaSab]

9. Everyone spilled their drinks,

all the pot fell out of the tire and got underfoot. It was a minor catastrophe.

But then, surprisingly, Officer DainBramaged helped WindRaven and Omphaloskepsis round up the baggies, and after that, things were cool between DainBramaged and the rest of the group.

[XemaSab]

3. So leaving Salt Lake City

We make a beeline for Colorado, land of coffee and beer.

Officer DainBramaged, by this point, had enough second-hand pot smoke to get a pleasant contact high, so he began to open up to us.

"I wasn't always a Utah State Trooper, you know."

[NMMNG]

10. "I was a male stripper in my college days" he confessed,

somewhat sheepishly. :blush:

[hfojvt]

11. You know that caffeine is readily available in Salt Lake City

I went to a Van Halen concert there in 1986 and they even allowed smoking at the concert. That always ruins a concert for me, and I had thought it would not be allowed in Utah. I believe you can only get alcohol at the State liquor stores, but I never tried anyway. I was not drinking alot of caffeine at the time either.

[XemaSab]

12. We're in Colorado now

either get in the Hummer or quit destroying our stereotypes of Utah. :P

[hfojvt]

13. well, pick me up when you get to Kansas

if you are not uneasy about driving through Kansas

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Uneasy-Rider-lyrics-The-Charlie-Daniels-Band/6C9BE12201DB38B248256D9000257DDA

This is like a modern day Coxey's army, right? Or is it more like a convoy?

[XemaSab]

14. We'll totally pick you up in Kansas

It's a road trip. We're going as a group to have a sober, sane discussion with GWB about certain issues of concern to us.

[hfojvt]

15. Just like Coxey's Army

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coxey's_Army

http://college.hmco.com/history/readerscomp/rcah/html/ah_021500_coxeysarmy.htm

Following the panic of 1893, the United States was plunged into a severe economic depression. In response to growing economic distress and mass unemployment in the winter of 1893-1894 Jacob Sechler Coxey, a populist leader in Massillon, Ohio, proposed a recovery program. Congress should enact a large increase in the amount of legal tender currency in circulation, he argued. The extra money could be spent on public works, thereby providing jobs for the unemployed.

To bring his plan to the attention of Congress and the public, Coxey enlisted the support of Carl Browne in California and decided to send Washington a "living petition"—a vast army of the unemployed masses. Coxey and Browne formed an organization called the Commonweal of Christ, and left Massillon on Easter Sunday, March 25, 1894, leading an "army" of 100 followers. They hoped to attract a further 100,000 en route and to arrive in the capital for a massive demonstration on May Day. In the event, Coxey arrived in Washington on April 30 leading an army of 500. He and the other leaders were arrested and the army rapidly disbanded.

[EstimatedProphet]

16. Really?

Massillon is only 20 miles from here. I'll have to see if they have any information on it.