Sorry. Just Sorry.

[elshiva]

:cry: I'm going to Hell.

[KitchenWitch]

1. No!

You are just scared and in pain.

And I love you!

[RevCheesehead]

2. You are not.

Slow down and breathe. Calm yourself, and when you're ready, start at the beginning. We love you, and are here to help, if we can. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

3. please calm

yourself and tell us what's going on. we DO care.

[elshiva]

4. This is the price that I have to pay...

[Redstone]

7. For what?

Talk to us.

Redstone

[auntAgonist]

8. have you

done something, or has someone done something to hurt you?

[elshiva]

12. I have been bad. I did not do what I was supposed to

do with a friend. I made her feel awful. I did not give
her enough money. :cry:

[supernova]

17. Was she supposed to

do something with this money?

Did you owe her this money?

[elshiva]

20. Yes I owed her that money.

She needed to get to New York. But all I had was $200.

[supernova]

22. So she was going

to turn around and buy a bus/train/plane ticket to NY?

But you didn't have enough money for that? Why is that Hell bad?

[Redstone]

18. Listen to me, kiddo. That does not sound like something

that's all that serious, or a very bad thing to do.

Don't take it so much to heart, OK? None of us is perfect.

Redstone

[supernova]

9. Well, there are consequences to actions

of course, but I'm not sure that's quite what you are getting at here.

So, slow down and take it from the beginning.

Btw, I don't believe in Hell as a physical place with scary monsters who torture you.

[RevCheesehead]

11. Bullshit.

Stop and think: Jesus ALREADY PAID THAT PRICE!!!
You know it, and you believe it. This is your pastor talking to you!!

I'm praying for you, hon - that you'll be able to calm down and think clearly, and let us know what's happening, so we can help you.

[Redstone]

15. Well, said, Rev.

Well said.

Redstone

[elshiva]

19. But I did something really, really wrong.

I was not faithful to my husband. :cry:

[RevCheesehead]

21. Does your husband know this?

Is this why you are afraid?

[elshiva]

25. YES!

[RevCheesehead]

Is he physically abusive to you?

Do you have a shelter nearby where you can get to safety?

[elshiva]

27. He's not abusive.

[RevCheesehead]

28. Did he know before that you're bi?

Is this what's upsetting you so much?

[elshiva]

31. Yes, he knew.

It just was so low on my acount.

[RevCheesehead]

35. From what I've read so far, she doesn't sound like much of a gf.

Not if you think you owed her "hush money." That's blackmail, honey.

Stop blaming yourself, calm down, and let's walk thru this together, OK?
:hug:

[elshiva]

37. Thanks, so much. I hate myself for doing all this.

I can't stand what a hypocrite I've become.

[RevCheesehead]

38. Well, let's just put that aside for now, OK?

Let's figure out what's going on, then later, I'll let ya go back to hating yourself - but only if you really want to.

You realize that YOU were betrayed, don't you?

[elshiva]

41. No, I betrayed her and him.

:( I betrayed God too...

[RevCheesehead]

43. Let's keep God out of this for now.

Did she have expectations of your relationship with her? Did she expect you to leave him and go with you to NY together?

[elshiva]

45. Yes, she wanted me to go to NY with her.

She also wanted to umm... do stuff to me, but I chickened out and
I failed her.... and him...

[RevCheesehead]

50. You didn't owe her anything.

She knew you were married, but she expected you to dump him for you?
That's a mighty big ego she has.

You do not exist solely for the pleasure of other people. You are a human, worthy of dignity and respect. If she started placing all those expectations, she wasn't valuing you - she was selfishly looking only to her own needs.

Relationship stuff gets complicated.

[elshiva]

53. Thanks. But I do exist solely for the pleasure of other people

but I am the most selfish person I know...

[RevCheesehead]

55. Where's your therapist?

Can you call her? Tonight?

[elshiva]

58. See post #51. How can I help YOU?

[RevCheesehead]

59. Stop that.

You know who I'm talking about.
Does she have an emergency phone number?

[elshiva]

60. I want to die.

[RevCheesehead]

61. Knock that shit off, right now!

:grr:

Do you have your therapist's phone number? CALL HER.

[elshiva]

66. Sorry!

:(

[RevCheesehead]

67. Will you please answer my question?

Do you have your therapist's phone number?
Call it. You'll probably get an answering machine, giving you the number for emergency contact. CALL THAT NUMBER. NOW. TONIGHT.

I can't do anything more for you, unless you're willing to help yourself. And NO MORE TALK of dying, OK? :hug:

[elshiva]

68. Thanks. I'm calling.

[RevCheesehead]

69. Good.

After you talk, then come back and see what people have done for you:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4558907

Hang in there, sweetie. You're going to survive this. :hug:

added on edit:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4558701&mesg_id=4558701

[Redstone]

23. Wait a minute. What does this have to do with your other thread

about "not giving someone enough money?"

Listen, people are trying to help you here, but if you can't tell us what's going on in a way that we can understand, then nobody can help.

Can you start over from the beginning?

Redstone

[elshiva]

26. Sorry. I owed my "girlfriend" money to get to New York

It was also hush money so she would not tell, but it was not enough
and he knows.

[Kire]

30. She's not your "girlfriend" anymore...

We can say that much now, right?

I live in the New York area, I'm glad she's not coming near me. You did me a favor.

[elshiva]

34. Thanks, but she did get to New York.

She's not my "girlfriend" anymore. She never was very loving
or there for me anyway that's why it is in quotes.

[Kire]

36. I have to duck and cover now.

well, that was an attempt to be funny, sorry if it didn't work

[elshiva]

40. Ha! It was funny. But don't worry.

I fell for her because I was so naive a loser.

You are a lot smarter than me Kire.

[Kire]

56. I am not smarter than you.

Don't say that.

I have fallen for my share of scams and I have been betrayed so many times I've lost count. And I've felt like the betrayer like you seem to call yourself. I am not saying you are a betrayer at all, just I know how that feels to feel like you are. I have cheated, so I guess you and I are right, we are betrayers. It doesn't mean there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Someday, you'll be hanging out on the lounge and somebody will post a similar problem like this and you'll think back and you'll know what to say that might help. It's not a matter of smarts. It's a matter of experience, I guess. BTW, I feel completely unqualified to even be speaking to you. I am glad that you thought I was funny, That makes me glad.

This is a tight spot and the only way out of it is to go through it, and crying helps a lot. If I could, I'd offer you my shoulder. Is there a smilie for that?

Religion is a helpful guide, but it is not a trap. You are not going to hell. You said you are sorry. There is nothing else you can do. God knows that you repent, so he has a plan for you now.

I am saying all this because you have a cross in your signature line and your profile says you are a praying person. If any atheist reading this has a problem with any of this, then they can go to hell- but if I'm wrong and this is an inappropriate thing to talk about with you elshiva, then I am the one who is sorry, and it's between me and my god, and nobody in the world can make me believe I am doomed to hell for it.

[elshiva]

62. Thanks.

Please Mods Lock this thread for the Mercy of GOD!

[crispini]

5. It's ok.

You are NOT. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

6. Taking care of yourself

and being safe FOR yourself does not condemn you to anywhere.

[johnnie]

10. Elshiva....

You are NOT going to hell. Please, get help. This will be locked too but before it is, get yourself help. If you need some, PM me. I will do whatever you need to be done.


Trust me..you aren't going to hell.

[elshiva]

14. I'm sorry if this will be locked.

[Sugar Smack]

13. No you're not. We love you.

We love you, Elshiva.

[khashka]

16. Would you please just tell us what is going on?

There may not be a lot we can do. But we can be supportive.

And you're not going to hell.

But how does "I did not give a friend money" and "I'm afraid of being raped" end up together? I can make a logical case for it. But you really need to TELL US WHAT IS GOING ON! Everyone one here wants to help you, but we can't unless we know.

Khash.

[elshiva]

24. Thanks! I cheated on my husband and I did not give my

"girlfriend" the money she needed. :cry:

[supernova]

32. Well, first of all

you aren't going to Hell. No such place except in our imagination. So get a hold a hold of yourself after you fall to pieces. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm so sorry, elshiva. You don't deserve to treat yourself so badly and those around you.

[khashka]

39. Ok I get it.

You cheated on him. She's angry and gonna rat on you. He's gonna be furious. You fear he might get violent.

If you really believe he might get violent - you need to leave. ASAP. It's not easy starting your life over, but it's a lot easier than being a victim of violence. As a victim of violence, a rape victim, and someone who was in an abusive relationship - I assure you don't want to go through any of it. So you need to protect yourself. And the first act of self-protection is to leave.

If that's not it - and what really is upsetting you is her betrayal and the fear that this might irrevocably damage your marriage, well...

1. She is beneath contempt. If her care for you is based on money..... you don't need her in your life.
2. If she does tell your husband (and he's not the violent type) and you want to save your marriage.... It can be done. It isn't easy but it can be done.


Khash.

[elshiva]

42. Thanks, BUT HE IS NOT ABUSIVE, HE IS LOVELY!

:hug: You are the greatest Khashka!

[Redstone]

29. I'm bowing out of this in order to keep the noise level down

so it can maybe be more linear, with just a few people talking with elshiva instead of a dozen at a time. I'm concerned, but don't want to get the thread confused.

Those best qualified know who they are and will continue to work with her.

And I'll thank them for it, on her behalf.

Redstone

[johnnie]

33. I'm with you

I'm not a specialist.

But it doesn't mean I won't help elshiva, if you need it.

[bridgit]

44. elshiva?

:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

46. hey, baby, we seem to be on the same side for twice...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[bridgit]

54. Czarina, sweetness, it's ya-ya time but you knew that...

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :hug: :hug: :hug: :kick:

[elshiva]

47. Thanks for the hello.

:hug:

[bridgit]

49. i'm still trying to my head wrapped round this 'human thing' too, hon...

:hug: :loveya:

[elshiva]

52. Yeah.

:cry:

[William Bloode]

48. I'll see ya there.

Because if there really is a hell i'm definately on the list.:evilgrin:

[Floogeldy]

51. This is the coolest pity party to which I have ever been at.

I won't be able to wake up.

:)

[elshiva]

57. Sorry. I did not want to bother you. How can I make it up?

[Floogeldy]

63. You didn't bother me.

There is nothing up for which you have to make.

;)

[elshiva]

65. Thanks.

I don't like to bother you. You are the tops, the cat's pajamas, honey.

[Floogeldy]

71. On the other hand . . .

. . . I like it when you "bother" me. I want you to bother me. I love it when you bother me. I AM BEGGING YOU TO BOTHER ME.

Truth.

Floog

[elshiva]

72. ROFL!

Thanks! :rofl:

[WindRavenX]

64. Talk to your counselor

And you're not going to hell. The God I think of is a God that loves you, no matter what.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

70. people make mistakes

we are not infallible.

but if people went to hell for cheating/lying... everybody i know is going to hell

and heaven would be a very lonely place

i think you are a good person who made an error in judgement. thats all.

[MiniMandaRuth]

73. Just for you, elshiva...

:hug: I have never got to know you.... but I love you non-the-less...

Wonderful, thoughtful, every-bit caring,
Kind, fun-loving, wisdom-bearing,
You bring light to the world, everyone knows it,
Your beauty, your wonder, your wit.

Graceful, calm, understanding,
Gentle, artistic, really outstanding,
Don't ever give up, your spirit is so free,
As free and boundless as a bird of the sea.

Dear friend, never forget,
Though you may be so upset,
We'll be here for you, 'till the cows come home,
And you'll dream of pearly combs on a bed of sea foam.

A hug for you, a kiss on the cheek,
You never were weak,
Never forget, oh friend of mine,
We'll be here, 'till the end of time.

[elshiva]

74. Thanks!

I can't think up a poem for you so here's one to
my husband:

The man that I married
forgives me.
In his arms, I am blessed


Love quenches all wrong
in his embrace
and I rise again.

Dear love
you are my resurrection,
you are my life.