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http://www.suntimes.com/output/entertainment/cst-ftr-stern05.htmlEntertainment Archive Crass course: Stern's cast of characters January 5, 2006 BY MIKE THOMAS Staff Reporter Advertisement Visiting sexpots notwithstanding, one of the main allures of Howard Stern's long-running radio program is its ever-expanding roster of regulars, many of whom will appear on his new Sirius Satellite show starting Monday. From in-studio mainstays to a cadre of mentally, physically and emotionally challenged Stern disciples known as the "Wack Pack," they serve as something of an extended (albeit hugely dysfunctional) family to frequent listeners. "It's a beautifully formatted show, like the Jack Benny show, where there's a set of characters who you come to know," Chicago-based public radio host and devoted Stern fan Ira Glass told the Sun-Times in 2001. "And then, over the course of five hours, just creates one situation after another for them to react to."
If you're new to Stern, however, playing catch-up can be daunting. The following mini-primer will help get you started.
ROBIN QUIVERS: CO-HOST
Stern's chief foil and voice of reason since the early '80s, Quivers has followed the leader to fame and fortune. Much as Ed McMahon did for Johnny Carson, she laughs heartily at many of her boss' jokes, whether or not they're actually funny. She also chides him (most often playfully) for tasteless quips and guest segments.
Fond of horses (she owns and rides two) and cats (also two), the former Air Force nurse lives in a beautifully appointed Upper East Side apartment and dates a man code named "Mr. X." Her 1997 biography Quivers: A Life got much attention (especially on Stern's show, where virtually nothing is verboten) for its candor about Quivers' childhood abuse at the hands of her father. Sony Pictures Television is developing a daytime talk show for her, debut date unknown.
GARY DELL'ABATE: PRODUCER
Frequently derided for his "horse teeth," big lips and bad breath, Gary (a k a "Baba Booey"), who resembles '80s rocker John Oates, has been with Howard in various capacities for decades. Married to a lovely (too lovely, in Howard's estimate) lady named Mary, he has two kids.
Dell'Abate once did the entire show dressed in a giant diaper, and was the subject of merciless mockery when the crew discovered a sappy video he'd made while trying to win back a former girlfriend. Howard sometimes requests that he put a bag over his head so as not to distract from the beauty of an attractive guest.
FRED NORRIS: SHOW PACER
A private and creepily quiet man, Norris is thought by many (including Howard et al) to hail from Mars. Like Gary and Robin, he has been a member of the gang since early on. His duties, aside from keeping the show on track by letting Howard know when to shut up for commercial breaks, include playing voice clips and sound effects whenever interviews, conversations and rants call for them -- and even when they don't.
At one point he legally changed his name to Eric without telling anyone for two years. During a boozy strip-club bachelor party, Norris seriously injured his chin after falling face first on cement. The story of his accident became a source of much amusement. His wife, Alison, was a contestant on one of Stern's Dial-a-Date segments. An accomplished guitarist who fronts the rock band King Norris, he doesn't like anyone looking in his duffel bag.
ARTIE LANGE: SIDEKICK
Hired in 2001 to replace Stern's longtime sidekick/ head writer Jackie "the Joke Man" Martling, the comic and native New Jerseyite has been a Stern fan since boyhood. He also loves the Yankees, the Rangers, food, strippers and booze, not necessarily in that order. Before joining Stern, his overindulgence in illegal substances got him canned from "Mad TV."
Likely smarter than he lets on, Lange often plays the bone-headed jamoke for laughs. Not a small man, he frequently pigs out on less-than-healthy grub. According to the weight-conscious Stern, this is a problem -- one of many. Excessive drinking can bring out the worst in Lange, as evidenced by the time he berated the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" dudes on live radio when they were making him over. A sometime actor, Lange appeared in the Bob Saget-directed film "Dirty Work" with Norm Macdonald.
Source: Mark Mercer of marksfriggin.com
Stories behind the babble in the background
Like many radio shows, Howard Stern's makes frequent use of dialogue excerpts and sound effects -- "drop-ins," in radiospeak -- to punctuate jokes, conversations and interviews. To the uninitiated listener, they're little more than obscure (and often obnoxious) distractions. With an assist by local fan Steve Prokopy and Mark Mercer of the Stern summary site marksfriggin.com, here are several to prick an ear for:
"Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah": The yammering of "Grandpa Al" Lewis from "The Munsters" is played when someone yaps for too long, especially on an inane topic. Empty-headed or overly earnest models and actors/actresses are favorite targets.
"Baba Booey": One day Stern producer Gary Dell'Abate, who collects cartoon cells, talked about how he wanted to find one of Quick-Draw McGraw's foil Baba Looey, referring to him (repeatedly) as "Baba Booey." The gaffe became his nickname uttered by many recorded voices. Variations include "Fla Fla Flolie," "Fafa Fooey," "Fafa Fohi," "Mo Mo Monkey," "Re Re Retard" and operatically rendered "Ba-ba BOOEEEEEEY!"
"It doesn't matta!": An unnamed Haitian woman called in the mid-'90s and yelled at Howard, much to his amusement.
"It's gettin' to be rigoddamndiculous.": A half-in-the-bag John Wayne talking to a college ROTC group about patriotism.
"I would love to!": Snippet of a gregarious pre-trial O.J. Simpson, who popped in and out of Stern's studio while on the premises for a company shareholder meeting.
"Look out!": Also O.J.
"Hey now!": Catchphrase of fictional late-night sidekick Hank Kingsley (played by Jeffrey Tambor) on HBO's "It's Garry Shandling's Show."
"Helloooo, Frisco!": Actor Rip Taylor greeting Stern and company during an in-studio interview, year unknown.
"Have you lost your mind?": The late actor Werner Klemperer, best known as the monacled Col. Klink, the commandant on "Hogan's Heroes," responding to a typically stupid query by former Stern lackey/celebrity interviewer "Stuttering John" Melendez, now the announcer on "The Tonight Show."
"What are you saying?": Stroke-befallen actor Kirk Douglas from another ludicrous "Stuttering John" interview.
"Shut up! Sit down!": Stern's hotheaded father, Ben, from a tape made when Howard was a kid goofing off in his dad's recording studio.
"I told you not to be stupid, you moron!": Also Ben Stern.
"Wha-wha-what!?": Stock exclamation of shock from Kyle's mom on the Comedy Central cartoon "South Park."
"Hellooo ...": The nasally voice of Stern's mother, Raye Stern, whose irritating voice he often imitates.
"Yo, yo, yo, yo, Howard!": Random shout-out from a man-on-the-street interview in Harlem.
"Hello-hello.": Introductory sound check from a pitifully sappy videotape Dell'Abate once made in an attempt to win back his ex-girlfriend.
"Seacrest, out!": Ryan Seacrest's cheesy sign-off from his radio show.
"Mmmm-hmmm.": Billy Bob Thornton as mental patient/murderer Karl Childers in the film "Sling Blade."
"Oh, my!": Former show guest George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu on "Star Trek" and is frequently mocked by Stern and crew.
"This is Kelly Clarkson.": "Wack Pack" member High Pitch Eric, he of the falsetto voice, prank-calling Clarkson superfan Eric the Midget.
Mike Thomas, mthomas@suntimes.com
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