It's New Years Eve and Everything just Sucks

[RetroLounge]

This is the first New Years Eve in 10 years that I will be spending by myself, with no one to hold or kiss at midnight. The person I've spent the past 10 years with is upstairs getting ready for her date. Yes, that's right. Her date. FUCK. How the fuck did my life get to this point? I feel like crawling into bed with a bottle of Jack and some good liquid codeine and make some cocktails until I nod off, but that's not an option for me anymore. Fuck it. Can it get any more fucking depressing? Well, yeah, it probably will, and much darker too.

So I am going to try to suck it up, and keep busy making the kid's night fun. I will build a fire in the fireplace, roast marshmallows, make chocolate chip cookies, watch their DVD with them, make them buttered popcorn and let them stay up until midnight.

After that, I will lie on the couch and watch a movie and scarf a pint of ice cream and then pray for just one fucking night of dreamless sleep...

Happy fucking 2006...

RL

[Wapsie B]

1. At date?

What is up with that? :shrug:

I'm so sorry man.

[SeattleGirl]

2. Oh RL

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I have felt that kind of pain and despair before, and while these words may ring hollow to you right now, it will dissipate over time. In the meantime, always remember we're here, with whatever comfort we may be able to offer you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[KyndCulture]

3. I'm spending the first New Years Eve alone in 7 years myself.

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Things will get better, I know they did for me! Treat yourself well tonight.

I decided not to sit around and be depressed so I bought my favorite drink mixers and am making myself some Thai food and watching movies.

:hug:


And you aren't alone as people here keep reminding me, you are never alone when you have DU!

[oneighty]

4. A bit of poetry stolen but

Fitting for a tormented soul.

Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
To Mary Queen the praise be given!
She sent the gentle sleep from heaven,
That slid into my soul.

Perhaps.

A (((((((((((hug)))))))))) for you.

180

[Guava Jelly]

5. I feel your pain really ..i can identify

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4515487

[tjdee]

6. At least you've HAD New Year's date before. Seriously.

Historically, I have always been alone through the holidays and Valentines. Like some trick of nature. Could be dating someone right up until Thanksgiving Eve....not the next day. Could meet someone Feb. 15. Etc.

My sister, just like you, was saying this would be the first New Year's blah blah blah, and I was like, at least you had someone before. Some people have never had anyone, ever, much less on New Year's. I can understand, though, that after all that time of being with someone, the big feeling of aloneness. Like cold water splashed on your face, or something.

I too will be watching a dvd with the kid (we're getting McDonald's though) and sll that, so you're not the only one anyway! It seems to be much more painful and fresh for you (the ex getting ready for a date must be excruciating) and I'm sorry for that. :hug:

What are you watching, anyway? Crappy movies make a crappy mood so much worse.

[xmas74]

7. I'm home babysitting two children along w/ my

daughter. We're having pizza rolls.

New Years sucks.

[tjdee]

27. Two MORE kids? Hell naw, LOL!

You're a saint.

I am suffering from the same "tension headache" all week long, I think more than one kid right now would kill me!

And then I have to go back to work on Monday. Yipdee friggin do. :(

I don't even have any alcohol in the house. Geez.

[xmas74]

28. Still have some vodka

but not supposed to drink around them(even when they're asleep).
And I work tomorrow evening.
This new year already looks to be sucky!

[Call Me Wesley]

8. I'm sorry.

But I've seen all the poems you've posted. Life has edges, some way uncalled for. Dreamless sleep, RL!

A word, a sentence -: out of ciphers arises
perceived life, abrupt sense,
the sun stands still, the spheres are silent,
and everything converges round the world.

A word - a gleam, a soaring flight, a fire,
a cast of flame, a shooting star -,
and darkness again, vast,
in the empty space round world and I.

Gottfried Benn

[flamingyouth]

9. I'm so sorry.

That's just awful. :(

[lizziegrace]

10. RL

I can truly relate to your pain. My ex decided a 27 year old was much more interesting and worth driving 6 hours to see. He abandoned me and our daughter weekend after weekend (lying about his activities, I was the last to find out). He left when I were sick, when my daughter was sick. He missed school functions and birthdays, all because he wanted someone else.

It sucks. It hurts. It's humiliating and makes you want to scream and never stop. My daughter knows I was the one who was the constant in her life. Her father has missed so much, but it was his choice. Now he's living the results and hates it. Too little, too late. But I got the very best of him - a wonderful child.

Hang in there. PM me if you want. I've spent so many holidays, birthdays and other occasions alone. Marrying a musician was a huge mistake, and it only got worse.

May you find the strength to get through this.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

11. That does suck.

You're a nice guy; I'm sorry you have to go through all this crap.

This might not matter to you at the moment, but there are a lot of attractive DU ladies who think the world of you, and would jump at the chance to party with you tonight.

I would.

Just sayin'


:pals:

[Left Is Write]

12. Oh, sweet and wonderful RL...

My heart is breaking for you. :hug:

I really wish you were near enough to come over to the LiW house with your kids. We're planning some kid-friendly activities earlier, and cocktails/board or card games/darts for the adults. It would be nice to have you here with us.

I'm sorry you are in pain. If you need a shoulder or an ear, I'm here.

[Callalily]

13. My heart is truly

breaking for you RL, as I have been there too. Won't bore all with details. Today has been a day of reflection and melancholy for me. I'm going out with friends later, but being solo, I'll come home early.

Enjoy your kids, they will be your constant in your life. They will keep your heart full.

[LaraMN]

14. Oh, hon! I'm sorry!

:cry: :hug: I can't imagine that scenario. I've been with the same person for ten years as well, and after that length of time, I feel as though I know nothing else. For it to be ripped out from under you... well... I can't conceive of how you could stomach being in proximity to the other person. Enjoy your kids. In the end, besides our parents, they're probably the only ones who love us unconditionally and without end. I hope your boat finds an island in the untenable waters.:hug:

[CanuckAmok]

15. Cheers, RL.

I'm alone tonight, too. Strength in disjointed numbers, amigo.

It's tough working-out the details of separating/moving on, but once either you or she are out for good, it'll be much easier.

As far as dreamless sleep, see if your doctor will prescribe Atavan for you. 1mg a night will stifle any dreams. Just don't stay on it for too long; it can be quite addictive.

[hippiechick]

16. ... and I got a letter from the IRS today ...

... yep, "Happy New Year, Hippie, we've reviewed and are adjusting your 2003 return. Please provide all relevant data to support your return, or submit a check for $1042.00 by January 26th."


Nice. :mad:

[lizziegrace]

17. Me again.

You are the rock for your kids. They will keep you going when you don't want to. They'll be the reason you stay when you want to run. They are your anchor and you are theirs.

And they will remember the NYE with daddy and all the fun they had.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

LG

[eyesroll]

18. I'm sorry, Retro...

:hug:

Do try to enjoy the time with your kids.

[auntAgonist]

19. I am sorry RetroLounge

I hope the year 2006 is a better one for you.

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

20. Man, you're right. That does suck.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope 2006 is a lot better for you. :hug:

[City Lights]

21. Welcome to my world, RL.

This will be the first time in 17 years I won't be hugging and kissing my husband at midnight. The kids and I are spending the evening with my sisters and their families. Head south of the border and join in the fun! We'll be snacking and drinking pop and playing games. My kids and nephew will be watching the Naruto marathon. My BIL will have to hug and kiss 5 females at midnight. C'mon over and help him out! :hug: :*

[sundog]

22. take care man

next year will be better

:pals:

[supernova]

23. I'll be here

if you wanna toast the New Year with me, RL. :hug:

I've had my share of lonely New Year's, too.

[MiniMandaRuth]

24. Check your PMail, dear friend.

[CBHagman]

25. Please treat yourself as gently as possible.

It's good that you're there for the kids and keeping busy.

Promise me you'll pick a movie that will lift you up. That means absolutely no Fassbinder movies, and the only Bergman you're allowed to watch is The Magic Flute or maybe Secrets of Women. :-)

Hang in there, and let's all drink a healthy toast to the DUers, especially those of us with non-traditional New Year's Eve. :grouphug:

[WolverineDG]

26. sorry to hear that retro

it takes some getting used to if you've always had a date for nye. i belong to the "never had a date for new years" club myself.


i'll be settling in on the sofa with freschetta pizza (rededication to ww begins tomorrow dammit!), leftover christmas chocolate, 4 cats, 2 dogs & a couple of dvds from netflix. maybe next year men will notice i actually exist....

:toast: to a better 2006 for rl

dg

[Redstone]

29. Read this, if you haven't before:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4484208

I sincerely hope it helps. You have yourself a genuinely horrible situation there, and I do not believe you're overreacting in your depression. If I could do anything to help, I would.

Just try to hang in there. That's the best I can offer you, unfortunately.

Redstone

[bigwillq]

30. Hey man......

:hug: :hug: :hug:
Sorry about your situation dude.
Enjoy the night with the kids. They are what's important, right?
Don't drink too much. You'll only end up getting more depressed and regret it in the morning. That's not productive.
But now you know what's your NO.1 personal issue that needs to be dealt with in 2006. I wish the best for you. Take care.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

31. I'm sorry

you are hurting and she has "a date." That has to be very rough.

I hope tomorrow is better.

[LynzM]

32. Many hugs coming your way, RL

I'm so sorry that things suck and that you are hurting so much right now. I hope the New Year brings good things your way; you deserve them. In the meantime, here's a :hug: for you, and some dreamless-sleep-vibes coming your way...

[swimboy]

33. I am truly and deeply sorry for the situation you're in.

My brother endured very much the same thing and it was hell. I have absolutely no qualifications for giving you advice except I really do care about you.

This night is not how it is supposed to be, in the big scheme of things, but in the small scale, I hope you can be in the moment with your kids and y'all can help each other have a night of fun and magic. A tall order, I know, but hear me out--your fucking wife has a fucking date. She also has all the baggage of her personal shortcomings that will follow her to the end of her days. You don't have a date--for tonight--but you are made of rich and wondrous stuff that will see you to better days. Would you trade places with her? You are still on top and even though this night is far from what you wanted it to be (and I don't mean to sell that short) I'm quite sure you're going to come out of all this better than she does.

And yes, you can tell me to fuck off if you feel like it.

Have fun having fun with your kids and know there are many, many people here rooting for you, respecting you, and loving you.

December 31, 2006 is going to be much, much better.

Love ya, man.

[RetroLounge]

42. Thanks, My Friend

Check your PM

RL

[RetroLounge]

34. Thank you all so much for the kind words

It has really helped.

We are watching a movie in the living room, the fireplace is blazing, marshmallows and chocolate chip cookies have been eaten, and the ice cream is in reserve if needed.

and only 4 more hours to go until midnight. :D

:grouphug:

Hugs to all of you...

RL

[Ellen Forradalom]

37. It sounds like you're already doing better

Really, you have all you need.

[auntAgonist]

39. hey RL

:hug:

Your kids are lucky to have you there with them!

I wish you ONLY the best there is.

:hug:

kesha

[gardenista]

44. Hey, that sounds like fun!

And a lot more like it!

Hugs, and cozy New Year wishes to you! May all your fondest dreams come true!

:toast:

:hug:

[KoKo]

35. That's a tough one to deal with....just eat that ice cream and figure this

is only one year out of your whole life. Next year will be better than this shit for sure... We need to dream and plan and make it work.

Peace and :hug:

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

36. I always spend New Years by myself or a couple girl friends...

:shrug:

it bothers me every year, but whatever.

[Catchawave]

38. Kissing and hugging at midnight....

Is so Overrated, and IMHO, stupid. I loved it in high school though :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

40. May 2006 be a year of living well for you

Living well is the best revenge.

[auntAgonist]

41. I KNOW you're right!

a very good thought indeed.


Happy New Year!

aA

[WCGreen]

43. Dude.... you've got something that many of us don't....

Loving children....

I would trade that for anything....

Kids are what makes it all worth while...

Be happy they are so much a part of you and cherish the moments...

The heartache will recede, it always does...

So peace be with you, my friend, and know that you are never alone as long as there is a computer near....

[RetroLounge]

45. This is why I am still here...

Thanks,

RL

[merh]

46. Take care RetroLounge!

Here is to a brighter tomorrow! :toast:

With those loving faces, you have many, many brighter tomorrows ahead of you! :hug:

[WCGreen]

47. They have a lot of you in them....

[khashka]

48. I'll kiss you at midnite RL

You've made 2005 very special with your posts.

May you have a truly wonderful new year.

Khash.

[RetroLounge]

60. and you also

:hug:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

49. Sweetheart....

please check your PM.

Please, please call me (collect, if you wish)

Ruth

[RetroLounge]

61. Thanks

:hug:

RL

[CaliforniaPeggy]

50. My dear Retro.....

My heart aches for you tonight, my dear. I wish there were some magic words that I could say to chase your demons away, but alas, I have none.....

As so many others have pointed out, your children are your anchors and your reasons for living, and living well.....

Hold them close, love them and they will help you find your way!

Remember, sometimes the best way out of grief is to help someone else feel better.....

So be there for them, tonight and always

And they just might help save you!

Love to you, my dear RetroLounge......:loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[RetroLounge]

62. Love to you also

RL

[Ellipsis]

51. Hell, I'll kiss ya at midnight ...if it makes ya feel any better.

...probably wouldn't like the whisker burn tho. I have enjoyed your poetry, and have read many of the words you have written here. I am sorry for the pain your in.... it's not an easy position to be in. You are fortunate that your children's smiles dull this hurt. In that your life is truly rich. Take care of yourself so you may take of them.

May the new year be kind to you and your family.

[MissMillie]

52. I kind of know how you feel

I was hoping this year would be different from my last 6 years of being alone. This year, I look better and feel better about myself than I have in many, many years. I had hoped that my new found love of life and new svelt form my attract someone who might find me fun to be around. Alas, it is not to be. As each year passes, and as my son grows to the age where he will leave for college, and someday marry, I feel doomed to always spend New Years all by myself. Frankly, I'm pretty sick of it.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I'm losing faith.

[elshiva]

53. Sorry. I want to kill myself too. SIGH!

Hope 2006 is better. :(

[Redstone]

54. No, you don't, Elshiva. You don't want to do that. You don't.

Can I ask you to trust me on something? Good.

Then trust me on this: I am, as few people are, absolutely certain that tomorrow will be an unpleasant experience, just like today was. And the the following day, and the day after that. I know this. It will NOT be good.

But I wouldn't go off the bridge, no matter how tempting it might be, because there might be something delightful in one of those days, and I wouldn't want to take the chance of missing it.

Every day has the potential for a pleasant surprise. Don't ever think about denying yourself the opportunity to be surprised.

I am your friend, so listen to me.

Redstone

[elshiva]

58. Thank you!

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

55. Lets be clear!

I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

and neither do you, my friend...

:hug:

RL

[elshiva]

57. THAT'S Great you are a wonderful person.

But I am thinking of joining the Church of Euthanasia.

[southlandshari]

63. Please don't say that.

You are a very special person, and a friend I would miss dearly if you weren't around anymore.

:hug:

[tigereye]

56. hey Retro

Don't know what to say, but you are a sweet, neat guy and your kids are lucky to have you! I hope things work out in whatever way they can.

:hug:

[RoyGBiv]

59. Can it get more depressing? Yes and no...

Tonight is my tenth anniversary of the last time I was invited to a New Year's party. It's been nine years since I actually spent that night with someone other than cousins or my mother. Tonight I spend with my cat.

If you consider that worse, yeah, it can get worse. I don't really. It's better now than it was 8 years ago.

[0007]

64. Twelve on the dot

Happy fucking New Year

[RetroLounge]

66. Happy fucking New Year

yup...

RL

[Beware the Beast Man]

65. I sincerely hope 2006 is your year.

Damn. I just don't know what else to say...

[RetroLounge]

67. Nothing else to say

thanks...

RL

[xmas74]

68. Things will get better.

We can only keep hoping.

[Dangerously Amused]

69. Hey. Any ice cream left?

Never mind, I brought my own.




Here's a New Year's kiss for you anyway:




So. Let's dig in before it melts, eh?