Stop me if you've heard this joke: Gonorrhea Lectim

[joefree1]

JUST WHEN WE THINK THE WORST THREAT WE FACE IS THE AVIAN FLU,

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."

Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

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[joefree1]

1. More ...

Donald Rumsfeld dies and is sent to Hell. Satan decides to personally escort the famous Secratary of Defense. The Devil takes Rummy to that part of Hell reserved for politicians. Satan shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

So Satan opens the first door. In this room there are various people he remembers from the Ford administration standing in shit up to their waist. But Donald says "no,please show me the next room".

Satan shows him the next room and this has cabinet staff he remembers from the Reagan administration. But here they're standing with shit up to their ears, so he says no again.

Finally Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people he worked with in the Nixon administration. Here there is only shit up to their knees and they're drinking cups of coffee and eating cakes. So Donald says I'll choose this room please. Satan says O.K. and leaves Donald to greet his old buddys.

Five seconds later, a demon strolls in, and screams "OK you repukes, coffee breaks over, BACK ON YOU'RE HEADS!!

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[joefree1]

2. nother one of my favs

So Rush Limbaugh dies and goes to Hell. Its horrible. Burning fires. Hot bubbling lava! Incredible pain! No Oxycontin. He looks over and sees George W. Bush having sex with a beautiful woman. Non-stop, sweaty, constant, back-breaking sex.

So the next time Satan is going by on an inspection tour, Rush complains. "This sucks! I have to suffer for all eternity, and that White House squatting frat boy gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

The Devil replied, "Who are you to question my punishment of that woman?"

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