My father's wife is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Misunderestimator

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Wed Dec-28-05 09:12 PM
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My father's wife is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Edited on Wed Dec-28-05 09:15 PM by Misunderestimator

I haven't seen her for a little over a year, and the change has been dramatic. The sad part for my father is that he was my mother's caretaker, who was severely disabled with multiple sclerosis for many, many years, until her death 15 years ago. During the final years of her illness she was bedridden and completely dependent on him. Now, after finally meeting his soulmate in his current wife and having spent these past 15 years with her, he finds himself in a similar position. She is still able to function, but she forgets everything. She didn't remember what she was cooking tonight a few times, then got confused when she pulled it out of the oven, asking where a container was to store it so they could have leftovers for tomorrow. She hadn't realized that we had not yet eaten.

She and my father were both doctors, and the last time I was here we had lengthy and intelligent conversations, which she is incapable of having now. Instead, she talks about how dazed she feels all the time, and she cannot follow any process from A to B. She repeats the same glowing praise for my father every evening, saying that he is a gift and that she is the luckiest person in the world to have him... that she doesn't want to be a burden (this is eerily similar to what my mother used to say, when they weren't yelling at eachother).

My brother and sister-in-law live about an hour and a half away, and we spent most of Monday talking about our options as far as caring for them, should my father, who has heart problems and sleeps with an oxygen tank, deteriorate. He mentioned to us that he has an emergency defibrillator next to his bed in case something happens, but at this point, his wife would not have a clue how to use it. I've encouraged him to, at the very least, get "med-alert" service, and since they live just a few miles from a hospital, and he knows the staff there, it's not a bad situation. But it's become clear that he needs someone around to look after them both.

Meanwhile my father talks constantly about his impending death and what to do if he goes first... and who the executors of his will will be, and what to do if they are both debilitated. He walked me around the house morbidly pointing out what belongs to his wife and what belongs to him. Then he showed me where he filed their wills, and told me that he wants me and my sister-in-law to help organize his things after his death.

We've all encouraged him to get fulltime help to watch over them. Preferably a nurse aide, but even just a live-in housekeeper who could be here in case of emergency while he is still in relatively good health and can continue to do the things he does to care for his wife and himself. He resisted getting such help when my mother was alive, which turned out to be detrimental to everyone, so we are all pretty insistent that he do this. And he can afford to, so it makes no sense not to.

And now he's losing his memory. He doesn't even recall me visiting a year ago, even after reminding him of specific things that happened during that visit. And he asks me nearly every day if I want his grand piano. And I tell him every day that I would love it but that I don't have the room for it.

Sorry for the disjointedness of this... I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading. :)