Universist Jokes

[HawkerHurricane]

Q. What's the difference between a Universist and a Baptist?
A. The Baptists raise their hands during the altar call. The Universists raise their hands during the sermon.

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Q. How many Universists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. The light bulb has to change on its own.

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Q. Why do marketing agencies hate Universists.
A. Because they can't get four out of five to agree on anything.

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A Christian, a Muslim and a Universist are walking down the street when suddenly they hear a booming voice from above.

"It's Me, God. I have bad news and good news for you. The bad news is you will all die tonight. The good news is you will all raise from the dead. I'll see to it you're buried with any item of your choice. Choose well as your second life may depend on it."

The Christian looks up and says, "Lord, let me be buried with a Bible and I shall be saved by my faith in your son, Jesus Christ."

The Muslim looks up and says, "Merciful Allah, let me be buried with a Koran and I shall be saved by my faith in the true religion as passed down by your prophet Mohammed."

The Universist looks up and says "I'd like a shovel, please."

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. Why is the Unitarian bride

wrapped in 40 yards of fabric?

Because Unitarians believe that the joy is in the search.

[Ellen Forradalom]

2. Unitarians believe

in the fatherhood of God, the brotherhood of Man and the neighborhood of Boston.

[WCGreen]

3. A plane is heading toward a tragic accident...

No hope is left...

All that can be done is to comfort the passengers in their final moments,,,

The captain tells the people to put on the head phone....

And if you are a Catholic, punch button number 1 and you will hear the rosary...

If you are a Baptist, press button number 2 and you will hear Amazing Grace...

If you are a Unitarian, press 3 and you will hear a panel discussion about airline safety....

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. that's a bit like the joke about Canadians

When Americans die, they go to heaven.
When Canadians die, they go to a panel discussion on heaven.

[u4ic]

7. I think that would be

a Royal Commission on the status of heaven. :rofl:

Love the jokes, keep'em coming!

[MountainLaurel]

4. Crying over here

This is good stuff.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. LOL!

I want a shovel...

[Crazy Guggenheim]

8. Did you hear about the Unitarians and Jehovah's Witness' joining

together? They went knocking on everyone's door and had nothing to say.

[ashling]

9. Do you mean "Universalist"?

[KitchenWitch]

12. Probably not

see http://universist.org/

[ashling]

14. Hi Kitchenwitch . . . Thanks

after I posted that I was afraid it looked like I was beeing snarky. I was not ... I am just unaware.
I skimmed the site, will look into it more when I have a chance . . . looks interesting ... cool picture.

:hi:

[KitchenWitch]

15. Sure anytime

I can only speak for myself, but you did not come off as snarky to me!

:hi:

[ashling]

10. Unitarian trinity:

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

[WCGreen]

11. The thing is, I served on the board at my UU church....

Holy Shit was that an ordeal...

[NMMNG]

13. A UU update on a classic carol

"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)

Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay; Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day; When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece, From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East. This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song; There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long. The stories in the Bible are historically wrong, O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact, Glad tidings of reason and fact!


This and more at: http://stoney.sb.org/uujokes.html