Convoy Attacked; One Stormtrooper Dead, Two Wounded.

[DrWeird]

(Endor)- Another Imperial Stormtrooper was killed in action today as the AT-ST he was riding in appears to have been hit by a thermal detonator.

This is the 112th Imperial death since the Emperor declared victory in the liberation of Endor several weeks ago. Of the 420 deaths since the beginning of the campaign, 178 of them have been from hostile fire, the others being caused by natural accidents, such as getting knocked off of speeder bikes by large vines, and getting smashed between two pointy logs.

"This is obviously the work of Al Liance terrorists," states Grand Moff Rumsfeld, "the vast majority of the local ewoks are grateful for the liberation of their Homeworld, and are working with us to hunt down any remaining Jedis."

The news comes just two days after Luke Skywalker, the son of the infamous Jedi Anakin Skywalker, was captured by Darth Vader and the 5th AT-AT division. Regional Governors believe that this victor will draw off criticism of the Emperor, who has been accused by some in the Senate of lying about reasons for blowing up Alderaan.

"This will be a great morale booster for the Stormtroopers in the field," explained Lesser Moff Wolfowitz. "Not that they need it. Morale is very high, and the Stormtroopers are quire happy knowing that their making the Galaxy safe from rebel terroritsts."

Some evidence suggests that morale in the field is not as high as the Moff says. Srg. Biggs Porkins was quoted as saying, "We can't see anything in these helmets. We can't hit the broad side of a barn. If Vader were here I'd be asking that he freeze himself in carbonite. My deck of cards has a picture of the Emperor, Vader, Fett, and Rumsfe... ack ack *choke* gasp! *choke*." Other Stormtroopers declined to comment.

[FlashHarry]

1. ROTFLMAO!!!

You win the award for 'Post of the Day,' my friend.

[kubi]

7. And we wonder why

so many americans dispise our party, plenty of replugs are fed up with their party and are thinking of switching over, then one of ours come's out with something like this. As a retired miltary man this post sickens me.

[EAMcClure]

16. No shit

I know it seems funny to make fun of Bush and his criminal empire, but please don't use the deaths of youth as the launching pad.

Men and women as young as eighteen are stuck and dying. Keep the potshots limited to the emperor.

Eric

[BlackRhino]

26. If the jackboots fit...

...and all that jazz.

[Octafish]

34. There's a way of poking fun without hurting the good guys.

You are absolutely right. The men and women who serve this country in uniform are the reason we are free today. It is because they believe in the Constitution that we have not been conquered by enemies foreign or domestic.

For DUers who don't know: Because our military is loyal to the US is also the reason why they take orders from the civilian leadership. Thus, it is not the fault of the men and women in Iraq that their commander-in-chief is an idiot or a stooge for cabal of gangsters.

Thank you for your service, kubi! You and your comrades have my infinite appreciation. And, a hearty welcome to DU!

[jody]

2. Your use of the phrase "Imperial Stormtrooper" is demeaning to

our troops. None of them joined their service to attack Iraq. Once in uniform, they are required under law to obey those appointed over them.

If you agree with me that we should not be in Iraq, focus your anger on AWOL and congress, not the troops.

[Creamed Corn]

3. Only if you have a bad opinion of Imperial Stormtroopers

They're just regular guys with families and mortgages following orders as well.

[m_h_lovecraft]

5. I thought they were clones.

.

[BlackRhino]

29. REVISIONIST!!!

Just like George!

[w4rma]

43. Not all of them. For example,Han Solo was in the Imperial Forces, early on

...
Solo eventually joined the Imperial Academy, to better himself and his piloting skills. Solo's mentor during his Academy days was Badure, or "Trooper" as he was known. During a training drill, Han performed a daring landing maneuver with an aged U-33 transport that earned him the nickname "Slick." Sometime during his military career Han Solo earned the right to wear the Corellian Bloodstripe.

Despite promising skills, Solo was drummed out of the service when he defied orders and rescued a Wookiee slave, Chewbacca. Solo freed Chewbacca from his captors, and from that day on Chewbacca served as Han's protector and friend.

His military career in shambles, Solo returned to the fringe, joining a smuggling gang run by Roa. It was here that Solo had his first Kessel Run. He traveled with such notorious fringers as Shug Ninx, Mako Spince, Salla Zend, Katya M'Buele, Silver Fyre, Rik Duel and Lando Calrissian.
...
http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/hansolo/eu.html

[nomorehate]

6. I agree

That is an incredibly callous post. It seems like you take delight in the deaths of Americans. Or is it that you're all for it as long as it makes Bush look bad?

I'm not saying Bush shouldn't look bad for this whole mess, but making a mockery of the men and women who serve this country - many of whom did so bot just because they are proud of this country, but because of different factors including their own socio-economic status and so on - is devisive, and only hands Bush credibility when he and other conservatives criticize the patriotism of liberals.

[deutsey]

15. Maybe I took it wrong

but I just saw this as a twisted parody of the news.

I didn't see it as a commentary on US troops, but I could be wrong...it reminded me of something the old National Lampoon (early '70s) would have run.

[FlashHarry]

23. That's how I took it... as a parody, not an insult.

Listen, I support our troops. I know they didn't sign up for this mess. But, I also appreciate clever writing. Maybe this crosses the line; I don't know. I do know, however, that it made me laugh. And I haven't had much cause to laugh lately.

[DrWeird]

8. "Death Star Operator Feels Bad About Alderaan."

Jeb Farkins, Specialist Laser Operator, returned home to a hero's welcome today. He had served aboard Death Star One when it was ambushed by limited opposition two months ago. He has been in hospital recovering from injuries.

"I really don't consider myself a hero," he said," I just joined up so I could get a scholarship to the academy. Basically, I was just following orders."

Farkins is credited with pulling the lever that destroyed the terrorist planet Alderaan. King Organa and several key Al Liance terrorists are believed to have been killed by the blast.

[thebigidea]

12. snicker

Newt Baalderd'ash of the Supportive Imperial Awareness Council issued a fiery denunciation of Terrorist Alliance sympathizers early this morning, concluding a 5 hour speech with a plea to "wipe the rebel scum off the map," ostensibly to protect the Empire's lucrative "spice" trade. Despite the fictional universes of Lucas and Herbert colliding like poorly-thought out fan-fic, Darth Rice had absolutely nothing to say.

[charlie]

19. H-e-e-e-e-y-y-y

Wassup? :hi:

[deutsey]

4. Verrrrry Good!

:hi:

[LiberalLibra]

9. RORFLMAO This is absolutely great!! Good job!!

............

[Noli Mitangere]

10. i don't see whats so funny

about an American soldier being killed. :\

maybe it's just because i'm new here.

[tom_paine]

30. It's not funny

But you know, when you wake up day after day in an upside-down and Orwellian Society where the terms"lies" and "truth" simply have no practical meaning in the Age of Psychoengineered Propaganda, public Relations, and Personality Profiling, sometimes you have to just laugh and satrize the madness.

I say again, the deaths of our soldiers (I am a Vet) is not funny, but the transparent lies and Pravda-esque Corporate TV Media would indeed be funny, if it was happening to someone else.

How do I know this? It is how I used to wryly consider the poor Soviet citizens back in the 70s...a mixture of pity mixed with a dash of contempt. Don't kid yourself, the entire world can see what's going on here, and I have no doubt that around the world those kinds of feeling are being directed at us. More will be coming as the economic impact of Bushevik fraud, theft, and general irresponsibility becomes felt and the structure of the Old Republic That Was becomes the Third World Infrastructure of the Empire That is Coming (if it isn't already here).

I feel as grave a pity for our soldiers, misused in the Service of Oligarchic Empire, as I felt for the Soviet soldiers in Afghanistan 1979, who coincidentally were ALSO fighting for Oligarchic Empire (not be be confused with how I felt about their Totalitarian Masters then, or our Busehvik Totalitarian-Trending Masters RIGHT NOW).

And these days we are living in now are very likely (though I would dearly love to be proven wrong by future events) the Good Old Days before the last vestiges of the Old Republic are swept away.

I pity those who will be alive in the Amerikan Empire in the year 2100. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, it will be an ugly disgusting oppressive place (with a caramel center of Aristocratic Fun, as in France 1790 or the Old Republic in 1890).

[newyorican]

11. Welcome to the razors edge

:thumbsup:

Note: 2 of those stormtroopers are a nephew and cousin of mine that have been hi-jacked into this imperial exercise. That may have been their humvee with the sign "one weekend a month my ass".

[The Blue Flower]

13. It's satire, people

The fact that you'd take it as a serious swipe at our own beloved troops is simply an indication that you also perceive them as the emperor's private police force.

[QC]

17. Rush calling Chelsea a dog was satire, too, right?

Satire is best used as a weapon against the powerful, like when Swift went after the British. That's why listening to Rush make fun of, say, handicapped people is not satire--it's just piling on.

What we've got here is an attack on people who signed up to defend the country and instead got shafted into fighting a pointless imperial war. "Our own beloved troops" are hardly the powerful ones in this story.

And, to accuse a person who has loved ones in Iraq of believing that the troops are "the emperor's private police force" is beneath contempt, even by the abysmal standards of this thread.

[BlackRhino]

28. BZZZ!!! Wrong.

Try again!

[FlashHarry]

31. The definition of Satire:

According to Webster's: trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly

Rush calling somebody a dog is just pure invective.

[QC]

40. True, what Rush does is not satire.

But whenever someone objects to his uglier attempts at humor, like maybe AIDS jokes, his defenders say that what he is doing is satire.

Many of my students, when we get to Pope and Swift, have a hard time grasping that satire does not equal "writing that makes fun of somebody." That has become the common meaning, just as "rhetoric" has come to mean what politicians do when they talk for hours without saying anything.

The problem with the original post is that in order to discredit the vice and folly of BushCorp, the author has to go through the people who are getting killed for no good reason. Calling them "stormtroopers" is a very ugly way to get back at Rumsfeld.

[nomorehate]

20. You've got to realize

that this is a subject that has a profound impact on those who are directly involved. If you had loved ones serving in Iraq you might not be so quick to prove your wit. Try not thinking about those servicemen and women as republicans (most of them are just kids out of high school, and don't have political ideals), but as people whose lives are at stake because of the decisions of others.

[9215]

14. Saddam Hussein = Anakin Skywalker????

What are you on dude?

[DancingBear]

18. Sorry, DrW, but this is not appropriate

These are KIDS over there, dammit - for the most part poor and/or uneducated kids. They bought the patriotism line, they bought the terrorism line, and they did what (they thought) was right. Misguised - hell yes. Lied to - without a doubt. Questioning their "leader" - we hope so. But kids.

Parents all over this country grieve now for their sons and daughters - it is up to us to try with everything within us to prevent one more from having to do so. The anger falls on the sickening bastard in the White House and his murderous lying cabal - take your justifiable anger and turn it on them. The kids only did what was asked, believing it to be just. Our job is to give them the truth, let them see for themselves and , most importantly, give them the chance to see tomorrows sunrise.

I ask that you rethink your post.

[jiacinto]

21. This isn't funny

And this post is very offensive.

[thebigidea]

22. neither is reality

If you bothered to notice before snapping into HissyFit Mode, the target of his satire: RUMSFELD, WOLFOWITZ, and their denial of the guerilla war.

[tom_paine]

24. It's called Free Speech, Carlos

Not only that, it is a fitting analogy for an "Old Republic" in what may be (and I would love to be wrong about this) in it's death throes.

[DrWeird]

33. Good.

nt

[BlackRhino]

25. Satire SHOULD be wicked. It's not meant for the sanctimonious.

I thought your piece was brilliant.

[KG]

27. agreed.

[MaverickX]

32. This post is ridiculous..

Hmmm I wonder why Republicans think we hate the military. Have you ever served in the military or do you just play from the sidelines?

[tom_paine]

42. I have served, Mav, and I've got no problem with this

It's satire, for Christ's sake!

You know, it never ceases to amaze me. The Repigs say repeatedly and EVERY FUCKING DAY outrageous things about us, "We're Commies. Welfare cheats. We never served. We hate America. And on and on and on. They feel no shame, no conscience, about lying so, or about being outrageous ridiculous.

Yet we, so conditioned by the Right-Wing Sub-Media and the Corporate TV Pravda that dances to it's tune, fear to speak above a whisper, lest the Right-Wing Scream Machine target US.

Well, I'm sick of being afraid of what some mindless automaton Goebbels v2.0 programmed fuck is going to say about me. The Founding Fathers weren't afraid of speaking their mind about the last King George. Dare we be any different now that the boot of Imperial Tyranny rests, however lightly for the moment, on our necks? And if we are, then do we not deserve to lose the freedom and prosperity we are losing?

Think about it.

Yes, the death of every serviceperson is a tragedy.

But yes, I'm sick to death of being afraid of "watching what I say" because the Repigs are going to play it up.

Guess what no matter WHAT we say, the Repigs are going to play it up and lie to make it look bad.

Here's what my spiritual antecedent had to say about this mindset,

"There are persons, too, who see not the full extent of the evil which threatens them; they solace themselves with hopes that the enemy, if he succeed, will be merciful. It is the madness of folly, to expect mercy from those who have refused to do justice; and even mercy, where conquest is the object.."

-Tom Paine, 1776

Goddamned right!

[StandWatie]

35. they are even starting to look like stormtroopers..

http://www.theage.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1054406163181_2003/06/03/Scorpion,0.jpg

:thumbsup:

[rhino91063]

36. This is great!

I posted this at my Yahoo debate group. Just added the word "Imperial" to the title, because when I first read it I thought Nazis.

[DrWeird]

38. You know, you really should get authors permission...

before altering their work.

There's a good reason Lucas decided to call them stormtroopers.

Oh well, no harm no foul.

[rhino91063]

44. I simply added imperial stormtrooper

Didn't want to think people to think I was comparing our troops to the SS.

[MrPrax]

37. Funny As Hell

Perfectly acceptable to 'reverse' the loyalities and make people see a certain level of hypocrisy in culture and patriotism...
Reminds me of a very old skit on SNL when they wondered, "what would have happened if Superman fell into Germany during the 30s instead of Middle America"
That was hilarious too--

[lastliberalintexas]

39. I know you meant this to be a satirical commentary

but you could have poked fun at the Shrub administration without using the deaths of anyone (soldier or Iraqi) to do so. IMHO, it would have been much more effective to do it that way as well.

[thebigidea]

41. oh yes, agreed!

The good doctor could've used more rainbows, fuzzywuzzy bunny rabbits, and more "My Little Pony" references. Satire should be as warm and comforting as uhhhhh, something warm and comforting.