Conflict gems

[AngryAmish]

There are diamonds one can buy that are non-conflict and from legitimate sources (Canada and Australia I think). But I believe that if one participates at all in the diamond business you are bidding up the price of diamonds and incentivize awful African wars.

So... if one needs to buy an engagement ring can one buy a non-diamond and get away with it? Are all gem stones also created out of conflict areas? DU women, would you take a non-diamond for a ring?

[KitchenWitch]

1. I would have preferred a non-diamond.

[Tsiyu]

2. I wear no jewelry - to protest conflict gems

No diamond is worth the innocence of a child

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Many women would be happy to accept something other than a

diamond!

You need to discuss it with your beloved.......

And perhaps shop together, so that she gets what she wants!

But not if she wants to be surprised!

You need to discuss it with her.....

Communication is KEY.....


:hi:

[AngryAmish]

5. I'm Irish Catholic

we don't "do" communication.

I kid. I think you have good advice.

[tjdee]

7. Holy moly, I don't want to go shopping for my own ring!

I know some, perhaps many women do this--and if I'm that serious with a man obviously I'll suspect he may propose...

But shopping for my own ring? No way! I want that to be a surprise. I think I'm delusional. Sigh.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. Hmmm...you might have misread me.....

I suggested to the OP that he discuss the ring selection with his beloved, and, IF SHE WISHED, to have her go with him......

But if she wanted to be surprised the way you do, then my advice is for you to not go with him to buy a ring......

You are not, BTW, delusional.....


Am I making sense now? Please tell me if I'm not.....

:pals:

[tjdee]

11. Oh you are, I wasn't!

I understood that you were suggesting to do what she would like, and to communicate/find out what she'd like.

I just went off into left field thinking about the women I know who went shopping for their own rings.

:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

4. Honey, I'd take a beer tab.

Of course, they don't make them anymore.

[tjdee]

6. Clearly, you've missed the "blood diamonds" flame wars, LOL.

In which most DU women outline the ways in which they either a)don't like diamonds anyway because of taste/ridiculous cost, b)thought they were disgusting and bloody and killing everyone, and c)preferred other stones because they weren't as garden variety and overdone as diamonds. Other stones were more unique for engagement rings.

Really, not flame wars at all I guess.

That said, if you can emphasize (C) , I think you're good. Plus, if the woman loves you it shouldn't matter to her.

I like diamonds. I think they're very pretty. :shrug: They make some good cubic zirconia these days.

[AngryAmish]

8. I was knee deep in them

However at the time I was not in the market. What other gems do you like?

I like emeralds but I think it is a cultural thing.

[tjdee]

10. Like emeralds, garnets, rubies, sapphires, aquamarine, citrine....

They make so many now, it's basically a question of what colors she likes/you like. My favorite after diamond is probably garnet, just because I love the deep red color.

I'm not sure which of those are conflict gems (I've left off Tanzanite, which is ridiculously gorgeous but seriously conflict. I really love it).

There's also a lot to be said for gem cut/presentation, the white gold/platinum/silver/gold band controversy... a lot to think about.

Good luck! I'm sure whatever you choose will be received with love.

[Lady President]

12. I wouldn't wear a diamond

Personally, I wouldn't want a diamond. From my understanding almost all the diamonds in the world funnel through the DeBeer (sp?) family, so there aren't any "safe" countries. I've also hear some sketchy things about "conflict-free certification"-- basically it's not always true. For me, I would rather have a man spend that much money on something more useful, like toward a down payment on a house. I like the look of diamonds, but I would much prefer a CZ which can be put in high quality settings. You get the same look at a fraction of the prize, don't have to worry if it's lost, or who may have been killed or maimed for your bauble.

Btw, if your intended wants to wear the ring all the time, stay away from emeralds because they are too soft to handle constant wear and tear.

[KitchenWitch]

14. Also be careful of opals

not because of the conflict thing, but because they are high in water content, and therefore can freeze and break.

[politicat]

13. I had a non-diamond and was delighted with it.

Diamonds as engagement rings are NEW, not traditional. DH, not knowing better, checked Emily Post and saw that it should be my birthstone. (January, Garnet). His copy of E. Post, of course, is about 60 years old. (His ex-wife picked out her engagement ring, brought him into the store and had him sign on the dotted line.)

He bought me an antique faceted garnet in white gold for the engagement ring and a cabochon garnet set in rose gold for my wedding ring. Both are antique, both are entirely unique and both showed a lot more thought and care than just running into Zales and telling them his monthly salary. As it happens, however, my actual "Engagement" and "Wedding" presents from my spouse were not the rings. He bought me things I use - a palm-top computer for my engagement present, and an Oxford English Unabridged Dictionary for my wedding present. (He received several large boxes of lego and three extra Mindstorms controller bricks.)

Find out of she likes her birthstone. If she does (and it's not April), follow tradition!

And as far as conflict stones are concerned - diamonds and tanzanite are the biggies. Pretty much everything else is safe enough - miners are usually on the short end of the stick, but in most cases, they're not slave labor.

Edited to add: basically, any corundum (sapphire, ruby, odd colored sapphires, star sapphires and rubies) is going to be hard enough to stand up to daily wear. You want to take a look at the Mohs scale and realize that Topaz is about the minimum on the scale at 8 for daily wear. If she wants a green stone, look for a tsavorite (a green garnet) or a green sapphire. Red/pink should be a garnet or a ruby. A white sapphire actually has as much fire as a diamond, but at a lower cost.

Find a jeweler you can talk to and who is interested in making you both happy, not in making a sale.

[Lilyhoney]

15. I proudly wear a man-made diamond wedding ring. nt