Death.

[bertha katzenengel]

Whose was the last death you had to embrace?

What was your first experience with a human's death? With a pet's?

Are you afraid to die?

[bicentennial_baby]

1. hmmmm

last one? i truly don't remember...maybe my grandfather
first? my great aunt, and my dog Maxine
afraid? not of the dying, but of the being dead. logical? not by a long shot :)

[Shell Beau]

I went to a friend's mom's funeral

yesterday. She died of cancer at the age of 47. It was intensely sad. The first time I remember dealing with a death was that of my family's black lab. I was young and we had her for 14 years. It was sad.

I am not afraid to die for myself. I believe I will go to Heaven. I am afraid to leave behind my loved ones. I don't want them to deal with the grief. It it tough to lose a loved one. It is the hardest thing to go through.

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

2. Well, I do not believe in an afterlife

so in that sense I am scared of death in that I'd be leaving behind all the things that make life great to me, like watching a thrilling basketball game, playing with my pets, enjoying a great rare steak, eating a gooey cheeseburger, passing time with my husband, traveling, etc.

[auntAgonist]

3. the last for me ..

My dear Mother.

I've not lost any pets to death.

I'm not afraid to die, neither do I want to hurry it along :)


:hug:

[Bunny]

4. My Dad died almost three years ago.

That was pretty rough. That was the first time I've experienced the death of such a close relative.

Lately I've been troubled by the death of a casual acquaintance. She died of cancer a few months ago, after fighting it for several years. She left behind four boys, ages 9-15. It's so sad and unfair.

I am not afraid to die - I think interesting and beautiful things await us when we leave the material world. I hope to stick around to a ripe old age, but die before I become a burden to anyone.

[Heidi]

5. Death.

Whose was the last death you had to embrace? My best girlfriend for many years died about 15 years ago after a long and painful illness. I miss her still, but I feel her presence in my life.

What was your first experience with a human's death? The first death I really recall is my grandmother's, when I was 11. She's present in my life, though, in many ways.

With a pet's? I've never had a pet that died.

Are you afraid to die? No, not at all. I'm much more afraid of being incapacitated due to the potential burden this might place on those who love me. I do feel very fortunate to live in a place where there are legal resources for ending one's own life in the event of terminal and/or severely debilitating illness.

[Err]

6. I'm very much afraid to die.

I'm afraid that there may not be any God/Heaven after we die, and when we do die, it's nothingness. :(

I think about this all the time. I always wonder that if there is a God and/or Heaven, that our life has a purpose. But if there isn't an afterlife or a God, then our lives have no meaning, ultimately. I guess that's why I have a strong interest in the paranormal, more specifically, ghosts. It gives me some hope that we do live on after we die.

My first experience with death was in October of 2002. My grandpa died suddenly from what we think was a heart attack. The last time someone died in my family was my grandfather in February of 2004, and it was also from a sudden heart attack. :cry:

I forgot to add that I had many cats and dogs that have died throughout my life. The one I miss the most are my guinea pigs, Peetie and Peskie. :(

[Heidi]

11. Hello, my friend.

I used to feel exactly as you describe, as though there had to be a God and/or Heaven to somehow validate my life. I don't feel that way anymore, because I know that if that's the case, my body will nourish the grass and the earth, and if I live a good life my spirit will nourish my family and friends after I'm gone. And though I do believe there's "something more," I'm satisfied even if there's not.

:hug: Err. I'm always glad to have your gentle spirit in the Lounge. :hi:

[Err]

17. Thanks, Heidi.

:hug:

[Misunderestimator]

7. Most recent was a dear friend of mine this past June...

Before that 15 years previous with my mother's death.

First was my grandfather's when I was 16.

And... no... I guess I'm not afraid of death itself... just what might lead to it.

[RandomKoolzip]

8. When I was four years old, I found the dead body of my father's friend

in our house. He had died of a drug overdose, and I was the first person to see the corpse. In the night, a tray table had fallen on his head, so at first I thought he died from that. Anyhow, that my first confrontation with mortality.

The last major death I had to deal with was my father's. He died in 1993, when I was 18 years old. Luckily, the only deaths I've had to embrace since then have been celebrity and pet deaths. (Call me callous, but pet deaths are easier for me to deal with than human deaths...I know, I'm a prick, yadda yadda yadda....)

ANyhow, yes, I'm terrified of death. I was raised atheist, so I never had the comfort of an "afterlife" waiting for me. My fear of death got me into a lot of therapy as a teenager and even today. I just can't wrap my head around the inevitability of it.

[Shell Beau]

12. While pet deaths can be hard to deal with, they are in

no comparison to human deaths. That does not make you a prick. If anyone ever claimed the death of their dog was sadder than the death of your dad or my brother, it would really really piss me off!!

:)

[tigereye]

16. it's interesting

I think for some folks the death of a pet IS the death of a loved one, and that is incredibly hard to bear. I suspect that it is comparable for them.

I was sad when my cat died, but it was worse for my husband since we had had her for almost 20 years. The vet even called us to see if we were ok, which really surprised me. At the time, I was so busy with my baby son that I really didn't have time to think much about it. I felt worse about her suffering than her actual death.

[Shell Beau]

19. I love love love love my pets. They are like my family, but

when my brother died, there is no pain like it. I have dealt with the deaths of my pets and I did grieve for them. But there is no way that it is comparable to the life of a loved human. That is of course my opinion, but like I said, I would be very hurt and angry if someone compared pain of the death of their cat to that of me losing my brother.

[RandomKoolzip]

22. Our last cat, Steve, had to be put to sleep....

So I called the vet and had her make a house call. Steve died in my wife's arms as she cried and cried and cried. I, thankfully, was at work...just thinking about it makes me terribly sad.....but it's just not comparable with the death of a family member or good friend.

[tigereye]

25. it was not comparable for me

but I realize that for some it would be.

[RandomKoolzip]

28. I know...lots of DUers are very sensitive about their pets....

Which I totally understand, which is why I put the caveat in my post. I was preparing myself for being flamed for implying that human deaths are more important to me than animal deaths...a sentiment like that around here can get one into hot water.

[Shell Beau]

29. And that I just can't understand!

I understand being sensitive about pets, I don't understand getting flamed for saying human death is more important.

[RandomKoolzip]

31. I can understand it, I just don't agree with it.

I'm very close to my pets, and I used to be a big animal rights activist. Having a bunch of humans close to me die changed my outlook when I was in my late teens.

[Shell Beau]

34. I am also very close to my pets.

And I volunteer some of my time at animal shelters. But, I guess when you've dealt with the loss of a very close loved one and the loss of a very close pet, you can see that there is a big difference in the grief and the sadness. I understand the love of pets. I really do. My pets rule my house. They are spoiled rotten. But the death of my brother put a lot of things in perspective for me. And I can't understand how someone could put a pet above a human in that sense.

[Err]

18. That's the major reason why I'm in therapy too.

<<My fear of death got me into a lot of therapy as a teenager and even today. I just can't wrap my head around the inevitability of it.>>

:(

[RandomKoolzip]

26. Like I said, I'm an atheist.

ANd being an atheist means having to confront unpleasant realities, like the lack of an afterlife. It's not so much that life has no "meaning" without the existence of an afterlife (of course it does; the meaning of life is to enjoy being sentient, work hard, and try to relieve the suffering of others as much as possible), it's just the knowledge that one day, I'll be alive, the next, nothing.

It's being permanently unconcious that bugs me, not meaninglessness.

[Err]

27. I've never thought about it in that way...

It certainly puts a new (and scary) perspective on it all.

:(

[RandomKoolzip]

43. It IS scary, and I can see why people retreat into religion....

The thought that someday you won't be here and nothing of your conciousness will remain is so frightening, I can see why so many people have reached for religion as a salve, an easy way out. But it's just a cop out.

[LeftyMom]

9. My grandmother was 92 when she died last spring.

It was time, but still very hard to watch her go. What bothered me was not so much her death itself, but seeing her lying there so frail in her bed.

My first experience of death was when my uncle died. I was ten or so. He died of AIDS. I didn't know him very well and I regret that.

I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid of hurting and of leaving my loved ones in pain, but death itself doesn't scare me.

[Giant Robot]

10. I am very scared of this

My sainted father died 3 years ago, actually 3 years and a few months ago. I miss him so very much and it tears me up inside that I was not there with him when he died. But that is another story. Since his passing I have thought a lot more about death and dying and I have to be honest, I am scared of the idea. I don't have a belief system that provides me with faith or comfort in an afterlife. I'm a little too empirical in that regard. But I am frightened, and know that I probably have a lot more life left in me, but it will come eventually. And every time I think about it I get a knot in my stomach. I'm just not sure what to do...

[merh]

13. Andy's in July, my dear friend Lee's on Jan 1, 2005

The first death I recall - my elementary school boyfriend, Mark's, death when I was 11, two months later the only grandparent I ever knew, my grandmother's death.

I had pets all of my life, too many deaths, like too many deaths of my family and friends, to list. When Pete, our poodle died when I was little, the folks told us he ran away. I found out later they were so hurt by his death, they didn't know how to tell us.

I'm more afraid of life and the hate in this world than I am of death. Even if you don't believe in an afterlife (which I do) death is peace and an end of suffering.

Fearing death is like fearing sleep.

[Shine]

14. Wow, big topic.

I had a profound experience with death last year when my beloved 19 yr old cat, Alfalfa, literally died in my arms. She'd been declining for a while, but the last few days of her life, I was doing kitty hospice for her 'round the clock. It was deeply moving to me and I felt gifted by the entire experience, as heart-breaking as it was. To die in the arms of Love is my wish for all of us. O8) May we be so blessed.

Since I also happen to be a Hospice volunteer, I've spent a lot of time with people who are "close to the edge of life", so to speak. It is my greatest privilege to be of service in this way and to bear witness to the Mystery.....

In the end, only kindness matters. :loveya:

Shine

[bertha katzenengel]

15. mine

Mrs. V.'s best friend's father, Poppy, about 2 1/2 years ago. Death came as relief to him.

First pet death I remember was Willy, a curly little mutt. But he just disappeared one day.

First human - my mother, 12/10/74.

I'm not afraid to die, but I'm not ready. I don't want to leave anyone and there is so much more to be experienced, so many marks to leave.

[terrya]

20. My father...2 years ago.

He and I weren't all that close...it wasn't a question of not loving or liking each other...we did. There was just some emotional distance...I always found, for some reason, that it was easier to talk to my mom or my sisters than my dad.

My first experience with a human death was my grandfather. I was 8 years old when he died. I don't really remember him that well. I only remember his death (from lung cancer) and funeral as a time of confusion. My first experience with a pet's death was our dog Laddie. Dad had to take him to the vet's to have him put to sleep. Laddie was old and very sick.

No, I'm not afraid to die at all.

[Left_Winger]

21. My answers:

Last death I had to embrace: My mother
First death with death: My grandfather died when I was eleven.
Am I afraid to die: Nope.

[blondeatlast]

23. My mom passed about a month ago.

First experience was my paternal grandfather when I was 7 (about the same age my son lost his grampa).

Yes--I'm afraid. I know a lot of people say they aren't, and I'm not afraid of whatever awaits after death. But I am terribly afraid of the actual last few moments--seeing my child and husband for the last time, that sort of thing.

[tigereye]

24. a father of one of my son's friend's died a few weeks ago

after an accident. It was even worse, since he had appeared to be doing well. I was stunned since this was someone I saw a lot. I still keep expecting to see him.


I remember my grandfather dying when I was 8. I was considered old enough to go to the funeral home, not when everyone else was there. It was weird, and I really don't think I understood it, even at that age.

I have seen friends die of Aids and other ailments and adults that I knew well as a child. I saw my FIL at the hospital after he had died and that was the first time I had actually seen someone who was dead, as an adult. That was hard. But I am not afraid to die, since I do think that there may be something more. And, if there isn't, that's ok too, since I have had a good life and that's sufficient. :)

What would worry me the most would be my kid and husband. I wouldn't want to leave them until I am very, very old.

[SnohoDem]

30. Most recent:

The death of my dog, best friend and constant companion for ten years. He died one year ago yesterday.

First: My grandmother dying in the back seat of the car on the way to the hospital. I was six. It was 1962. There have been many since then.

Fear: I'm not afraid to be dead, but most of the ways to get dead are unpleasant. I only want to go quickly.

I have a lot of stuff I want to do before then.

[LaurenG]

32. My father died in January

It was the first really close family member.

I am not afraid to die except on those rare occasions when I wonder if once this life is over if that's really all. If I cease to exist who will care, then it's sad too.

For the record I not only believe in an afterlife of some sort, I believe in reincarnation as well.

[bleedingheart]

33. My first funeral was at 4 years old...

I recall going to the funeral home and all the older ladies talking about how the cousin had did of complications of lupus...and all the talk about the "butterfly" which I had not clue about...(they were talking about the butterfly mark on the face of some lupus sufferers)

My grandmother died when I was 7.

My father died when I was 10.

My uncle died when I was 14.

My Aunt died when I was 16.

My great-uncle...died when I was 19.

...the list goes on and on...

My cousin just recently died at age 60...far to young and my brother in law's father just died in May...after suffering from Alzheimers...

The worst kind of funeral are those for children...it tore me apart to go to my friend's three year old daughter's funeral....she died of cancer.

I fear death...I can say that honestly however I think that with age we come to understand it is the next stage. I have also started to sense the immortality that we pass on through our children. My daughter is very much like me...in mannerisms and how she experiences the world and the same is true for my son. Last night I was looking at how my little boy's features are turning into those of an older boy...and how miraculous that is....how time is changing us all.

My concern now is for my mother...she is aging and I know that her death will be very hard for me. I pray that she will only go as quietly and as peacefully as my father did and that that day will not come too soon...

[eyesroll]

35. Last death: Dunno really.

Of a stranger, Big Dan. Of a close relative, my grandmother in 1996. A family friend a few years later. My family's been lucky.

First experience with human death: My grandfather. I was 7. Oddly, I remember that week in 1983 more clearly than I remember anything in 1999.

First experience with pet death: Farley the Finch, when I was in fifth grade or so. I wasn't too attached to him (all he did was chirp in the corner) and my sister and I tried to wake him up with water.

Afraid? No. Given family history, it'll likely be cancer that kills me, and that sort of scares me because it's hardly a pleasant way to go. But death itself doesn't.

[Terran]

36. I guess it depends on your definition

of "embrace".

My father died five years ago. But I found out just yesterday that a case worker I had spoken to on the phone innumerable times for my job died of brain cancer recently. I didn't know her except slightly, but we shared the comradeship of helping homeless people. Knowing she was gone left a small whole in my heart.

First experience: my great grandmother died when I was nine; I barely knew her and the memory is remote. My first immediate experience with a pet dying was last year (all previous ones happened out of sight, taken care of by my parents at the vet's office). A female cat we'd had for 15 years died and we found her on the front lawn. That was a huge whole in my heart.

I personally don't think I'm afraid to die. I fear the possibility of pain and/or horror being involved, however.

edit:typo

[HuskerDU]

37. Last death: An old friend died about a month ago.

First: Dad died when I was 10.

Afraid: No.

When the toughest thing you will ever face happens to you at age 10, you figure that you can handle just about anything. I have no wish to die, but to me it will be a reunion.

One day we were playing catch, the next day, my dad was gone. Ever since that day, I have just wanted to see him again one more time. No hurry, but I sure ain't afraid.

[progmom]

38. mine

the last death i had to embrace was the mother of my best friend. it tore her apart...she even threw herself on the casket as they were wheeling it toward the front of the church. :cry:

first experience with a human death that had a tremendous impact on me was when my mentor passed away suddenly on New Year's Day in 1994 from a stroke. a friend called to tell me...i dropped the phone and fell to the floor. i was devastated...wasn't able to play my saxophone for years after that - it was too painful. i still miss Doc like you wouldn't believe. this is the only picture i have scanned of him right now - it's him from behind looking at me playing:



my first pet to pass was my rabbit Kees.

and no...my own death doesn't scare me. i fear losing people i love, but not my own death.

[johnnie]

39. Last death close to me was my Grandmother

A lot of friends and distant family members in the last few years too. The worse were the suicides, and there have been a few in the last few years. I am saddened by them not being around but have to say that I don't "mourn" as much as others seem to.

Because of my philosophies and spiritual beliefs I don't fear death one bit. I fear some of the pain I might have to go through but they have a lot of heavy drugs these days..lol. I believe in an afterlife and it's not the Heaven and hell type thing. I have had more proof in it than not in my days so I wouldn't be truthful if I said I think we just dissipate into thin air.

If I die and there is nothing beyond this than oh well, I won't know the difference.

[seemunkee]

40. First death was my fathers

when I was 16 my father died from complications from a kidney transplant. His father died one month later and a friend was killed while out for bike ride a few weeks later. I was an emotional mess after that for quite a while.
The last I have had to deal with on a personal level was my mother. She died 2 days before 9/11 after fighting breast cancer for 15 years. I miss her dearly.

I have no fear of death. When it comes it comes. I will put it off as long as it is in my control but I am prepared for it and enjoy each day that I have.

[Serial Mom]

41. Deaths ...

The last one was my half-sister of cancer.

First experience was ironically that half-sister's baby - she was 14 months old and I was 9 years old. I thought she looked like a life-sized doll in the casket. To this day, that was one of the saddest.

My pet cat when I was 10.

As as get older, I am less afraid to die because I trust that I have taught my kids well enough to deal with life without me.

[kwassa]

42. A friend in junior high school was killed in a car accident

It happened over the summer, and no one told me about it because we had moved to the Midwest, and none of my old friends wrote me about it, assuming that someone else told me. I must have been about 13.

I found out months later, and went wandering around in the woods near our home for a couple of hours. He had been in a big station wagon with a bunch of other kids on a Western trip, and their car was t-boned by a large truck that blew a stop sign. A number of kids were killed.

I have lost no one in my immediate family, which is remarkable because my parents generation is in their early 80s now. I have experienced a lot of death through my relationships with others. My wife lost three grandparents and a stepmother in a year and a half. My grandparents all died many years ago.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

44. My grandmother passed away this last weekend

I'm still coming to terms with her death. She was a wonderful woman and devoted Christian and I have no doubt where she's gone but she played such a huge role in my life and I feel a large void without her here.

I'm not sure what my first experience with a human's death was. Two of my relatives whom we were close to and whom I vaguely remember died when I was 3 and my great aunt (who I have very vivid memories of) died when I was eight and that also had an impact on me. But the first real death I had to come to terms with was the unexpected and sudden death of a family friend whom my family was very close to and who had played a significant role in my childhood years. He was such a nice person and so young too

The first pet I had who died was a rabbit. A magician gave him to me at my birthday party and I looked after him for a few months before he ate a poisoned plant and he died. I was a young kid then and I still feel that I could have been closer to him than I was and I feel guilty about that

I'm afraid of DYING but I'm not afraid of death. I am a Christian and I believe that I'll go on to a better world and be with my friends and loved ones who have also moved on. BTW, my beliefs of Heaven and the afterlife are considerably more liberal than what the conservative Christians believe in and I believe that people of all religions, races, creeds, sexual orientations will be there as well. Mind you, this is just my own personal belief as I really do not know what happens. I believe the spiritual world is much more complex than has been traditionally perceived and I'm looking forward to experiencing it

I guess I'm afraid of the pain involved in dying. As I have said, I look forward to death and the afterlife and perhaps in some ways I'd even welcome it. But I would be concerned about the impact that it would have on those I loved and on those who loved me -especially if I were in a relationship -and the sadness they'd likely feel. I've always told people that I want them to celebrate and not mourn when I die because it's just the beginning of a long spiritual journey for me. But I know from my own experiences that it's easier said than done to do this and I'd be concerned about their potential to feel grief and pain

[Horus45]

45. My best friend of 34 years died 2 years ago

We had been friends since the 5th grade, the ONLY childhood friend that I was still friends with. I'm still not over his death.
He and his family were getting ready to go on vacation.
While his wife was out shopping with their kids for swimsuits, he decided to change the alternator belt on the family minivan.
He could not get at one of the bolts from above and jacked up the front of the van with a floor jack to get at the bolt.
When he pulled on the wrench to loosen the bolt the van slipped off the jack and came down on top of his chest and he suffocated to death because he could not breath with the van on his chest.
He had just spoken to his wife, she had called from the store to say she was on her way home, he told her he was having trouble with the belt.
It only took her 15 minutes to get home, but he was already dead by then.
His death has affected me more than any other family deaths, including my father.
I cannot even explain how I feel, I'm so torn up inside.
I still think about him almost daily. It's just so depressing to me.
He was the only true friend I ever had, I could always count on him for anything. The only friend that never screwed me over. I really miss him.

[UrbScotty]

46. My grandfather, more than a year and a half ago

My grandmother died almost five years ago.

[u4ic]

47. I'm scared of death

though I've had experiences that lead me to believe consciousness survives after death, I'm still unsure. I guess I'll only know if and when I get there.

The first death I had to deal with was my great uncle. I was 5. He was a wonderful man...great with kids. I didn't go to the funeral; my brother in law took me for ice cream...as my great uncle had done so many times...and told me he will be sleeping for a long time. I didn't see my great aunt after that, which pained me; she moved away to be closer to her children.

I've had plenty of deaths to deal with, as I have an aging family. The most recent - an uncle died a year ago; of 14 aunts and uncles (not including their spouses), 6 have died. The most painful was my mother's, 8 years ago when I was 31.

The first pet death was of my brother's gerbil. The song "Seasons in the Sun" had just been released, and every time I hear that song, I think of little Frisky.