What was the most important day of your life?

[hickman1937]

Conventional wisdom tells us that is's the day you get married, or when your children are born. For me it was a day about 6 years ago when I helped a friend clean out a house after an estate sale. It was the house/home of a woman born in Detroit in the 20's. I found notebooks from a womans club that she belonged to from the early 40's to the mid 70's, when the members started dying. She and her husband never had kids. They moved to the suberbs in the late 50's. The garage and basement were full of gardening stuff. About a week after finding this stuff I started crashing emotionally. Nothing overt, just dumped my large disapproving family, and a couple of back stabbing friends. Where did her life go and why is it gone? Where will my life go after it's gone?

[graywarrior]

1. Jeeze, that's intense.

[hickman1937]

6. graywarrior, ya gotta wonder.

what is it all for? Just passing on dna?

[LynzM]

56. I've had that feeling a lot lately...

I don't have an answer yet, other than to live in a way that brings the most joy you can to yourself and those you know (and don't know!)...

[KitchenWitch]

2. The day of my final radiation treatment

[graywarrior]

3. That had to be a great day!

[KitchenWitch]

5. It was a huge relief

but it was at least a month before I felt almost human again.

[graywarrior]

7. I hear ya. My mother went through radiation & chemo

Glad you got through it.

[hickman1937]

8. I'm sorry if this is nosy,

how did you feel? Feel free to ignore the question.

[KitchenWitch]

12. From the radiation?

Totally dragged out...tired all the time. Could only eat soft foods, because anything else felt like it was ripping my throat up going down.

The skin burns were horrible.

[hickman1937]

40. I'm sorry.

I know this is intrusive but did you feel relief, optimism? Or was it just putting the next step in front of the other?

Edit for bad colloquialism so I substituted a worse. sorry.

[KitchenWitch]

42. Very relieved actually

It was great to be done with it...

[AlienGirl]

91. My final day of radiation was great

I was so fricking glad to be done with that torture. I hadn't eaten solid food in weeks, and even the soy-shakes hurt really badly. It was more than six months before I was back up to my pre-cancer weight, and a year before I felt like myself again.

Two days after the last radiation and chemo treatment, my (now ex) husband sprung separation papers on me.

Tucker

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. The first one

Everything since has been a result. :think:

[hickman1937]

13. I don't understand.

Sorry. What's the first one?

[KitchenWitch]

18. Day he was born!

[Left Is Write]

63. I'd agree with that, and planned to answer the same way.

[qnr]

65. My first thought too n/t

[Omphaloskepsis]

9. The day my father was killed...

I just wish I had been far enough away that I didn't hear the sound of the gunshot.

It was a horrible day. Things have been fuckered ever since.

[hickman1937]

11. Damn shit and hell.

How the hell do you move away from something like that? Maybe you never do. I won't insult you by pretending that I have any understanding or wisdom for you. I am so sorry.

[Omphaloskepsis]

36. I wanted to reply...

I actually typed up a few pages and decided I wasn't comfortable posting it. Thanks for you reply.

[lady raven]

29. My father in law was shot too...

It has not even been a year yet, but we know things will never be "normal" again. I have changed in a way that no other death has changed me before.

[hickman1937]

49. I grew up in a household with 2 alcoholics.

I learned that "normal" is what ever you decide it is, within the bounds of good behavior, and screw anyone that gets impatient with the way you deal with hurt. I wish you some healing HereKittyKitty.

[bridgit]

59. my dad was murdered in his apt with his own cane...

he flew many missions over germany and survived them all. he worked here in town at 'the sutter club'. i was going on stage up in ashland when i 'received the news', i flew back as soon as i could, my mom wouldn't go to the morgue, and so i had to identify my father's body; it was a very sad day. we had just repaired many years of unknowing due to my mother's many & successful efforts to estrange us. we had six happy & loving months together and then he was gone. my brother & i had to clean his apt; clean up all his blood...and that was a very sad day as well

i miss my daddy :cry:

[hickman1937]

74. Crap damn and hell.

Again, I won't insult you with some "I understand", or "I know what you're going through". Fools say those things. Where did his life go? Who keeps the book of his life. My Dad landed at Omaha Beach and fought in the bulge. When he's gone all those memories(that he would never tell us) are gone.

[hippywife]

60. I'm so sorry, Omphaloskepsis.

What a terrible experience for you to have weighing on you. :hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

93. I am so sorry, as well. What a indescribably horrible memory for you.

My first thought was also the day my father died. But my story is not as traumatic as yours, and I sometimes have difficulties, especially since it's getting to be that time of year. I only wish that you find a way to live with this.:hug:

[BlueIris]

10. Oh, man. That is a GREAT story. I actually can't pick a "most" important

day, but among the most important ones (the top five) would be one or two that feature events sort of like what you descibed: just quiet decisions I made to get rid of negative social and familial influences. The most recent would probably May 19, 2005, when I told my abusive ex off for the last time. It wasn't the kind of goodbye I wanted (ie; with me left feeling like I had effectively communicated anything to him about the trainwreck his life is going to become--hopefully helping him make the choice not to abuse his future spouse and children) but I think it'll do.

[hickman1937]

16. Exactly.

Sometimes it's the "quiet decisions" that end up the most important.

[Floogeldy]

14. Today

;)

[hickman1937]

22. Yeah, I'm trying for what you've got. n/t

[Floogeldy]

26. Yea.

Me too. ;)

[DanCa]

15. The day after I was dxd with parkinson's

It really opened my eyes up to the gop lies of the sanctify of life crap. Now am learning have to do everything again but on the plus side I have made wonderful friends, became a stem cell advocate, starting playing the harp, and have found a family on DU.
I may have lost the ability to walk without a mechanical aid of somekind but I have made lots of wonderful friends on this page. I consider myself fortunate that I have this place as my venting board.
In a sense a gained as much as I lost.

[hickman1937]

19. Wow. Dan you have a boatload of courage.

And grace. I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless.

[DanCa]

25. Thank you but with the great people that i've met on du and lobbying

It easy to fight for whats right. The name calling (for stem cell gets to me) but knowing that I got DU as a support line I feel I can over come. I just wish I could wreslte like in college but ah well.

[Lindsey]

21. Man, these are some intense stories....what we go through as humans...

my heart goes out to all of you who've had such heartache and horrible health issues -

The most important day of my life was in May of 1999. I called Cal State to see if my Degree has arrived - it had. Even though I had completed my studies in Dec. of '98, it takes a long time for the actual degree be processed. I had told my boss all year that "the SECOND my degree gets in I'm leavin' work to go get pick it up" - and did I ever! I remember walking to my car with it in hand as if it were an Oscar - and for me it was. I stared at it for the rest of the day. I was 41 years old and had wanted a college degree more than anything in life. Due to circumstances (a disabled child, a failed marriage, etc.) I couldn't go back to school until my late 30's. I worked full-time and went to school full-time for five years. It is now proudly displayed on my wall in the finest of frames. I still look at it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

[hickman1937]

32. I love this!

Thanks. The most important day is usually the day your live pivots a quarter turn or more. Yours did a 180! :applause:

[leftofthedial]

17. tomorrow

[hickman1937]

23. How brave you are!

You have my admiration.

[Floogeldy]

24. The day after tomorrow.

Another good choice.

Or, 59 days from the next Bluebeard's birthday. That would be interesting!

;)

[hickman1937]

35. Your forward looking Floo takes me a little aback.

:* :* :* :* :* :evilgrin:

[leftofthedial]

27. i'm not brave

it's just that today is so meaningless that I have to make tomorrow count.

[hickman1937]

33. Well then when the Pivot Day comes,

I hope it's an amazingly joyous one.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

20. The day I enlisted in the Air Force

It was my way out of the rural Indiana cow pasture set. It changed my life. It got me out into the world, and I never looked back.

[hickman1937]

28. So it was a good day?

I like this a lot. Your story is a little like my baby brother's. No cows, but the Air Force got him out. He's back in now, in Alpena, Mich.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

37. It was a VERY good day.

It unstuck me from a real dead end.

[HEyHEY]

30. Hmm..at this point I'd say the day I left for Journalism School

I remember being on the plane telling myself failure was not an option

[hickman1937]

51. I saved you for last.

Now I'm going to bed. Yours was the most optimistic response. I hope the hell it all worked out, because it jerked me out of my dark mood.

[Blue-Jay]

31. Ask me next week.

:D

[hickman1937]

50. I'm having a little problem with short term memory right now.

So I'll probably forget.:*

[MarianJack]

34. I'm Too Traditional!

#1 My Wedding Day! 8/15/98

#2 The day I became a daddy! 7/18/00

#3 The day I stopped drinking! 1/14/90

[hickman1937]

38. I envy you.

The traditional life was always outside my grasp, but I very much understand it's value.

[Telly Savalas]

39. Conventional wisdom holds true for me.

[hickman1937]

43. So who are you welcoming to life here?

DU rule, no baby pictures without a name.

[Telly Savalas]

54. Emma

Of course 2 weeks after her birth, the baby on "Friends" gets named Emma, and there are two other girls in her preschool named Emma, but what can you do...

Here she is now. 'Tis amazing how much things can change in 3.5 years.

[SoCalDem]

41. a true epiphany

YOUR life remains in the hearts of those who know you.. Your are never gone until all who knew you are also gone...and if you made a big impression on THEM, they pass you on to people THEY know..

Eventually though, we all end up as faded people in old photographs, looking out at people we never lived to see..and they look at your picture and say.."Who IS that?"..and they say.."It must be somebody on my Mothers side of the family..or was it Dad's".. and then THEY have an epiphany...

It's all a big cosmic circle. :hi:

[hickman1937]

45. Except that the circle never started for some people.

When we finally found my Grandfather's grave(long story) he was surrounded by the graves of Nuns and Priests who's graves were just as grown over as his. No one remembers these people, or what they gave their lives for. Where did their life go? Was it all for nothing in the end? Maybe they affected some people, but where is their childhood kept? Where are the things that they saw and stored in their brains?

[SoCalDem]

46. Ashes to ashes..dust to dust.

That's why we cannot waste the time we have...Do what makes YOU happy.

Graves are only 'tended' as long as the ones left behind are able to tend them., probably most people do not even know where their ancestors' graves are..People move so much these days, and tend to be buried where they die. the "family plot" is no more..


The people in the graves you saw, lived the time they were given and then they made room for you :)

[July]

99. Maybe they are remembered.

I don't visit my father's grave, so it may well be grown over. I don't get anything from visiting a cemetery. But I think of Dad all the time. I'm still learning about his childhood, his military service, and other aspects of his life, and I try to make him real to my kids, who never knew him.

My grandfather died when I was 5, and I just have a mental picture of him in my own memories, but he's a very real person to me because my mother and the rest of her family talks about him so much. I feel as if I did know him much better than I really did, and I'm glad to have a sense of what kind of man he was and to know about his history.

[Rabrrrrrr]

44. People who say "my wedding day" or "The day I had a child" are empty

and have clearly either not thought much about their life, or lived a life that doesn't have much that's worth thinking about. To define one's life on other people's terms is just sad, and a total buy-in to the republican/Christo-fascist paradigm that true happiness is only achieved through marriage and/or child-bearing.

I would vote that most people who answer with these are just people who have never been given permission to define their lives on their own terms, and aren't actually ignorant or vacuous (unless they're republican).

No, I want a developed human being who can define the most important day of their life in terms of themselves, not in terms of other people, or in terms of the few things that our society values above all other things. I find it so sad. So utterly and awfully sad to hear "my wedding day" or "when I had a child". I can understand "The day I met the person who would eventually become my SO" - that should be the answer far, far, far, far more than "my wedding day".

But even more important would be things like "The day I decided I was my own person, and was not my parents idea of who I *should* be" or "The day I decided to go college" or "The day I decided to live life on my own terms, and not others" or "The day I left my abusive family/SO/whatever"... stuff that like that is important.

[hickman1937]

47. This is exactly why I started this thread.

I've watched one too many woman on tv and in real life say that their wedding day is/was/will be the most important day in their life. Balls and fuck that. I've already described the pivotal day in my life. I'm hoping that will change before I die. Like maybe I'll be allowed to save someones life, or just help someone in a insignificant way. It won't change how I feel which is that when you die, everything you were or attempted to be, everything you saw and loved is just gone. Like you had never been.

[Rabrrrrrr]

53. Yeah. By "most important" they mean "The day I was the center of

attention and got my way with everything".

Not a very laudible thing to consider "important".

[hickman1937]

81. Rabrrrrr, isn't that more of the the same though?

But even more important would be things like "The day I decided I was my own person, and was not my parents idea of who I *should* be" or "The day I decided to go college" or "The day I decided to live life on my own terms, and not others" or "The day I left my abusive family/SO/whatever"... stuff that like that is important.

"The day I...". Is it all ego and dna? If so then my original problem is resolved. We deserve to have everything we ever were to just die with us. Make room for the next generation .

[judaspriestess]

48. When I was able to poopoo 3 times in one day

without having the runs

[RFKHumphreyObama]

52. I think it would have to be September 11 2001

I feel terrible for saying this because I did not lose any friends or relatives in the senseless and horrific tragedy that eventuated that day and I am not even a citizen of the US and had never been there before that time (although I have now). But I've always felt a very close kinship and affinity with the US and its people that has been with me since childhood and that a group of terrorists could just so callously take the lives of so many sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers and friends was just so incomprehensible to me. And the * Administration's response to it shattered the faith I had previously held in the US government (yes, even after Iran-Contra and Nixon and so on, I had still kept the faith in the US government presumably because I had spent my teenaged formative years in the environment of peace and prosperity created by the Clinton Administration, where the US government did make a genuine effort to do the right thing)

But it changed my whole life perspective to an extent that I never thought possible. I went into a very deep state of grief and mourning and state of gloom that I have yet to emerge from. It affected in a negative way the decisions I made in life (I don't want to elaborate on this), my whole perspective toward life and the world and it eroded the extent to which I had enjoyed life until that time.

[hickman1937]

55. socialdemocrat1981, I hope the bush response to 9/11,

and everything after was a wake up call to the rest of the world. The world can no longer expect the US to do the right thing. Government here has been bought cheap. Doing the right thing is not lucrative. Dems are trying to hold the line but the bad guys are winning. The rest of the world needs to pay attention to what has happened to this country, and do better. Good luck.

[flvegan]

57. October 2, 1999

Went vegetarian, officially. Went vegan 7 months later.

Mind, body and soul are so much better for it.

There are a couple other events that bill with this one, but I don't have a date for them.

[LynzM]

58. The day I got on the plane to Germany...

By myself. That trip allowed me to really find out who I was, to split from my long-term boyfriend, to find my husband, to discover my love of Europe (and specific things about it), to learn to function as my own person, and to overcome fear and anxiety about doing something like that on my own. All in all, 9 months of self-discovery started on that day. Good stuff.

[hickman1937]

66. Thank you.

This was somewhat what I was looking for when I started this thread.

[LynzM]

68. Um... you're welcome?

I think it's different for everyone... I went back and read some of the replies after I wrote that. While I agree that getting married and having children might be 'cliche' answers for this, I think they can also have huge meaning, in terms of changing people's lives. You're making a life-long commitment, not to be taken lightly. Though for me, the day I found out I was pregnant was more life-changing than the day I gave birth, but... to each his or her own, I think!

[hickman1937]

69. I was raised to get married and have children.

These things affected my life, but going into them was just doing what was expected. Fishing through the life of someone else is what changed me the most. Her whole life amounted to a niece trying to make sure that the nephew didn't know she was dead till the niece found the box with the bonds and the investment data. Everything she was, everything she did, saw, thought, loved, was gone and nothing. Her life amounted to what the niece could get out of her. BTW the niece lived in California, and hadn't seen the aunt in years.

[LynzM]

70. Oy.... that is a heck of a lesson....

I think if you're doing things just because that's what you're supposed to do, then yeah, the probably won't have the same level of meaning. Going back to college now, after having to leave for 3 years, means a lot more to me than it did when I was 18. I could imagine that seeing all of that was quite a wakeup call to what you want your life to be, and mean to others, and leave behind...

[hickman1937]

71. I think I should be a little more specific.

The day my daughter was born was the beginning of my ability to feel empathy. Growing up in an alcoholic household, your shell is your survival. Her birth started releasing me from that shell/jail. It wasn't the most important day in my life. That happened about 20 years later when I found out that everything is ephemeral. Most of who you are will not survive your death. Most of our lives are for naught.

[LeftyMom]

61. April 19, 2001.

My son was born the day before, which was amazing and more than a bit scary.

The life changing part was waking up and taking care of my new baby with utter confidence in myself as a mother. Giving up my fears and trusting my ability to do what's best for him made me a better mother and a stronger person and it's the change that made all the other choices possible.

[Left Is Write]

64. Oddly enough, that's right around the time my son...

was just beginning his initial cell division. :)

[bridgit]

62. the day i met hubby, whole & vast tracts of sorrow turned around...

and happiness began to move upward :thumbsup:

[hickman1937]

67. So your most important day was a good day?

I'm happy for you and envious.

[bridgit]

82. yup, i'm learning to move in smaller, more elegant circles......

learning the wisdom of that; i was emancipated @ 15yrs of age and sometimes it feels like i've been on the dead-run & thank you so...for your post above :hug:

[hickman1937]

87. Elegant as in symmetrical,

or fashion? Either way, be well, please.:hug:

[Rowdyboy]

72. Must pick two days...One in late August 1972, the other March 7th, 1989

On the first, I left home for college and my entire world shifted with an enormous "BAM!" I was no longer under my parents control and was finally able to make my own decisions. My entire personality changed over the next 6 months. I made a few horrible mistakes, but I regret little. I went from uninformed and rural to relatively educated and very politically aware.

On the second, I met a man with whom I immediately felt a STRONG connection. The next day, I told two of my best friends that I'd found the person I would spend the rest of my life with. At age 35, I had NEVER said anything like that. Both opposed it because he was on the rebound from an 18 year marriage and newly out as gay. I was his first date. I was also his last.

17 years later, and we're still going strong. My life went from aimless and lonely, to content and happy.

Those are my most important days.

[hickman1937]

75. Aw damn.

This is the most romantic story I've heard in years. Thanks Rowdyboy.

[Rowdyboy]

79. My pleasure....I never, ever thought I had a chance at "happy ever after"

but now we might as well be bookends. He was also my mom's favorite "son/daughter-in-law" of five.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

73. I was not able to identify my most important day until years later.

Here's the story:

I was attending a private college in Minneapolis, but going over to the University of Minnesota every day to take a year-long series of linguistics classes. One day the instructor told us that the first floor of the building where our class met was being painted and that we would be meeting in a room on the third floor.

The next day, I went up to the third floor , but there was another class in the designated room running over time. While waiting for the previous class to get out, I started reading the bulletin board of the Asian Languages Department, which was across the hall from our temporary classroom.

On the bulletin board was the announcement of the first intensive Asian languages program at Cornell University, a program offering Japanese, Chinese, and Thai.

I had always been fascinated with East Asia and as a language buff, I had long harbored a desire to study an Asian language. Besides, I was a senior who had rejected the idea of going into secondary teaching, so I had no plans for after graduation. I took a "request for information" card off the poster and mailed it that afternoon.

Nearly everything in my life--career, friendships, cultural interests, even religious and political attitudes-- since then has resulted directly or indirectly from following up on that announcement, which I would never have seen if they had not painted the rooms in Folwell Hall in the spring of 1972.

That was truly the day when my life went off in an entirely new and unexpected direction.

[hickman1937]

83. Lydia, your most important day, like so many who've replied here

was a good day. Did it affect how you deal with adversity now? Sorry I know that's intrusive, so feel free to ignore the question.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

85. Only in the sense that it brought home the meaning of the song

"What a Difference a Day Makes."

In other words, one day you can be certain that you're stuck on one particular path (good or bad), and then all of a sudden, you're shot off like a billiard ball onto a whole new path.

So whenever I'm discouraged or hurting, I remind myself that it could all change overnight. Or maybe it already has changed, and I just don't know it yet.

On the other hand, the next day can bring unpleasant surprises, like the time I was notified that my job was gone.

However, that same week, I learned that I DIDN'T have cancer.

On the whole, I would rather lose my job and learn that I didn't have cancer than keep my job and learn that I did have cancer.

[ScreamingMeemie]

76. January 8th, 2005. The day my husband literally saved my life.

If it had not been for him, they would have shut off my monitors, not knowing my I.V. was out, I had a raging infection, and I wasn't breathing properly anymore. Without him, they would have kept giving me nasal spray for my breathing problem, and I would have slipped away...they told him to go home, and he wouldn't leave my side. Trying to cool me off with washrags...finally lifting my sleeve up and noticing the swollen I.V. site. Not even leaving when they tried to order him so in the I.C.U. I owe him my life.

[hickman1937]

86. I'm sorry but I've got to ask,

how does this change the dynamic of the relationship? Feel free to ignore this intrusive question.

[ScreamingMeemie]

98. MrG is a complex man. He always reserved a part of himself just

for himself. Over the years, I used to wonder whether he really cared (shallow and self obsessed I guess). I was never quite sure. We all promise to love each other in sickness and in health and so many of us are never really tested on that. MrG was tested and his answer was what I should have believed in him all along.

[New Earth]

77. other than having my daughter

June 23rd this year, becoming invisible and watching someone i greatly 'admire' look all over for me. :blush:

you can pretend i'm kidding, but i'm not. but go ahead and think it :)

[hickman1937]

90. I hate like hell when people need to pretend that I'm kidding.

Stealing my credibility just because I stepped outside, for a moment, what they need me to be. You have my sympathy.

[DesEtoiles]

78. That's the question, isn't it? What does it all mean? Why are we here?

[hickman1937]

84. Bingo.

If I had a washer and dryer to give, you would have just won it. You didn't answer my angst, but you actually got what I was asking. Thanks NormaR. Thread is at 80 and you are the first that really heard me.

[DesEtoiles]

88. could be

because I've been thinking the same thing lately.

I'm almost 40. I'm not liking these milestones. Ugh.

[NNadir]

80. It would be the first time I held my wife.

Yesterday was a pretty good day too. After 20 years it's still a thrill to hold her.

[madrchsod]

89. when i found out my heart attack wasn`t as bad as i thought

and then i found out the problem healed itself...nothing like thinking you may die...second is our kids being born

[AlienGirl]

92. The day my ENT told me I had cancer

Everything in my life fell apart with the cancer experience. I had to "build it up again with worn-out tools." Still building...

Tucker

[RevCheesehead]

94. My confirmation.

It was the day I said "yes" to God, "yes" to my faith, and opened the door for any and all options.

It was just as much a "conversion" experience as any "I got saved..." story - but it was spread out over a 2 year period. When I said Yes, my world changed.

[Hypatia82]

95. There's a couple...

First was a few days after I turned 16 when I left home. Grew up neglected by my parents, raised by my friends' parents. I knew I had no reason to stay, had been ready for a year to leave. Then a few days after I turned 16 it came, said the last words I'd say to my parents and said I was leaving and I left. I wasn't afraid, I knew I was better off somewhere else, somewhere I'd least be wanted.

Second was just a couple months later when I had my left leg amputated. In no time flat found myself having to totally refigure out my life. All my future plans, my own image of myself, and everything else, had to go and start from scratch.

And most recently was the day I met my SO. Will be two years on Friday. Met totally by accident the day after Thanksgiving. Next day we met up again on what turned out to be our first date. Wasn't even a month later we were talking about her moving in with me.

[mwdem]

96. When my dad died,

he was the first of my parents to go, and we really didn't expect it. I finally realized, at almost age 40, that I was an adult.

[Orsino]

97. The day my wife picked me off a menu...

...on match.com, or the day we met in person, two weeks later.

[noonwitch]

100. The day we dropped my older brother off at college

It was the best day/weekend of my life. I was 16 at the time.

My brother went to Marquette, which was a ways away. We had shared a car his senior year, with he having priority because he was older. I was going to have the car all to myself. I also hated him when we were kids. We were too close in age, and only one grade in school apart.

My dad was pretty happy, too. We were high-fiving each other in the parking lot of the dorm after each trip up the stairs with his stuff.

The next day, on our way back to Michigan, my dad took me, my mom and my sister to Chicago. He took us out to Trader Vic's for dinner, we stayed in a fancy hotel, and he gave my mom his credit cards the next day and told her to buy herself and us some nice things, on him, while he went to Zimmerman's to stock up on liquor for his office parties. To this day, Trader Vic's is one of the best restaurants I have ever eaten in. The food melted in my mouth, it was so good.