This'll break you up — but only if you're male or female

[Oeditpus Rex]

Just got it in the 'e'. Enjoy. :7



Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

As*h@le.

(Gary)

B*tch.

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.



(Teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[Kenneth ken]

1. Hilarious

:rofl:

[hfojvt]

2. that is so funny

it is like kids playing and they kill off each other's characters. Too bad Rebecca could not have kept going and had Laurie goto heaven where Jesus serves her chamomile tea. There's no asthma here, my dear, and Carl is in a violent hell of his own creation.

The story lacks some coherency since Laurie is remembering Carl's possessiveness, and Gary writes it off as just 'one sweaty night'. It would make more sense if he thought she had broken his heart and then he joined the space foreign legion.

And Gary's Anu'udian attack is just ludicrous. For them to attack within two hours of the bill's passage is impossible even if they had spies in Washington. Whatever defenses earth had against such attacks would take about a year to dismantle and thus would still be there to face an immediate attack. Second, what is the purpose of the attack? To use earth for lebensraum? But they are making it uninhabitable. How any culture which is that warlike managed to create FTL travel before blowing themselves up in internecine war is also highly implausible.

Gary also does not know anything about Danielle Steele because she trades more in the kind of melodrama that Gary was pushing. In the one I read, first his wife dies of cancer, then he remarries someone rich and famous, then their child is kidnapped - it is more the tabloid, action melodrama that Gary was writing than it is the contemplative story Rebecca was trying to tell.

[Kenneth ken]

3. coherency?

from a "...violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent."

You ask too much of poor Gary.

:rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

4. I will never again claim that I have too much time on my hands...

Because you have just demonstrated what that truly means.

[SeattleGirl]

5. There is NEVER too much time on your hands, as long as

you have me to flirt with! :rofl:

Ooh, my bad! :spank:

[WCGreen]

7. Fine... It's over between us... Drink your tea...

I will now join the Rangers and spend the rest of my days in the company of men.....

Hrrmmpp

[Lochloosa]

17. Hey....i feel left out...

:-(

[Pharlo]

6. And Gary's Anu'udian attack is just ludicrous.

I disagree. At no point did Gary indicate that the Anu'udian attack was a result of the signed treaty, he simply states that two hours after the treaty signing occurred, the attack followed. How long the Anu'udians had been in Earth's orbit, was not mentioned. They may have been orbitting for days, or weeks, waiting for a chink in Earth's defenses. Two hours after the signing of the bill, Earth - unaware of the lurking enemy, and believing themselves immediately out of danger while awaiting the negotiations which would accompany the cessation of hostilities - allowed a laxness in their defense system of which the enemy took advantage.

Purpose of the attack?

...left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. ...

Never said they needed the planet, just wanted to get rid of humans. Most expeditios way? Annihilate the planet.

As for the relationship: maybe she was fixated on 'the romance' while he was fixated on 'the night of sex' Laurie's 'romance' culminated in.

Seems to me anyone that fixated on what type of tea she wants to drink seriously needs some counseling.

However, I did find the differences in their thought processes to be humorous. But, I don't think it's a male/female difference. I'm a female, and I much preferred Gary's story and writing style. If I picked up a book/short story with a first paragraph such as Rebecca offered here, I'd drop it as a waste of time. Gary's, I'd probably keep reading.

As for the Danielle Steele analogy, I wouldn't know. I've never read a D. Steele novel. My preferences run towards Robert Heinlein, David Weber, Diane Duane, Marian Zimmer Bradley, C.J. Cherryh, Jack Higgins, Bernard Cornwell, Robert Ludlum...

It's a matter of writing style prefence.

[hyphenate]

8. I, too, am a female

who reads SF and fantasy, but it seems to me that Gary has not been reading classic SF, he's been playing WAY too many video games. I know hard SF has changed dramatically in the past fifteen or twenty years, however, and perhaps he is a very big William Gibson or Orson Scott Card fan, but the classic writers spent as much time on philosophy as they did on technology. You can not read a Heinlin, Lieber, Asimov, Norton or Clarke story without getting a decent lesson in the way the humans or aliens think, while mindless violence and/or pure escapism permeates more current fare.

As for Rebecca's story, I would not compare her to a Danielle Steele, Mary Higgins Clark or any of those authors, but to a straight and unambiguous romance author. It is obvious that she is a fairly uncomplicated person who does not become more involved in complex situations, especially those of a wholly different area of interest--science fiction is hardly something that everyone enjoys, and it is true that its delights are reserved for people with a very high intelligence who are also inclined to relish science and technology. Perhaps Rebecca only seeks an outlet for her imagination, and does not truly want to "write" so much as merely express herself.

On the other hand, Gary is expressing himself in a way that is somewhat adolescent in comparison to Rebecca. She wishes to discuss human relations, and he wants to "play." A more mature male might have gone for the challenge instead of turning the so-called "story" into another video adventure. A more mature partner would have injected his male persona into the story and made it more fulfilling for both of them.

:)

[Pharlo]

14. You know, we should congratulate ourselves.

So......


Congratulations!!!

:) :) :) :) :) :)

Because, truth be told, I honestly believe you and I have put more thought and effort into this assignment than either of the two students involve.

Personally, I don't think either of them have much of a future as prominent authors without a lot of work.

However, his writing does remind me of the writing for the screenplay of Heinlein's "Starship Troopers". (Everytime I think of that movie I cringe and reaffirm my belief that screenwriters who mutilate good books should be held criminally responsible. It was SUCH a good book. Not that the movie was bad per se, it was just that having been an afficiando of Heinlein for years, I was expecting so much more.)

[hyphenate]

21. I agree--it's terrible

to see good stories made into crap movies. If you take a passive story like Asimov's Nightfall, for example, it is much, much better off never being made into a movie, because most people would be unable to sit still for it. Since the story is largely an intellectual debate, with very little actual action, it would be hard to capture its intensity in a film.

But that's how it goes with Hollywood--a lot of directors and producers have enormous egos and they think they can take any story at all and make it into a big production. But it doesn't always work.

[hfojvt]

19. I cannot say I was a big fan of Rebecca's story

to an extent Gary's character was out in the world, doing a job that he considered important, whereas Rebecca's character is not thinking about her career or the rest of the world, just kinda wrapped up in her own personal life, still depressed about an old relationship with a control-freak. She oughta be so over him and have something - a job, a hobby, political activism, a pet, some friends or family, that keeps her happily occupied.

[hyphenate]

20. I would second a pet

It makes life so much more auspicious! ;)

[Barad Simith]

9. I like it, but just one question: "####pit"?

Why is cockpit censored?

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

10. Depends on where the OP got it from.

I'm guessing it was posted to a site with a very uptight auto-censor.

[DS1]

11. who's the ass who censored the cock in cockpit?

:eyes:

[Tallison]

12. Funny dichotomy, but stereotypical and simplistic

I think significant gender role differences are far more complex and nuanced.

[jane_pippin]

13. Hahahahahaha!

:rofl:

That just gave me flashbacks to creative writing workshops I was in. Goddamn, did they ever make me nuts!

[khashka]

15. ROFLMAO!

Thanks,
Khash.

[khashka]

16. Can't freakin' believe it!

We're arguing about the philosphical and literary and gender merits of a JOKE?


Khash.

[hyphenate]

18. It's part of the joke

you know. Don't take our pseudo-serious commentary without a wink and a nod.

[khashka]

22. I was laughing

not criticizing.I've been enjoying the discussion.

Khash.