I am officially declaring today "Bad Pun Thursday!"

[KitchenWitch]

[realisticphish]

1. what do you call

a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?


Bob!

[underpants]

in a field?

second base

[anarch]

2. will we all be pun-ished if we don't cooperate?

:spank:

(how's that one? bad enough for ya? :D)

[SoCalDem]

3. a guy who hangs around the window all day?

Rod

[Fox Mulder]

4. My favorite: Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It was driving down the road and then suddenly turned into a field.

:rofl:

[ScreamingMeemie]

5. That's really "corny".

[mwooldri]

18. I asked my horse if he liked that joke...

... and he said "Neigh."

[anarch]

7. ok that calls for: what did the hat say to the hat rack?

"You stay here...I'll go on a head."

[underpants]

9. Oh...the humanity

Mushroom walks into a bar
Bartender says "We don't serve your kind in here"

Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a FUN GUY!"

[WeRQ4U]

20. Hoser walks into a bar.......bartender says...

"Why the long face?"

[Richardo]

6. Guy to shrink: "I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!"

Shrink: "Your problem is you're two tents."

[LaraMN]

8. Not really a pun, but; "The REAL Bush speechwriting team."

[merh]

10. Last night I dreamed I was a salad...

I tossed all night!

http://www.ilovewavs.com/Effects/Music/Cymbal.wav

[Fox Mulder]

11. I couldn't afford to buy cotton...

so I decided to be abrasive, and steel wool.

[WCGreen]

12. Batteru Cables walk into a bar...

The Bartender says: "You better not start anything..."

[anarch]

13. I caught my wife in bed with another man...I was crushed.

So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

[mattomjoe]

14. Why don't you make like a tree

and get out of here!

[merh]

15. Did you hear they aren't making crowbars any longer?

Seems that crows don't drink :shrug:


http://www.ilovewavs.com/Effects/Music/DrmRll02.wav

[mwooldri]

16. A piece of string walked into a bar...

... and asked the barman for a pint of beer. The barman said, "Sorry we don't serve string here". The string, being disappointed left the premesis, tore its end to shreds and got all tied up. After a while of this, the string decided to try its luck again. The barman eyed the string suspiciously and asked, "Aren't you the string I refused to serve a half hour ago?" "No, I'm a frayed knot," said the string.

[mwooldri]

17. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. Omigod.......*groan*

BTW: WELCOME TO DU! The Lounge is a great if occasionally crazy place...

Enjoy yourself, mwooldri!


:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

24. Hahaha, nice!

I get way too much amusement from bad puns. Welcome to DU, by the way!

[mattomjoe]

21. What do you call a one-legged woman?

Ilene

[kmla]

22. A polar bear goes into a bar, and sits down.

Bartender says, "What'll you have?"

Polar bear says.

































"A beer."

Bartender replies "Why the big pause (paws)?


Bwahahahahaha!!!!

[ghostsofgiants]

23. YES!!!!

Alright, this is a pun my dad made one day. He was giving me a ride to my friend's house and we drove past a graveyard, and the gates were open. My brother noticed and commented on the gates, which were usually closed. My dad looked at him and dryly said "oh yeah, people are just dying to get in there."

My brother groaned, I laughed, much harder than I should have, haha. (I love bad puns.)

[no name no slogan]

25. Does that mean tomorrow is "Euphamism Friday"?

[tigersumtin]

26. Pirate walks into a bar

he has a steering wheel hanging out of the front of his pants, the bartender looks down and says to the pirate, "Hey mate ya got a steering wheel hangin out of your pants" and the pirate's reply " AAARRRRRRGGGGG an shes driving me nuts".

[mwooldri]

27. Whatd'ya tell a 1 eyed, 1 legged, 1 armed ex-Navy hitch-hiker?

Eye Cap'n, You look 'armless. Hop in!

Pirate joke was good btw.

[tigersumtin]

28. LOL

nothing like a good old armless joke.

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. Three-legged dog walks into a bar

and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

[book lady]

30. Dante and John Milton were playing dice when Milton pocketed them

"Where are the dice?" asked Dante. Milton says "I don't know, they just disappeared!" "Oh well," says Dante, "I guess that's just another pair of dice lost."

[Oeditpus Rex]

31. LOL!

Welcome to DU. :hi:

[LordshipLadyship]

32. end of the marriage

A German man and a Chinese woman had been thinking of getting married for a long time, as they were an affectionate couple. One night Hugo Schitt was having a conversation with his love Lily-May Fann, and she reluctantly admitted to have been carrying on an affair right under his nose. They had a loud and terrible argument. Finally in anger Lily told Hugo the other man was a much better lover than Hugo ever was. That was when the Schitt hit the Fann.