What's your favorite Woody Allen quote

[Devra]

this one's mine
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet"

[arwalden]

1. "If only God would give me some clear sign! ..."

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
~Woody Allen

[Devra]

2. here's another favorite of mine

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
-woody allen

[terrya]

3. "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday"

I think that was from "Feathers", his book.

[Fenris]

9. He had three books, all of which are goldmines.

Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects.

The gospels of my teenage years.

"Short story: A man awakens in the morning and finds himself transformed into his own arch supports. (This idea can work on many levels. Psychologically, it is the quintessence of Kruger, Freud's disciple who discovered sexuality in bacon.)"

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

22. I need to buy myself a new copy

after lending it out to someone several years ago and never seeing it since. 'The Whore of Mensa' is one of the greatest short stories ever.

http://woodyallenitalia.tripod.com/short-uk.html

[malta blue]

4. "How can I believe in God

when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"

[Call Me Wesley]

5. This one:

"How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?"

[ohiosmith]

6. Psssst, Soon-Yi. Are you awake?

[Tyrone Slothrop]

7. "Don't knock masturbation.

It's sex with someone I love."

[Devra]

8. here's another risque one

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."

let's just hope the thread doesn't get locked;)

[flamingyouth]

10. "If Jesus came back and saw what people were doing in His name..."

"...he'd never stop throwing up." - Max Von Sydow says this in "Hannah and Her Sisters." One of my very favorites by him. :D

And, man, is that quote truer now more than ever. :eyes:

[Fenris]

12. Also:

"I was walking through the forest, thinking about Christ: if Jesus was a carpenter, I wonder how much he would charge for bookshelves?"

:rofl:

[flamingyouth]

13. ROFL

And Woody's dad in "Hannah" with that great quote too: "How do I know why there were Nazis? I don't even know how the can opener works!" :rofl:
I needed this thread today. Damned sinus headache. x(

[Fenris]

15. "Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food."

"And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.";)

[Coventina]

11. My personal fav, because it applies to myself:

I don't tan, I stroke.

[underpants]

14. "My GOD you are a fantastic lover!"

"Thanks I practice a lot when I am by myself"

-Love and Death

[patcox2]

16. I like when he shuts the fuck up.

The heart wants what the heart wants, as justification for borderline pedophilia/incest is a good one, too.

Most Overrated Human Being Ever

[Devra]

17. okay......

did Woody Allen wrong you personally, or something?

if you don't like woody allen how about your favorite quote from someone else

ie
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Theodor Seuss Gisel

or
"Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep."
-Camus

or even
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it."
- Voltaire

[patcox2]

19. The law, in its majestic equality,

prohibits both the rich and the poor from sleeping under bridges. Thats a good one.

[RetroLounge]

18. Yawn...

:eyes:

RL

[Coventina]

20. How can it be borderline pedophilia/incest when she was over 18 and no

relation?

If you want to vilify someone for pedophilia/incest how about Jerry Lee Lewis for marrying his 13 year old cousin?

[hfojvt]

21. It's not that I am afraid of dying

I just don't want to be there when it happens.