How do you let someone down easy?

[alarimer]

I met someone recently. I think he likes me more than I like him. I just don't see it happening. I am not in the least bit attracted to him and I can't figure out if it is because I really am not attracted or if I am just so gun-shy these days I won't give anyone a chance. But I guess I ought to listen to my gut and let him know somehow that we can be friends but probably nothing more. I know honesty is the best policy but I have a really hard time with this.

[taught_me_patience]

1. how long have you been dating?

If less than 2 months, just don't return his calls. He'll get the hint really quick.



taught.

[alarimer]

4. only one meeting

So it really isn't even dating. I just don't want to give him the wrong impression. I have used your idea before but I feel incredibly guilty when I do.

[taught_me_patience]

11. Definitely don't answer his call!!

Don't feel guilty about it! Its happened to him many times before and will happen many times more in the future.

If I go on one date with a girl, I'll call one time... and if she doesn't return the call, I wont call again and simply move on - no big deal at all...

taught.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

16. OK, that's just wrong.

At least have the nuts to be honest with someone. That's just rude.
Duckie

[taught_me_patience]

22. guys expect to not have calls returned

and its no big deal. If he doesn't think its rude, then is it rude?


taught.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

23. It's considered rude and dishonest...

No matter what he thinks.
Duckie

[WCGreen]

2. Just tell him you aren't ready for a relationship

and you don't want to lead him on......

So it's best we stop seeing each other....

Trust me, I wish some of the girls I knew back when I started dating would have said something like that to me....

Instead of saying yes when I asked them out....

He will appreciate it if you are straight forward with him....

On Edit...

When it was me doing the letting down, I know it's hard to believe but..., I always went with the truth....

[alarimer]

6. I think that is probably what I'll do

I just have to work up the courage to do so.

[taught_me_patience]

25. Don't do it

you've only had one date! He'll be thinking "why is she even thinking about a relationship?" He'll think you are psycho and using a lame ass excuse. Just don't call. I guarantee that you'll not offend him in any way whatsoever. Belive me, guys get this all the time.


taught.

[NewJeffCT]

3. Give him the old...

"It's not you, it's me" line.

Whatever you do, don't tell him he's a nice guy, but... guys HATE that. (speaking as somebody who heard that from a zillion and 1 women)

[SOteric]

5. It's not the popular response,

but I think the kindest, easiest to process is to simply be direct. Keep your tone even, friendly and moderate. Let him know you do like him very much and you're baffled as to why you're not interested in pursuing anything more.

If you just stop calling it will launch an agony of self-doubt and confusion.

If you evade the issue with some line, his bullshit meter will go off and you'll be back at launching an agony of self-doubt and confusion.

It's not easy for anyone, but the kindest cut is the quick and clean one. No lying, no lingering and no evading the issue.

[nini]

7. I agree..... that's how I would want someone to tell me

no games, honesty.

[alarimer]

8. You are right

I am probably just stalling a little. I hate this stuff.

[redqueen]

12. Yes, that's the best way.

Also the way I'd prefer to be treated.

[necso]

9. Flight can be good.

So can lying. (It's more dangerous though.)

Being forthright and nice will work with some guys, but not all of them, by any means. Some guys will keep hanging around like vultures if you're too nice about telling them to get lost.

The friends thing is just weak... weak. It's right up there with "nice guy".

Much better to just say: "Get lost, you son of a bitch, or I'll have you whacked."

That way, we can congratulate ourselves on our good luck: "What a psycho -- good thing that I didn't get involved with that b...".


...

In short, don't agonize over it, be strong, be very direct and clear: "I'm not interested, nor am I going to be, in any romantic way" -- and get it over with.

You'll feel better -- and it gets easier with time.

[Metta]

10. The truth is the best way to take care of yourself and to do what' right

for him. Personally, I'd have the conversation and if he starts blaming or ranting, I'd say I'm unavailable for that but I'm willing to talk things out. Works for me.

[LSK]

13. be direct and clear and do it soon

Dont let him believe he has any chance because he will want to analyze the conversation to see if there is. Also, for his sake, get it over with so he can move on faster. The longer you let it wait, the worse it will be for him.

[khashka]

14. Honesty without cruelty...

Tell him what you told us.... that you are not attracted to him (which might be due to your own issues, you are not sure you are ready for that sort of thing again), that you would like to be friends with him, that it's difficult and painful for you to tell him this.

He's probably gonna be hurt, but you would not have led him on and hurt him more. If you are honest with him, you are building the groundwork for a friendship... which is good for you both.

Khash.

[pitohui]

15. i practice avoidance

this is why answering machines were invented

is there anything but pain that comes from telling someone to his face that he isn't sexy enough to be anything but a friend?

save his pride, let him think you just got too busy & screwed up a good thing

[lakemonster11]

17. I'm really bad at this sort of thing.

I'm terrible at having conversations about the status of relationships because I'm always worried that the guy doesn't actually have any interest in dating me and I'm just misreading his signals (some bad history with some jerks). I'm seeing someone right now and we've never actually had a conversation in which either of us said, "So...we're dating, right?" Though in this case, we definitely are, and if he ever tries to deny it, I'll kick his ass. :mad:

My best friend, on the other hand, can't stand leaving things ambiguous and always has "a talk" with the guy one way or the other. She usually says something like "I don't think that what we're doing is dating, is it? I just wanted to make sure that we're on the same page, because I like being your friend but I want to make sure I'm not sending mixed signals." So far it's worked for her (I think it works because it gives the guy an out by implying that she thinks that he agrees that there's no chemistry and she's just wanting a confirmation of that).

[RetroLounge]

18. Just be honest.

It hurts the same, but not as long...

RL

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Be prepared for a negative reaction from him...

Years ago, feeling emotionally beaten up by a breakup, I started dating just to get my mind on other things. I was very clear with the men I saw that I did not want any relationship that would involve more of a commitment than a friendship; and usually insisted on paying my own way when we went out.

One fellow told me he understood where I was coming from, but became more and more possessive in a fairly short period of time. I finally had to stop seeing him completely, because it was plain that he wanted more than I could give. Our friendship ended unhappily, I'm afraid, but I continued to be pleasant whenever I ran into him.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine told me she'd seen him, and he was happily married. He'd asked her about me, and told her he felt badly about the way things had gone. I felt better knowing he hadn't held a grudge at least.

[SoCalDem]

20. Don't do it.. Just tell them outright and get it over with

The longer you drag it out, the more false hope they can get, and the nastier it could end up..

[HEyHEY]

21. Restraining order!

[Debi]

24. Don't get in the position that you have to discuss a relationship

do group outings or movies/museums/concerts.

If he tries to move forward tell him you like things where they are.

Why stop hanging out if you enjoy that? As long as he knows that's all the farther it's going to go. :shrug:

[bridgit]

26. got better things to do ~

Don't tell me the reason that you're calling
Is to see if I'm all right since you've been gone
'Cause I know you and I know why we're talking
You're wanting me to say I'm barely hanging on
Well, maybe that was true for a night or two
But now, I got better things to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do

Maybe when I don't have so much going
Or quite so many irons in the fire
I'll take the time to miss you like you're hoping
But now, I can't put forth the effort it requires
Well, I'd love to talk to you, but then, I'd miss Donahue
That's right, I got better things to do

Check the air in my tires
Straighten my stereo wires
Count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do
I got better things to do

[July]

27. I don't think it's possible.

If he's more into you than you are into him, he will be disappointed.

Get it over with. If you do it before he becomes more invested in you, you might salvage a friendship. If he's already invested, you're doing him a favor. No-one wants to be the other party in the "not in the least bit attracted" situation.

I'm not trying to be harsh; I've been the party on the other side once or twice, and it's painful. But it's worse to make a fool of yourself for someone who can't be "that one" for you, even while they wish you well.

You don't have to take an anonymous stranger's advice, but I recommend that you tell him, don't allow it to become a long discussion, insist on a cooling-off period, and, if you wish, get in touch after a good bit of time has passed. Clean breaks hurt, but the back and forth of ragged breaks is worse.

[northzax]

28. I prefer the Homer Simpson Method

a nice note, making plenty of pathetic excuses, and don't forget the "p.s. I am gay"

hold it, that'd just turn him on, never mind that last part.

simply replace the names:

Dearest XXXX, I must leave you. Why I cannot
say. Where I am going you cannot know. How I will get there I haven't
decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind
blow it will whisper the name... XXXX. And so let us part with a love that
will echo through the ages. -- XXXX.