How to get through to stubborn, selfish family members?

[Darth_Kitten]

My sister still has a big bloody chip on her shoulder and I'm so sick and tired on how she treats our family, my parents.

Like, when you move can you at least let your family know how to contact you? The saga continues...I'm sure her smug, sanctimonious husband's family knows how to, but we are her family, so we don't deserve any consideration.

I'm really like to tell my sister, see my sister and her hubby go to CHURCH and claim to be so family-oriented, (my sister even home schools, which just shows how much control her hubby has on her, trust me, my sister home-schooling?) just how much damage they are not only causing their family, but their children. Not making contact with the children's grandparents, etc, because you cannot seem to forgive them for something they supposedly did, or did years ago? I'd like to tell my sister, don't blame Mom because she innocently asked one of her grandchildren how she liked her birthday present, and child said "what present"?

I don't know what to say to my sister...I'm trying to talk to her through email but what to try to get her to contact the rest of the family....

ugh. :( just my rant for today. :( Forgive the grammar, I'm not in a mood to care.

[radwriter0555]

1. Your sister's behavior isn't your responsibility. While she's your

sister, she's still in charge of her own life and her own actions.

You should concern yourself with being the good daughter you are, and while it's painful, just set your sister's behavior aside and let it all GO.

There is nothing else you can do. Worry, anger, frustration all accomplish nothing. Think of nicer things, pretty places or something far more pleasant when your mind strays to your sister's crimes. Fill your own head with good thoughts and just get on without of it. You need to admit you're powerless over her, her kids and her family. You have no control, you have no right to any control and it's not yours to control. It's hard, hard, hard, especially when your mom does nice things and she gets slapped for it. Well, mom needs to stop sending presents and send a nice card instead, if she feels like she has to do something. Frankly, I wouldn't bother.

Why put your family to continue contact with her? She doesn't seem very nice.

I say this as being raised by a very nasty, mean, angry, depressed and spiteful woman. I learned I didn't need her in any aspect of my life. The last straw was when she berated me for not wanting to spend the afternoon with my child molesting, wife beating brother who had tried to molest me as a kid. (I beat him up)

Egads, who would want to be around that nastiness? Ick.

Move on and cherish, cherish, CHERISH your own family...

Said with love...

[Darth_Kitten]

2. I know I don't have any control....

over her and her actions, that's HER responsibility, I just wish there was something to do to finally resolve this situation in some way.

One person can cause so much hurt, especially where there's children involved. Sister and hubby think they are setting such a great example for their kids, yeah, keeping them away from family who LOVE them is just the thing they need. :eyes: :sarcasm:

Sometimes this issue gets to me and I need to vent. Thanks for your response. :) It's so hard being in the middle. :(

[radwriter0555]

3. Yes, One person can cause a lifetime of hurt and heartache, it's so very

true... it's really horrible, and I'm really sorry.

Here's a big hug, and think of something nicer. We call it 'reframing', where we train our mind not to dwell on the ANTs.

(Antagonistic, Nasty Thoughts)

When you find yourself thinking about them. STOP. Replace the thought with something NICE. Think of autum leaves, or pretty flowers, use a visual, an actual picture in your head. It sounds silly, but it really works and allows your mind to move on to other things.

(((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[elehhhhna]

5. Right you ARE! Put your hand over your heart, think of your babies, honey

--someone you love, take a deep breath, and make yourself smile. Smiling on purpose releases something that actually makes you feel better.

try it!

[Broken_Hero]

4. yeah, ditto on that.

[LaurenG]

6. Your sister is in denial and will not look at her

own words and actions as anything but RIGHT. My family has been learning to let the assholes be assholes.

Your sister is not one to be talked down from her self imposed high perch. Let her be, just let her hate and be in un-forgiveness until she falls from that place and then you guys can decide to welcome her back or not.

She loves the drama and she loves the negative attention she's getting. Don't give her anymore attention. Just love her from a distance be kind and set good boundaries. Let the responsibility to improve things come from her. Let her go - Life has a way of evening the playing field. :hug: I hope that you feel better soon.

[Darth_Kitten]

8. interesting....

I'll be okay, just hate how it really hurts my Mom, who is being treated for depression and I believe part of it is caused by feeling so stressed by this family situation. :(

I want SO to try to fix things, but I'll have to let go a bit. :)

[TallahasseeGrannie]

7. Sometimes Siblings Suck

Repeat the old Beatles song:

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be....

whisper words of wisdom, let it be.


Works for me when my sister sucks, which is 24-7. At least I don't have to haul her sorry butt out of detox this weekend. I hate detox weekends.

[Darth_Kitten]

9. ((HUG)))

:hug:

[China_cat]

10. Please consider that one of the tactics

used by abusive husbands is to cut off all ties to anyone who might help the wife. This means cutting contact to family and not being allowed to have friends that are disapproved of (which all candidates will be) and even MOVING to a location that doesn't allow easy access.

You say he has a lot of control over her and this sounds like the type of relationship I'm talking about. She might have written and tried to let you know only to have him say, 'ok, I'll mail it for you'. The fact that a child did not get a present says an awful lot.

Try not to see it as a slap against you. You don't know what she might be living with. Fear for herself, more likely fear for the children (you try leaving me you'll never see these kids again...you try leaving me I'll kill you and then I'll have the kids...you try leaving me and I'll kill your kids) stilling her tongue.