One night stands, your thoughts?

[thermodynamic]

I've tried them on a couple of occasions. They do nothing for me.

Maybe I'm hopelessly romantic, just plain hopeless, or just plain pathetic, but I want some emotional intimacy as well and getting to know the guy I'd be "with".

I even saw an ad from the ideal guy on the match site but he also posted he made $75000+ per year. He composed his advert extremely well, I wish I was half as good as he was. I make half of what he does. I'm no golddigger but how many wealthy people would NOT think that someone dating them who made half of what they did would not be that way? Okay, I'm dreaming, I'm probably too ordinary for him anyway if not too left-wing, radical hippie commie pinko, et cetera. (He wore a casual business attire in his pic, I wear what I always wear - something extravagant and loud yet casually casual Friday casual.)

Oh well. Single and psychotic, that's me! :bounce: :crazy: :silly: Amazing how 4 smilies can sum up how I feel in life, it's amazing I've lived this long! :D

[bocadem]

1. only did it once

and regretted it at first - but then thought, "Why should I not be allowed to enjoy sex? Am I supposed to hide in a dark, cold room and do without? Fuck no."

Get any notion of a stable, gay relationship out of your head. They don't exist. ;)

[thermodynamic]

4. I suppose

But like the bumper sticker says, I'm just a dreamer...

Heck, I have no notions of ANY gay relationships (other than physical) in my head. Doesn't stop me from waiting and hoping and waiting... Of course, now I'm being homophobic - lots of gay men probably have stable relationships. It's just unstable people like me that ruin their day. :eyes:

[supernova]

5. I can think of two

stable relationships right here at DU. The do exist. And you're not wrong for wanting that.

[mitchtv]

7. I guess I should tell my partner for the last 28 yrs

I need somone new. If you had left out the adjective"gay" , I could agree, but,that being said, "gay is just as good as straight". As for my thoughts on one nighters, I can remember a sign that I saw in the Viliage many years ago that still rings clear it said " An ill spent youth is a joy forever, Buy a quart" Play Safe. stay sober

[bocadem]

8. 28 years of bliss?

I doubt it.. and what about the years before those years.

I've met and known many gay men and I can say with confidence that none are apt to have a stable relationship.

Neither are most straight people for that matter.

[mitchtv]

11. no one said Bliss

but any relationship has its ups and downs. We have them Daily, but there are more ups. It gets easier as you become more dependent on each other. We will not outlive each other by much , I can tell you that.

[expatriot]

21. yes they do...

i am not gay myself but i know for a fact there are. the problem is is, IMO, since the homosexual relationship is not yet canonized within the ancestral socio-cultural institutions, there is not the whole 'support network' to really define a relationship as having monogamy an integral part. now albeit monogamy and the whole stigma of commitment and male guilt as being a sort of domestic 'glue' in the traditional heterosexual marriage was instilled in our society by patriarchal systems of control I(i.e. if you do anything to hurt my daughter so help me god i'll...), i do believe that monogamy despite its patriarchal origins... is nuclear to human domesticity and intimacy and IMO while I believe monogamy really is nuclear to to the stability of gay domesticity and intimacy, the fact is that the homosexual cultural by definition breaks free of that patriarchal pattern of control. but of course that is not really true because gays have the baggage too of being raised in a heterosexual society and by and large with heterosexual parents it is quite interesting to observe, and i observe this with the gay relationships in my circles, how gay couples wrestle with assuming patriarchal and maternal roles (and i am not just talking sexual fetish/fantasy roles since many times our domestic roles are the exact opposite than our fetish roles -- i.e. CEO's pay women to spank them for messying their diapers). um what was this thread about originally?

[Systematic Chaos]

2. I could never understand that mentality

especially in this day and age. Way too much risk to justify any sort of casual enounter.

I had several opportunities and "almosts" but even though it depressed me to no end at times I stayed celibate until I met my wife... at the age of 33. And yes, I'm proud of that.

[dawg]

29. I admire that.

n/t

[supernova]

3. So reply to his ad already

you know you wanna.... :D

And what's this crap about you not being half as good as he was? Don't treat yourself badly.

He might be a prig, advertising his salary like that, but he might be very nice and just pleased that he's successful. But you won't know unless you introduce yourself.

Go for it! :bounce:

edit: fixed code. Re: one night stands. Not for me. I need the emotional component as well, so I can relate.

[Exultant Democracy]

6. The old bait and switch eh?

This tread has almost nothing to do with one night stands. Anyway there is no such thing as being “too left-wing, radical hippie commie pinko.” Also I wear mostly casual business attire (it come from going to work every day) but I think the hottest girls are the punks, so just because the guy dresses one way doesn't mean thats what he is looking for.

[ForrestGump]

9. Never done it. Had the opportunity.

Perhaps I'll have the opportunity again. Perhaps I'll do it. You know, playing 'catch up.' I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm like you - I'd rather it be built on love and it takes more than one night for that. Kinda sucks, really, given the difficulty (men and women, men and men, and so on) that seems to come with trying or hoping to find the right one, or have him/her find you.

What are the odds? I don't know. Not even sure I want to think about it right now, 'cos it's scary. :scared:

[KCDem]

10. nothing at all wrong with a one-nighter!

Esp. if it includes a morning-after. Ah, the days of my youth.... :fond memories:

Go for it with the guy. The fact that he's posting his sal. means he's compensating for something else. Find out what! Thermo, you're awesome and need to get that through your skull. If you don't end up liking him... no biggie, nothing lost. Right?

Sad that it took me so long to figure these things out, but.. :shrug:

The longest relationship I ever had, before my husband, was 5 MONTHS!!! I was a bit scared of committment, I guess you could say. Therefore, 1-nighters were a staple. Some may call me a slut, but the rest of you would hold me in admiration. :hi:

[ForrestGump]

12. You forget those of us who weren't at the right place, at

the right time, with the right stuff :-)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. One night stands are like drinking Busch beer...

Given a choice between bad beer and no beer; I'll take no beer any day.

[KCDem]

15. now that I'm married,

I'd agree with you. But, in those single days, hell, I had enough 8+ hour nights to be able to enjoy the no-sleep ones.

Now, sleep is a rare commodity.

But, I'd never drink Busch. I won't even drink Heinekin. Where's my box 'o shiraz? :toast:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. I have to admit...

My young wildthing days were a different story.

It's funny, though...My hormones are in as much (maybe more) of a raging state as they were 25 years ago; but they can't be sated with cheap sex.
What gives? :shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

14. One nighters do nothing for me...emotionally.

I need an emotional component to my sex, or it just feels...unfulfilling.

[Lefty48197]

16. I only have one night stand

but with all the books and magazines I've been reading lately, I'm thinking of buying another one.

[NYC]

17. You rejected yourself before you gave HIM a chance to reject you.

Answer the ad. If he decides you earn too little, are too ordinary, etc., so be it. You are saying you failed before you even tried.

Forget the one night stands. Potentially dangerous, in many ways.

[Tigermoose]

18. My fellow romantic...

people only value things in which they find worth :)

Ever notice that at a garage sale/auction, people only flock to an item once someone else has started looking at it?

Always play it cool. Act like you don't need what they are selling, but at the same time respond favorably (with dignity) to their inquiries or requests. Avoid sex or anything beyond kissing until at least the 6th month mark. It just fucks things up (your judgment) otherwise :P

Best way is to date 2 people at the same time, but don't sleep with either! That way, you retain your cool and seem more desirable. Never lie! (credibility and trustworthiness is huge) Just make it clear you are just that cool and valuable. Always maintain a life worthy of respect outside of your relationship.

Many people radicalize this approach and call it "playing hard to get," but that is throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You are just showing that you are desireable and worthy of their attention. The occasional compliment is recommended, but do not do so much as to cheapen your words as superflous. Same goes for sex, and how much "skin" you reveal. And when you do show a little something something, make it seem an accident. It drives us men wild and keeps your allure of chastity.


And...never reveal too much too early. The imagination is a powerful aphrodesiac that lets your partner paint a lovely picture that draws them closer to you. Over time, they will see you don't perfectly match their fantasies, but this disillusionment will be replaced with affection and a more lasting, mature love.

Good luck! (and don't do the one night stand thing!!!!!)

EDIT: hmm..well, if your gay then I'm not sure if this advice applies. That's a whole 'nother experience I can't provide an answer for - although I guess the principles remain the same?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

19. Using "one night stands" and "thoughts"

in the same sentece?

:crazy:

[arwalden]

20. Back When I Was Single, I Never Went Searching For ONS's...

... I was a bit more hopeful that I'd actually find someone.

But as things turned out, what I was hoping to find didn't always materialize the way I anticipated... and my great expectations ended up turning into an ONS.

It wasn't until 1994 that I discovered that bars and parties were not necessarily the best place to meet men. --- Nearly 9 years ago, I met my partner at (of all places) a FUNERAL.

Who sould have guessed? --- Go figure.

-- Allen

[WillyT]

22. I Have Two Night Stands !!!

One for my reading lamp and alarm clock, the other for reading materials and a glass of water.

What... Oh... Nevermind.

:evilgrin:

[Loonman]

23. I'm all for 'em

However, too many stupid people don't use precautions or protection.

[Lady Freedom]

25. How true!

There great if you take precautions.

[Lady Freedom]

26. How true!

There great if you take precautions.

[ForrestGump]

27. I have this one night stand

beside my bed. It doesn't hold much, though.

[Christian73]

28. I think they're fine

as long as both parties know what they're getting into and you don't fool yourself into thinking they're more than they are.

My BF and I are together almost 2 years and I went through a real trashy slut phase right before we met. Now we live together in a monogamous, stable relationship.

Go figure.