The Secret Shame of Modem Butterfly

[Modem Butterfly]

As I type this, I have a defenseless creature locked in a dark crate. He'll stay there all day. If he were given his freedom, he would run and frisk about, he would eat grass and lie in the sun. But as it is, I only feed him a strictly limited diet of meager dry pellets twice a day, so much less food than his body craves. He is able to get more food only by performing certain unnatural acts. Once a year I pump him so full of chemicals that some of his natural body processes are stopped in their tracks. And what's more, all his natural instincts, from elimination to reproduction have been twisted to suit my needs.

[LynneSin]

1. Yeah, this will work for this thread too

[TXlib]

24. Kittens -- It's what's for dinner!

5 2-lb kittens
cider vinegar
vegetable oil
mustard powder
garlic


Swing the kittens by the tail, and dash their skulls on the countertop to stun them.

Submerge them in boiling water for one minute, then peel their skin off.

They should be dead by now, but if any are still gasping for breath, dunk just their heads in the boiling water again, until they stop twitching.

Clean the entrails from the kittens. If any try to bite you, they weren't fully dead. Removing their internal organs will solve this problem.

Combine other ingredients into a marinade, and marinate for 4 hours.

Then toss in the smoker, and smoke for 6 hours at 220 deg F over hickory, basting with marinade every 30 minutes.

[derby378]

2. What illness is the poor dear suffering from?

And what about these unnatural acts, pray tell?

[Modem Butterfly]

7. He's mentally ill

He has separation anxiety.

Also, he's a bottomless pit, so we use food rewards to teach him tricks.

[Misunderestimator]

3. I'm not exactly sure how to take this...

If you are talking about the incredibly inhumane treatment of veal calves... I agree that it's horrific and should be stopped immediately.

The picture of the puppy confuses me however, so I'm not sure if your post is meant as sarcasm or condescension or information. :shrug:

[LynneSin]

5. I think it was trying to invoke anger in us and then...

..point out this is was baby calves do everyday.

[Misunderestimator]

6. Hmm... still not sure what side of the issue it falls though.

A puppy being crated to house-train it is not quite the same as the crating of a calf. :shrug:

[Modem Butterfly]

11. He's not being housetrained

He's being kept from destroying the house. He's got separation anxiety.

[Debbi801]

19. Sounds like our chocolate lab...

He's 7 1/2 and we still have to crate him, even if we leave the house for 5 minutes to walk to the mail box. We've tried anti-anxiety meds but they don't help him long term. So, we just love him teh way he is.

[LynneSin]

12. But if you read what was written

the puppy was pumped full of chemicals and barely fed. So it was about calves and not puppies in a sense

[Modem Butterfly]

14. Well, he's vaccinated once a year...

...and if he could, he would eat himself sick. He's fifteen pounds overweight as is, which is a lot for a Shar-pei.

[Misunderestimator]

15. Exactly... I see that comparison...

Which is exactly what confused me since the puppy is being given prophylactic "chemicals" such as rabies vaccine, while the calf is being pumped full of "chemicals" which will make his meat more desirable... and he is kept immovable in his crate to ensure that he does not develop normal muscles... how on earth could someone compare that to crating a puppy. That pisses me off.

[Modem Butterfly]

10. It's parody

[Misunderestimator]

13. I understand that much... but what exactly are you parodying?

People who care about humane treatment of animals?

[crispini]

4. Eh? Once a year you give him shots, is that what you're referring to?

I'm confused about that bit.

[Modem Butterfly]

8. Yeah, it stops him from getting rabies and all sorts of other nastyness

[Misunderestimator]

9. And how do you prepare him for dinner?

[Modem Butterfly]

17. One leg at a time

A dog like that you don't eat all at once.

:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

21. Funny thing is... if you actually did treat a puppy like veal calves are..

treated... you would be committing a crime.

[Modem Butterfly]

22. Plus, he could totally get out of the bars

Sorry, gallows-humor.

[Wickerman]

16. yeah, but he is awfully cute

if you keep him caged up like that he is easier to admire.

[arwalden]

18. But Bonsai Kittens Are Much More Convenient And Portable

[Wickerman]

20. damn you

made me choke on my coke, starting coughing.

:spray:

[StopTheMorans]

23. you MONSTER!

you're going to hell now; i hope you're happy.