Just the Punch-lines, Ma'am.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

"No, actually, we'd like to replace your whole head."

[saltpoint]

1. "Look, Peter -- you can see your house from here!"

[jobycom]

2. That's all you do? Bird imitations?

[Hugin]

3. "He'd lost one, broken one, and they found one in his lunch box."

[yellowdogintexas]

4. Abcess make the fart go Honda!

[Hugin]

5. "If you think that's funny you should have seen the monkey trying to stick

the cork back in."

[NashVegas]

44. I Heard That One Differently

But it may be too x-rated for DU.

Something about a hen.

[Hugin]

46. LOL

I've never heard it with a hen... It was a pig in the version
I know.

Not really x-rated in the version I've heard.

Simply poor taste... And smell.

;)

[NashVegas]

47. Well

It was something I came across over 20 years ago, in a book called "The World's Best Dirty Jokes." Property of my grandmother!

[Hugin]

48. LOL... again.

Sounds like your Grandmother would have been a delightful
conversationalist.

The kind you have over for dinner and then don't get to
eat a bite because you're laughing too much.

[Hugin]

6. "Somewhere in here, there's a horse."

[skygazer]

7. "Okay, everybody, break's over. Back on your heads!"

[Hugin]

8. "Cough drops... They stop the coughn'."

[RandomKoolzip]

9. "So he says, 'For a nickel I will!'"

[EFerrari]

10. "He made his own lunch."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

11. "Oh and one more thing--take those parrots out of your ears."

[TlalocW]

12. No you don't understand...

Chunks is my dog!

TlalocW

[EFerrari]

13. "And the Genie said, Let me look at that map again."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

14. "OK, who's making these up?"

"Some of these are actually funny."
"Probably funnier than the jokes."

[EFerrari]

15. "They all did."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

16. "I thought so."

"I liked the Chunks is my dog one."

[EFerrari]

18. "I'll be here all week. Try the veal!"

[Hugin]

30. I hereby certify that each of my punchlines has a joke attached.

Yup yup...

:)

[bridgit]

17. "she stepped on a rainbow made skittles"

[Lannes]

19. "What did you want me to say DIMaggio?"

[Parrcrow]

20. So I bit him

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

21. I'd like to learn to play the violin

[bridgit]

22. "but it's not my dog"

[Robb]

23. Rectum? Nearly KILLED 'em!

:D

[nuxvomica]

24. "You have a drink named 'Steve'?"

[nuxvomica]

25. The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

[MidwestMomma]

26. "And the cat peed on the matches"

[A-Schwarzenegger]

27. "Well, you didn't say anything about the applesauce!"

[EstimatedProphet]

28. "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the ointment!"

[Blue-Jay]

29. "Yeah. How do you think THIS shit got started."

my favorite joke ever.

[Hugin]

31. "I swallowed one each day just as you told me."

[Hugin]

32. "What are you talking about? I sent three people to save you."

[KitchenWitch]

33. "We are not drinking, we are on the patch!"

[KitchenWitch]

34. "Peter, Peter, I can see your house from here"

[KitchenWitch]

35. "One usesVaseline, the other Polygrip!"

[Hugin]

36. "He came home to find the Milkman dead on his front porch."

[KitchenWitch]

37. To act as a buffer zone, protecting Canada from Iowa

[Hugin]

38. "Guess which hand will fill first."

Okay, so it's more of a proverb... Makes me chuckle tho.

[Hugin]

39. "We used all of the balloons you gave us."

[Hugin]

40. "It was set to stop when it got 20 gallons."

[Hugin]

41. "No, no deer. Too tall. Runs way too fast."

Now that he's got mules down... He should shoot for a deer.

[NashVegas]

42. "Got Any Grapes?"

..

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

43. "And you never told me your dad was a pharmacist."

[NashVegas]

45. "Nope. The Brick."

..

[JVS]

49. "good thing we stayed here. Buttered corn has been falling out that window

all day"

[Pharlo]

50. And the duck said, "Get this guy off my ass."

[dubyaD40web]

51. Peach. I think I'll paint the ceiling peach.

[dubyaD40web]

52. That's not a porch, that's a Ferrari.

[Pharlo]

53. "Dear God, If you EVER want to see your mother again...."

[HeeBGBz]

54. I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!

eop

[Canadian Socialist]

55. Mum's on the roof, and we can't get her down.

[blondeatlast]

56. "He paints his toenails red." nt

[SnohoDem]

57. "Oh, I give up. You win."

[A-Schwarzenegger]

58. "Lady and Gentlemen, start your cataloupes."

[loudestchick]

59. I don't know about you, but this oral sex doesn't do anything for me.

[TroubleMan]

60. ....and if you don't quit jacking off, that elbow's never gonna get better

nt.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

61. "I'll be in the basement if you need me."

[Crazy Guggenheim]

62. Hey I'm not going to go through 67 more of these.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

63. "Make me one with everything."

[NoPasaran]

64. "Most fellas just leave her on the swing"

[NoPasaran]

65. "Twenty-five bucks, Father. Same as downtown."

[fleabert]

66. "Turn it around...:

[fleabert]

67. "Read the card!"

[Hugin]

68. "After he heard another 'Whooo... Whooo...' he pulled off his pants...

and ran into the cave."

[Hugin]

69. "All right! All right! I'll do the @$@%$$ dishes!"

[A-Schwarzenegger]

70. "I don't get it."

[bvar22]

71. But with the grace of God and these two fingers,

I got em all back in!

[bvar22]

72. You dumb coonass.

We already know how LONG it is. We're trying to find out how HIGH it is!

[ChoralScholar]

73. But do they call me McGregor the great stone tower builder?

Nay, they don't.... but you fuck ONE GOAT!!!!