DU: THE SOAP OPERA

[Beetwasher]

Man, some of the internecine drama, soap opera shit that goes on this site rivals my own life.

Just sayin'.

Oh, BTW, I'm the unrepentant asshole character, as if you hadn't guessed.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

1. My life is not nearly as silly, childish or trite

as some of the shit that goes on here.

[Beetwasher]

2. Well, The Drama Anyway

Not the silly, childish, trite stuff.

[MrSandman]

3. Hehehehe, he said asshole...nt

[MrScorpio]

4. I'm the dashing rake who makes all the babes go a quiver

I'm back in town

[BlueIris]

5. Hee. Thanks for this. I needed to laugh about how bad it's getting

around here lately. Lessee, if you're the unrepetant asshole, I'm the virginal spinster character nobody ever notices, who's mostly just there as filler for the scenes with the heroine, and to be the token, believable "smart woman." Which, of course, means I'm due to be murdered just any old time--and martyred, so the heroes can construct a three-month plot arc capturing my killers.

[gardenista]

6. Or it could be that you will soon be revealed to be a gorgeous

psychopath who has been biding her time, gathering incriminating information about everyone else, and preparing to simultaneously blackmail everyone while stealing all of the handsome men, only to be born again and then die of a mysterious, fatal disease.

Only to find that it was all a dream and you get murdered anyway.

[Beetwasher]

20. Murdered By The Unrepentant Asshole!

:evilgrin:

But of course, it turns out I really killed your evil twin while you were in a coma on remote island of the coast of Belize.

[48pan]

7. Everybody's got a freeloading...

brother-in-law. I'm the angry, but benign family member with a job.

[Arkana]

8. Oh! Can I be the evil twin that pops up every fifth or sixth episode?

[GalleryGod]

9. I'll gladly play the patient and calm local Sheriff

that everybody knew in High School!

[Beetwasher]

31. And You'e On To My Schemes!

You suspect me of bilking the amnesiac out of her money and that I'm not really her long lost husband! You are also in love w/ said amnesiac.

[GalleryGod]

44. Git yer hat ! I'm takin' you Downtown!

It's Hoos-gow time!

[billyskank]

10. I'll be the guy behind the bar

[tsakshaug]

11. I'll just be

and extra filling in space in the various scenes

[Heidi]

12. I'll be the one who yodels

and feeds the DU cats.

[bridgit]

15. yodel-ah-hee-whoo...

:hi:

[Heidi]

17. Too funny!

We're always making yodeling jokes around here. And alpenhorn and fondue jokes, too. And whenever there's a disagreement in our little family, someone always says, "Hey, I'm Switzerland on this issue." :rofl:

[Beetwasher]

21. I Would Definitely Have To Kill You Then

Maybe by slow poison that also rots your vocal chords. :evilgrin:

[Heidi]

57. So are you saying . . .

that you have some sort of anti-yodeling bias? (Me, too.)

[Beetwasher]

58. Well

If something causes you to fly into a homicidal rage, would you call that a bias against it? :shrug: :evilgrin:

[Heidi]

59. Yodeling causes you to fly into a homocidal rage?

What do you do during Riccola cough drop commercials? :rofl:

[bridgit]

61. i'm shocked, shocked to find out...

there's no yodeling going on in here

[Heidi]

62. Well, bridget, the _only_ reason I'm not yodeling at this very moment

is because I've been threatened by DU's anti-yodeling contingent. :rofl:

[bridgit]

64. yes, dear, i do hear you talking please do visit...

we could yodel under our breath while gargling Ricola Cough Drops :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

mention here liked your 'home blessing' collage too :thumbsup: that ain't my house i only wish it was

[Heidi]

67. I am absolutely _in love_ with that house!

And I generally hate Bavarian architecture . . . but I have a soft spot for stuff that looks a little aged and falling apart from being well-used.

(Thanks for your kind words about "House Blessings." It's a painting, though, not a collage like some of my other stuff.)

[bridgit]

72. ah, very kew'l...you have to have a site???

like to see more here's one of hubby's he's the multimedia guy...

[Heidi]

76. Ya'll are an artsy-fartsy couple!

My kind of people! My site is down right now, because my SO is re-designing it to go with the CD slide show that I'm sending as an invitation to my exhibit-in-atelier in August. When he gets it back up, I'll PM you the URL.

(Check the "Say a nice thing about a fellow DU'er" thread. You've been mentioned!)

[bridgit]

78. you bet'cha do dat...checking @ your suggestion...

:thumbsup: Heidi, well not :thumbsup: Heidi, but i know you catch my drift, hon :rofl: loving your ebb & flow as well :loveya:

[Beetwasher]

66. Those Commercials Have Caused Me Many Problems Over The Years

and quite a few TV sets! :silly:

[Heidi]

68. Don't let your mental health . . .

be guided by corporate interests like the Riccola Cough Drop Company, Beetwasher. I prefer to let my mental health be guided by the good folks at Peking Noodle Co. :rofl:

[Beetwasher]

69. I Don't Know About That

The one I got w/ my chinese food last night said "Yodelay-eee-hoooo!"

[Heidi]

70. Oh, man. That's could be some kinda omen.

Or maybe The Big Yodeler In The Sky is just trying to drive you to homocide. Or suicide. Hard to say, really. Should we consult the tarot?

[Beetwasher]

71. Mmmmm, Tarot

Good eats! Sure, go for it!

[Heidi]

74. I think . . . .

. . . "What we have here is a failure to communicate." ("Cool Hand Luke," 1967)

I'd do your tarot, Beetwasher, but you'll be disappointed when you learn it's inedible. :silly:

[Beetwasher]

75. Inedible Tarot???? What's The Point?

Oh, oh well...I guess you can do it anyway...

[Heidi]

77. Heh-heh-heh.

I've drawn you into my Heidi-esque, yodeling, tarot reading, fortune-cookie-believing, hippie-dippy, wild-eyed librul spell. Here, have a Riccola! :rofl:

[Beetwasher]

79. Ahhhhhhhh! You're Melting My Brain!!!!

Make it stop!!!!

[Heidi]

81. This is what happens . . .

when you threaten a woman living in yodel-centric nation!

[Beetwasher]

82. Could You Throw Streudel At Me Instead?

Or maybe Jarlsberg...Ja!

[Heidi]

83. Why, I oughta . . .

pelt you with day-old, cold fondue balls. :silly:

[Beetwasher]

84. Fondue Has Balls????

I didn't realize that...You Swiss sure are funny! Must be the thin air from livin' so high up in the alps...:evilgrin:

[Heidi]

86. Oh, my. Where to start.

You're crackin' me up, bro. :rofl: I'm not Swiss. I'm American. I don't live high in the Alps. I live in the Italian-speaking part of Switzerland, an hour from Milano, Italy. And to compound matters, I got an e-mail today from a long-time gf in the states, who still thinks (for some reason) I live in Sweden. She was surprised to hear that Uncle Sam allows us expatriates access to sources of late-breaking news about the American Idol finals. (I replied to her email: "I'm going into the bathroom now, to slit my wrists with a rusty razor blade, while listening to ABBA on vinyl.")

Yodel. Ay. Hee. Hoo.

[Beetwasher]

89. LOL! Sweden Is A Different Country?

Gee, you learn something new everday ;-)

"I'm going into the bathroom now, to slit my wrists with a rusty razor blade, while listening to ABBA on vinyl" :rofl:

Darlin', you'll always be Swiss to me! Or Swedish, or whatever... ;-)

[Heidi]

91. So . . .

now that you, bridgit and I have completely hijacked this thread, whatta ya wanna do next? Oh, wait. I have to go do your tarot. :smoke:

[Beetwasher]

92. We Have Permission, It's My Thread Dammit!

Mmmmm, Tarot for lunch! I'm waiting!

[In_The_Wind]

13. I'm going for the air-headed blond part

:silly:

I like to giggle a lot

[MissHoneychurch]

14. I will be the shy little sister

who nobody notices but who knows everything and everybody :evilgrin:

[Theres-a]

16. GrovelRat

Please donate to DU

[CornField]

18. Can I be one of those folks we believed to be dead, but

I was just taken prisoner by Irish extremists and forced to drink ale for 10 years or so? Now I've returned, not smelling so good, with an obvious face & body lift, to wreak havoc on anything peaceful.

Can I? Please, please, please!

[BlondieK143]

19. .

nevermind

[Bunny]

22. I'm the one with amnesia.

Now, who are you, again?
:silly:

[Beetwasher]

23. I'm Your Long Lost Husband

The unrepentant asshole who's actually only taking advantage of you and PRETENDING to be your husband using a forged marriage certificate. I'm doing it to leech off your estate. You still won't sleep with me though! :evilgrin: But the suspense of that moment is driving all the fans nuts! We've ALMOST done it several times, but you so far you always push me away breathlessly saying you're not ready yet!

The Sherrif suspects something, but he can't prove it yet! And he's always been in love w/ you!

[Bunny]

24. Well, that is WAY more interesting than my real life!

By far! :thumbsup:

[Richardo]

25. And I'm the unrepentant asshole's twin brother - the repentant asshole

Who you *thought* was your long-lost husband, as I was taking advantage of your amnesiac condition, draining your bank account, and wearing your Pirates gear behind your back.

But at least I feel bad about it.

[Beetwasher]

26. You Realize That Eventually I'm Going To Have To Kill You Too

Don't you? She's MY mark!!! BACK OFF!!!

[Richardo]

27. Our mother the Grand Duchess always warned me about you...

...plus, she told me you were..........























....ADOPTED!!!!

[Beetwasher]

28. Damn Mother!

She had to go and hide the family jewels in a Panamanian jungle before she died and I only have half the map! I KNOW you know where the other half is so I can't kill you yet! Once I get that, I can dump this amnesia chick, kill you and go get the jewels!

Hmmm, now I have to figure out how to either trick you or blackmail you into telling me where the other half of the map is...Hmmmm....

[Bunny]

29. I can tolerate a lot of shit, Richardo, but could you PLEASE

quit wearing my clothes? Honest to God...*harumph*

[Richardo]

30. Sorry, but it's part of the 'repentant asshole' persona

As is this apology, come to think of it. :)

[kwassa]

32. I'm the one who changed the channel

surfed the 100 or more other channels,

and then turned it off because there wasn't a damn thing worth watching.

[hunter]

33. The handsome but very serious scientist in the white coat.

I want to wear a white coat and ride a big motorcycle in this soap Opera.

[Beetwasher]

34. What's Your Research On?

It's gotta be something juicy!

[hunter]

37. Amnesia.

I get to attach electrodes to the foreheads of many beautiful women.

[Beetwasher]

39. Perfect!

I'm trying to sabotage your work because you're trying to restore Bunny's memory!

[hunter]

41. I know about the plastic surgery too...

So you'd better not.

[Beetwasher]

43. Hmmm, Now I Probably Have To Have You Killed As Well

Oh well...

[NorthernSpy]

35. may I play the vaguely sinister brunette...

... whom no one knows much about?

;)


I believe there's always one in every soap.

[Beetwasher]

38. Yes, But You Have To Have A Very Dark Past Or a Haunting Secret

n/t

[CatWoman]

36. You may be an unrepentant asshole

but your'e a cute one!!!!

:hi:

[Beetwasher]

40. Ahh, But Isn't that the Case W/ All Unrepentant Assholes?

That's how we get away w/ being unrepentant!

So, what part do you play?

I think you should be my co-conspirator. It's your job to seduce the scientist working on the amnesia cure so I can continue to bilk my amnesiac "wife" out of all her money by pretending to be her long lost husband, that is unless I an find the other half of the map to my family's jewels that are hidden in South American rainforest. Then we run away together!

:hi:

[CatWoman]

42. Hot damn!!!

I'm IN!!!

:D

[GalleryGod]

45. Consider Yourself Frisked then!

:patriot: I might hafta slap the cuffs on you!:evilgrin:

[TrogL]

46. I'm the quiet, dark, sinister one

With the heart of gold.

[Redstone]

47. I'm the quiet, dark, sinister one

with the quiet, dark, sinister heart.

Redstone

[Beetwasher]

48. Hmm, Everyone Wants To Be Quiet, Dark and Sinister

We need loud, light and bubbly!

[DS1]

49. Redstone's got the role, ya'll can find someone else to play

[Redstone]

50. OK, then, how about tall, dark, and handsome?

That fits too.

Redstone

[skygazer]

51. I'm the flighty bitch who bartends at the local pub

I tend to drink too much and pop pills. And I'm slowly draining the accounts but I think the sheriff's on to me. :( Luckily, I've got dirt on the pub's owner.

[geniph]

52. Can I please be the backstabbing tramp that everyone pants for?

I'm tired of being the one perfectly ordinary and forgettable person in Weirdville Corners. I want to be the femme fatale for once!

[Beetwasher]

56. *pant*

I'm cheating on my "wife" w/ you, how's that, but I'm two timing you w/ Catwoman.

[CatWoman]

88. in that case, that makes you a THREE TIMER!

*cue dramatic organ music*

[geniph]

94. Not to mention the illicit love affair between Catwoman and me!

ah, life is complicated when you're in a soap opera...

[Beetwasher]

96. Oh Yeah!

Cool! No, the painting in the room you two are using does NOT have eyes that move! Stop looking over here...err over there! You two are alone, really!

[Misunderestimator]

60. *pant*

Just thought I'd help out. :D

[yellowdogintexas]

53. I am the former tramp who married the older rich man who

then became the instrument of my salvation, allowing me to become the town's most upstanding citizen; said rich husband and I have divorced and remarried three times because we just can't stay apart no matter what deep and sinister plots his daughter(Electra complex) who is my age tries to fling at us.

[Phentex]

54. I am the orangutan caregiver...

at your service.

[Hardrada]

55. I'm the Ruritanian General of Security Forces

That you have to pay a large bribe to in order to leave the castle dungeon and be safely escorted to the border. I am also a cousin to the town's major villain and I sleep with all the blonde airheads I can.

[Lavender Brown]

63. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lounge.

[ScreamingMeemie]

65. Especially when the hourglass gets knocked over by one of "our collective"

cats and shatters into a million pieces that nobody even attempts to pick up. :P :hi:

[AntiCoup2K4]

73. I am the evil Tony DiMera and I am here to disrupt your precious Lounge!!

I really don't know what a "freeper" is, but they are no match for my evil genius, I can assure you.

[Left Is Write]

80. You'll get yours, Tony.

I don't know how, since you never seem to stay dead, but someone will get you!

[Lavender Brown]

85. Tony replaced his wife's birth control pills with tic tacs

and she didn't even notice until she got pregnant! :rofl:

[AntiCoup2K4]

95. Oh yes! I'd forgotten all about that! Ha ha.....

...when you have done as many diabolically evil things as we DiMeras have, you tend to forget the little minor plots like that one.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

87. I am the token Latino character. (nt)

[Beetwasher]

90. Ok, But You Have To Have A Really, Really Long Latino Name

Like Eduardo Guadalupe Maria Fernando Gonzalez Pedro Montego Hiraldo Gomez Sanchez Montezuma Con Queso. But everyone just calls you Slim.

[Mad_Dem_X]

93. I'll be the gorgeous, but disturbed, girl...

with multiple personalities! O8) :evilgrin: :crazy: :beer: :* :shrug: