My first several months here....

[Bouncy Ball]

I thought I'd share my own experiences to hopefully...I don't know why. But it might help.

I've been here longer than my profile shows, I had a different screen name. Not important what it was, but the point is I've been here for quite a while. Not since the beginning but a couple of years now. (About two and a half.)

I found the lounge completely by accident and thought it was wild. It was like watching a big party going on. This was before the "fun was over" so you can imagine.

But....I couldn't figure it out. Matcom with his big purple spanking thing and ass climbing the stairs and his completely confident attitude sort of intimidated me, believe it or not. Sounds kind of silly to me now, but it did. (I hope it's ok to mention you matcom!)

Why was there an option on every poll for "Robb is a dingbat?" Who was Robb and why was he a dingbat?

What was MLS??? (No, not multiple listing service and I may have it wrong, it might have been MSL.) What did all these things mean? Were they inside jokes? Why were people saying "ask me anything?"

I noticed some people seemed to know each other very well. Ok, I figured that was to be expected.

So I read the lounge for a while, laughing a lot, and trying to get a "feel" for the atmosphere here. I finally started posting and they sunk like a stone. No one knew who I was and I didn't know anyone else, either.

There were a few people whom I thought were intentionally ignoring me. I never got any responses from them when I posted in their threads. And I almost always posted in their threads, because they were funny and interesting. Then one day one of them responded to me and I was shocked. I sort of snapped at them, taking out my suspicion of being ignored on them and being bitter towards them. They were completely gobsmacked, had never MEANT to ignore me or do anything malicious. It seemed completely out of the blue to them.

I felt kind of stupid for assuming that. And bad for snapping at them. And I'll admit this: I did that to three people here, not just one. Eventually it was all straightened out, in one case by PMs. People certainly don't have to respond to every single post in a thread (that's kind of hard to do, anyway--I try to and that's part of why my post count got so high so fast). I had to realize that and realize that they just didn't "know" me yet.

Anyway, that was my experience of it. It took months before I really felt comfortable in the lounge and before I got a handle on the atmosphere, people, etc.

I suck at remembering names. Usernames, real names, all names. I often go by people's avatar. But over time, I do notice people that I see repeatedly. The lounge moves fast and it's not always easy to catch everything.

I just thought it'd be helpful to hear peoples' experiences with their first weeks and months in the lounge. Anyone else?

[Catch22Dem]

1. I'd respond, but I'm ignoring you.

HAHAHA, I'm KIDDING :evilgrin:

Ya know, there's really nothing for me to share. I started coming here in 2001, and started posting in 2002. I can't even remember what the thread was that moved me enough to register and post.

I really liked your story though.

[Mikimouse]

2. Who are you and what are you doing on the site?

:evilgrin: :toast:

[Ekirh]

3. I've been here

Since Decemeber, but I don't think my first few months have really been that interesting.

I came in at December because the Lounge looked like a fun place for Progessives and Liberals to hang out, chill, and at times discuss certain topics and to offer advice. It was that and LBN that I joined, although I only really post in the lounge. I have a couple of times ventured in GD but very very rarely. I just feel more comfortable in the lounge.

I too at times feel ignored, but considering I'm an inconsistent poster I sort of understand it, not to mention I have yet to get that every so lovely star, don't worry I'll get it eventually if/when I get to 1,000 posts that's how I'm going to mark the ocassion. :)

However, it was my feeling of being ignored near the end of febuary that I went unto a month and a half lurking spree, but after awhile I felt compelled to start responding again and recently had a very good thread on movie deaths you wish didn't happen that finally made me feel part of the community.

To be fair I've had several good threads, just I guess it's for one or two good threads, there are five or six that get little or no attention but I think I'm learned that in a forum that get so many posts that is going to happen.

I'm still an inconsistent poster, and at times certain dramas become a turn off, mainly because when you are out of the loop and have no idea what's going on it becomes somewhat confusing, but I don't feel ignored. I do believe I really don't know anyone yet and that sort of makes me feel by myself at times in the forum, that and my sig gets as much response as me, but the dog's adorable what can you do. :)

So that's really been how I've felt and what I've done my first few months.

Oh, and before anyone asks, since it always is, no that isn't my dog in my sig. I do own a shar pei though and that is the "banner" I claim he flies under. :)

[sugar magnolia]

4. So, is that your dog in your sig?

Ha, couldn't resist!

What I really want to know though...is it a real dog? It looks stuffed.

[Ekirh]

6. My friend...

who made it for me says it is real, although the blue eyes are of course photoshopped.

Regardless though, He is the official symbol for the "Communist Dog".

[Lady Effingbroke]

5. Thanks, Bouncy Ball.

I've only been here since last September. I'm still kind of intimidated by posting here, I guess I don't interact very well with Internet message forums. I am much more outgoing in person. Nevertheless, I find DU to be an invaluable source of news and information which I take and use in daily life to try and, ever so tentatively and gently (at least for now) inform people of things they will NEVER learn through the corporate media.

Thanks for sharing your story!

[Bouncy Ball]

9. Just start posting stupid shit.

It's the lounge, that's what it's here for!

:rofl:

You are very welcome, my dear!

[jandrok]

7. I've been here since late December.

I'm mostly a lounge lizard, but I'll stray into the other forums and groups once in a while to post.

It's a message board, ya know? No biggie. Sometimes what I say interests or amuses someone, sometimes not. I'm not offended if one of my threads sinks like a stone. I haven't been here nearly long enough to get all of the in-jokes or be in one of the many cliques.

I have had the pleasure of meeting one local DU'er so far. GOPisEvil and I had a Tex-Mex lunch a couple of weeks ago. He's a nice guy and a real contributor to the site.

It always takes a while for the newbie vibe to wear off when one enters an online community, especially one as established as this one is. I also post to beeradvocate.com a lot, and it took me at least a year to be completely accepted by the old-timers there.

My experiences with DU thus far have been great. There's a thriving community here full of opinions and ideas. I love reading the content, even if I frequently have nothing to add to a particular topic.

One of these days I'll get my feet under me, but I'm in no hurry. I just like hangin' around.

[Bouncy Ball]

10. Hey you must live "down there."

Hi, I'm in Dallas! I've met GOPisEvil about oh, four or five times. GREAT guy, love him to pieces.

I can't disagree with anything you wrote. ANY online forum is like that.

[jandrok]

16. Yeah, I live in Lockhart but commute to North Austin for work

The commute is hell, but I love living out in the sticks. Plus Lockhart has the best barbecue in the state. I drive about 80 miles a day, round-trip.

[Bouncy Ball]

22. BLACK'S BBQ!!!!

LOCKHART SAUSAGE with grease dripping down my arm, eaten with saltines and downed with an ice cold Dr. Pepper or Shiner.

Oh my God. :swoons:

Too bad I'm vegetarian now! :rofl:

I used to have family who lived in Lockhart. All dead now. So it's nice to know someone alive there!

Hey is Tilmon or Tilman (don't know how to spell it) still a town? It was teeny tiny and I think it might have died when my great-grandfather died.

[jandrok]

26. Tilman doesn't ring any bells.

When we moved out here 9 years ago, we lived in Mustang Ridge, a small speed-trap down the road to the north. We moved to Lockhart proper 3 years ago. This area is growing fast. We live outside of town towards Lytton Springs, in one of the rural areas, but we're only about 7 minutes from downtown Lockhart.

All the teeny towns are getting swallowed up. Lockhart keeps annexing, as does Mustang Ridge. This keeps up and we'll have to move father out.

Black's is some good eatin', by the way. Smitty's is also good, as is the venerable Kreuz's.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

52. I don't think I'm a newbie

But I just showed up and started posting. I don't know the difference between the Lounge and Breaking News, and yesterday I found out there's some kind of gallery where people post their photos. I don't understand that, but it's OK.

I absolutely love the perspectives and information I find here, and I get at least one really spectacular laugh a day from DU. There seem to be some occasional dramatic episodes, and I've also witnessed people reaching out at times of stress and the good folks of DU responding with kindness and generosity of time and effort and spirit.

There are also the occasional assholes. The name "Jane Fonda" can really conjure up some interesting discussions, I've discovered.

I just think it's a great place, and the simple fact that anyone can post something like this is proof positive - at least for me - that it's very special.

[GOPisEvil]

77. Hey! We need to have lunch again!

I owe you!

:hi:

[jandrok]

83. Anytime! Just give me a call or drop me a line.....

...whenever ya wanna go. Doesn't take much to get me out of the office for lunch.

You da man!

[ghostsofgiants]

8. I still kinda feel like I'm in that stage

But I find it's just best to go with the flow. If people ignore me, so be it. I don't get all the inside jokes, but it doesn't bother me.

[Bouncy Ball]

15. Sounds like you'll do just fine!

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

23. And I'm in a clique now, so all is well.

[leftofthedial]

11. My first 3 years at DU, I had some sort of 48-hour bug

and I spent the whole time in the Lounge men's room (last stall on the left), so my experiences were limited.

[Bouncy Ball]

19. Well THAT must have sucked!

[leftofthedial]

24. No. It blew.

[RevolutionaryActs]

12. I love your posts.

You tell good stories.

Wait, I'm not suppose to post to anymore. Shit, I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything. :silly:

[Bouncy Ball]

18. Oh shush you!

C'mere! :hug:

[RevolutionaryActs]

21. hehe!

:hug:

[Droopy]

13. It's been so long since I first started posting here

That I kind of forget how I felt in the beginning. I guess I was sort of apprehensive at first, but it didn't take too long for me to feel at home with all the warm welcomes. I started my first thread when I had around 90 posts and it got one response. I thought it was a funny post, too, but that's alright. After a while I just got to know the names and I felt more comfortable with posting threads, but it can take some time. Every person out there is a real person with all the goodness and sometimes flaws that people can have. They are no better or worse than you.

[Bouncy Ball]

20. Good points, very true.

:thumbsup:

[Misunderestimator]

14. Took me a few months to really warm up here too...

Had those threads that sunk like stones, and times when people who seemed to ignore me for months responded, and after a while you realize why this dynamic exists. Because it takes longer online to trust a community than it does in the flesh. It's a good thing. But you have to be committed enough for whatever reason (for me, it was all the info and humor and humanity I got from this place) to keep coming back and making an effort and putting yourself out there despite your own reservations.

If anything, this is the first place I've found that doesn't seem to revolve around cliques. It's the most accepting place I've known.

[Bouncy Ball]

17. Your first paragraph is SO true.

And you know, especially with the recent revelations we've had concerning two (really one) DUers who weren't who they said they were, it can be even harder to trust.

[Tsiyu]

25. Okay there is something you might explain, BB

All day you have been posting various threads on the recent developments in the Lounge. Obviously this situation has touched a nerve in you, or you view it as an important issue to continue discussing.

But I'm confused as to what exactly you are saying. I am NOT trying to attack you; I swear I am just really confused here.

Some of your posts have been "Listen to me- I've been there" advice
(as in this post), some have been "Let's all forget it and just have fun!" But then I read somewhere else where you are posting that people "can't act like they know others" or "can't act too exclusionary" which, just from my POV seems to be egging on the situation. Maybe I'm wrong. I just need some clarification on what exactly your POV is regarding the whole mess.

I don't believe anyone has said you can't have close friends here. I believe some of us have said the love-fest threads are boring as hell. I have heard some express the opinion that certain posters are ignored ( and have seen critiques indicating the same) because of content or interest level of their threads. So I feel safe critiquing those who continually post their personal love-fest shit, and sayin out loud that if content is the issue...um...

You can carry things to extremes either way. Build bridges or burn them. Apologize for rudeness or excuse it. It's all a choice. I just can't understand what choice you are making with all of these threads. Can you help me?

[Bouncy Ball]

27. Well, like any human being, I have differing moods and

opinions, especially as the day and different situations go on.

When I posted let's have fun, I meant it, and I still mean it. The lounge is supposed to be a place to hang out, have a good time, relax.

That still stands.

When I was posting sarcastic stuff about not being too exclusionary, etc., I was acting out of a feeling of anger that I feel like I can't even say shit to anyone anymore for fear of being labeled exclusionary. It's a message board, it's not supposed to be this hard, you know? I can't even say hi to a friend because oh no it'll look all "clique-ish!" That's silly! And I was pointing out the silliness of it.

And this, me telling my story about how I found the lounge, etc grew out of that thread you were just on. I was talking to Taxloss and started telling him a bit and he SAID IT HELPED, so I thought hey, maybe if I post it and other people can tell how at first they felt the same way, maybe it will help others, too!

None of those feelings are mutually exclusive. In fact, I still feel all three. Don't know what I'm going to do about my friends. I guess I'll ignore them for a while longer, until all this "clique" stuff goes away.

As for this statement of yours:

"I believe some of us have said the love-fest threads are boring as hell."

I have a question for you: why do you not use hide thread? I'm being totally serious. There is no excuse for not using that tool, that's what it's there for. If I found certain threads boring as hell, or as I suspect you really feel about them, annoying as hell, I would HIDE them! I would have no excuse to go around bitching about them if they aren't violating any posting rules.

And sorry, but expressing that we like each other still isn't against any DU posting rules.

So do you read them just to be bored? Just to get annoyed? Just so you can gripe about them? What? I'M really confused about that.

EDIT: BTW, who are your friends here who have had their feelings hurt and did I have anything to do with it? Because if I did I want to get this out on the table right now and get it DEALT with.

[Tsiyu]

30. Thanks for your honest response

It's been a crazy day here.

First off, there are people who are trying to screw up this site. People shouldn't trust everything they read here, and they need to be aware that others will use them to further that aim.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong, AGAIN, with having friends here. No one said that. No one said "people can't act too familiar with others." If you have taken a post to mean that, what can I say? It's not one extreme or the other. There is a middle ground. You can hide and ignore the whole place if you like, but that isn't going to improve relationships here.

I've seen some of the most "beloved" DUers do some of the most wicked shit and get away with it. Sure, I do ignore it. In fact, I have pretty much stayed away from the lounge recently because of the mean nature of some of the more "popular" folks here. But shouldn't a lounge be a place where relatively mature people go to relax and unwind and get to know one another? Does one person's delight have to come at the expense of another's feelings? Just asking. Because there IS something wrong with that fucking attitude. That's the Repuke way, not the Dem way.

There IS a lot of immaturity here. Too many people are afraid to say it out loud, but I will. IF you're going to make fun of people or mock them or play games, you should at least expect that someone will call you on it. And if you insult the man who owns this site (and does everything he can to make it a positive experience,) how much DO you really love DU?

Now, some are wounded because they feel they have been called out. Well, if the shoe fits, wear it. If you are here to cause trouble eventually we'll figure you out. ( Not addressing you, BB, but the jerks in general). I calls em like I sees em.

[Bouncy Ball]

31. Well, now I see where you are coming from

and hopefully that has been addressed and dealt with by the admins.

And for threads like that I highly recommend the alert button. LIBERAL use of it in those instances. I use it. It's my friend. ;-)

:thumbsup:

[Tsiyu]

34. I don't like to alert

I always feel like a snitch, so I don't alert.

I just hate to see all the animosity. There are so many cool people here we should all be able to get along or at least be civil.

Ah, some sweet day. I'm going to get a beer and smoke up and try to find a funny thread somewhere.

Thanks for the discussion:)

[Bouncy Ball]

35. Wait a second.

You don't ever alert?

Then you can't bitch. The alert button was put there for a reason! The mods can't be searching every single thread. And no one knows who alerted, so don't worry about feeling like a snitch.

But it's like griping about a headache and refusing to take anything.

When you start hitting alert on posts that violate DU rules, then you can bitch about stuff like that, other than that, you are just allowing it to happen.

[Tsiyu]

46. Sorry, I take no responsibility for the behavior of others

I have alerted in the past, but mainly for others who were being attacked.

I prefer to work an issue out with someone else rather than bugging the admins every time someone acts like a weasel. One on one as it were.

Sorry. Just my way....

[Bouncy Ball]

48. Well ya still can't be going around bitching up a storm about

this stuff if you aren't willing to use the tools the administrators give you and expect DUers to use to help them.

Oh well!

[Tsiyu]

53. Um have I been going around bitching up a storm?

I've made a total of maybe five direct posts on this issue out of the 1000+ posts I've made on DU. Otherwise i was responding to others. Please post links to all of this bitching so I can see this for myself.

If you really want to express yourself truthfully, then it should be acceptable to allow others the same privilege. You don't HAVE to, but it IS good for the community as a whole when we can ALL vent our frustrations.

I am amazed at how "wounded" some folks are acting, given that some of these same folks never hesitated to run others down.


Like you said, "Oh, well!!!!"

[Bouncy Ball]

55. Yeah oh well.

The administrators of this site gave ALL of us certain tools to use to make this a better place.

You refuse, apparently, to use ANY of them, but today I've heard you bitching about threads you hate, bitching about people saying things they shouldn't, etc etc.

Everything you have griped about today has a simple solution right at your fingertips, yet you refuse to use it.

You think people are just going to magically start acting better?

No, hitting alert lets mods know and when they see a PATTERN over TIME, they know when to tombstone a person. Without that pattern of alerts, they don't know!

Sorry, I have very little patience or sympathy for someone who gripes about something they have the ability to do something about, yet refuse to. All I can conclude is you must have enjoyed griping about it today and probably will again. Like a skydiver falling to earth, refusing to pull the rip-cord on the parachute.

People like me who want this place to be better and the moderators who want and need help certainly don't appreciate it when people see clear violations of DU posting rules and refuse to hit alert.

[Tsiyu]

60. By the way, The parachute analogy

is trippy. My oldest busted his leg jumping out of a plane ( the parachute caught on his bootstraps and flipped his leg straight up).
I was just talking about this to another guy with a pin in his leg from a car wreck.

Sorry my honesty bothers you. I suppose an open discussion among the grown ups here isn't as valuable as hitting the alert button. I'll remember that....

[Bouncy Ball]

66. Again do you see what kind of twisted logic you are having to use

to justify this?

YOU are the one who mentioned inappropriate threads and posts. I suggested using the alert button and hide thread function, as THAT'S what they are for!

Then you said "oh I don't like using alert."

WTF?

Um, ok, well then I guess you are stuck with the people getting away with posting stuff like that. When one person hits alert, they look at it yeah. If it's bad enough, they do something.

But if FIVE people hit alert, they know it's something they really need to check out immediately.

See what I mean? Sorry you have a problem with that system, go talk to Skinner about it if you don't like it.

[Tsiyu]

67. Bouncy Ball

With all due respect, you don't know me. I really don't know you. I've always thought the best of you. As far as I know, you and I have never had any problems until this situation came up.

Because Skinner posted about the crap in the Lounge, I felt i could post as well. i received support from a few DUers for what I said, so sorry, I'm not some lone disgruntled person here. I'm just one who is brave enough to say what many are thinking. There have been some vicious rumors started about good, longtime DUers. That's wrong. I refuse to excuse this behavior, even if I was not around to alert at the time.

Okay, let me clarify becase you seem very upset about this. I will alert a clear violation of DU rules. But a lot of poor behavior is not covered by the alert button. Look at ATA. A great idea to ask questions and get feedback. But it was misused by every freak with a grudge who had a thread locked.

Bouncy Ball, if someone is cruel to you, I will alert the mods. But if someone is merely making nasty underhanded comments about the Bouncy Ball, how do you alert on that? You can't.

If I see Bouncy Ball being kicked around by others, ( not that I would, but if I did) in a snarky, passive agressive way, i would take the next opportunity to say what i felt to those behaving so childishly. If Skinner devoted an entire thread to any issue, i would feel free to express myself on that issue.

And if someone has a problem with that, they will just have to
keep having their problem. NO ONE is immune from criticism. My god, i've been called all sorts of names on DU. I have never felt sorry for myself anywhere in this place. If you knew me, you would know how ridiculous the 'self-pity" label is!!! Most everyone has been cool here. I know a few DUers in person. We could say some nasty shit about each other. We could say nice shit. So far, we've all stayed in our own zones. I stay out of one group so as not to offend a poster there who dislikes me. I'd like her to get enjoyment out of a place i enjoyed ( maybe it'll improve her mood!)

Many of my threads have dropped like lead balloons, others have gotten 100+ posts. I have friends here and enjoy the place.

But i am a member with a member's right to say what i think- to have an opinion. Just as you have opined strongly on issues.....


Your strong reaction is up to YOU to figure out.

Like I said, you don't know me. But if it makes you feel better to classify me, go for it. I'm gonna have another martini....

[Bouncy Ball]

69. Don't misinterpret my words.

I use strong words, but I have very little emotional involvement in this. So to say "upset" is to overestimate my feelings.

"Nasty underhanded comments" ARE alertable. Most definitely. When I see nasty, underhanded comments, you think I just let them stand? No, I hit alert. I'd rather do that than get into a flame war with someone. And the mods and administrators would rather we do that, too. Just ask them.

And again, how are the mods supposed to see a pattern of behavior (and nasty underhanded stuff is mostly a pattern, not just a one-time thing) if you DON'T bring it to their attention?

There's really not much more to say beyond that. You don't think nasty, underhanded behavior is worth alerting on, I do. In fact, I think establishing that pattern is often the only way of bringing it to the mods' attention.

Even with alerting on nasty, underhanded attacks, I'm not hitting alert all the time. Very rarely in fact. But I use it. That's what it's there for. It helps in many cases, not just blatant attacks.

[Bouncy Ball]

56. And wait a second, you want people to act nicely you don't

like a lot of what is said in the lounge and you indicated it was stuff that shouldn't be said, but now to justify the fact that you never hit alert you say people should be allowed to say what they need to say?

Well, which is it?

[Tsiyu]

58. Okay

Still waiting for those links...

I really don't want to get in an argument with you. You have made your complaints today as well. You have your "methods" and I have mine.

If every word flowing from your computer today has been totally uplifting, beneficial to the group, and not in the least bitchy or snarky, please accept my apologies for taking the opportunity to complain today.

But methinks if the man who owns this site felt it necessary to complain, I'm not in bad company.

You have a pleasant evening, BB.

[Bouncy Ball]

59. That didn't even make any sense.

Look any bitching at all about things you can DO something about is silly. Ludicrous really.

I have to wonder how much you love this site if you aren't even willing to help make it better.

You have a pleasant evening, too.

BTW, I never said every word flowing from my computer wasn't snarky or bitchy, in fact, I quite acknowledged further upthread that it wasn't.

But thanks for the snarkiness in kind, I'm sure.

Try alert and hide thread. They are your friends. Otherwise, learn to accept DU and the lounge the way it is. I'll keep trying to make things better.

[Tsiyu]

62. yeah, you keep doing that!

:eyes:

[Madrone]

71. I second this post - wholeheartedly.

buddyhollysghost - :yourock:

You said that perfectly.

[Tsiyu]

72. Thanks madrone

Youdon't know how much your post means right now! :hug:

i'm goin' to bed friends. hope you all have sweet dreams....

[yvr girl]

28. You are a wise ball

I was on DU for 5-6 months before I started to hit my groove. People were mostly nice, but I felt like I was watching a party instead of being at one. Then things started to change. I started to attach personalities to screen names. People began to be familiar with me. I found my groove.

[crispini]

29. Eh, I took DU pretty seriously at first.

Mostly my home state forum and GD. I'd drop by the Lounge and just post replies occasionally. I really like posting things like :thumbsup: and "good post!" because I know it makes the OP feel better about their post to get a few more replies and if I liked the post, I'm going to say so. I still do more of that than I do REAL posting, actually.

But then one night I was in the Lounge and there was an animal on my roof and I was kinda freaked and posted about it and had a lot of fun with it, and shortly after that, a bunch of people decided to worship Kleeb and I followed along and had fun with it and there ya go! I still am not a particularly "high profile" poster but :shrug: that's just me. I don't have a whole lot to say all the time, but when I do, I say it! :shrug:

[Aristus]

32. I've been here for four years, Bouncy Ball, and my posts STILL

sink like a stone. But I've made some good friends, and the DU-ers who know me, like me. That's worth a lot. I'm glad you are here with us. I hope you'll stick around a while. :-)

[Bouncy Ball]

33. I know ya!

I like your posts!

:hug:

I hope you will, too!

[Aristus]

37. Aww, back atcha!

:hug: mmmmmmmmmm! :-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. Aristus is one of the most wonderful people. Also one of the first ones

to acknowledge me!!! :toast: to Aristus!!

[Aristus]

38. Still one of my faves, Mrs.G!

:toast::beer::toast::beer::party:

[iconoclastic cat]

39. Yeah, sure! Let's go to Cleveland!

We'll get some tacos!

[Texasgal]

63. TACOS?

In CLEAVELAND? HUH??? :P


Just kidding! :P

[Swede]

40. Hey BB. I found the conservative idiots on google,that led me here.

I posted jokes in LBN and GD the first few days. I was kindly told to go to the lounge,been here off and on since. I think some of us DUers have to step away some time. I did that twice now and came back.

[SarahB]

41. I barely posted for almost a year.

I starting lurking in September of 2002 and didn't sign up for another 2-3 months (also under another username originally. It took me 7 or 8 months to get to 100 posts. I was so intimidated. Mostly I just read GD (there was only one GD then) and then I found the lounge a couple of years ago. I ended up posting more and more. I got to be close with another Loungian which brought me out of my shell. My life took twists and turns, yet here I still am. Sometimes this place is good (sometimes not-so-good- misunderstanding, fights, lines crossed that shouldn't be crossed), but for the most part, I'd have to say it's brought me out of the shell I used to be in (seriously) and ultimately I'm a better person for that.

[Andy_Stephenson]

42. I avoid the lounge in fear of

seeing Will Pitt running around naked.

[Bouncy Ball]

44. LOL!!!

:hi:

Hi there, we've never been properly introduced, but I'm a big fan!

[Andy_Stephenson]

45. And I am a big fan of yours.

Nice to meet you

:hi:

[Bouncy Ball]

47. NO WAY!

SHUT. UP.

Well, smack my ass and call me Sally. I never knew.

[Andy_Stephenson]

82. Well hello there

Sally. :hi:


lol

[MrSandman]

43. Sort of parallel eperience for me....

I at that point of posting in the Lounge, but not being totally comfortable with it.

As far as gobsmacking, it hasn't happened in the lounge. The lounge is really tame, even now, compared to some of the other forums. Dip your toes in some of them at your peril. Not that they are mean, DU has great mods which allow the debate without meanness.

When I see these threads in the lounge with all the "deleted messages", I only assume that some are overly-impassioned in emotional debate. That's ok, I stay away from those threads in the Lounge, even considering ditching this post.

[Bouncy Ball]

49. Glad you didn't!

:hi:

[MrSandman]

51. Thanks...nt

[MrSandman]

94. Love that sig...After reading some of the...

Recent threads. Not THE threads, but some threads and recalling previous threads on DU and a couple of other boards, I have never sought validation for my beliefs in discussion forums. Most don't, but a few do.

If this is someone's support group, I can understand the feelings of betrayal and anger.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

50. I remember when the Lounge opened

Crewleader posted a thread describing the opening of the Lounge and said that I was going to sing to mark the occasion.

[Skittles]

54. WHO WAS IGNORING YOU?

SHOULD I KICK THEIR ASS?

[Bouncy Ball]

57. No

LOL, check your PM.

[Rabrrrrrr]

61. Man, I don't recognize you at all

how long have you been here? Are you sure?

[Bouncy Ball]

64. Yeah.

It's me.

Nevermind, edit.

[Bouncy Ball]

65. Rabrrrrrr check your PM.

[Left Is Write]

68. There was someone here who posted an awful lot when I first came on board.

Whether I agreed with him or not, I always found his posts interesting, and I responded to most of those that I read.

I was convinced this person didn't particularly care for me, but I found out much to my surprise some time later that that was far from the truth.

Some people just relate differently than others, and this person related differently than I was used to. There are lots of distinct personalities here in the Lounge, and it's important to me to get to know and appreciate people for who they are.

[SarahB]

74. Yeah, I know I've rubbed people the wrong way at times.

I don't have all that much time to actually post, so I frequently just handle responses or am on here in spurts. At least I do my best. At times, I end up getting a load of PMs all at once and sometimes I just can't effectively manage it timewise to give an adequate response, so there's a long delay. Sometimes, I just know that for whatever reason I'm not liked. Oh well, it just happens I guess. Can't please everyone. :shrug:

[RoyGBiv]

70. My experiences here (the Lounge)

I guess I'll stick my foot in it. I fear this may be a mistake, but here it goes.

Up front, I want to make clear that I'm not fully conversant with all that has gone on here. I know the basics, and that's really all I care to know. I wander into the Lounge about once a week on average, sometimes just to see the list of topics, and I don't often post here at all, not by comparison anyway. I find the silliness entertaining at times, and when silliness is what I want, this is where I come. On the other hand, the silliness and the personal drama and the posturing is sometimes too overbearing from me personally so I stay away during long periods. I also like cat threads, so I come here for that too. And, there are some heartfelt contributions here that I like to experience. But, that's not my main reason for being a member of DU itself.

None of that is said as a criticism, just an observation on my own habits. They're mine and mine alone. I expect no one else to have the same standards. And, to be clear, I also don't consider my standards better than anyone else's. It's not *all* about politics. To paraphrase Molly Ivins, if you can't have fun doing this, you need to find something else to do. My point is that I find my "fun" elsewhere, usually in the Computer Help and Support group.

My first experiences here were much like yours. I had no idea what was going on, and when I did make a few posts, I felt I was being ignored, mostly, I believed, because I had a low post-count at the time and had read elsewhere that disruptors sometimes use the Lounge to run up their post totals. IOW, I figured people were suspicious. I understood that, but it was a bit irritating to say something within a thread, be ignored, and then see someone else say the exact same thing and end up with dozens of acknowledgements of that person's words. It's an ego thing of course, something most of us have, and it's hard to get around it. But, I did. It never bothered me for long and doesn't bother me at all now. I've formed my own associations in the forums that do fit my interests.

All that said, I'll ask and answer the question that runs behind all this. Do cliques exist on DU? Of course they do. Don't be obstuse. Clique? What clique? I don't see any clique? Yeah, whatever. It's sort of a can't see the forest for the trees thing. Cliques form among any group of people that maintains its coherence for any length of time, and the people in them aren't fully aware of the process. You don't really plan it; it just happens. The problem, or part of the problem, is the connotative meaning of the word, which assumes a clique is somehow morally wrong. Some people are prone to calling them "cool kids" or whatever. Okay, so what. The cool kids, in a forum like this, are really just the people that are better known, i.e. those that post often or interact most with other well known people or express opinions or thoughts that make an impact. Cliques, in short, exist everywhere.

A better question is why does anyone else care, or better yet, why do those said or implied to be a part of a clique care? People who whine about cliques are doing just that, whining. People who claim as a defense that the cliques don't exist are also whining. Cliques are nothing more or less than an association of people who know and like each other. It happens. Geezus, people, get a grip. If your world view is such that people who've known each other for some time can't or shouldn't be more likely to associate with each other than those they don't know well, you have issues that would be better addressed by psychological therapy, not a public discussion forum. Similarly, if this whining about cliques bothers you personally, you've got some guilt or similar issues you might want to address elsewhere.

Skinner made some salient observations about what goes on here, and those observations have apparently annoyed some people or have led to other comments that have caused people angst. Get over it. He was simply expressing an opinion that many people who participate in this forum have or have had at one time or another. In fact, due to his position, he simply gave an authoritative voice to an opinion that is expressed here on a regular basis, which caused it to be noticed, in part, proving the point.

In closing, I'll offer a short story. I'm a part of clique that many people, possibly thousands, find exceedingly obnoxious, and I didn't even know it until a year or so ago. I've been a participant in a certain forum since 1994, and during that time I have made friends (and enemies) among people in that forum. A half dozen of us who were present in 1994 are still there, and we tend to band together in ways that we don't realize consciously. We're often arguing with each other, but the way we argue makes others feel left out. We talk a lot about issues outside the specific purpose of the forum, and we often write in short-hand about past events, discussions, arguments, etc. We even get together occasionally and sometimes comment on those gatherings in the forum itself. As I said, I didn't realize until someone made it plain that this behavior inspired other people to hate me and those with whom I associated.

Why?

I'll leave that rhetorical question as just that, rhetorical. I can't answer it for everyone. But, I can say this. I had a reaction to this "accusation" of being a part of a clique much like the reactions being witnessed here. That is, I rejected it, satarized it, treated it as though it were the ravings of a lunatic. I was wrong, and it took me longer than I like to admit to realize that. To clarify, though, I was not "wrong" to be part of the clique. I was wrong not to acknowledge it, just as those who believe my being a part of it were wrong for thinking the clique itself was wrong.

I'm done and life goes on.

[enigmatic]

73. Flat-out fabulous post.

I think on a board this size you get alot of dynamics that lend itself to "cliques" and those who for whatever reason either resent them or feel they aren't worthy because they aren't in them; it's happened on just about every board I've ever posted on, and I've been on the Internet for the better part of 10 years.

My hope in all this is that those on both sides of this really take a good look in the mirror and ask themselves why there's so much hostility about this between them and maybe, just maybe, drop the whining, the feigned outrage, the pity parties, and just let it all go. In the grand scheme of life (especially these days), this is pretty much trivial stuff.

There are always going to be cliques and those who resent them on boards like this; I think the key is instead of picking a side to fight from, you pick no sides except the one where everybody is equal.

[RoyGBiv]

88. Letting it all go ...

I've let myself get pretty worked up about a few things that have taken place on DU in the past, particularly during the primaries. I got shitty with Skinner, at least one moderator, and who knows how many other people. To boil it all down, I thought my position, at that time something of a minority one, was being singled out and picked on. I even won a partial victory in my little, personal battle. Was I being picked on? I doubt it, and I really don't think it mattered anyway.

And you know what else? I woke up the next day, Shrub was still usurping the throne, I still had bills to pay, a job (thankfully) to go to, and a family to care about. The only thing I'd accomplished in the long run was to polarize a debate that, as you say, I should have approached from a position of equality.

What happened here, ultimately, was like a fart in a hurricane, and I felt more than a little dumb for making a fuss about it. Posting While Pissed almost never leads to a good outcome and certainly doesn't affect your real life in a positive way.

This is all a long way of saying I think you're absolutely correct.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[SarahB]

76. Cliques change over time too.

One of the people on here I've been closest with used to post a ton and was definitely "in" clique-hood a couple years back (not that he'd probably even think so, but when I was a newbie then, it felt that way). Now, he's hardly ever on here and with a totally different posting style than a couple years back (life changes do that). Cliques come and go. People evolve and we're all just human beings, so people need not fear anything about not belonging. Sticking with it and being yourself leads to one's own niche. :)

[RoyGBiv]

89. Being yourself ...

One line I wish I had made in my lengthy comments is something the effect of what you say there because, in my mind, this is absolutely the fundamental truth that runs through all this.

The more one gets involved in what goes on here, assuming that involvement is accomplished from a position of sincerity and openness, the more one is noticed and accepted, the more one "belongs." I'm not a very social person, and I realize this. It doesn't stop me from feeling a bit left out at parties, but I do know deep down that if I'd just get up off my ass and introduce myself, act like a human being, and try to get to know people, I'd not be left out any longer. A lot of people approach social situations from a passive aggressive standpoint and almost demand others to invite them into their circles. I know this because I do it. But, good luck with that. It doesn't work very well, as I also know. You may find an enabler or two among the crowd, but at some point you have to stop relying on that and actually stand on your own feet.

What's funny (ironic) here is that this post of mine seems to be acting something as proof of this concept. I never expected much of a response to it, least of all the positive ones I have received. (The shock of seeing a (5) next to a message in My Posts when I got home was almost overwhelming. :-)) What's more, I never expected some of the people who have responded to respond, all names I have noticed, admired, and know as part of the crowd here, but people with whom I have personally had very little interaction. I've always "known" you, for instance. I love your rose. We've just rarely crossed paths on mutually interesting topics.

[FizzFuzz]

80. What a good post

real food for thought.

this whole energy stir is certainly interesting, that's for sure. Things ebb and flow and alliances form and dissipate and reform.

I know one thing I tend to do personally is doubt myself; cliquishness can bring up my own victim-thoughts, old experiences, etc. I sometimes let it get to me and maybe even whine outloud--then feel stupid for it. Other times I do better at shrugging it off. Hey, there are plenty of times I wanted and intended to reply to someone, then got distracted and worried later that I might have made them feel bad. Other times I really wanted a reply and didn't get one. Could be they were distracted, could be I just didn't have the right vibe at the time or .... who knows what. Sometimes I have been moved to compliment someone and even that can apparently get taken wrong. Faceless typing can be misinterpreted pretty easily.

When it bothers me the most is probably a good indication that its time to step away from the computer and get busy with life.

[RoyGBiv]

90. Stepping away ...

That is so true. One of Skinner's repeating pieces of advice is right on the mark here. There are times when it is just better to get up and do something else. Real Life is out there. Check in on it from time to time. It will always amaze me how a simple smile from my daughter can wash away whatever bad experiences I've had in the past few weeks. Walking away from the keyboard and taking her out for a trip to the bookstore or for an ice cream usually accomplishes that.

What you say about feelings of being a victim is also on target. I know quite well where a lot of this comes from. When I was in junior high and high school, and to a lesser extent in college, there were cliques, and *we* all "knew" they were groups of people who were jerks. But, guess what, *we* formed a *we* of our own and *we* didn't realize it was happening either. The jerks probably thought we were jerks too.

Human interaction is messy. "Faceless typing," as you put it, doesn't make it any less messy and in some ways magnifies the problems.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Bunny]

85. I could not have said it better. Plenty of words of wisdom for the

people who have their noses out of joint around here.

[RoyGBiv]

93. Thanks ...

Thanks very much for your support. As mentioned elsewhere, I was shocked to see the responses to my post that I got and even more shocked that they were positive.

It just goes to show that if you try to get involved, people will eventually take notice.

I now I go to browse the DVD treasures I found in the bargain bin at the local used DVD/CD store. :-)

[libodem]

86. Far from putting your foot

anywhere near it. This is a study of human behavior, that is a grand teaching and learning experience. I learn so much at DU. You should post this comment, as a new thread. I love everyone here so much. What a great group.

[RoyGBiv]

92. I love DU myself ...

And thanks very much for your thoughts.

As for posting this as a new thread, I'd rather not. I start very few threads, preferring instead to go with the flow of what's going on and get involved when I have the time and interest. (I feel a sense of ownership over threads I start and end up "babysitting" them for too long. I usually don't have the time or attention span for that.) But that's another thing. If I did start a lot of threads all over the place, even if most of them sank like lead weights, more people would probably know who I was.

To my memory, I've started two threads that turned out to be rip-roarers, one in the the Lounge in fact. The other was in LBN, and I really wish I *hadn't* started that one. It wasn't rip-roaring in a good way. This is sort of a case of being careful what you wish for. You really want people to pay attention to you and know who you are? Post something that pisses 'em off. :-)

[matcom]

75. LMAO

i'm sorry. i didn't know you were intimidated. i hope not anymore (my purple hippo aside) :loveya:

[GardeningGal]

78. I'm still in my first several months

I lurked for a couple of weeks after the election and then finally registered when something was said on a thread that I felt I HAD to respond to. (I have no idea what it was now.) I admit that it's still tough for me to figure out the Lounge. It seems to have different personalities on different days.

I still don't post a whole lot. In the Lounge, I must admit that I'm just not quick enough. My job requires me to be pretty analytical and I don't make the transition to chit chat very well. Hopefully, with practice I'll get there.

I do think the tone in the last month or so has been pretty snarky in several of the different forums. (I guess that's what they're called.) I was attributing it to the change of seasons or something. As I think back on it though, it just seems there is less tolerance in general. Some of it I think is that typing on a message board doesn't give you the benefit of HOW you're trying to say something. You don't always pick up on the subtleties that you would if you were speaking in person.

Generally I pipe in and say something when I feel compelled. As time goes on I hope I get a little more chatty. And I definitely want to go to one of the big meet ups one day.

[Anarcho-Socialist]

79. Do you remember me?

Or just my avatar :)

[Anarcho-Socialist]

81. My time here...

I joined in April 2004. I stuck in GD/GDP for most of my time in the first few months.

I started coming into the Lounge to get away from the election aftermath. Although most of the threads I post here still sink after 0-1 posts and sometimes no one laughs at my jokes - but I still like it here.

I don't come here as often as I used to, but it's good comic relief to read in this forum.

[fluffernutter]

84. ya know what, Bouncy?

you are such a cool person to share your feelings with everyone all the time and to give us a belly laugh with your stories, make us feel comfy by sharing, reaching out to others, and doing whatever you can irl to spread the democratic word.
:yourock:
thank you.

[WI_DEM]

87. I continue to post in the lounge even though my polls on old tv shows

continue to sink like huge boulders rather than bouncy balls... Clever, huh?

But thanks for recounting your experiences because I think a lot of new folks (and even a few old timers) will benefit from what you wrote.

[Dastard Stepchild]

91. My theory is that If I had a better name...

and some rad skills, I might get noticed more. :)

Seriously, my offline life gets in the way of me building an online life, but a few years ago it was quite the other way around. Just when I think I start chatting it up with people on a regular basis on DU, life calls and I step away from the screen for a bit.

So, I've been on both sides of the fence. There is a warm camraderie from having a space anywhere to kick back with pals, be it online or in a coffeehouse down the road.

I've never felt intentionally ignored here at DU, just fairly unmemorable. Thankfully, my hearty sense of self keeps me from getting too preoccupied with that, and I am able to freely enjoy my time in the Lounge.

:hi: